Know Who I Am
by Salix15
Summary: Basically a season three rewrite.  If you've read any of my other stories you'll probably notice a theme.  Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **This is basically a rewrite of season three. Faith's watcher wasn't killed by Kakistos, or however his name is spelled. She was killed by a regular vampire, but Faith makes her way to Sunnydale anyway. Buffy wants to know more about her, but Faith is reluctant to let her in. Suspicious that Faith is hiding something, the senior slayers sticks her nose where it doesn't belong. But is she better off not knowing what the mysterious slayer is trying to keep from everyone?

* * *

It's been about two weeks since my new little sister popped into my life. She's been a total pain in my ass. I mean, who does she think she is just waltzing in here with her tall tales, and her big ego, and her massive amount of cleavage? It's all bull if you ask me. But you didn't. 

I know I sound like a spoiled brat, but I'm not. I swear I'm not. I just got back from LA after going AWOL on everybody, and things were finally getting back to normal. Then miss alligator wrestler had to come along and mess it all up. It just isn't fair. This is my senior year, things were supposed to be easy.

Not only does she show up and take my friends away from me, but we have to share my watcher too. That means we have to wait for her to get here before Giles will start the training session, or ramble on about some boring demon he wants me to slay. It wouldn't be so bad because misery loves company, but she's always really late.

Here she comes now. I'm having lunch in the library with Willow and Xander like I almost always do, and now she's here to add some zest. I wouldn't be so irritated but she was supposed to be here this morning at ten so Giles could go over some stuff with us, and so we could tell him about last night's patrol. It's not my fault she didn't show up, but that didn't stop Giles from acting like it was. Who am I, her mother or something?

"Hey B, Red, X-Man. How's it hanging?" Don't you just love her cute little nicknames for us? I feel like I should be wearing one of those Hello My Name Is stickers just so she'll remember my name. Ok enough bitchiness. I'm starting to irritate myself now.

"We're fine. It's nice to see you. A few hours later then I thought I would but still nice." Ok, so I'm still mad. I can't help it. You weren't there. You didn't hear the way Giles talked to me because Faith was a no show. Anyway the look on her face goes from kinda happy to…is she sad? Well she looks bored now. Since when does she care what I think?

"Yeah, sorry about that. I had to go to the doctor and it really couldn't wait." Well that's new. "Next time I'll have him write me a note if it's going to be a problem." And there's the sarcasm. I was wondering when she was going to pull that out.

"The doctor? What are you sick? You look fine to me," Xander says and doesn't pass up the opportunity to check her out. Faith just smiles a rolls her eyes a little bit. Yeah, 'cause she isn't love the attention.

"I'm not sick yet, but I feel like I'm comin down with something. So did you give G-man the low down on last night's patrol?" I told you she has nicknames for everyone. Well, except my mom. She seems to be the only person Faith respects. It's a little weird. Anyway, I nod my head and she shrugs her shoulders. "See, ya didn't need me here after all." And yet she still came.

"Why did it take you so long at the doctor's?" Willow asks. Why does she want to know that? Faith gives her a questioning look and leans back in the chair. Five, four, three, two, one…her feet are now up on the table. It doesn't bother me at all, and hearing Giles scold someone other then me is pretty entertaining. "All of the doctor's offices in town open at nine, and it's almost twelve-thirty. Why did it take you so long?" That is a pretty good question. And Faith looks a little afraid to answer. Hmm, that's weird.

"I had something else I needed to do afterwards." I've never hear Faith sound uncomfortable before. Or look this uncomfortable. Something doesn't seem right. Where was she? "I gotta go. Tell G-man I dropped by. I'll meet you at your place say nine-ish for patrol?" I nod my head, but before I can ask anything she's up and walking towards the doors.

"See you then!" I yell to her but she doesn't say anything. This is going to bug me all day. Where did Faith go after her doctor's appointment? She's never shy about the sex stuff so she wasn't 'gettin busy with a beefstick'. If it was something stupid like going to the store she wouldn't have lied 'cause what's the point in that? Something smells fishy, and I don't like it. I'm starting to doubt she's even coming down with something. When slayers get sick it hits hard and fast.

"Something smells fishy," I say and turn to Xander and Willow. Now that this is bugging me there's no way I'll be able to leave it alone.

"That's just the tuna sandwich I had for lunch," Xander says and get a concerned look on his face. "Or maybe it was ham. You know, I don't think the lunch lady has been checking the expiration dates on the canned meat." Eww. I'm never eating school food again.

"No, Xander, I mean I think there's something up with Faith. I know we haven't known her that long but when has she ever been like that in front of us?" I'm trying really hard not to get frustrated by the blank looks on their faces.

"Like what, Buff?" Will asks and takes a bite of her apple. Were they not in the room? Was I the only one paying attention? I love my friends to death, but sometimes they just don't get it.

"All avoidy. She barely answered your question and when she did she looked a little uncomfortable. Name one time you've seen Faith like that." Great, now they're looking at me like I'm crazy. That's just what I needed today.

"Buffy that's ridiculous. So Faith didn't want to tell us where she was, so what? It doesn't mean anything is wrong. Do you tell her every little detail about yourself?" Ok she has a point, but my spidey senses are tingling, and it's not going away. Maybe I should just let it go.

"You're right. I'm just being paranoid. We don't really know anything about her. I'm just afraid there's something wrong and she's not telling us." Yeah, 'cause that doesn't sound paranoid. Maybe I need some more sleep. I haven't been getting enough of that lately. Before I can say anything else the bell rings. The class after lunch is the only one I don't have with Willow or Xander. So it would be perfectly ok to blow it off. It's not like they're going to find out.

"See ya in English Buffy," Willow says as she and Xander both walk out. They don't even give me a chance to say by before they're gone. Well that was rude. Why did I even bother coming back from LA if everyone is going to just walk out on me? Ok, so they don't always walk out on me, but it seems like it. Or sometimes when I'm talking they'll interrupt me to ask Faith a question.

If I were Faith at one in the afternoon where would I be? I have no idea. Maybe I'll just walk around downtown Sunnydale and see if I can spot her. If all else fails I'll check her motel room, but I don't know if she's there. Faith doesn't seem like the type to stay inside all day. At least I don't think she is. Now that I'm thinking about it I don't know Faith at all. They only time we ever really talk is when we're patrolling, and even then we talk about slaying, boys, and whether or not I'm sleeping with anybody. That girl has a very serious libido, I'll give her that.

Now I know that Sunnydale is a small town. I've patrolled these streets enough to know how bit this place is, but I expected there to be at least a couple of people out here. There's no one. Everyone is at work or at school and it's really weird seeing this place so deserted. It almost feels like the whole world ended and I'm the only one left. Wow, when did I get so emo? I need to start thinking positively before bad things happen.

Wait, is that Faith over there? Yeah it is. No one else around here wears leather pants during the day. She's walking into the pharmacy. So she must've been serious about going to the doctor. I can't just walk in and start talking to her like me bumping into her at the pharmacy is a completely normal thing. Ok so I'm going to need to come up with a lie. Alright, Buffy you can do this, just stay calm.

I open the door and walk inside. A little bell goes off letting the workers know that someone else is here. I don't see Faith anywhere so she's probably walking down one of the isles. I start walking around and something in her smells really bad. Jeez, what is that? Oh, it's probably the horrible smell of cold medicine with disgusting artificial flavors. I always hated that stuff, even when I was little. Ok, so what is Faith doing in the cold medicine isle? No time like the present to find out.

"Hey Faith," I say in the peachiest voice I can muster. Did I just say muster? I gotta start spending less time with Giles. Anyway, she looks up, and has a very surprised look on her face.

"Hey B. Whatta doin here? Aren't you supposed to be in school?" I could ask you the same thing. The one thing I know for sure about Faith is that she's eighteen like me, but she dropped out of school after she was called.

"Yeah. But I didn't feel like sitting through Mr. Henson go on and on about some stupid war in China so I ditched. I thought maybe we could hang out." Her eyebrows are practically at her hairline now.

"Really?" she crosses her arms over her chest. Great, now she's getting defensive. I may not know her well, but I know she's impossible to talk to when she's like this. I just need to stay calm. "'Cause the way you were talkin earlier made it seem like you don't want me around." I was kind of hoping she would forget about that. I look down at my feet in shame, but I force myself to look into her eyes. Hmm, she has a little gold in them.

"I'm really sorry about that. I was just bitchy because Giles gave me a bad time about you not showing up. I guess because I've been slaying longer then you have he thinks I'm responsible for your every move." She smiles this little half smile and one of her dimples is proudly on display. Did I really just get jealous of a dimple?

"It's cool," she says and shrugs a little bit. "I know how bitchy watchers can be." I nod my head a little and smile back at her. Could it be anymore obvious that I'm kind of crushing on her? Well, I don't know if I'm actually crushing on her. All I know is when it's just the two of us and she isn't acting all tough I get a really good feeling inside. "But we can't hang out today." Good feelings gone.

"Why not?" I ask in a very high pitched tone. I guess it can be more obvious that I like her. "Is it about earlier? Because I said I'm sorry, and I mean it. I know we don't really know each other all that well, but I was kind of hoping to change that." She gets this look on her face, like this blind panic, and I know she's going to bolt. What did I say that was so horrible?

"Look B, it's cool that you wanna get to know me, I wanna get to know you too. But it's not a good idea. Especially right now. I'm not trying to be a bitch but I have some places I really need to be. I'll see you at nine for patrol." She grabs a bottle off the shelf and stomps off. Well that could've gone better. So let me get this straight. I'm considered a spoiled rotten little kid when I don't want to get to know Faith, and now that I'm taking an interest she doesn't think it's a good idea? I just can't win, can I?


	2. Chapter 2

When I get back to school I'm a little relieved to see that it's over. Talking to Faith didn't take up that much time. After she bought her medicine I left and wondered around town for a little while. I just didn't feel like going back to school. But I'm here now because if I don't show up then tomorrow Giles would be ever meaner. I don't know why he needs to see me after school today. He saw me this morning, and at lunch. What is so important that couldn't wait until now?

I'll admit, to you at least, that I don't want to see Giles because I have some stuff on my mind and I know I'm not going to be able to concentrate on anything right now. There are about a million and one questions floating around my brain right now and I won't be able to think about anything but them.

I'll give you a few examples, don't worry. I want to know what Faith is hiding. I know she's hiding something, or she wouldn't have gotten so freaked when I said I want to get to know her. Why is she hiding it? Is it something bad? Can I help, or would I make things worst? It is slayer related, or just a Faith thing? And why was she buying cold medicine? Slayers don't get colds. If we do get sick we have to go to the hospital from near death. And she didn't sound stuffed up at all. She looked like she always does.

I also want to know if Giles knows anything. Sometimes Faith will talk to him in his office with the door closed so I can't hear. How much does he know about her? Why hasn't he told me about it, and why is Willow giving me a death glare? I'm in the library now and all I see is Willow sitting at the table with her text books open, and she's glaring at me. It's a good thing looks can't kill. Well, depending on the type of demon they can, but usually they can't kill people.

"What's up Will?" I ask and sit down in the chair next to her. I put my backpack down on the table, and she doesn't say anything. "Why are you glaring at me like I kicked your puppy?" I'm not just saying that as an expression. Willow's parents finally got her a puppy, and when he tried to jump on me with his very muddy paws I tried to just push him back with my food, but I accidentally kicked him. Nothing too hard. He didn't get hurt but Willow was giving me this exact look.

"You ditched school. We had an English test today, and we spent four nights studying for that test so you would be prepared. And you didn't even take it." Saying she's mad would be an understatement. I forgot all about that stupid test. I'm sure I'll be able to make it up. "Giles is in his office. He wants to talk to you." Good because I want to talk to him about Faith.

"I'm sorry I missed the test Will. I'm sure Mrs. Beasley will let me make it up." She doesn't look so convinced. I don't know what to say so I just get up and leave. Why are things between me and Willow so tense? It's been this way since I got back from LA. Does she still hate me for taking off? That's probably it. Anyway, I knock on the door to Giles' office and wait for him to open it.

"Ah, Buffy, you're here. Come in please," he says in a very rushed way. He doesn't look mad so at least someone is a little glad to see me. I walk in and close the door. Now I've been in Giles' office before, but I've never seen it like this. There are open books everywhere, and his notebook is open. The only time I ever see his notebook open is when he's writing in it. Ok so what's going on? "Please have a seat." He never asks me to sit down in here.

"Is the world ending again? Because it's Faith's turn to stop an apocalypse or two." He gives me a strange look, and then he starts shuffling through the books. That usually means he has something he needs to read to me. It's probably going to be about a demon. I really don't need this right now.

"No, the world isn't ending again. I was doing some research on the vampire you slayed last night." I slayed four last night, and Faith got six, but I know which one he's talking about. "It turns out the vampire is a member of a cult. They don't have a name but their goal is absolute power over all other vampires and other demons. Their numbers were large, hundreds, maybe closer to thousands. That is until the slayer before you found their layer and slayed most of them."

"She died in that fight, didn't she?" Not very many watchers write about the death of the slayers they looked after, but that one did. Noelle Walsh died when she was seventeen because a very large group of vampires tried to open a hellmouth on another part of the world. Somewhere in South America I think. She was from New York, and according to her watcher she was defiant, stubborn, and listened to music that would give most people a headache.

"Yes, I'm afraid she did. The Council has been tracking the remaining members and it seems that they've been building up their army once again. They go from one small town to another, turn at least ten people within a month, and then leave." I can tell by his voice, and that pained look on his face that he has more to say. I hate it when he doesn't just come out and say it.

"Giles, please, I've had a long day so if you have anything else to say could you just get it over with?" I honestly didn't mean to sound that bitchy. But I have had a long day, and it's going to get much worst when I get home. Whenever a student misses a class a pre-recorded voice message calls your house to inform the parent of their child's absence. I'm so grounded when I get home.

"We, we being the Council and I, can't come up with a reason as to why but it seems that over the last month or so the vampires have been turning children. Mostly those between the ages of four and eight." Oh God. Why would they be doing that? How many children have they killed? "The Council has estimated that they've turned seven children at least. All of them girls, and again we have no idea why." I think I might have an idea.

"If you're a grown person walking alone at night who are you going to trust more: a stranger asking for the time, or a lost little girl?" He gets this look on his face that's totally readable. He's thinking 'why didn't I think of that?' I can't believe this is happening. Ok, so I can, but why does it have to happen? Those vampires can't just feed on humans like all the others? They just have to be building an army. An army of little kids at that. Vampires suck, pardon the pun.

"Whatever the reason may be, you and Faith need to track them down and put an end to them once and for all." Giles must be a mind reader because I was thinking the same thing. "I know things haven't been easy for you since you returned what with your school work and make up tests, but I would like you to patrol a little longer then usual. And be especially careful of any little girls wondering around at night." He stops talking and takes off his glasses to clean them. "I know it may be difficult because they were turned at such a young age, but they are still vampires and they must be slain." He just had to add that part, didn't he?

"Don't worry Giles, I'll patrol as much as I can. I'll tell Faith about it tonight when she picks me up for patrol." He nods his head a little and I know if I don't speak up now then I'll chicken out and never bring it up again. "Giles, how much do you know about Faith?" Hmm, I wonder what thing under my fingernail is?

"Why do you ask?" I was hoping he wouldn't ask that. So do I tell him the truth and sound like a paranoid freak? Or do I lie a little bit and just sound paranoid? He probably already thinks I'm a freak so I might a well be honest. Go big or go home, right?

"Well she stopped by for lunch, and she wasn't really acting like herself so I left to talk to her, and I found her at the pharmacy buying cold medicine." He's giving me this look like 'and?' Doesn't anybody understand me? "Cold medicine, Giles. Why would a slayer need regular cold medicine? And not just any cold medicine, but cherry cold medicine." Now he looks downright confused. Am I speaking English still? "Everybody knows that if you have to take cold medicine grape is the only way to go. Cherry is gross, and the taste sticks to the roof of your mouth, and it stays there for hours."

"Buffy, I'll be honest with you. I don't know very much about Faith, but I'm sure her buying cherry flavored cold medicine shouldn't be on your list of worries." No, of course it shouldn't. But I have about a million other questions about Faith that are important. Now that we're on the subject there's no way I'm leaving until I get some answers.

"Why is she staying in that cheap motel? Is she staying in Sunnydale permanently? Is she getting another watcher? Does she have any family? How is she buying her food and new clothes? She's alone, Giles, and she's too independent to ask for help. So what are we going to do?" So I asked more questions at once then I wanted to, but that's ok. Giles has known me long enough to learn how to hear almost everything I say.

"The Council is paying for her room, and living expenses, although they are being rather cheap about it. I've offered her the guest room at my flat, but she's too independent. Another watcher will be sent within the next couple of weeks, but we won't know who it is until he or she arrives. As far as her family, I know nothing about that. The Council wasn't very forthcoming in the details. I think as of right now the bet thing we can do for her is to befriend her, gain her trust in hopes of her letting someone in." Oh, ok.

"But how long is she staying here? Is this permanent, or is she not going to stick around long enough to…befriend." Wow that was a really close call. I really don't want Giles to be the first person to find out that I'm having not so pure thoughts about Faith. That would be bad.

"I don't know, I'm afraid. It's up to Faith whether or not she chooses to stay in Sunnydale. With you here to protect the hellmouth she could go on to fight evil elsewhere seeing as how Sunnydale isn't the only town with evil in it." I guess he's right. I really hope she stays. I don't want her to leave.

"How come she only trains two days a week with me and I have to train almost every day?" That has been bugging me since last week. Faith has only been here for two weeks, and yes a lot has happened but she should have to train just as much as me. Even more then me, in fact, since I've been slaying longer.

"She told me Tuesdays and Thursdays would be the only time she could come in. I asked her why but all she told me was that she was busy. I tried to question her further, but she changed the subject and left." I give him a very frustrated look, and now he has the exact same look that my dad would get right before he would say 'don't you give me that look young lady.'

"I'll admit it's a little suspicious what with her being new in town, but it's none of our business what Faith does in her personal life. And don't you dare start. That's because you are my slayer. Faith will have a new watcher soon to be annoyed by. In the mean time, why don't you run on home? Your mother called about five minutes before you arrived, and she sounded very angry." Oh fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

When I get home I can feel this tension in the air. I slowly close the front door hoping that my mom won't hear me. I know it seems pretty pointless to try and hide from the fight I'm about to have but a girl can try. I tip toe up the stairs and thank God I have slayer stealth or she would hear me. At least I think she would.

"Buffy Anne Summers you get down here this instant!" she yells from the kitchen. I really hate mom radar. It totally sucks. And I really, really hate it when she yells out things that are really cliché. Who actually says 'this instant'? It's like when babies are born their parents are handed a guide book on all of the traditional things to yell out when they're in trouble.

"I mean it young lady. You get in here right now." She isn't yelling anymore, but she still sounds really mad. The young lady part of that sentence is another perfect example of language stereotypes. I might as well go get this over with. It's not like I can go into my room and everything will disappear. How bad ass would that be? I walk down the stairs no longer caring about stealth, and I head for the kitchen. I hope the door and see my mom standing by the island looking pissed enough to kill.

"Do you want to explain to me why your school called and informed me that you missed your last two classes?" Ok, her face is turning red, her arms are folded across her chest, and she's lightly tapping her right foot on the ground. All of those signs are pointing to a longer groundation if I reply with a sarcastic comment. Although I really, really want to. What, you expect me to just take this lying down? She doesn't know why I ditched. It could've been for slaying related reasons.

"Well, you see the thing is…" I trail off like some idiot. Ok just think. She can't get mad at me if it's slayer related because that's my sacred duty. Alright Buffy just think. "When I was patrolling last night I staked this weird looking vamp and Giles wanted me to check out the scene during the day to see if he left anything behind." Wow, that was such a great lie. I almost believed that myself. And yay, she doesn't look so mad.

"Next time you tell Mr. Giles that you'll check it out after school. I don't care if it cuts into your training. School comes first." Wow, I actually dodged a bullet. At least something is going right for me today. Hopefully this won't come back to bite me in the ass. "Go upstairs and do your homework. I'll come get you when dinner's ready." And I've officially been dismissed, which is fine by me.

I go upstairs to my room and toss my backpack on the floor. Let's see it's…four-fifteen now and dinner is usually on the table between six and six-thirty, and Faith won't be here until nine. I really don't want to wait that long. I've had a really long and pretty bad day, and I really want to stake something. I'll admit that a large part of it is the want to be around Faith. I know I was bitching about her earlier but she makes patrol a lot more fun.

I lay down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling. I know it's totally cliché to be doing this but I don't care. It would be really cool if Faith came over right now. We'd sit up here and talk until dinner. Maybe I could get her to open up a little. I know she's only been in Sunnydale for two weeks, but I think I'm starting to fall for her. The fact that she's a girl doesn't freak me out.

I mean sure when she first showed up that night at the Bronze and I was actually jealous because Xander was making mooneyes at her I got a little freaked. I dated and slept with a vampire, sure a boy vampire, but still a vampire. At least Faith has a pulse. One that I would be able to feel speed up as I slowly kiss down her very soft looking neck. So like I was saying, her being a girl doesn't bother me.

I'm just afraid this is going to bother everyone else. My mom is still a little mad at me for running away, and totally freaked out that I'm going to do it again. What if this is too much for her to deal with? What if she can't handle having a daughter who's a vampire slayer, a forming runaway, and a lesbian? I'm not even sure if I'm a lesbian. I think I might be bisexual at most. Faith is the only girl I've ever thought about sexually, and I still check out some of the guys at school.

"Buffy, dinner's ready!" I hear my mom yell from downstairs. I guess I can think about this later. I get up and got downstairs. I kind of wish Faith was here. If she were then my mom would be on her company behavior and not be sending me glares from across the table. I swear I skip two classes and it's like I didn't go at all. "I want you home before midnight tonight. I know slaying is important, but so is your education." Great, not this argument again.

"Mom, I know my education is important, but the vampires and the demons don't care that I have a history quiz tomorrow. I have to slay as many as I can so maybe this week the death rate will go down at least a little." That came out way bitchier then I intended, but nothing I can do about it now.

"I know you're just trying to keep Sunnydale safe, but you're not the only slayer in town anymore. I think it would be a good idea to share the responsibility with Faith." I can't believe she just said that. Patrolling with Faith is one of the best things I do all day. There's no way I'm going to give it up. "Just think about it, alright? Maybe you should even talk it over with Mr. Giles and Faith to see what they think." Yeah, then I can drink a bottle of drain-o and run with scissors.

"I need to go," I tell her and take my last bite of chicken. I know it's only seven-fifteen and Faith said she'd be here at nine, but I need to get out of here before my mom drives me crazy. "If I'm going to be home by midnight then I need to start patrol a little early." I go upstairs and grab my stake and cross 'cause you never know when you'll need one, and I leave.

Now that I'm gone I feel like crap. My mom just wants what's best for me, she wants my life to be a little easier and look how I act. I didn't even tell her that I love her before I left. Tonight could be the night that I die, and the last thing I said to my mom was some sarcastic comment. Why did I even come back if I'm just going to treat all of my friends and family like crap?

I need to just calm down. Faith's motel is just up ahead, and I'll feel better when we start patrolling. I really hope she's there. She didn't say if she was doing anything, she just said she'd be at my house at nine. Why do I feel so nervous? I don't think I've ever felt this nervous before. It's not like I'm picking her up for a date. We're going to slay vampires, maybe a demon or two, and we'll probably get dirty and sweaty doing it. That doesn't sound like my idea of a romantic evening.

I knock on the door to room number three and I wait. The lights are on so I know she's here. I've only been here once, but I've never been inside. I kinda want to know what Faith's motel room looks like. Doe she keep it clean? Is she a slob? Did she buy new sheets for the bed? I'm really weird for wanting to know all of this stuff but I don't care.

That's weird. Faith isn't answering her door. I knock again, a little louder this time, but still nothing. I press my ear against the door and listen. It sounds like the shower is running. I wonder how long she's going to be in there. I don't want to wait out here for too long. I slowly turn the doorknob and there's no resistance, so it's unlocked. I wonder if Faith would get mad if I wait inside. It's not like I'm going to rob the place. I just don't want to wait out here and look stupid.

I slowly open the door and peek inside. It's a lot cleaner then I thought it was going to be. I don't think Faith is a total slob, but even I'm not this clean. I walk in and shut the door behind me. This place isn't so bad. It looks like she did buy a new blanket for the bed, which means she probably bought new sheets too. I sit down on the corner of the bed and wait.

Wow this is really boring. I have no idea how long I've been sitting here but my back is starting to hurt, and my butt feels a little numb. Maybe I should come back later. Wait, oh thank God. Finally the shower is over. And now that the loud spray is gone I can hear Faith talking to someone. I know it's her voice I just can't tell what she's saying. So she has someone over. Crap, she's going to be mad. Oh no, she opened the bathroom door.

"Well don't worry. I'll give you some medicine and you'll be all better really soon, ok?" I hear her say in a very light tone. I stand up and watch as she walks out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. Trailing right behind her is a…is that a kid? Faith has a kid? Why did I not know about this? "What are you doing here?" Shit. She does not sound happy to see me.

"I, um, I…" that's all I can get out. I can't take my eyes off of her kid. She doesn't look a whole lot like Faith except for eyes. Those deep, chocolate brown eyes are exactly like Faith's. There's so much emotion in them, and right now she looks really scared. I'm forced to look up at Faith when she steps in front of the girl, blocking her from my view.

"Buffy what the hell are you doing here?" she asks again and she sounds even more pissed off then before. She takes a couple of steps towards me and now I'm a little scared. Faith and I are pretty evenly matched but I think she's mad enough right now to kill just about anything. I better hurry up and explain before that something becomes me.

"I got into a fight with my mom so I thought we could start patrol a little early. The door was unlocked. I didn't think you would mind if I waited for you in here. I'm really sorry," I tell her all of that in one big breath. I sound really scared. Probably just as scared as I look. Hopefully she won't kill me. I watch her eyes very closely and I can tell she's trying to decide what to do. So is it going to be quick and painless or slow and torturous?

"Wait outside. We need to talk." Oh thank God she isn't going to kill me. I really don't feel like dying again. I practically run from the room. I close the door a little harder then I meant to, but I really don't think it matters. After about a minute or two the door opens and Faith walks out. She's wearing a very tight t-shirt, no bra, and some little skimpy shorts. She looks really hot for a mom. If my mom looked like Faith I'd probably have a stroke.

"You have to swear to God you won't tell anyone about this, Buffy," she says and looks me dead in the eyes. She looks mad but scared at the same time. "My watcher was cool about it. She even babysat for me a couple of times, but she told me if the Council finds out that I gotta kid they'll take her away." Oh God, that's so horrible. Would they really do that? I can't believe I take orders from those people…sometimes. "Swear Buffy, swear you won't tell anyone, not even your mom." She looks so scared. I've never seen Faith like this before.

"I swear Faith, I won't tell anyone," I say with all the sincerity I can come up with. I don't know what to do now. Should I just be quiet? Because I have about a million questions that are dying to be asked. Ok, she isn't saying anything either which is like an invite for questions. "Is it just the two of you? When you patrol at night you don't leave her alone, right?" She looks a little insulted, and I don't blame her.

"My boyfriend moved here with me. He gets home from work around nine," she sounds just as insulted as she looks. Well that explains why she wanted to patrol so late. I usually start patrol right when the sun goes down. "Look I know you probably got about a million questions, but Sam is sick so I gotta go take care of her." Things get really quiet mostly because I don't know what to say. "Look, come back a little after nine and we'll skip patrol tonight and go somewhere to talk, ok?"

"Yeah, I can do that. That sounds like a good idea." She nods her head a little, but before I can say anything else she's already back inside and closing the door. Faith has a kid? God this is so huge. I can't wrap my mind around it. And she doesn't just have a kid. She has a boyfriend too. Some guy who loves her and their daughter so much he moved all the way across the country so he wouldn't lose them. I can't believe I'm actually jealous.

I also can't believe I agreed not to tell anyone. I'm one of the worst people when it comes to keeping a secret. Especially one this huge. Willow is going to take one look at me tomorrow and know that I have something huge on my mind and she's not going to give up until I tell her. This so sucks. I just couldn't wait outside, could I? I swear this day can't get any worst.


	4. Chapter 4

Here I am standing in front of Faith's motel room again. After I left I did a quick sweep of one of the nearby cemeteries. I needed to distract myself from everything I learned tonight. It didn't really work though. I took more hits then I normally do. I just couldn't stop thinking about the look in that little girl's eyes.

She looked so scared. Like she thought I was going to try to hurt her or something. Maybe Faith told her not to talk to strangers especially at night because they could be monsters. Or maybe Faith doesn't let her around a lot of people. They live in a motel, a crappy motel at that, and the other people who check in here aren't the most trust worthy. Then again she could've been scared because her mother was so angry. Whenever my mom would get pissed off I'd get scared.

I sigh and look down at my watch. It's nine-fifteen. She told me to be here a little after nine, but what qualifies as 'a little after'? Hopefully I'm not too early. I knock very softly and wait. I can hear people on the other side of the door. I recognize Faith's voice but the guy doesn't sound familiar. The door opens but Faith's body is blocking my view of the room. I fight the urge to look over her shoulder.

"Hey," she says and she sounds a little nervous. "Let's motor." I take it I won't be meeting her boyfriend. I was hoping I would. I guess I'm jealous of him. Ok, so there's no guessing about it. I'm jealous of him. Anyway, we walk away from the motel in silence and things are very awkward. In fact I think very is an understatement. Is there anything stronger then very? "So where do you wanna go?" Leave it up to me why don't you?

"How about the park?" Yeah Faith, let's take a romantic stroll in the park. We can hold hands and carve our initials inside of a heart with an arrow going through it on a tree. Yeah right, like that'll ever happen. She has a family. Why would she leave that for me? She's obviously straight, and I don't have any idea how to take care of a kid.

"Ok," she says and she sounds kinda weird. No, not weird, just…different. I don't really know how to describe it. We start heading in the direction of the park and we're both dead quiet. I hate that things are so tense and uncomfortable. Patrolling with Faith has always been fun, and that's probably gone now. Things are always going to be weird between us now. They certainly can't be the same as they were before I walked into her motel room. I wish they could, but they can't.

"Ok," she says in a 'let's get this over with' kind of tone. We're at the park now, and we're walking down one of the paths. Hopefully we'll find a bench soon because I really need to sit down. One vamp got a very lucky shot earlier and my back is killing me. "I might not answer all your questions. There's just some things about me you don't need to know, but I'll be as honest as I can." That's all I can as for at this point.

"What's your daughter's name?" Daughter, that word sounds so weird right now. I guess it's because I'm using it with other words like 'your' and I'm directing them towards Faith. Yeah, I think that's why it sounds so weird.

"Samantha. I had her when I was fifteen." Her voice is different then it was earlier. She sounds like she's smiling, but I'm too afraid to look at her right now. Don't ask me why, I just am. I go to ask something else but she keeps talking. "I had her a year before I was called. I kinda freaked at first. As if I didn't have enough to worry about now I gotta keep her safe from vampires and demons? But at least now I stand a chance." No wonder she tries to slay as many vampires as she can. Before I thought she just really loved her calling.

"Does your boyfriend know about slayers, and vampires, and the whole package?" I'm trying to keep my questions as simple as possible. I have about ten that might offend her, and another thirty I don't think she'll answer. So I'll keep them light for now. I don't know how long I can go without asking the tougher ones.

"Yeah. He didn't believe me when I told him. He thought I was on drugs or something. I took him to a cemetery and showed him just how serious I was. He flipped, thought he'd gone insane or that I slipped him whatever I took. When he calmed down a little he panicked again. Wanted to get outta Boston and take Sam with him. I told him no matter where he went there'd always be vamps and having a slayer for a girlfriend is safer then not. Besides there's no way in hell anyone's takin my kid from me." Her tone gets very…dark on that last part.

"Where does he work?" It can't be more then a minimum wage job since faith's room and board is paid for by the Council and they're still living at that motel. I really don't see them staying there by choice. Well, ok, sort of by choice. She turned down the guest room at Giles' place, but that's because she doesn't want the Council finding out about her daughter.

"At the grocery store. He's a stock boy. Doesn't pay much but we get by. Council's paying for my room and giving me some money for food and stuff, so we use Tanner's check on groceries and stuff for Sam. It's like every month or so she's out grown all her clothes. And she eats like a frickin horse. But she gets that from her mom." She definitely has a smile on her face now.

"What did your parents say when you told them you were pregnant?" I ask that in a very cautious tone. She's probably not going to answer it, but it can't hurt to try. I don't' know why I want to know that so badly, but it's one of the questions I've been dying to ask.

"Tanner's mom and dad freaked but they weren't too surprised. I was living with them for a while, and we'd been together for almost a year. They were supportive and helped me so much. I don't think I could've done it without 'em." There's something about her tone that's telling me 'drop that subject' and I don't want to make her mad so I will.

"I don't want to offend you or anything but if you're with Tanner, then why do you sometimes leave with other guys from the Bronze?" I keep my voice as neutral as possible. I don't want to sound like I'm accusing her of anything, and I have to keep the jealousy out of my voice. Jealousy might be misinterpreted as snobbery, and that could definitely start a fight. And not just a verbal one. I really don't what to bruise her knuckles with my face.

"That one's really none of your business," she says in a very defensive tone. She's also a lot tenser then she was a couple seconds ago. All signs are pointing to 'change the subject'. And like I said, I really don't want to get punched in the face…again. "Look B, there's a lot of stuff about me I don't wanna talk about so I'll just lay down some of the facts. I can't tell anyone I gotta kid 'cause the Council will take her away and do God knows what. I slay and look good doing it so hopefully the world will be a little safer for her, and if you tell anyone about this you'll get the worst beat down of your life." Ok, so those are the facts.

"Ok," I sound a little…well scared would be pretty accurate. "I'm not going to tell anyone. I know you don't know me very well but I do keep my promises." We're quiet for a few minutes, which is good because now I have a little time to digest all of this. So Faith has a boyfriend named Tanner, and he works as a stock boy at the grocery store. He moved with her all the way from Boston, but she sleeps with other guys. At least I think she does. Apparently that subject is now off limits. She never had any trouble talking about it before.

"I forgot to tell you. I talked to Giles after school, and he told me that a new watcher will be here in a couple of weeks. What are you going to do? I'm not trying to be hard on you or anything, but you can't keep your daughter a secret forever. Especially from your watcher. He might show up early to train you or something." Before I can take a breath and keep talking Faith interrupts. I hate it when she does that.

"We're only staying in Sunnydale for three more weeks. As soon as Tanner gets his check we're leaving." So she's just going to leave, just like that? She can't just do that. She can't just waltz into town, get me to fall for her, and then leave. I don't care if I don't have a chance in hell with her. It just isn't right.

"Faith you don't have to do that. If we tell the gang the Council won't get anywhere near Sam or Tanner. And you've seen what my mom is like when she's angry. Name on person who will go against her when she's like that."

"I can't, Buffy. I'm not going to risk the Council finding out I gotta kid. The way my watcher talked it up slayers aren't supposed to have families or friends. We do one thing, and that's slay. So what do you think they're gonna do to her if they take her away?" I don't like what she's implying here.

"But Faith we can help you. You can't run forever, and living that kind of lifestyle isn't fair for Sam. We should talk to Giles. He'll help you. He offered you a place to stay before, and he'll insist on it if we tell him you have a kid. And I know that if he doesn't then my mom will."

"No. I don't need anybody. I know you're just trying to help, but I can't do that. It's too dangerous. I need to stay below the radar and I can't do that if I'm staying with you or Giles. Your mom will have a lot of rules for me to follow, and Giles will just be worst." That's her reason, she doesn't want to follow any rules? What kind of bull is that? We're talking about a better place for her kid, and she's saying no because she doesn't want to follow rules.

"Faith that's crap. You need to be living in a real house. A motel is a communal place where any vampire can just walk in. I forgot all about it until just now, but Giles told me there's this group of vampires that are building an army, and they've been turning little kids. We're not sure why but they are. They're in Sunnydale and they're looking for some new recruits." I look over at her and she looks really freaked out, and I don't blame her.

"If we explain to my mom why you don't want anyone finding out about Sam then she won't say anything. She'll probably even help protect her. She'll babysit when we go on patrol and when we go to the Bronze. This way Tanner can go with you. If you guys want to go out on a date or something." I have to look away from her so she won't see how much I don't like that idea. It's not that I don't want Faith to have fun. I just want her to have fun with me, not Tanner.

"I don't know. I don't want to mooch off of you guy. And I can't go to Giles. He's a watcher, he'll tell the Council and that's the last thing I want." I see why she feels that way because she doesn't really know Giles. He would never hand over a baby to the Council. Especially if they're going to kill her.

"Giles would never do that. He's a watcher, but he's not like the others. Not anymore, anyway. He does things different now. He doesn't think like them. You said it yourself, slayers aren't supposed to have friends and family, but I do. And it's because Giles doesn't just see me as a slaying machine." I stop walking and grab onto her arm. I pull her back so she's facing me and I'm looking right into her eyes. They're full of so much emotion right now. It's almost too hard to look at.

"If you don't want to tell Giles then fine. I promise I won't tell him. But it's too dangerous living at the motel right now." My voice is a lot softer then it was before. I can get pretty mean when I'm defending Giles. "If you're worried about mooching then you can talk to my mom about paying rent. The only rule she'll have for you is to be quiet when you get home from patrol or the Bronze because she has to be up early to get ready for work." She nods her head a little bit and I can tell she's thinking about it. At least I'm getting through a little.

"I'll have to think about it. I didn't know vamps could just walk into a motel room." Well, at least she knows now. She sighs and pops her neck. "I'll have to talk to Tanner about it. I can't just pack up and leave if he doesn't want to. Sam's his daughter too." That's true, but it's not safe at the motel. Especially with those vampires in town.

"It's getting late," I say and look down at my watch. It's almost eleven-thirty. "I told my mom I'd be home early. I need to go. So I'll see you tomorrow after school. I think Giles is going to let us play with the weapons." She gets a little smirk on her face, and I can't help but smile back.

"Yeah, see ya tomorrow." I let go of her arm and she looks into my eyes for a few seconds. She has a little smile on her face but before I can ask why she's smiling she turns around and walks away. I watch her as she gets farther and farther from me. She has this swagger to her hips that is hypnotizing. I wonder how many other people have thought that? It doesn't really matter. Faith might be moving in with me, and that's all that matters at the moment.


	5. Chapter 5

I've been waiting all fricking day for school to end. It seems like when you really want it to end the minutes drag on forever. It's going to be over soon. Just one more class to go then I'm going straight to the library. Faith might be a little late but it won't irritate me anymore. I don't think I'm going to look at anything she does the same as I would've before last night.

Like before last night I thought her lateness was annoying. I thought the way she joked around with Xander like a little kid was immature but I get it now. She doesn't get to be a kid anymore. She stopped being one when she had Sam. Her childhood, and days of being a careless teenager are long gone. So she goofs around when she can because she doesn't get to do that a lot.

As soon as the bell rings I'm out of my seat and packing up my stuff. The teacher is telling us what we need to do for homework tonight but I'm not paying attention. It doesn't matter. I can always call Amy tonight and ask her what we're supposed to do. My last class was changed for whatever reason, so I don't have it with Willow anymore.

I rush towards the library at a fast job and the people who don't get out of my way fast enough get knocked the ground. It's not my fault they're slow and I'm stronger then them. I speed up a little bit when I see the door. Maybe Faith will already be there to make sure I didn't say anything to Giles. I hate the thought of her not trusting me but I was pushing the issue pretty hard last night.

"Buffy, where's the fire?" I hear Willow call out. I look over and see her, Xander, and Faith walking towards me. Why is Faith hanging out with them? I mean, I don't care that she's with them, but they came from class. Is Faith a student now or something? That would be a little…distracting. And not just for me.

"There's no fire, Will. I just have some energy to burn and I really need to spar." I look over at Faith and she has a very suggestive smile on her face. It's almost like she's saying 'oh I know what you really need: you, me and a queen size bed'. I wonder if faith has some type of psychic powers or something. That would be creepy.

"Then I guess we better have at it," Faith says with a smirk on her face and mischief in her voice. "Wouldn't want you to spontaneously combust because you haven't sparred in a while." She put some extra emphasis on the word sparred, and I know she means 'had sex'. Even Willow picked up on that and she looks very uncomfortable right now. Poor Xander has no idea what's going on.

"What are you talking about? You guys sparred on Tuesday. I remember because when Faith ducked down to dodge a kick to the head her shorts rode up and she wasn't wearing any underwear." He has this far away look in his eyes, and a goofy, pervy smile on his face. Then he realizes what he said and who he said it to and now he looks a little panicked. "I'm going to stop talking." I force back my smile and give him a pat on the shoulder.

"I think that would be for the best." Although I have to admit seeing a lot of Faith's ass that day was a definite perk. It was also a bad thing because I got really turned on and I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the match. Faith won, but that's ok. The last move before we decided to stop had her straddling me, and pinning my shoulders to the ground. I wouldn't trade the sight of her on top of me for anything.

Anyway, we go into the library and see Giles sitting at the table, and some other guy is there. He's in a tweet suit, has dorky glasses, and a British accent. His whole presence reeks 'watcher'. I glance over at Faith and she catches my eyes before she rolls hers very dramatically. Like she's saying 'oh my fucking God! Could he be a bigger dork?' And I have to say I do agree.

"Hey Giles," I say and we start walking closer to him. He looks at me with this look on his face like 'someone kill me'. The new guy looks at us with a dorky smile. That is until he sees Willow and Xander. Now he looks a little irritated. "New watcher?" Giles nods his head but doesn't say anything.

"Wesley Wyndam-Pryce," he says and holds out his hand for me to shake. I look him in the eye with a hard stare and don't shake his hand. He pulls it back slowly and starts talking again. Maybe if I shook his hand he would've stayed quiet. "You must be Buffy Summers, and Faith Lehane." Faith's last name is Lehane? And here I thought she only had one name like Cher, or God.

"Yeah I am, and she is. That's Willow and Xander. They help with the research," I say in a no nonsense tone. The fact that they help is not up for debate, but I know he's going fight me on it sooner or later. Let's hope for later. "Have you found anything else out on those Nazi vamps?" That's directed at Giles of course. Wesley doesn't seem to understand that though.

"Nazi vamps?" He sounds so confused. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost being the key term. "Oh, you mean the vampires that are building an army?" I nod my head and lean against the table. The others sit down at different places around the room. Faith sits on the counter far way from us. I can't just feel that she wants to run.

"No, we've no news on them except they are in Sunnydale. We're sure of it. Did you two run into any vampires on your patrol last night?" He sounds so hopeful. Did the Council have to send us one that's so young and enthused? Because this is going to get irritating very fast. Anyway, that is a hard question to answer. I have to lie, obviously. I can't tell him what we really did.

"Yeah," Faith says and hops down from the counter. "At Restfield we bumped into a newbie. Only took you, what, three hits before you staked him?" She stands next to me and is right in my personal space. I guess I'm going along with this lie then. It's better then what I was going to say.

"It was a pretty slow night. I was kind of hoping to get in some extra training." Giles gives me this look like I've grown a second head or something. "What? Those vampires already killed one slayer. We need to be on the top of our game." Now he looks like he understands. Dorkus over there looks happy that I want to train, and Faith is giving me this little smirk.

"Ok," the dork says and rubs his hands together. "Why don't you and Faith go change and we'll begin." He gives both of us a big smile and then walks off. Faith nudges my shoulder and I look over at her. She has the same smirk on her face. I ignore her as we walk towards Giles' office to change.

"'Oh Wesley'," Faith says low but in a higher pitched tone. "'Please let me wear nothing but skimpy shorts, and a tight top and get all sweaty for you. Please oh please Wesley, take me now'." She laughs at her own jokes and I have to bite back a smile. What can I say? She's funny. Don't tell her I said that. "Please tell me you're not wet for that ass." No, I'm wet for you.

"No, Faith, I don't like Wesley. I already think he's annoying." She clothes the door and I walk over to the filing cabinet. The very bottom drawer has our workout clothes in it. I don't want things to get weird between us but I need to ask this. My curiosity won't leave me alone. "I'm not trying to pressure you or anything, but did you talk to your boyfriend about what you want to do?"

"Yeah," she says and tenses up a little bit. I look over at her and she looks nervous. Oh God. They're going to leave aren't they? I don't want her to go! "He wants to meet your mom. He doesn't want to mooch off your mom. If we're going to live with you guys we're going to pay rent and help pay the bills and shit." I smile a little bit. My body wants the smile to be bigger but I'm forcing it to stay small.

"Ok," I tell her and I try to keep the happiness out of my voice. I don't want to freak her out. "Why don't you guys come over for dinner tonight? Mom's making pot roast and we always have a lot left over. I didn't say anything to her like I promised, so she might be a little shocked, but once we explain what's going on I know she'll let you stay." I watch her as she thinks about it but she shakes her head no.

"Tanner doesn't get off work until eight-forty-five tonight." She gets this look in her eyes almost like she knows what she's going to say is a bad idea. "But I guess I can bring Sam over. Tanner's day off is Saturday so if you guys aren't busy we can eat over then." I almost squeal with joy but I don't. She would definitely think I'm a freak if I did that.

"Well I was going to the Bronze with Willow and Xander, but I'll just tell them my mom grounded me because of the whole ditching school thing." She looks like she's going to protest so I jump in before she can. "Faith, please don't. You want to keep Sam and Tanner a secret, and I get it. If I have to tell a few fibs to my friends to keep it a secret then I will. Now let's get ready before someone comes looking at us."

We're quiet while we change. We have our backs turned but trust me the temptation to turn around and look is very high. What is it about Faith that is driving me so wild? I think it's the way she treats me. Willow and Xander will give me their undivided attention if I ask for it, but Faith is different. So do I want her because I can't have her? No I don't think that's it either.

I feel like she's the only person in the world who will ever be able to fully understand me. The slayer part of me isn't a job, and I can't just stop being a slayer because I'm at home. And I can't be nothing but the slayer. She's the only person who gets that. I mean really gets it. She won't just say that she gets it so I'll stop complaining. She'll actually understand what I mean.

"Ready to get this party started?" she asks in a very enthusiastic voice when we finish changing. My only answer is a little nod and playful smile. Hell yes I'm ready. I want to tell her that but I'm afraid if I open my mouth I'll say something embarrassing like 'take me now'. As much as I want Faith I really don't think I'm ready to have her. It's just too soon.

We walk out to the library and the tables have been pushed back so Faith and I have more room to spar. I've been waiting all to do this. Sparring with her is like…like foreplay. Of course I always have to finish up at home by myself, which sucks. But at least I have this. Hearing the little news she makes as we fight, and feeling her body against mine always gets me really hot. What I feel when I spar with Faith is twice what I ever felt with Angel.

I know that sounds really insensitive because of everything I went through with Angel, but not as much as I let myself believe. It was a forbidden love. A vampire and a vampire slayer definitely has forbidden written all over it. I have very mixed feelings regarding what we did. I regret it because afterwards he lost his soul and people I care about got hurt, and one was killed. But at the same time I don't regret it because I loved him, and it was special.

"Ok Twinkie, let's see what you got," Faith says in the challenging voice as we step into the space were we're going to spar. She has this fire in her eyes that I want so badly to touch. I want her to warp me up in that gaze and consume me. I don't want Faith because it's forbidden. I don't want her because I can't have her. I want Faith because all she has to do is look at me and I feel more alive then I have since I was called.


	6. Chapter 6

I can't sit still at all, and it's starting to annoy my mom. When she got home from work she was very suspicious because I already had all of my homework done, and the reading that I'll need for tomorrow. Then I asked her if Faith could eat over, and she said yes with a very big smile. Then I told her that Faith is bringing a guest but I didn't tell her who. I don't know if it being a surprise is a good idea or not.

I don't really know how my mom feels about teenage mothers. There are a total of three in Sunnydale. That I know of at least. There are a lot more in LA, and whenever we'd see them at the mall she'd smile at the cute babies, but she never said anything. What if she doesn't want me around Faith because she had Sam so young? No, that's stupid. The only way my mom would get pissed off about teenage pregnancy is if I got pregnant young.

The doorbell rings and I jump. It's a little insane that I'm so nervous. I just really want this to go well because if it does then Faith might actually want to move in, instead of just moving in because of the vampires. If it doesn't go well and my mom freaks out I have no idea what I'm going to do. Probably sit in my room and cry. Yeah that sounds about right.

"I'll get it," I say in a rush so I don't think my mom really understood me. I jump up and force myself to walk towards the door. I really don't want my mom thinking I'm a total freak, and I know she's going to be asking me what's wrong when Faith leaves. Hopefully I'll be able to come up with a good lie. I open the door and see Faith looking extremely nervous. I look down and see Sam sucking on her thumb and she looks a little scared.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Faith says, and she sounds really freaked out. "Your mom is cool and all, but are you sure she's this cool? Seems like everywhere I go in this town people are damning me to hell 'cause I got a three-year-old." I try not to smile at her nervousness. Seeing her so freaked out is actually making this a little easier. For me at least.

"Faith everything is going to be fine. My mom really likes you, and that's not going to stop when she finds out about Sam. She'll probably like you more because you'll have stuff in common." She gives me a skeptical look and I slowly take her free hand. "And besides we're not from Sunnydale. We moved here from LA, and my mom runs an art gallery. Her mind isn't exactly narrow." She looks a little calmer now and I give her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Buffy, what's taking you so long?" I hear my mom ask. She's walking towards us. Crap. I kinda wanted to have some control over the introduction. But now I don't. Ok, just stay calm. "Faith, you're a little early. Don't worry, it's a nice surprise." Faith looks like she's going to run. Hopefully she won't because if she freaks and bolts now she might leave Sunnydale and I'd never see her again.

"Oh," my mom says and she sounds very surprised. I take a couple of steps back and look over at her. Surprise is all over her face, but I don't see any anger or anything. I glace at Faith and I can tell that if my mom doesn't say something soon she's going to have a nervous breakdown or something. "Who's this?" My mom has a big smile on her face now, and Faith doesn't look as freaked.

"This is my daughter, Sam," Faith says and looks down at the little brunette. I look down at her too, and she looks scared. She looks at me, then my mom, and then she starts crying. Are we really that scary? Faith picks her up and Sam instantly wraps her little arms around Faith's neck and hides her face in the crook. I must be insane because I'm actually jealous that she gets to do that and I don't. "She's really, really shy. Gets it from her dad."

"That's ok, dear. I'm sure I'd be uncomfortable too if the spot light was on me. Come on inside." We move back and Faith grabs the bag that's by her feet and walks inside. Sam isn't crying as hard as she was before so hopefully she'll calm down soon. Faith didn't tell me that she's really shy. Then again Faith didn't tell me that much about her. In face, when she 'laid down the facts' she just repeated what she told me before. But I'm not going to get mad at her. That would be stupid.

"Why don't you girls sit in the living room while I finish making dinner?" It's said as a question but I know it isn't up for debate. So we go into the living room and sit down on the couch. Sam isn't crying anymore but she hasn't emerged from her hiding spot. Faith and I are both quiet and things are starting to get a little uncomfortable. Ok Buffy, think of something to say.

"Did you walk over here?" I ask and I sound a little more upset then I wanted to. I know that Faith doesn't have a care. She told me she likes walking because it helps calm her down or whatever. But did she really walk all the way over here with Sam when there's a cult of vampires in Sunnydale that's turning little girls? I don't care if she's a slayer, that's just stupid.

"No. Tanner had his break so he picked me up at the room, and dropped me off a couple houses down. I told him about Saturday and he thinks it's a good idea." Saturday? What's happening on Saturday? Oh! Right, I said they should have dinner over here. I'm sure Mom will love it. I'm not being sarcastic either. My mom has a soft spot for Faith, and now that she knows Faith has a baby she'll want her to come over a lot more often. I don't know what she'll think of the boyfriend. I haven't met him yet so I have no idea what to expect.

"I haven't asked my mom about it yet. But I'm sure it'll be fine. She likes having you over." I smile at her and she looks a little embarrassed. "I mean it. She loves you. I think having you around more often would definitely be of the good. Because when my mom's in a good mood the world is a better place. And it gets a little lonely with it being just the two of us." I get a sad smile on my face and look down at my lap.

"What happened to your dad?" she asks in a very soft tone. I look over at her and she has this look of concern on her face, and I've never seen anything like it. The temptation to lean over and kiss her is almost too much. I ignore it though and focus on the subject at hand. My dad. If I'm anyone of the teenage stereotypes it's definitely the 'I act out because daddy doesn't love me'.

"He lives in LA still. My mom kicked him out after she found out he was cheating on her with his secretary. They were separated for about a year before they got divorced." I stop talking, and Faith says something but I'm not paying attention. It's probably something like 'I'm sorry to hear that' or one of the many other clichés people say when I tell them. "The worst part is I think being called is what made it so easy for him to leave. He didn't fight for me at all."

"Don't think stuff like that," she says and her very serious tone makes me look up into her eyes. "If he spent ten minutes in a room with you he'd love you. Other stuff just gets in the way." Ok so is she saying this just to comfort me, or does she really mean it? She looks so sincere that I want to believe her, but if my dad really loves me then why doesn't he call, or visit?

"Girls dinner is ready." I look over and see my mom standing in the doorway. Oh God. How much of that did she hear? I don't want my mom to feel guilty for moving out of LA. If she wants to talk to me about it I'm sure she'll bring it up later. Anyway, we got into the dining room and take our places at the table. Faith puts Sam down in the chair next to hers. There's already a plate and stuff because I told my mom Faith was bringing a guest.

"Dinner looks great Joyce," Faith says and I smile a little bit. I watch Faith without it being too obvious as she makes up a plate for Sam. She gives her two slices of pot roast and they're not small slices either. She cuts them up into small pieces and there's a pretty good sized pile on her plate. Then she gives Sam some carrots but no broccoli. Hmm, for some reason I think I should remember that.

"Thank you Faith." We're quiet as we fix our plates. Things are a little awkward but I'm sure once the conversation gets going that'll go away. "So are you and her father together or…" She just lets the sentence hang there, and I was wrong. Things are definitely more awkward now then they were before. At least for me they are. My mom and Faith are fine. I just really don't want to hear about this.

"Yeah. We've been dating for about four years now." Wow, that's a really long time. That's almost too much to comprehend. I guess I never really thought about their ages until just now. Faith said they were together for almost a year before Faith got pregnant, and she had Sam when she was fifteen. That would be like me still being with the guy I dated in my freshmen year of high school. That would suck. "It hasn't always been easy, but he's a good dad."

"I can't even imagine how hard it must be. I was in my early twenties when I had Buffy, and I felt completely clueless." I really hope this doesn't turn into a conversation about embarrassing moments from my childhood because it has the potential.

"It feels that way most of the time. I'm just lucky I had Tanner's parents helping me. I have no idea what I would've done without them." But why did she need them? She still hasn't told me anything about her mom and dad and I'm trying not to feel hurt but it's hard. I've opened up and she hasn't. I think it's her turn to share if you ask me. "The hardest thing so far has been potty training." Oh fuck.

"Buffy was a dream when it came to potty training." Why doesn't Giles ever call with a big demon emergency when something like this is happening? How fucked is that? "I could never get her take a nap though. Even when she was a baby she would scream her head off before she'd finally just pass out. By the time she was three I had completely give up." That wasn't as embarrassing as I thought it was going to be. I hope it stays that way.

"What was it like living in Boston? Have you ever been to New York? I've always wanted to go there." I haven't, but a change of subject would be really good at this point. I don't want my mom to remember something really embarrassing. I may not have a shot with Faith but I still have a little bit of hope.

"It was alright. It gets really cold in the winter and sometimes we'd be snowed in for a day or two. Our furnace sucked so we had to find other ways to keep warm." She looks at me and winks. Oh my God. Did she really just make that kind of innuendo in front of my mom? This is like totally beyond screwed up.

"I've been to Boston a couple times on business. I didn't get to see much of the city but what I saw I loved. I wanted to move there for a while but when you have a five-year-old who just started kindergarten your priorities change." I stop cutting my slice of roast and give my mom a 'what the hell?' kind of look.

"Sorry to disappoint you," I say and she looks at me with this regretful expression. I think she just realized exactly what she said and how I'm taking it. Good because that did sting a little. I feel unwanted enough as it is without her saying something like that.

"Honey, I didn't mean it like that. Moving to Boston would have been way too expensive and when you have a child to think about you can't just change your life on a whim." Oh God, please tell me she didn't say that. I look over at Faith and she's trying as hard as he can to hide the hurt my mom's words caused, but I can see it. "At the time your father didn't have a job, and there were no positions available for me at any of the galleries. Now if I had someone sending me a check every month to pay for rent and groceries every month like you and Faith have then things would've been different." Hold the phone.

"What do you mean by 'like you and Faith'? The Council is sending me money? Why did I not know about this?" I don't sound mad just really, really confused. This whole time I could've been going on monthly shopping sprees but that hasn't happened. So what is going on? I watch my mom carefully as she takes a drink of her water. She's stalling.

"The Council sends me a monthly check that helps me pay for the groceries. At first they were written out from the state and I thought it was coming from a program for single mothers, but I guess they know you told me about the slaying because they've dropped the façade." Oh. Well if she's using it to buy groceries then that's ok. I won't admit this to anyone but I do eat a lot because I'm a slayer.

"Mommy." I hear a very tiny whisper and if I didn't have slayer hearing I know I wouldn't have heard that. I look at Sam and her little hand is on Faith's arm and she's squeezing it a little. I think she's trying to silently get Faith's attention. Jeez this kid really is shy. "Mommy, can I have juice?" I smile a little bit but I'm trying not to look at Sam. I'm afraid she's going to start crying again. Her voice was louder that time, and even my mom heard her.

"I have some apple juice in the fridge if she can drink that," she says to Faith. Woe, hold up. We have apple juice and I didn't know about it? Anyway, Faith nods her head and my mom looks at Sam. She doesn't look as nervous as she did before, so I guess she's getting used to us. "Sam, would you like some apple juice?" I hold my breath in anticipation of what Sam is going to do. Earlier she cried because we were looking at her, and now my mom is talking to her. This might not end well.

"Yeah, please." Or she could be the most well mannered kid I've ever seen. My mom gets up and goes into the kitchen. Sam starts eating her food again like nothing happened. She's almost done with the roast, but she hasn't touched her carrots. I wonder if Fait is going to let it slide. My mom always made me eat the vegetables when I was little. It sucked.

"Your mom is so cool," Faith says and she has this very relieved smile on her face. I can't help but smile too. "Sam, is Mrs. Summers cool?" The little brunette nods her head yes kind of like one of those bobble head things, and keeps eating her dinner. "I thought your mom was cool before but I really didn't think she was going to like me after I told her about Sam. None of the parents back in Boston wanted me hangin out with their daughters. I guess they thought I was going to corrupt them or something." I want her to corrupt me. Wow, I really didn't mean to think that.

"That sucks. My mom isn't like that at all. Before she found out about the slaying she might've been a little cautious but that's when she still thought I fell in with the wrong crowd and burned down the school gym because I thought it would impress my friends or something." Faith nods her head and pops another carrot in her mouth. She really loves her veggies. If Faith were my little sister I'm sure my mom would be grateful for that.

"Here you go, Sam," my mom says when she walks into the room. "Sorry it took me so long but I wanted to find this." She puts the cup down in front of Sam's plate and I can't help but glare. What does my mom think she's doing? That's my Miss Piggy cup. Now is she going to find my Kermit the Frog plate, and Fozzie spoon? This is bull. Faith's kid is cute and all but those are my memories. "Buffy's always had an obsession with the Muppets. I have the entire collection somewhere in the basement. But that was in one of the cupboards."

"I loved the Muppets when I was a kid." I don't think I've ever heard Faith sound so excited. It's really cute. "I had a bunch of the stuffed animals, and I would pretend they were real and do scenes from the show." She looks a little embarrassed but I think that's really cute, and there's no way I'm going to tease her about that. Besides if I do my mom will tell some embarrassing story just to get back at me. Or worst, she'll pull the photo album.

"And don't you just hate Fraggle Rock? Those creepy things gave me nightmares. They were like Muppets on crack or something. Just because the Muppets were the coolest thing ever it doesn't mean every Muppet like thing is going to be a success."

"I know. That's just like those stupid Snorks or Snerks, or whatever they were called, trying to copy the Smurfs. They were like 'ooo we're so cool. We live under water and have tubes growin out of our heads'. Those little freaks should've been shark bait."

"Totally. And how cute were the Paw Paws? I don't care if they were stereotypes, they were so cute. And how awesome was the totem pole?" Faith leans a little closer towards me, and she's resting her wait on her elbows. Now that I'm thinking about it I'm doing the same thing. Our food is probably cold now but who cares?

"They were cool." Notice how she said cool and not cute? I don't think Faith uses words like cute. So I guess she's using cool as a substitute. So cool means cute and cool in Faith speak? That's good to know. "But I like the Pound Puppies better. I would watch that show and think 'man I want a dog like Cooler'. But my mom never let me get one." Aww, that's so sad. And come to think of it my mom did the same thing.

"I begged my mom for a dog until I was twelve. I guess I realized if I didn't get one by then I wasn't ever going to get one. I wanted one that looked like Peg from Lady and the Tramp. Now she was cool. I would rewind the tape and watch the dog pound part over and over. Poor little Nutsy. Why did he have to be put down?"

"I always used to get all teared up at that part, but you're right Peg is cool. Peggy Lee has a wicked voice. I have one of her albums if you wanna borrow it." Oh my God. We like the same cartoons, and we hate the same cartoons. We both tear up when Nutsy gets put to sleep, and we're both fan of Peggy Lee. It's official, Faith and I are soul mates.

"Yeah, that would be great." I look over at my mom and she's trying really hard not to smile. I guess Faith and I went to our own world just now. That's perfectly ok with me. "Mom, do you think it would be ok if Faith comes over for dinner on Saturday? You're not busy, are you?" If she finds out I already asked Faith over she might get mad. She's weird like that.

"I'm not doing anything this weekend expect sleeping in. Faith, you're more then welcome to come over any time you want. If you're boyfriend isn't busy maybe he can join us. It would be nice to have more then just us girls." Is my mom saying what I think she's saying? Because if so: eww.

"He has Saturday off and I'm sure I can convince him to come with me. And trust me on this one Joyce, he's a bowl full of eye candy." Holy fucking shit did she just say that to my mom?! I look over at my mother and she just has this little smile on her face. She isn't scolding Faith or anything. So she was saying what I thought she was saying. Ewww. I really hope Saturday isn't this awkward or I might die. And I really, really hope Tanner isn't a bowl full of eye candy or I might not be able to hide my jealousy. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.


	7. Chapter 7

I am so glad it's Friday. What? Were you expecting me to say TGIF? I don't talk like that. I try to avoid those types of language stereotypes. Especially the ones we teenagers are prone to. The three biggest ones that everyone is guilty of saying every once in a while is: like, due, and totally. The next biggest one is whatever. That one I do use sometimes. I try not to but saying that is better then saying what I really want to sometimes.

"Earth to Buffy," I hear Xander say. I look over and both he and Willow are staring at me. I guess one of them asked me a question. I haven't been paying attention to their conversation for the last five minutes or so. I've been too busy thinking about Faith. The way her eyes lit up and sparkled when we were talking last night is something I won't forget. It's like she was starved for someone who has the same interests.

"I'm sorry," I tell them and put my sandwich down. It's not like I'm hungry. At least not for food. They're both looking at me like they want me to explain why I zoned out on them. I have to lie obviously. I can't just tell them I've been thinking about Faith's eyes for the last seven minutes. "It's just…Giles still hasn't figured out why those vamps are turning little girls. Maybe if he can figure out why they're being turned I can stop it from happening. And there haven't been any reports of missing kids or anything so far."

"But that's a good thing, right? No missing kids means no dead kids. I really don't see the problem with that, Buff." Sometimes Xander just doesn't get it. He's right. It is a good thing, but there's more to it then that. Hopefully I'll be able to explain it. Otherwise I might get frustrated. It's just one of those days. Great, now I sound like Fred Durst.

"That is a good thing Xander, but if the vamps aren't out turning people like they normally do then what are they doing? I highly doubt they're sitting in their nest and playing boggle all day. I think they're planning something, something big." I sigh a very frustrated sigh and shift in my seat. The dream I had last night has been haunting me all day, and it's really hard to sit still.

"Maybe you're just getting restless," Willow says and I give her a strange look. "From what you said it sounds like it's been really quiet slaying wise. Maybe if you spar with Faith a little more often it'll take the edge off." Oh I know what'll take the edge off. I just can't do it because not only does Faith have a boyfriend but she's straight. You don't stay with a guy for four years if you're not straight.

"She told Giles she can only come in on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I don't know why but that's what she said so obviously she isn't interested." I know that's not true. I asked Faith about it last night and she told me that Tanner doesn't have to be at work until six on Tuesdays and Thursdays so he watches Sam while she comes to the school and spars. I can't tell them that though. I promised Faith I wouldn't.

"What could she be so busy with?" Taking care of a three-year-old. But Willow obviously doesn't know that. "She's new in town, it's not like she has to work or anything. She never said anything about having a job." Then Willow gets this weird look on her face and I know she's going to say something mean. "Maybe she's a stripper. That would make a lot of sense." I know why Willow doesn't like Faith, but she really needs to fuck off.

"What is with you?" You can bet your ass I sound really pissed off. Just because Xander has a think for Faith it doesn't mean she can be a bitch to her. "Faith hasn't done anything to you. Just because a lot of people think she's hot it doesn't mean she's a big slut bomb. And even if she was a stripper it wouldn't matter. At least she would be earning her money legally instead of stealing it." Both of them are looking at me like I've grown a second head, but I don't care.

"Take it easy Buff. Willow didn't mean anything by it." Oh yes she did. She hates Faith and I highly doubt that's going to change. "But you have to admit it's a little weird. Faith's only been here for two almost three weeks and already she's too busy to train. What is she doing that's so important?" She's taking care of her kid! I want to scream that at the top of my lungs but I can't. The fact that I can't is starting to frustrate me.

"I don't know Xander." I hate having to lie to them. "But we shouldn't judge her. When she's ready to tell us what she does all day then she'll tell us." I really need to learn to keep my emotions in check. It probably couldn't be any more obvious that I like Faith right now. Well, it could. I could get a sharpie and write 'I heart Faith' across my forehead. Only instead of the word heart I would draw one. Ok, I think we need to change the subject.

"I can't go to the Bronze with you guys tomorrow. My mom is still mad about me ditching those two classes. Maybe next weekend we can do something." They look a little put off and I don't blame them. I mean, I did just yell at Willow and now I'm saying I can't go to the Bronze. They probably think I'm making it up because I'm still mad. And I am still mad, but that's not why I don't want t go to the Bronze. I'm not going because Faith, Sam and Tanner are coming over for dinner.

I'm really nervous about it. From what Faith said Tanner is really hot. I don't know if I can handle that. Seeing them together is going to be hard enough. It's just…if Tanner is so great then why would Faith choose me over him? And I know that kind of thinking is insane, but I can't help it. I think I really am falling for Faith, and I barely know her.

I want to get her know her more, but at the same time I don't. I'm afraid that if I get to know her even more then I'll be in full blown love with her. Not just like her, not just crushing on her, but head over heels, standing outside her bedroom window with a boom box over my head in love with her. I know that love is supposed to be this great thing that makes you happy, and silly, and act a little crazy. But she doesn't love me, and even if she did she has a boyfriend and a baby.

Well, actually the thought of the baby doesn't freak me out. Sam is so cute, and well behaved. And I know I sound like I'm describing a dog or something, but it's true. Sure after dinner she started getting a little fussy and whiney, but that's because she wasn't feeling too good. The medicine was starting to wear off. Faith started stressing out and it only made things worst. My mom ended up rocking Sam to sleep while Faith and I sat on the couch.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make is the thought of dating a girl with a kid doesn't freak me out at all. I think it would be kind of fun. I'm not ready to be a mom, and helping Faith take care of Sam would take a lot of getting used to but it would definitely be worth it. And I can picture us lying bed together just cuddling and talking. Me using Faith as a pillow while we talk abut nothing in particular. And then Sam would run into the room because of a nightmare and snuggle up to both of us and fall asleep in our arms.

"Buffy are you feeling alright?" I hear Willow ask. I forgot they were there. I have got to stop thinking about Faith. It's starting to get obsessive. "You keep zoning out on us. Is there anything you need to talk about?" Oh just the fact that I'm having sexual thoughts about a girl I barely know, I just fantasized about living together and raising her child, and I think I'm going insane. But instead I reply with:

"No, I'm fine. I think I'm catching what Faith is coming down with." They give each other a look and I know they don't believe me. And, ok, I am lying to them but that's not the point. The point is I have a lot of stuff floating around my head and I don't need them adding to my stress. I really don't need this right now. "I hope I don't get it too bad. Last time I got sick I had to go the hospital." I would get up and leave but I don't have anywhere else to go.

"Yeah that would be bad," Willow says and I take a bite of my sandwich. I'm not hungry but at least this way I don't have to talk. I would rather be by myself right now because there's a lot of stuff I need to think about. But I can't just get up and leave. I guess I have to wait until after school until I can be alone so I can think. "Oh look Buffy. Scott Hope is heading this way." Please no.

I look over and yep Willow was right. Scott is a nice, cute guy who I know is interested in me. We have chemistry together and I've heard him talking to his friend who's name I can't remember. They weren't talking loud, but with my slayer hearing I picked up a good portion of the conversation. He wants me, there's no doubting that. He wants to date me, wants to sleep with me, and wants me to have his kids. Although we won't have children until we're married and in our late twenties. At least that's what he said.

"Hi Buffy," he says with a very charming smile. I smile back but I'm just trying to be polite. Don't get me wrong I like Scoot, I think he's funny, and really cute but I'm not interested in him in a romantic way. I'm sure one day he'll make someone very happy. He's obviously a commitment kinda guy, but I doubt that someone is going to be me.

"Hey Scott. What are you up to on this find Friday afternoon?" Wow, I really just said that, didn't I? I may not like the guy but I don't want to look like a dork. He doesn't seem to mind though. He smiles and shifts from one foot to the other.

"Oh not much. Just walking around, taking time to notice the little things that make this school great. So far I haven't found anything." I laugh a little and he takes a step forward. "Then I saw you so I thought I'd mosey on over and say hi." I'm about to say something but Willow bests me to it.

"Xander didn't we tell Mr. Anderson we'd be in class a little early today?" Oh God no. They're going to just leave me here. Before Xander can say anything Willow grabs onto his arm and starts walking away, practically dragging him behind her. "We'll see you later Buffy. Don't forget to study for that English test on Monday." She yells that as she's walking away. Now it's just Scott and me. I love Willow in a sisterly way, but sometimes I don't like her.

"Have a seat," I tell him and scoot over on the bench so there's more room. I'm practically falling off the edge but I don't care. I don't want to sit close to him because I don't want him getting the wrong impression. I'm sure he already thinks I'm interested because of the little smiles and the fact that I asked him to sit down with me, but I'm not. I could be but right now is confusing enough without having a boyfriend to think about.

"I didn't mean to run your friends off. I just wanted to talk to you." I go to say something but he keeps talking. I can tell by his body language that he's getting nervous. I really hope he doesn't ask me out. "I've been asking around a little bit, and the word around the water cooler is that you're single."

"Wait, there's a water cooler at Sunnydale High?" He's looking at me like I've gone retarded or something. I hate it when people look at me like that. It usually means I've put my foot in my mouth or something. Most of the time they're right but I'll never admit that out loud.

"We don't that I know of. It's just an expression." I totally knew that. He probably thinks I'm an idiot now. That's just great. What, why do I care? It's not like I want to date him. "Anyway, someone did tell me that you just got out of a pretty serious relationship, so I was just wondering if you would like to be friends with a potential for something more?" I can't believe this.

"The person who told you that, did she have red hair, green eyes, about my height, and has a knack for studying." He gives me a very guilty look and nods his head yes. Aww, he looks so cute right now. Dammit, focus. "Scott, you seem like a really great guy, but I'm not so sure if I'm ready for a potential for something more. It isn't just wounds that need to heal. I have some other things going on too." He pulls a little slip of paper out of the pocket on his shirt.

"Ok, I understand that, and I'm not trying to be stubborn." Really? 'Cause it seems like it. "But just in case your wounds heal, and you suddenly have nothing to do then give me a call." He hands me that paper and I take it. "I'll see you around." He gets up and walks away and I don't say anything. This is the first time I've ever talked to him outside of class and he gave me his number. He's bold I'll give him that.

So what am I supposed to do? Ok there's option one. Option one is throwing the number in the trash, and telling Scott that thing just won't work out because I'm too preoccupied with other things. In that situation I sound like a selfish bitch. It'll be harsh, there's no denying that, but it could be for the best.

Option two is giving up on this ridiculous idea that Faith is going to dump her boyfriend of four years and date a girl she's known for almost three weeks who has nothing to offer. I still live with my mom, I don't have a job, and I can't drive. Oh yeah, I sound like a real winner. This is obviously the saner of the two options but I'm having a very hard time deciding.

Wait a second. Why am I only giving myself two options? These are my options. If I want the option of saying 'screw this' and running away to New York then I'll keep that door open. So here it goes. I'm going to give myself a third option. I'm going to keep the number and maybe go out on a date or two with Scott, and if absolutely nothing happens with Faith then I'll let go of that fantasy. Now if I could only figure out how I'm going to get Willow back for giving Scott the inside scoop on me then today would be perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

Do you remember that time I made lunch for the gang when I was still expelled from school? Right, well I have a little confession to make. That lunch was mostly just assembly work. I didn't have to cook anything. The truth is I'm not very good at cooking. Now slicing and dicing I can totally do. I'm a master at the prep work, but it's the not burning things that I have a problem with.

So today when my mom asked me to help with the dinner tonight I was a little nervous but I said yes. How else can you learn how to cook unless someone shows you how? Tonight my mom is one of my personal favorites. Lasagna with a side of garlic bread, and a baked potato. I know that sounds a little weird, but it's what I like. She put me in charge of the potatoes, and everything was going fine. I heated up the oven to the right temperature, and I wrapped the potatoes in tin foil like my mom told me to.

What she forgot to mention is when baking a potato you're supposed to take a fork and stab it a couple of times. I guess she just assumed that only an idiot wouldn't know that because they went in puncture free and it didn't take long for them to explode. How was I supposed to know that would happen? Nobody's ever told me these things. I guess it doesn't matter now. We cooked the lasagna before the potatoes so that's safe but unfortunately the bread didn't make it.

"Buffy it's alright. We'll just have a salad to go with the lasagna. Everything will be just fine. How are you going to learn unless you make mistakes?" I guess she's right, but that isn't really helping. I've been sitting at the center island for the last ten minutes pouting. I wanted dinner tonight to be perfect because Faith and Tanner and Sam are coming over. Faith and I patrolled last night and she said that Sam still isn't feeling well but she's ok enough to come over as long as they don't stay too late.

Faith and I are both really nervous about tonight. Tonight we're going to tell my mom about the vampire situation, and about the Council. Hopefully she'll say it's ok for them to move in. I really want them here where it's safe, and where vampires need an invitation to get in. And ok it does have a little to do with the fact that I like her. If we're living in the same house then I'll be able to get to know her a lot better.

"I just feel so stupid. I can save the world from evil, and do a double back flip but I can't heat up a potato." I sigh in frustration and put my head down on the counter. It's cool and my head doesn't hurt as bad anymore. My mom puts her hand on my shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. I know she's just trying to make me feel better, but it's not helping. I actually feel a tiny bit worst.

"I'm sure it took practice before you could do a double back flip, right?" I nod my head yes and she starts to rub my shoulders. Now that's more like it. "Well, consider this your practice, and now you know that you have to poke holes in them." I hate it when she makes valid points. I sigh and sit up straight. She stops rubbing my shoulders and goes over to the fridge. She gets out the salad mix and put it in a big bowl.

"Why don't you go get the door while I put this stuff on the table?" she says when the doorbell rings. I hop off the stool and walk towards the living room. The quickest way to the living room is to walk through the dining room. So that's what I do. What I see on the table makes my blood boil a little bit. My mom must've found them this morning and washed them because sitting on the table is my Kermit the Frog plate, my Foozie spoon, my Rowlf the Dog fork, my Animal knife, and my Miss Piggy cup. I will not get mad, I will not get mad, I will not get mad.

The doorbell rings again and I roll my eyes. What, they don't have any patience? I walk into the foyer and I take a deep breath. Ok, I can do this. I can make it through this night without getting jealous and saying something really mean. Faith is your friend and saying something mean will hurt her eve if she doesn't show it. What I've noticed about Faith is she bottles up her emotions and takes them out on the vamps and demons we run into on patrol.

I open the door and the first thing I see is Faith. She's wearing a really nice black shirt and it looks brand new. It doesn't have a picture or writing on it and for Faith that's rare. At least I think it is. She's wearing dark blue, hip hugging jeans and they look new too. I look over to the left and I see a guy standing next to her. If I had to guess I'd say he's five ten, maybe five eleven. He has sandy blonde hair, light brown eyes, and a really nice smile.

"Hey. You guys are right on time," I say with a polite smile. I step back and let them in the house. The guy I'm assuming is Tanner is holding Sam and she has a big smile on her face, and her arm is wrapped around the back of his neck. I remember what it felt like to be held by my dad like that. Sam's a very lucky little girl, even if she doesn't know it. I look over at Faith as I close the door and she has a small smile on her face.

"Buffy this is Tanner. Tanner this is Buffy," she says and she looks a little nervous. Tanner shifts Sam to his other side and shakes my hand. Hmm, that's a little odd. Most people don't do that anymore. His mom must've raised him to be a gentleman. And here I thought chivalry was dead. After the hand shake things get very quiet and awkward. Now what are we supposed to do?

"Where's your bathroom? I need to wash Sammy up for dinner," Tanner asks. He has a nice voice. I can't really describe it but I'm willing to admit that it's nice. Faith really wasn't exaggerating like I was hoping. Tanner is just a piece of eye candy he's a bowl full. I really hope I can make it through tonight.

"It's up the stairs, second door on the right." He nods his head and walks up the stairs. He has a nice butt too. Is there anything about this guy that isn't perfect? 'Cause this totally isn't fair. "So when you said that Tanner is a bowl full of eye candy you weren't kidding." Faith chuckles and then sighs. It's definitely one of those 'I have a very hot boyfriend' type of sighs.

"Nope, I really wasn't. He washes up nice, doesn't he? Most of the time he's in his Metallica t-shirt and ripped jeans, and he usually has oil marks on his face. He works on the truck a lot. I'm so used to the smell of motor oil that it's kind of a turn on, but seeing him in slacks isn't a bad sight at all." I nod my head a little and try to smile but it doesn't come. I will not get jealous tonight. I will not get jealous.

"Hi Faith," I hear my mom say as she walks in the room. She gives Faith a little hug that doesn't last very long. My mom opens her mouth to say something, probably to ask about Sam and Tanner, but before she can the two come down the stairs. Sam has a little frown on her face, and my eyebrows furrow a little. I wonder what that's all about? I stay quiet while Faith makes the introductions.

"Joyce this is my boyfriend Tanner. Tanner this is Buffy's mom Joyce." Yeah, 'cause I don't think he would've figured that one out on his own. Ok, getting mad at Faith isn't the answer. You wanted to meet him remember? Besides if they're going to live here then I need to get used to the fact that this very gorgeous guy is with Faith. He shakes my mom's hand and I 'm sure she's just as surprised as I was.

"Mommy, hold me," Sam says in a whiney voice and holds her arms out for Faith. She was happy a minute ago. What happened upstairs? Faith gets a weird look on her face like this isn't normal, and takes her daughter into her arms. "Daddy's being mean." I look over at Tanner with raise eyebrows and he smiles a little bit. Before anyone can as he starts explaining.

"She saw a toy pig in one of the bedrooms on our way to the bathroom and she wanted to play with it. She absolutely hates the word no." She better keep her little paws off Mr. Gordo. She can use my Muppet dining set but Mr. Gordo is where I draw the line. My dad got me Mr. Gordo when I was nine. So I may seem selfish but she can't touch him.

"Who really likes to be told no?" Mom says with a little smile. Then she claps her hands together and looks back and forth between Faith and Tanner. "Dinner is ready and on the table. You two have perfect timing." We go into the dining room and we take our seats. Sam squeals when Faith puts her down and she sees the Muppets dining set. At least she likes them. And if using those makes her that happy she can use them whenever she wants. Well, at least at dinner time she can.

"Daddy look it's a doggy fork," she says and holds it up for Tanner to see. Jeez, what's gotten into her? Is this really the same kid? Because the other night she barely said two words, and she cried when we looked at her. "And a bear spoon." She puts the fork down and picks up the spoon so Tanner can see. He smiles a little and Sam gets a huge smile on her face.

"Well you're very talkative tonight, Sam," my mom says as she scoops up a piece of lasagna with the spatula and puts it on her plate. She passes the dish to her right and sits down. "Be careful, it's hot." She warns Faith. Faith gets a little smile on her face and glances over at Sam, and then looks back at my mom.

"She couldn't wait to get here tonight so her daddy could meet Buffy and Mrs. Summers." She looks over at Sam again and then puts a piece of lasagna on her plate, and passes it to her Tanner. "She's really shy when she first meets someone, and when she's with me but she loves impressing her dad. Most of the time when she's with him I might as well not exist." She has a smile on her face and she doesn't sound mad or jealous or whatever. She sounds proud.

"Buffy was the same way when she was that age. I remember I would come home from work and if I got there before Hank the first words out of her mouth were 'hi Mom, where's dad?'" She laughs a little and so do Faith and Tanner. Sam laughs too but I think that's because everyone else is laughing. Ok, I so need to change the subject. I don't know to what but it needs to be changed.

"Daddy what's that?" Sam asks when Tanner puts a small piece of lasagna on her plate. She sounds really grossed out and her nose is scrunched up. She looks really cute right now. Tanner puts a very large piece on his plate and stabs some onto his fork and looks at Sam. Her eyes are on him now and she isn't even blinking.

"It's lasagna," he says and she raises an eyebrow. Holy shit. So that's genetic? And here I thought Faith does it just to annoy me. "It's really good." He puts the bite of food into his mouth and slides it off the fork with his lips. As soon as the fork is gone and the noodles, meat and cheese are on his tongue his eyes go wide and he starts coughing a little. "It's hot." He sounds like he's in a little bit of pain, and I'm smiling on the inside.

"You ok, babe?" Faith asks and rubs Tanner's back with her right hand. Her left hand is on his shoulder. I will not get jealous, I will not get jealous, I will not get jealous. "Drink some water." She hands him his glass of water and he takes a little sip, and the coughing calms down. "Joyce said it was hot. You should've blown on it." She gives him a dimple filled smile, and runs her hand down his arm as she turns back to her own plate.

I give Tanner a polite smile when he passes the casserole dish to me. I want to hate him because he's with Faith but he's making it hard. So far he's been nothing but nice, and polite. Everyone is quiet while we make up our salads. Even Sam gets some. I've never seen a little kid eat a salad before. What was that one episode of Tiny Toon Adventures, real kids don't eat broccoli? Well in this case it's real kids don't eat salad.

"So Tanner," my mom says and takes a sip of wine. Uh-oh. I know that tone of voice. She's going to interrogate him. This should be good. I cover up a smile by taking a very large drink of water. "You and Faith have been together for four years, is that correct?" Tanner swallows the bite of food, and wipes his mouth off with his napkin.

"It'll be four years in November." He even remembers their anniversary! No guys remember that. He gets a playful smile on his face and glances over at Faith. "Ever since she got her slayer strength I've been too afraid to forget the important dates." Faith smiles but reaches over and pushes him on the shoulder. He pushes her back and they're both laughing now. I can't help but roll my eyes at their cuteness. Do they have to flaunt it?

"Are you working at all?" She's keeping her tone light and making it seem like it's friendly curiosity but I know that look in her eyes. It's the same look she gets when I introduce her to one of my boyfriends. I've dated a few people before Angel, and I introduced them to my mom. Don't look so surprised. Anyway, I take another bite of my yummy lasagna and wait to hear what Tanner has to say.

"I work at the grocery store. I'm a stock boy." Ok, so I guess he's telling the truth since that's what Faith said too. "It only pays minimum wage, but I've been working a lot of double shifts the last week and a half, and the Council is paying for our room." He's getting defensive, which is understandable, but so not the way to go. My mom isn't going to call him out on it or anything but for future reference he needs to learn to chill out.

"Mom, Faith and I sorta wanted to talk to you about something. Well, actually I did, Faith is just sort of going with it." I've been spending way too much time with Willow. "There's this group of vampires that's new in town." I might as well get this over with. I glance over at Faith and I can tell she's thinking the same thing. "And I know with Sunnydale being a hellmouth that isn't surprising but these ones are really bad. Right now it just isn't safe at a motel. Since motels are a communal business vampires don't need an invitation to enter the rooms."

"You've been staying at a motel?" my mom asks Faith. Her eyebrows are furrowed but her tone wasn't harsh so I'd say she's boarder line mad. "I thought you had an apartment. Buffy why didn't you tell me they were staying at in motel?" How can she be angry at me right now? This so isn't fair.

"Faith didn't want me to tell you. Don't get mad, ok? But we talked about it a little already and we both think it would be safer if Faith, and Sam, and Tanner move in here for a while. At least until we take care of this vampire cult." My mom gets a look on her face like I've gone completely insane.

"Of course they can move in. We have two spare bedrooms we're using for storage. It'll take a day or two to clean them out, but I'm sure we can get Willow and Xander to help out." Faith and I make eye contact and she looks like she's about to panic. I know why and I give her a look that says 'calm down, I'll handle it' but I don't think my message is getting across.

"They can't help, Mom. The Council doesn't know that Faith has a daughter. Nobody in Sunnydale but us knows, and it has to stay that way for now. If the Council finds out they'll take her away." My mom pales a little in the face and she stops moving. She looks completely shocked and I have no idea what to do next. I didn't practice this part. I only had time to practice the telling her part. I didn't get around to the possible reactions.

"Joyce," Tanner says and puts down his fork. His voice is soft but full of seriousness. It's almost like he's demanding her attention, but not in a mean way. I thought Faith said he was shy? Shy people don't sound like that. "It was a huge shock to me too. But you can't tell anyone. If the Council finds out horrible things will happen." Yeah, Faith will go psycho and start killing the Council members. And I'll be right behind her in case she misses any. "You're a parent, and I bet there's nothing you wouldn't do to protect your daughter. I'm asking you as a parent to help me protect mine." Not only is he gorgeous he's great at giving speeches. He's perfect.

"Buffy and I will clean out the room this weekend. You three can move in on Monday. I'm sorry, excuse me." She gets up and walks into the kitchen. She's had to deal with so much since I told her about me being a slayer. I really don't think she can handle anymore information. I look over at Faith and she has this look of pride on her face. Her hand is on top of Tanner's on the table and their fingers are laced together. I'm too worried about my mom to be jealous.

"I think we should go now, and let you two talk," Faith says and stands up. I don't want her to go but I don't feel like arguing. I nod my head and stand up too. Tanner picks up Sam and we make our way towards the front door. "Tell your mom dinner was great. I haven't had lasagna that good in a long time." I smile a little bit and stop in the foyer. I look into her eyes and I can't really tell what she's feeling. There's too many conflicting emotions.

"I'll tell her that. Drive safe, ok? You never know what might jump out in front of your car." I really just said that, and there's nothing I can do to change it. Faith is being totally sweet and I was cold just now. Drive safe? What kind of shit is that? I think it's because they're holding hands, and standing really close together. They love each other and there's nothing I can do about it.

They leave and I'm just standing here staring at the front door. Tanner is perfect. He seems really smart, and he's hot, he obviously a good dad because Sam's world revolves around him. There's no way in hell I'm going to be able to compete with that. And I'm not even sure I want to. Let's say I do decide to win over Faith. Hypothetically I tell her how I fell, and I show her how I feel, and she chooses me over Tanner. I wouldn't just be winning Faith like some prize. I'd be breaking up a family. I'd be no better then the slut my dad left my mom for.

I can't do that. I'm not going to be 'the other woman'. I'm not going to be the slut that breaks up a happy family. I have to just let go of this fantasy of Faith and I being a couple. I need to move on, and right now. I got upstairs to my bedroom and dig around in my backpack until I find what I'm looking for. I pick up my phone and unfold the little piece of paper. I very slowly dial all the numbers and hold the phone up to my ear.

"Hi, is Scott there?...Hey, it's Buffy. I was thinking about what you said today, and I thought I'd give you a call……Well, I'm busy this weekend but maybe next weekend we can do something. I have to check with my mom first……Yeah, mine can be just as bad."


	9. Chapter 9

Great, who's at the door? I'm not expecting anyone, and I don't think my mom is expecting a package or anything. She had to leave about half an hour ago. The person who's supposed to cover for her on weekends called in sick so my mom had to go to the gallery. Which means I'm cleaning out the spare bedrooms by myself. At least I was cleaning. Now I have to stop and go downstairs and find out who the mystery guest is. I hope it isn't Giles with bad news. My day is horrible enough as it is.

I'm about halfway down the stairs when the doorbell rings again. Jeez, patient much? Would it kill them to wait a few seconds? It's not like this is the year 4513. I can't just vaporize and reappear downstairs. And how bad ass would that be? I'd never be late again. Unless my alarm clock didn't go off and it takes me a little longer to get ready. Then I would be late. With everything being instant I wouldn't even have the excuse 'my mom's car broke down'. Stupid year 4513. Why am I even thinking about this?

I open the door and to my surprise I see Faith. She's by herself and she looks really tense. Her shoulders look rock hard, and the look in her eyes is not a good one. She's wearing a black zip up hoodie with a purple skull on one side. Why is she wearing that? It's like eighty degrees outside. A little red flag is going up in my mind but I ignore it.

"I thought I'd stop by and with the rooms since they're for me and mine." Her voice sounds really horse and scratchy. I wonder why it's like that? It's almost like she was yelling or something. Why does she look so irritated now? "Can I come in or what?" Oh, that's probably why. I open the door wider and step to the side.

"Sorry, come on in," I tell her as she walks passed me. I close the door and lock it. I know I'm a slayer but my mom gets mad if I don't. "I was just about to take a break from the cleaning to get something to eat. Do you want anything?" She shakes her head no but she walks into the kitchen anyway. Ummm, ok. I needed to go in there anyway, obviously.

When I walk into the kitchen Faith is sitting at the center island. She's picking at her cuticles and her shoulders are slumped. It's almost like she looks defeated. Ok, what the fuck happened? I've never seen Faith look like that before. I didn't even know Faith could look like that. The little red flag from before is back, and now it won't be ignored.

"Is your mom here? I didn't see the car outside," she says before I can ask her what's wrong. I hate it when people do that. Why would Faith be asking about my mom? Now things are just getting creepy. It isn't a bad thing that she's asking about my mom. But the asking, and the sweater in eighty degree weather, and the voice maybe add up to something bad. And I want to know what.

"No, she isn't. The person who takes the weekends called in sick so my mom had to go to work. She's picking up Chinese on the way home, and I think she said something about picking up a bed but she was rushing and I didn't understand the last part." I open the fridge and pull out everything I need to make a ham sandwich. I glance over at Faith and she looks a little upset. "Is there anything you need to talk about? 'Cause I'm a pretty good listener if you wanna talk."

"I'm fine," she says and keeps picking at her cuticles. Trust me, she doesn't sound convincing. "I was just wondering where your mom is." We're quiet as I make my sandwich. I feel rude that I'm only making one but she said she didn't want anything. Ok, this silken is getting pretty awkward. I really don't think my silence breaker should be 'I think I'm in love with you, please take me now'. Color me crazy but I don't think that's the best way to go.

"It's gonna be nice having our own room," she says. Or we can go with that. I give her a 'huh?' type of look and she gets a little smile on her face. "You saw the room, B. There's only one bed. We bought Sam one of those little kid beds but almost every night she comes crawling into mine so her daddy can save her from the nightmares. She might be like that here for a while because it's a new house and everything, but I think she'll be glad to finally have her own space."

"I know that this is totally none of my business but I'm curious." I can't believe I'm about o ask this. "If you don't' have your own room how do you and Tanner…you know, after you go slaying?" I wasn't willing to admit this to any of my friends but Faith's little H and H theory definitely exists. Ever since I became a slayer I've gotten to know my right hand very well. Anyway, she gets this little cocky smirk on her face and finally stops picking at her cuticles.

"Most of the time we take a shower together. I wake him up when I get back and we go at it until the hot water runs out." She gets this look on her face that is making me want to hug her. She looks so sad and I have no idea why. "He used to be so good. I thought he was like a god or something. But ever since I became a slayer it just isn't enough. I came five times last night and I still wanted more." I really didn't need to know that, but at least she's opening up a little bit.

"Why are you wearing a jacket when it's, like, eighty outside?" She sighs a very large sigh and unzips the hoodie. She's wearing a white shirt underneath. She has got to be burning up. The air conditioner is on and it's almost too hot in here for me. Anyway, she takes the jacket off and her arms are covered with bruises. Um, ok. What the hell? I'm trying really hard not to get mad, but I really want to kill whatever did that to her.

"I went patrolling last night. Ran into a couple pretty strong vamps, but I'm still walkin. Can't say the same for them. Oh well, at least she killed them. I don't like the thought of Faith patrolling by herself. I know that she's a slayer too, and before she came to Sunnydale she patrolled by herself but I want to make sure she's ok. Plus patrolling with Faith is always really fun.

We don't talk about much while I eat. Faith scarfs down half a bag of chips and two sodas though, which is good. Her watching me eat would've been very awkward. I can tell by the look in her eyes and by her body language that she's feeling a little better. I'm glad that I can help. I know she wanted to talk to my mom about something but I'm not going to bother her about it.

"So, let's get this party started," she says as we walk into the room that she and Tanner are going to be staying in. My bedroom is right next to theirs, and I'm not looking forward to it. I've seen how Faith gets after slaying, and she was just saying how much she's looking forward to having her own room with Tanner. They might not right away, but eventually they are going to have sex, and I'm not looking forward to hearing it. I have slayer hearing so even if they try to be quiet I'm sure I'll hear a lot of it.

"I'm almost done packing everything. After that all we need to do is vacuum, and dust. The other room isn't as bad as this one." I thought it would be easier to leave the better one for later. Don't ask me why but I thought it would be easier because I honestly don't know why. I think the real question here is why am I thinking about this now? Faith and I have the house to ourselves. I'm not going to try anything. I'm just saying that we can talk about anything, and really get to know each other.

"I brought that CD," she says and reaches into her jacket pocket. She pulls out two CDs, and hands the top one to me. Before I can thank her she keeps talking. "And I brought this one. It's wicked bitchin. I don't know if you'll like it but ya might." She hands it to me and on the cover is a girl with blonde frizzy hair, and she looks sad. That's kind of how I feel right now. When did I get so emo?

"Thanks. I'll listen to them tonight." I put them down on one of the boxes and we get to work. I'm trying really hard to think of something to say but I can't think of anything. Talking about those CDs will make it look like I'm just talking to kill the silence, and I don't want her to think that. I really don't want to talk about Tanner, and I don't know how much she'll tell me about Sam. The silence right now isn't awkward, and I really don't want that to change.

"Let me help you with that," I hear her say. I don't know why my mom thought it would be cool to put shelves up in here. It wouldn't be so bad but my mom, like Faith, is taller then me, and I'm having trouble reaching the little statue on the very top one. I feel Faith's breasts press against my back and her arm brushes against mine as she reaches up and grabs the statue.

Time stands still, and my heart rate triples. Her skin is so soft, at least the skin on her arm is really soft. I'm sure the rest of her is the same way. I can feel the little puffs of her breath on the back of my neck, and it makes a shiver run down my spine. I feel my face and neck get really hot and I know I'm flushed. I also feel some wetness start to grow in a place much farther south.

"Here," she says and her voice is turning me on even more. I watch as she slowly brings her arm down with the statue in hand. I feel her move away from me and I slowly turn around. She didn't move far though, and my nose is almost touching hers. Every time she inhales her breasts brush against mine. Her face is flushes and her pupils are dilated. She looks so fucking hot right now. It would be so easy to lean forward and kiss her.

"Buffy, I…." she starts to say but then she trails off. Her breath tickles my lips and I can't help but lick them. I try as hard as I can not to blink as I stare into those dark chocolate orbs. I lean forward about a centimeter but I'm not even sure I moved at all. "Buffy I…we…." I've never heard Faith trip over her words like this. I slowly lift my hand up and gently move some of her hair away from her face and softly tuck it behind her ear. I can't believe I'm about to kiss Faith.

At least I was about to kiss her until the doorbell rang two seconds ago. Faith jumps back like she was burned, and that little moment we had going is ruined. She doesn't say anything as she walks across the room and starts packing again. Her breathing is a little labored so I know she felt that too. It doesn't matter that the moment only lasted about forty-five seconds, we definitely had some kind of connection. It's too bad we'll never see where it would've gone. I'm glad it was ruined. Faith has a family, and kissing her might've ruined that. And like I said, I don't want to be responsible for that. Now if I can only say that and mean it.


	10. Chapter 10

That's right, two chapters in a day. I got bit by the inspiration bug or something. I'll try to have another chapter up tomorrow, but I can't promise anything. And this chapter is dedicated to PrincessDushku. You'll understand why. At least I hope you will. Otherwise I'm the only one who will think it's funny. Well, I'm out.

* * *

Remember last week when Faith and I almost kissed and then the doorbell rang? Well the person at the door was Giles. Apparently a little girl went missing. She's a six-year-old named Misty Foman. She wandered away from her mother at the movie theater and nobody's seen her since. When I first opened the door and saw it was Giles I could've killed him, but after he told us about Misty I forgot all about my near miss.

I didn't think about that until I was lying in my bed that night. At first all I could think about was the way she was looking at me. There was so much emotion in her dark brown eyes. So much passion. Trust me, my thought process did not stay good. Remembering how she looked at me just reminded me how Angel used to look at me. I swear all he had to do was give me a certain look and I felt like the only girl in the world. Then I started to feel guilty because I haven't been thinking about Angel as much as I should.

I can try to downplay it but I did love him. Not just because it was forbidden but because he's a good man, and he made me feel so special. I gave him my virginity and trust me that was a big deal. Not because of the drama that happened afterwards, but the fact that it happened. I've always had this fantasy that I would marry my first. That the first person I slept with would be so special, and I'd love them so much that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with them.

I know that sounds completely crazy, but that's what I used to think. I obviously don't think that anymore. But I thought it for a long time, and it hurt when I realized it was something else I had to add to my almost never ending list of disappointments. The fact that I'll never get out of Sunnydale is also a big one. I want more out of life then just being a slayer, but I'll never have that. Angel was someone who was just mine, away from the slaying, and my school life. And now he's gone.

But I guess things aren't as bad as I'm making them out to be. I have two great friends who are always there for me even though they can't possibly understand what I'm going through. I have a mom who still loves me even after all the crap I've put her through. A watcher who's more like a father to me since my dad ran off with his secretary. And I have a wonderful boyfriend who is treating me to a very romantic evening.

"You know there's this band called Lacuna Coil that's coming to L.A. in two weeks. They're a little more gothic then I like my rock but they're pretty cool and I was wondering if you wanted to go." Our first date hasn't even ended and he's already asking me out again? This date has been pretty perfect so far, so I guess he isn't completely out of line. Although he does seem a little cocky.

"I've never heard of them," I say and gently squeeze his hand. Yes, we're holding hands on the first date. We're in the process of walking back to my house right now. He has a car, but his mom needed to borrow it because hers broke down and she works nights. "But a concert sounds pretty fun." We turn onto my street and I sigh with a little bit of relief. We were actually able to walk to the movies, then to the park, and then back here without being attacked by anything.

"Well they're from Italy. They're really big over in Europe but they haven't really caught on over here yet." Ok so he likes a goth rock band from Italy. What exactly have I gotten myself into? "We don't have to go if you don't want to. You can pick something for our next date if you want." Hmm, he doesn't have a problem with letting a girl be in charge. Interesting.

"I wanna go. I like trying new things." Sometimes. "I'm just not so sure my mom is going to like the idea of her only daughter being all alone with a boy she hardly knows. Not to mention the fact that L.A. is two hours south from here. What with us being two typical teenagers she'll probably think that there is no concert and we're really checking into a hotel under a false name." I look up at him with a little smile on my face and he laughs a little and shakes his head.

"I guess I'll just have to show her how much of a gentleman I am by coming around a little more." I know he's only half joking, but that thought doesn't sound so good. It's been six days since Faith, Tanner, and Sam moved into our house and Faith is around all the time. She plays outside with Sam a lot but she stays home after school lets out because she doesn't want someone she knows from the school to see her with Sam. One day we got to talking and I told her about Scott. Faith may hide a lot of her emotions well but jealousy isn't one of them.

"Yeah, I guess that can be arranged." But I'm not sure she was jealous because I'm going out with Scott. Sure we had that one close call but she could just be mad because I'm out on a date, and she's at the house with her baby. She and Tanner can't really go out on dates because he's always working. Speaking of Tanner he must've gotten off work a little early because his truck is parked in the driveway by my mom's jeep.

"I'm not ready to go inside just yet," I say and stop walking. We're standing at the very end of the pathway that leads up to the front porch. I'm not lying I don't want to go inside yet. Scott probably thinks I don't want to go inside because I'm having such a great time, but it's really because I don't want to go in there and see Tanner being the perfect dad and boyfriend.

"Ok, we can stay out here and talk some more. You're not breaking curfew for another twenty minutes." He is either very naïve or very smart. I'm still trying to figure out which. Anyway, I lead him over to the tree that's in our front yard. It's secluded but just enough of the porch light makes it over here so we won't feel all alone. I don't want him getting any ideas. He's been the perfect gentleman so far but that could change as soon as his blood starts flowing to his other head.

"Don't take this the wrong way, I like that you want to get to know me, and that you want to open up but it's been a very long time since I've been on a date, especially one that's gone this well so talking…isn't exactly what I had in mind." I know I probably sound like a total slut right now but I don't care. I let go of his hand and start to play with the collar on his shirt. I look up into his eyes and a bunch of butterflies starts fluttering around my stomach.

He very slowly leans towards me, and I tilt my head back a little and shut my eyes. The second I feel his lips on mine everything just stops, but not for the right reasons. Don't get me wrong his lips feel good, and he's using the right amount of pressure, and he's not being forceful or anything, but it feels wrong. It feels wrong because it isn't Faith that I'm kissing it's a boy I barely know. After what feels like forever we slowly pull our head back but I don't open my eyes right away.

It doesn't matter that it felt a little wrong. I'm not Faith's girlfriend. I have no commitment towards her except in a friendship type of way. She's with Tanner and there's nothing I can, or will, do about it. And right now I'm with Scott, and it isn't fair to him that I'm thinking about Faith right after our first kiss. I slowly open my eyes and the first thing I see are his. His gaze is so intense, and the desire burning in them sends a little shiver down my spine.

I don't care if I seem too eager I just need to feel his lips on mine right now. I lean forward, and he meets me halfway. I guess he liked that first kiss too. This one isn't as soft as the other one was. I don't know exactly why I'm acting like this. I've never made out with a guy on the first date. I'm sure I can figure it out, but I don't want to think anymore. Especially now that he's gently sucking on my bottom lip.

I wrap my arms around his neck, and softly tug at his very soft hair. What conditioner does he use 'cause damn this is soft. All of my attention is brought back to our mouths because now he's sucking on my upper lip, and it feels so damn good. Nobody's ever done that o me before. I slowly take a step back and he follows without breaking the kiss. I press my back against the tree, which is what I wanted to do. The lip sucking is leaving me a little weak in the knees.

The sucking stops and I have to force the groan to stay inside. I'm about o pull my head away so I can take a deep breath, but then I feel the tip of his tongue start to rub my lip. My eyes roll into the back of my head and my grip on his hair tightens a little. Why did I not know about this spot before? What he's doing isn't much but I'm getting very turned on. Which is kind of a problem. I'm not a slut so there's no way he's getting to third base on the first date. I wouldn't even consider this second base because there's no groping of any kind. So this is more like one and a half.

I pull away just a little bit so I can readjust. First I kiss his top lip, then his bottom one, and then I slowly open my mouth and let the tip of my tongue touch his. I leave these little teasing touches before I pull back. I open my mouth just a little wider. I'm totally daring him to go in after it, but before he has the chance I hear the front door open and close. I pull my head away from his and just listen. It's just Tanner. I can tell because he's wearing his work shoes. I rest my forehead against Scott's shoulder and concentrate on catching my breath.

I feel his arms wrap around me, and his hands rest on my shoulder blades. God, it feels so nice to be held like this. That's the thing I miss the most about being with someone. Just being held with no pressure to say or do anything is something that I've always liked. I think almost every girl is looking for someone she can do this with. Our little moment is broken though when Tanner's truck door opens and then slams closed. Then he starts it, and I think a few of the neighbors were just woken up.

"I better get inside," I say quietly and lift my head up. He doesn't let go of me right away, and I think I kinda love him now. I leave a very soft kiss on his lips, and as much as I want it to, it doesn't deepen. I can't let it. I can feel his hardness against my thigh and I don't want to tease him anymore then I already have. "I had a lot of fun tonight." I thing we kind of did this backwards. Aren't you supposed to say stuff like this before you kiss?

"I had a lot of fun too. And not just the last fifteen minutes. The picnic was fun too." I smile and nod my head a little. After the movie we walked to the park and there was a guy waiting on one of the benches. He was holding a picnic basket and one of those big red and white checkered blankets. Scott paid him twenty bucks and the guy went away. The food was ok, but we got so caught up in conversation that we didn't notice the ants until it was too late. I can slay vampires and disgusting demons but the feeling of an ant crawling on my ankle makes me squeal.

"Yeah, at the time it wasn't so fun but looking back on it it's pretty funny." He finally lets me go but I have a feeling that he doesn't want to. I slowly hold onto his hand and it feels a little different then before. The skin is hotter and just a tiny bit clammy. "I know it might seem a little pointless but it would be of the good if you walk me to the door. If you don't my mom will definitely notice and you'll lose major points with her. It could turn the concert in L.A. into a lost cause."

"Well I was going to walk you to the door anyway, but now I kind of have to." He had this little playful smirk on his face and it's making me want to kiss him again. The walk to the door is silent but it's a comfortable silence. Now that Tanner is gone I don't feel the very strong need to stay away from my own house. But enough about him. As soon as we reach the door I turn to face Scott. Now that we're in better lighting I can see just how kiss swollen his lips are. His cheeks are still a little red, and I'm half tempted to glance down and see if he's still hard or not.

"I'll see you at school. Goodnight," he says and leaves a little kiss on my cheek. I always thought that Scott was pretty cute, but I never knew he was so sweet. This is what I need. A nice guy who will treat me right, and not laugh at me when ants are crawling up my legs. I wasn't really looking for anybody new because of everything that happened with Angel, and then all of the confusing stuff with Faith, but I have a feeling I'm going to like dating Scott Hope.

"Goodnight," I tell him and resist the urge to kiss him. At this point one kiss will definitely lead to another and we've made out enough for one night. I open the door and step inside, but then I turn around and watch him walk away. I have to admit that he has a really nice butt. When he's about halfway down the walkway I go inside and shut the door. Wait a minute. What the fuck did I just do? I can't let him walk home on his own, a vampire could decide to make a meal out of him. I don't want him to die because of me.

I go into the living room but no one is there. I'm about to run upstairs but then I hear laughing coming from the kitchen. I force myself not to run in there, but I walk very quickly. I see my mom and Faith sitting across from each other at the center island. These two have been like bffs ever since she moved in here. It's really weird, and I don't think I like it.

"Oh, Buffy, you're home," my mom says. Jeez could you sound more surprised? Did she expect me to come home at seven in the morning for a walk of shame? I walk further into the room and stand by Faith. "I didn't notice the time. So how was your date?" She's normally not this smiley when I get home from a date. She usually gives me the third degree. So now the more important question is, what else is in that glass of orange juice?

"His mom needed to borrow his car so we had to walk, but it wasn't bad. It was pretty great actually." I can't keep the smile off my face, and I know Faith can smell how worked up I am. I know that because her body is reacting to it. She's sitting up a little straighter, her breathing is getting deeper, and her nipples are hard. And I know this because I glanced down at her breasts as I turned towards her. "I need to ask you a favor. Scott's walking home by himself, do you think you can keep an eye on him in case a vampire decides he looks like a tasty meal?" I regret that as soon as I say it.

"Sure," she says and stands up from the stool. She has a smile on her face, and her tone was normal, but the look in her eyes is the same one she gets right before she kills a demon. Or maybe I should just follow him home myself. "If anyone's gonna find out if Scott's tasty it's gonna be you. Right B?" Ok, so she knows that I made out with him, so what? I shouldn't care that she's starting to sound a little jealous.

"Right," I say and furrow my eyebrows a little. What is up with her? She doesn't have a right to get jealous. If anyone has the right to be jealous it's me. I had to listen to them go at it half the night because slaying has sucked lately and Faith is worked up. I had to listen to 'Tanner, oh God, right there. Oh God yes, yes, yes!' All Scott and I did was kiss. She needs to get over it. I'm trying, why can't she? Well this is a crappy ending to a great night. I don't even need a cold shower anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

I'm eating my lunch alone today, but I don't feel like a loser. Xander is sick, Willow is hanging out with this guy named Oz, and Giles is busy researching some stuff but he doesn't want my help. It turns out that Misty Foman wasn't taken by vampires after all. Her mother and father had gotten a divorce six months ago and her mother was granted soul custody. Her father didn't like it at all, so he stalked them until he found his opportunity and kidnapped his own little girl.

The police caught him when he tried to cross the Canadian boarder. She was returned safely to her mother this morning, and her father is in jail, and facing a very long prison sentence. Anyway, the reason Giles is busy with the research is because last night while Faith was patrolling she ran into a big demon that beat her up pretty bad. The description rang some kind of bell for him so now he's digging through the books. I hope he finds something soon because I really want to take all of my rage out on the thing that hurt her.

Mom took the day off so he can help Faith out. Tanner tried to take the day off but his boos told him if he doesn't come in today then he shouldn't bother coming back. He was so mad last night. I've never seen him like that before. He got back about half an hour after Faith. As soon as she told him everything he punched a wall as hard as he could. He dented it and his knuckles were bleeding pretty bad but we didn't get mad at him. His girlfriend of almost four years got the shit beat out of her. I probably would've done more then punch a wall.

This is my fault, and don't give me that look. If I wasn't so busy being mad at her for getting jealous then I probably would've gone with her, and she wouldn't have been by herself. We could've killed the demon together, and then gone to the Bronze afterwards to celebrate. Instead I got to help her pop her shoulders back into place. Yep, both of her shoulders were dislocated. She also had a bunch of cuts that needed to be bandaged, and I'm pretty sure it broke one of her ribs.

I don't really feel like being alone right now but it's not like I have a choice. Xander's gone, Willow wants alone time with a guy, and Giles is too busy to listen to me whine. I would go hang out with Scott but I can't tell him that the girl I would rather be with got beat up by a demon, and now I'm filled with guilt. I really don't think that conversation would be a great relationship builder. I'm sure that would be the end of it.

We got along so well that even though I already like someone more then him I think he deserves a chance. We have a few things in common, and he's really sweet, so I think he'd be the perfect person for me to cling to. Well, not cling to but he'd be perfect to help me get over Faith. Even though the thought of that makes me sad I still need to do it. It's going to be hard, and it'll probably take a long time but it needs to be done.

Even though I know it's for the greater good to let go of these feelings a part of me deep inside will not give them up. It doesn't want to give them up. It's the same part of me that was screaming at me to go kill the demon that hurt her. It's the same part that's screaming at me to run home and hold her in my arms. It wants me to protect her, and move love to her, and never let her out of my sight.

Then there are the tingles I get whenever I'm near her. It's not that kind of tingle so get your mind out of the gutter. It's kind of like the tingles I get when a vampire is close by. Only instead of getting the uncontrollable urge to kill her, I get a very powerful need to throw her down on my bed and claim her. I know that sound possessive, and completely insane, but that's what I feel. I didn't ask for it. I didn't even know I could feel like this for another girl. It just happened and now I have to try and deal with it.

I get up and throw my lunch in the garbage. I'm not hungry, and even though I should eat because I skipped breakfast I don't want to force myself. I haven't had much of an apatite lately. I think it's just all of the stress. All of the shit going through my head about Faith, and all the stuff about Angel. But it isn't just that. This is my last year of high school. Next year I'll be a freshman in college. Back at the bottom of the barrel. The thing I don't know is; what school am I going to go to? Can I leave Sunnydale? I could leave the hellmouth up to Faith, but is that fair?

Faith has a family that she has to think about. If she dies it won't just be another slayer down. A little girl will lose her mommy, and a good person will lose his lover. They don't deserve that. Especially not little Sam. She's still adjusting to living with us, but she's getting there. Bedtime is kind of a problem because she throws a fit and wants to sleep in Faith and Tanner's room, but they don't let her. They can't give in or she'll be like this forever. At least that's what Mom said.

So am I destined to stay here in Sunnydale for the rest of my life? Sure life was hard but Faith and Tanner got by before. And now that they're living at my house things will be easier. I have a family too, and friends. So if I die tonight on patrol it's not like I'll just be another slayer down. Those girls matter too, that's not what I'm saying at all. But those girls were raised by their watchers. So people will mourn if we die. Our absence will be noticed. Faith and I are the only two slayers who haven't been separated from our families. So that makes us different.

I keep getting off the subject. I think I have A.D.D. or something. Am I going to be stuck in Sunnydale for the rest of my life? I know the powers that be, lower case letters, intervened so we would move here instead of Ohio, but does that mean I have to be the protector of the hellmouth? If it weren't for Xander I wouldn't even be here right now, so none of this would matter. Maybe I should talk to Giles about it. I know my mom wants me to get into a good school, but can I leave?

Is the Council going to track me down and kill me in hopes of calling a better more cooperative slayer? Faith isn't exactly the perfect student either. She hates Wesley and our training sessions have ended with her stomping off because he keeps complaining that she doesn't train enough. Last Thursday I had to stop her from hurting him after he demanded a reason why she doesn't come in the rest of the week. What made her almost get violent was when he threatened to follow her around to find out why she only trains two days a week.

I wanted to let her beat him up a little bit to teach him some respect, but I couldn't. If Faith beat up Wesley then Giles would've wanted to know why, and what's so important Faith feels like she needs to beat up defenseless morons to protect it. Then she would've wanted to beat up Giles, and I can't let her do that. He's like a dad to me, so I can't let her get violent with him. Sure I can threaten Giles with violence but he's my watcher, not hers. Ok, so he's hers too, but not in a fatherly way.

Maybe he should be like a father to her too. Every girl needs a strong male role model in her life. Just because Faith is more mature then she lets on it doesn't mean she couldn't use a hug every now and then. A hug from anyone else is different. When you hug your dad it makes you feel safe, and loved, and completely protected from all of the bad stuff around you. Giles hasn't hugged me very often, but on the very few occasions when he has I felt those things. Which is kind of sad. My dad used to come up here every other weekend just to spend time with me. Ever since his secretary got a divorce it's like I don't exist.

I don't know how many times I've already said this but when did I get so emo? This entire lunch hour I've bitched and whined about all of my problems but I haven't tried to come up with any solutions. My solution fro my feelings towards Faith is me dating Scott. He'll distract me from everything else that's going on, and who knows? Maybe I'll fall in love with him, and we'll live in a big house, and get married, and have those three kids he was talking about in chemistry with his friend. Yep, just the thought of that has my ovaries tingling. Yes I'm being sarcastic.

Anyway, my solution for the college thing is to wait and see. I know it doesn't sound like much but it'll have to do. I have don't want to talk to Faith about it and make her think she's going to be stuck here forever because she might take off and I'd never see her again. That sounds like a good solution for problem one but it's not. I'd go insane if she just took off. I already know that I'd hunt her down just to see if she's ok.

I might talk to Giles about me leaving for college but I can already imagine how that conversation would go. He'd tell me it's ok to leave because now Faith is here to take over, and I'd be not happy about that and he'd ask why and I'd end up telling that I'm falling in love with her and he'd clean his glasses so hard they'd break. Wow, that was a really long run on sentence. Maybe some time away from Willow will do me some good.

Willow and Xander are two more things to feel bad about. It's not so much them, but how I've been treating them. Faith is always on my mind, and they can tell that something is bothering me. They ask about it, but I just tell them I'm thinking about Angel, and then change the subject. We haven't been hanging out as much because I spend a lot of time with Faith and I know Willow is getting insecure about it. She's the bestest friend a girl can have, but I've been ignoring her. Maybe this weekend we'll have a slumber party or something.

We can rent movies and pop popcorn, and it'll be like 'Faith who?' Things will be like they used to even if it's only for one night. One night of not thinking about Faith's pouty, soft looking lips. Lips that I want all over me. And her breasts…I don't really know what to do with someone else's breasts, but I'm sure figuring it out would be so much fun. And that stomach of hers…oh God. You can't even tell that she had a kid, seriously. It's flat, and toned, and I just want to wash it, is that weird? Wow, I didn't say a word this whole lunch hour. Now that's weird.


	12. Chapter 12

It's been three days since that day I got all introspective. So now it's Thursday, the second day of the week that Faith comes to the library and we train. Normally that time is like a high for me because I have an excuse to touch Faith's sweaty body. But today wasn't good. Scott showed up because he needed to check out a book. He bought the excuse that Faith and I kick boxy together, and we pay Giles to let us use the library for training. So it wasn't a complete lie, we just don't pay Giles.

Things went from slightly awkward to really bad when he decided to stick around and watch. He actually things it's sexy that I kick box. The room got really tense and Faith started acting weird. It was like we were in a real fight or something, and she kept sending Scott these little glares. We sparred longer then we normally do, so when we were done Scott had to leave. He gave me a kiss goodbye, and told me he can't wait for our date tomorrow night. As soon as he was out the doors Faith threw a chair against a wall.

We've been patrolling for about an hour now, and things couldn't be anymore awkward. What's really annoying is every five minutes she'll let out this irritated sigh. It's like she wants to talk to me, but she won't, and keeping everything bottled in is pissing her off. What won't she say? Does she have feelings for me too? Those kinds of questions have been running around my brain since this afternoon. I almost forgot how to turn left they're taking up so much room!

I glance over at her and have to hold my breath. She straightened her hair today and she looks beautiful. I want to run my fingers through those silky locks. I want to place my hand at the back of her head to hold her still while I kiss her with all the passion in my body. I want…to punch her in the face for sighting yet another, very angry, sigh. Ok, this shit has got to stop. It's getting on my nerves. If she wants to brood that's fine, but she can at least tell me why.

"What is up with you today?" I ask and stop walking. Ok, so maybe I've been repressing some anger too. At least I hid it better then her. "First you completely freak out when my boyfriend gives me a kiss goodbye, and now you're acting like I killed your puppy. So what the fuck is up?" I don't care that I shouldn't be yelling. Now that I've started to let some of the anger out there's no controlling it.

"Nothing's up, ok? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And I wasn't pissed that your boyfriend kissed you. I was pissed because I couldn't concentrate with him watching us like that. It creeped me out." Oh yeah right. Faith is always trying to act sexy for attention. That would've been a perfect opportunity.

"You do know what I'm talking about, Faith, so don't play dumb. When I went out with Scott on Sunday you got all jealous and weird. Just like you did when I told you that I'm dating someone." She knows I'm right I can see it in her eyes. It's this fear mixed with rage, and I can tell she's about to let the rage out.

"Oh bull-fucking-shit, Buffy. I'm not jealous of you. This is so like you. Little princess isn't happy about someone so of course it's my fault. You think everyone wants you, but they don't. Why don't you just get over yourself, and grow up like the rest of us?" Ouch. That actually hurt. But I'm not buying it. That's just more of her defensive crap, and I'm not falling for it.

"Fine, then what is bothering you? If you're so perfect with me dating Scott, then why are you so mad? It must be pretty big because our patrols used to be fun. So miss footloose and collar free, what the fuck is shoved so far up your ass that the one thing I look forward to all day is suddenly like a burden?" I didn't mean to say that.

"It's none of your fucking business. And way to use a Lady and the Tramp reference, what are you six?" Oh now she just crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed.

"Fuck you, it's a good movie no matter how old you are. And yes it is my business. We slayer together all the time, and I need to know that you're going to be at the top of your game. What we do is too dangerous for you to be sulking like a six-year-old who got her tedding bear taken away. So what the hell is going on?" She takes a step closer and I tense up. She wouldn't hit me, would she?

"You really wanna know?" What the fuck kinda question is that? Great now I'm talking like her. "You really wanna fucking know?" She takes two more steps towards me, and she's almost in my personal space. Her arms are down by her sides, and the look in her eyes is so intense I might go blind if I don't look away soon.

"Yeah, I wanna know! I asked didn't I?" Faster then the blink of my eyes her hands are on my face, and her lips are on mine. My eyes go wide but…oh my fucking God her lips are so soft. I close my eyes and respond. I wrap my arms around her back and pull her to me. Her entire body is pressed against mine, and I think I Just came a little bit. Before I can really get into the kiss she slowly pulls her head back. We're both panting roughly, and her breath is hot against my face.

I look deeply into her eyes like I'm trying to look for her soul or something. The look she's giving me is so…I can't even describe it. It's so far beyond tense that I can practically feel it in my bones. I can tell by that look she wants me as much as I want her. She has probably the entire time we've known each other, and she can't stand the thought of someone else having me. God I love this woman.

In an instant we're kissing again, and this is so far from the first one I'm not even sure that happened. This is tongue, and teeth, and hips fighting to be in control. Faith is winning, but I won't go down without a fight. I swirl my tongue against hers, and then roll it like I'm trying to say an 'r' sound in Spanish. I feel her shiver, and her arms wrap around my back. She's grabbing my ass so hard and tight I think there's going to be bruises but there's no way in hell I'm going to stop her.

We pull back at the same time and our breathing is very deep, but shallow at the same time. God, I don't even care that I'm not making sense anymore. She takes her hands off my ass and grabs onto my upper arms. She has a really good grip, and hopefully there won't be bruises there. Wait, what is she doing? Why is she pushing me back? Please tell me she's not going to make me stop kissing her because now that I know what her velvety smooth yet demanding tongue feels like in my mouth I don't think I can give it up.

She leans forward and kisses me again. Great now I'm totally confused. I can't even kiss her properly because I'm trying to figure out why she's making me back up. Oh good God she just did this thing with her tongue that I can't even begin to describe, but it has me seeing stars. Literally seeing stars. Wait a second, I'm seeing stars because I'm on my back and my eyes are open. When did this happen? Ok, this is going a little too fast for me. She's on top of me, kissing and biting at my neck and fuck it feels so good.

"Don't worry, B, I'm not gonna leave a mark," she breathes into my ear. Why would that be bad? I want her to mark me. Mark me, take me, break me, fuck me, have me, love me I don't care, just pick one! I spread my legs and she's instantly nestled in between them. It's like she belongs there. She's a perfect fit. I told you we're soul mates. She starts to softly suck on my earlobe and my eyes roll into the back of my head, and I let out a long, loud moan.

She starts grinding her hips, dry humping me, although my pussy is far from dry. I can tell she's just as wet as I am because of the heat that's radiating from her. I grind against her as best as I can, but she's kind of pinning me down. I'm too worked up to just let her have her way with me. I need her inside me right now. I don't care if it's her fingers or her tongue. I just need it in me. I try to tell her how much I need her but my vocal cords aren't working. I guess I'll just have to do this myself.

I release the death grip on the back of her shirt and try to reach in between our bodies so I can take her pants off. She has other ideas though. She grabs onto the hem of my shirt and tugs upward. I help her out by arching my back, but that makes both of us freeze and moan when out extremely hard nipples are pressed together through our bras and shirts. Ok, clothes need to come off now!

Everything becomes even more frantic as we try to take each other's shirts off at the same time. I don't know how we manage to get them off without ripping them but I'm pretty sure we just did. Oh God, she's wearing a black lacey bra. She looks damn sexy in a black lacey bra. At least I think so. I'm wearing a front clasp bra tonight and I guess she can just tell by looking because in less then two seconds my bra is off. I try to take hers off but she grabs onto my wrists and holds them against the wet grass between us.

She kisses me against and it's like she's trying to swallow me whole. I try to keep up with her fast pace, but my mind is so scattered, and her tongue is moving so fast. I feel drunk or something and I wouldn't change anything for the world. I mean it. I've saved it enough. I'm going to get my one moment of pure happiness and there's nothing anyone but God can do to stop me. Anyway, she starts to gently suck on my tongue, and my hips start moving in the rhythm of it. I've never felt anything like that before. And I don't want it to stop.

Oh God, why oh why did she stop? I think I'm going to go crazy if she doesn't stop teasing me like this. Every time she starts doing something that feels great she stops before I can really enjoy it. I open my eyes and the expression on her face is wild. It's like she's barely controlling herself or something. I know the feeling. She lifts herself up a little bit with her legs and now the grinding is gone. What the fuck does she think she's…oh, she's trying to get my pants unbuttoned. It's about damn time.

While she works on getting the button undone I kick my shoes off as fast as I can. Luckily I decided to go casual tonight and just wear sneakers. Anyway, I kick my shoes off and my socks go with them. Good those would've been annoying. She gets my jeans undone and pulls them down my body. My skin is so hot that as soon as the cool night air touches it I let out a long hiss. Faith doesn't stop until my jeans are off. She has a look of surprise on her face when she sees I'm not wearing any underwear.

I always get so turned on around her, especially on patrol, and I didn't want to ruin another pair. Anyway, I wrap my hands around the back of her neck and pull her up to me. I kiss her deeply and run my hands up and down her back. I unclasp her bra and pull it off. We're still kissing so I can't see her breasts but I can feel them. She arches her back and makes them press into mine. I let out a long groan, and stop breathing for a few seconds.

"Get these off, now," I breathe out more then say, and tug at her belt. She grabs onto my wrists again and pins them to the ground. If she thinks she's going to be in complete control she has another thing coming. I use mostly the strength of my legs to roll us over. The look on her face is out of this world sexy. It's beat red, her lips are swollen, and that wild look in her eyes has increased ten fold. I sit up and admire her beautiful breasts. The skin of her chest is a pink color and she's breathing rapidly. Her dark nipples are hard and my mouth is actually watering at the sigh of them.

I practically dive down to her chest. I've never done anything like this before, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. I wrap my lips around her left nipple and gently suck on it. I feel her arch her back and it pushes more of her breast against me. I feel her hands on the back of my head, and her fingers snake through my hair. I release her nipple, and leave a little love bite right next to it. I feel the slayer inside take a hold of me, and I get a small smile on my face.

I leave a little nip on the bottom of her left breast, and she lets out a little moan. I nip the spot again, and she moans a little louder. That's a weird place for a sweet spot, but whatever. I warp my lips around that spot and I can feel her heartbeat. It's fast, and hard, and it's making me want to fuck her even more. I suck on the flesh as hard as I can, and bite down a little. I don't want to hurt her, but I couldn't help myself. She moans, and groans, and wraps her legs around me. She starts grinding against my stomach, and her crotch feels so hot I think I might get burned.

I pull my head back, and her skin is pulled until it can't go any further. There's a small pop but I ignore that and just look. Where my mouth was just a second ago is a nine, big, dark red mark. Or if you want to be more specific, a hickey. Just seeing my mark on her olive skin is making my clit throb like it's never throbbed before. I thin I'm going to pass out, or cry if I don't get some release soon. I sit up again and undo Faith's belt. She unbuttons and unzips her jeans, but that's ok with me.

We both start tugging at the denim and in about five seconds her pants are around her ankles. It takes her longer then I'd like for her to kick her shoes off, but when she does the jeans go with them. And hey, she's not wearing any underwear either. I look into her eyes and they're boring holes into mine. I've never seen so much passion and desire in anyone's eyes before. It makes a shiver run up and down my spine. I kiss her again, but this one isn't like the others. It's just as forceful and demanding, but it's slow. Her tongue slowly makes its way into my mouth, and swirls around mine. I groan, and moan as that strong tongue takes me over.

She rolls us over without breaking the kiss. Her skin feels so hot against mine that all of my nerve endings are on fire. I feel her hand snake its way in between us. My entire body tenses up as it gets lower, and lower, and lower. I feel those soft yet strong fingers glide through my liquid heat. I hiss in a breath when a finger brushes against my clit. My hips buck against my will and everything is spinning. I start to grind against her finger, and she pulls her head back and gives me a small smile.

"That's not why it's down there. Lift your legs up." Ok, then why is her hand down there? I don't question her as I quickly lift my legs. Apparently I didn't do it the way she wants because that oh so good feeling finger is gone, and she's readjusting my legs herself. They're bent at the knee, and my feet are so far up I can feel the backs against my ass. Thank God for slayer flexibility. I'm about to point out the fact that I've never done anything like this before, latest now with a girl, but before I can get a word out she's kissing me again.

The overwhelming need to have her hasn't gone away, but now that I actually have her, on top of me and naked and ready to fuck me, I'm a little nervous. Every single move she makes feels like it's in slow motion, every sound we make is amplified, and the entire world fades away when I feel her clit touch mine. I wrap my arms around her back and hold on as tight as I can. She waits about five seconds for me to start breathing again and when I do she starts up a fast rhythm. It takes me a minute or two to catch up to her, but when I do my God I can't even describe how fucking good this feels.

The only sound I can hear is our heavy breathing and the sticky, wet noise of our pussies rubbing together. My eyes roll into the back of my head when she kisses me. The rubbing plus the kissing is like a pleasure overload or something. It's almost too much to handle. I turn my head away, and her forehead rests on my shoulder. It's actually pretty perfect because I can smell all of her. I can smell her shampoo, her body spray, and her sweat. Also that very spicy Faith smell that always turns me on whenever I catch a whiff.

It doesn't take long for my orgasm to build up. I can feel it from the bottoms of my toes to the tip of my tongue. I can tell that Faith is getting close too. I'm not exactly sure how I know, I can just tell. She's mumbling something against my shoulder but I can't understand what she's saying. Oh God, it doesn't matter what she's saying because I'm going to come!

"Oh Faith, oh God. Faith, Faith, Faith!" I yell and dig my nails into her back. My toes curl, my breathing stops and all I can hear is the sound of blood rushing in my ears. I feel something gush out of me, and now I'm seeing spots. I've never felt anything this good before, and it's all because of Faith. I very slowly come down from my high because that's what it was. I was high for about a minute. Or an hour, I'm not so sure. I slowly open my eyes, and I have to flutter them because the spots are lingering. When my vision clears I see Faith smiling at me, and that's when it hits me. Oh God, what did we just do?


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Ok, so I have a few things to say before you read this chapter. First off, sorry for taking so long. This chapter was a little difficult for me, and I hope it's a good follow up for chapter twelve. Feed back would be very helpful at this point wink. The next thing I want to say is I have nothing against the Catholic church in general, but let's face it you have no room to talk. The next thing is that calamint is real. It's actually called woodland calamint and the side effects I describe are real. So pregnant women beware. And that's all. I'll stop rambling now and let you get on with the story.

* * *

What did I do? What the fuck did we just do? Well, we fucked, that's pretty obvious but…fuck! This can't be happening. It can't. Faith has a kid, and a very loyal, caring, loving boyfriend, and…oh God no! I've become my father's secretary! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is wrong. This isn't me. I don't do this kind of stuff. I don't just get caught up in a moment like that and do something so…so…euphoriant. No! I mean something so stupid, and dumb, and retarded. 

"B you're shaking, what's wrong?" she asks and she sounds so sweet. Her voice makes me feel so happy, and sickened at the same time. Kind of like that time I ate too much cotton candy and threw up for two hours straight. "Don't freak out, ok? Just don't." Just don't? What the hell kind of advice is that? I can really see that working out in a real situation. 'Person number one: I'll do it, man. I'm gonna jump, and there's nothing you can say to change my mine. Hero of the day: Just don't. Person number one: Oh God, what was I thinking? How could I be so stupid? I need to go home and kiss my wife and hug my kids.' Yeah, I really don't see that happening.

"'Don't freak out'? Faith do you have any idea how hard it is to find out you've been cheated on? My mom cried for weeks after she found out my dad slept with someone else." I can feel the tears start to come. I need to get out of here. I can't let her see me like this. "Get up, I have to go." My voice sounds strained and my throat feels like it's closing up. She doesn't move a muscle, and I'm starting to get pissed off at her. "Move, Faith. Please just let me go."

"No, B, I'm not. You're freaking out. I get it, but just take a breath ok?" No, I don't want to sit here. I need to go. I push on her shoulders, and knee her in the hip, but nothing is working. My limbs still feel like jelly so this is really hard. I just want to go. I look into her eyes and I see…everything I've waned to see. But it's so wrong. "It's ok, Buffy." The tears win the battle and I start sobbing.

"Not it's not. It's far from ok. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Everything is so screwed up." I can't talk anymore so I stop trying. I feel her get off of me, but I don't move. I just lie here, cold, exposed, and feeling completely naked. I know that sounds dumb because I'm not wearing any clothes but this is the first time I've ever let my guard completely down. I feel her grab onto my arms and she pulls me up. She pulls me into her lap, and wraps her arms around me. I bury my face in her shoulder and cry my fucking eyes out.

"I'm a whore. I'm a dirty, cheating whore." Oh look I got my voice back. I've never felt so dirty in my entire life. I feel like the only way I'm ever going to get clean again is if I take a bath in boiling water. "I'm a filthy, stupid whore." I start coughing really hard, and Faith starts to gently rub my back.

"You're not a whore, Buffy. And you could never be filthy or stupid or dirty. We can't change what happened tonight, and I wouldn't even if we could." Don't say it! Don't say it! Don't say it! Please don't say it! "Just calm down, ok? And we'll go home, get cleaned up and tomorrow we'll figure out what to do. How does that sound?" Ok, thank God she didn't say it. If she tells me that she loves me I might be sick. I don't want those words associated with tonight.

I cry in her arms for another…I don't know how long. It could be ten minutes it could be five hours, but I'm so beyond exhausted that I've lost my perception of time. Anyway, after I finish crying, I don't get up right away. I nuzzle Faith's neck, and she keeps gently rubbing my back. I keep waiting for it to get awkward between us but it hasn't yet. It needs to because if it doesn't get awkward I don't know how I'm going to walk away from this.

"We better get dressed," she says and all of the comfort she was bringing me dies like an old, sick dog. "Wouldn't want some vamp walking up on us and bragging to all of his friend about us." That makes me laugh a little bit even though I don't deserve to laugh. I don't' care what Faith said, even if it was sweet, she' still wrong. I'm a whore. I let my hormones get the best of me and I killed a family. I should just never have sex again. It seems like every time I do something horrible happens.

I lift my head off her shoulder and just look at her. I want to ask her what we're going to do now besides just go home and act like nothing happened. I want to ask her how she really feels about me. But most of all I want to ask her if she's going to tell Tanner or not. If she doesn't tell him, if I'm nothing more then a dirty secret I don't know if I can stand to be around her. I'll definitely be going to an out of state school then.

I hold my breath as she slowly leans in and kisses me. This is definitely not like the other kisses we shared. Those were about control, and lust, and the slayers within us getting some satisfaction. But this is totally different. It's sweet, and tender, and…loving. I respond to it by adding some pressure and slightly tilting my head. I don't want this to deepen. We might get caught up in the moment or something. As much as I enjoyed what happened we can't do it again. At least not until I get some answers and see some changes.

She's the one that ends the kiss, and I whimper a little when she does. I must look like a total freak. I'm sitting here completely naked, face red and puffy from crying, and now I'm whimpering like a sad dog or something. Hmm, I've been comparing things to dogs a lot lately. If she thinks I'm a freak she's not showing it. She rests her forehead against mine, and gently rubs the tip of her nose on mine. I've never seen her act so touchy feely. Even with Sam she mostly wrestles around with her. Did I just compare myself with her kid? I need help.

She leaves a little kiss on the tip of my nose and gives me a playful smile. I let out a small sigh and I just know the tender moment is over. I get off her lap and stand up. Now that all of the passion and…desire is going I'm embarrassed about being naked in front of her. I guess she can just sense that I'm uncomfortable because after she does the whole elevator eyes over my body she turns around. Well thank God for that. Ok, now where are my clothes?

It takes me a few minutes to gather everything up. Not because I can't find my stuff, but because I really don't want to leave. Once we get home everything will be weird. She'll be with Tanner again and I honestly don't think I can handle seeing that. They don't really show a lot of pda's, but whenever they sit next to each other they touch in some way. Like her hand will be on his knee, or he'll put his arm around her shoulders. I really don't think I'll be able to control myself.

Great, this is just perfect. There's dirt, and grass stains all over the back of my shirt, and jeans. I'm probably never going to be able to get these stains out. Faith's clothes are probably just as dirty. At least we can just say we got jumped by a couple of vampires. Except for the fact that we both smell like sex. We can't go home at the same time because we only have one shower. I guess it doesn't really matter. I don't think I'm ever going to feel clean again.

"We can't go back to the house together," I tell her as she pulls her shirt over her head. She gives me a weird look and starts to put her pants on. "We both smell like sex, Faith. The best thing to do is for one of us to go back early and take a shower right away. I don't feel like going home yet. So I'll see you later." I turn around and start walking away, but then she call out my name. I just want to go. "What Faith?" I turn around and she's buckling up her belt.

"Look, B, what your dad did to your mom is really shitty, but you're not like that. You don't understand everything about me and Tanner. So don't be thinkin' that you're a bad person, because you're not. You never could be." Her words aren't exactly comforting. I don't say anything. All I do is glance down at my shoes. "I guess I'll see you at the house." I guess she realizes I'm not going to say anything. I'm afraid if I try to say anything I'll either do one of two things. I'll either have another break down because of the very slutty thing we did. Or I'll get really pissed off at her and start screaming.

I know she was just trying to comfort me, but she got it wrong. I'm not comparing myself to my dad because of what he did to my mom. Yeah I'm in a relationship but we haven't even been dating for a week. Faith and Tanner have been together for almost four years. It doesn't matter how much we enjoyed what we did, or if she has feelings or not. She shouldn't have kissed me. She should have talked to me about it, and we could've come up with a solution.

No, instead she kisses me. How was that the better alternative? I really want to know what the hell she was thinking. I guess it doesn't really matter now. We already had sex on the ground, which was pretty weird. I've thought about this a lot and I always imagined our first time would be in my bed. She and Tanner would be broken up and one night she just can't get to sleep because she wants me so bad. So she comes into my room and wakes me up by softly kissing me on my lips.

After I'm awake she gets under the covers with me and she softly, and gently makes love to me. I never really thought about any of the details because I was never sure how two women make love. In my fantasy she was always on top of me, so I guess we were doing what we did tonight only not as rough. Why am I thinking about all of this now? I just had sex with somebody else's girlfriend, and I live with that somebody. When I got home tonight I'm going to see him, talk to him, and have to act normal around him. This is going to suck.

I stop walking and take in a deep breath. I left Faith back at the cemetery about fifteen minutes ago. Now I'm at the spot behind Angel's mansion that over looks Sunnydale. I come here when I need to think. At least sometimes I do. Other times I'll just walk aimlessly around town, or sit on the swings at the park. But I know Faith won't follow me here, and I know that if Willow and Xander were looking for me this would be the last place they'd think of. They think I hate him because of what he did, but I don't.

I sigh and put my hands in my pockets. 'And here she stands the little lonely emo kid. Nothing in her life makes sense anymore' no. That doesn't sound right. 'Everything in her life has gotten completely out of control. Everything she thought she knew about herself she's learned is not true'. Ok, I'll stop being dumb. I'm just trying to kill some time. I don't want to think about anything right now because I'll get too emotional. Like if I think about how I'm going to go home and sleep alone tonight I might start crying.

I never really believed that women get emotional after sex. I always thought that it was something guys made up just to have an excuse to leave, and be assholes. But now I know they're not lying. After my night with Angel things were different. Everything was so crazy, and he said all of those mean things. So of course I was emotional. But right now after what Faith and I did I just want her to come back and hold me, and tell me that everything will work out. Ever though that's all a total lie, I still want to hear it.

After about twenty minutes of just standing here and looking at the small town of Sunnydale I turn around and leave. It doesn't matter how long I stay out or how much I think about other things, I'm never going to be ready to go home and try to deal with everything. So I might as well just go home and get it over with. I won't bother with doing anything tonight. I'll just take a shower and go to bed. I'll probably listen to my walkman so I won't have to listen to Faith and Tanner talking. Even if they don't have sex they talk for at least an hour after they go to bed.

I don't think I can handle that. Hearing them talking about everything but nothing at all. I want that too. I want to lie in bed next to Faith and wrap my arms around her and talk about nothing in particular. I want to gently kiss her goodnight before we fall asleep together. I want to wake up and have her be the first thing that I see. I want her to feel the same about me. But none of this matters. Even after what we did I know we're not going to get a happy ending. Right now it's time to stop thinking about it. It's time for me to go inside and try to pretend like tonight never happened.

I slowly open the door and the first thing I notice is the lack of sound. The TV isn't on, I don't hear Sam wigging because she doesn't want to sleep in her own bed, and I don't hear my mom talking to anyone. It isn't just Faith that my mom has gotten friendly with. She and Tanner have some pretty long conversations. I hate that he gets along with my mother. You have no idea how much I just want him to go away.

I walk into the living room and I see Faith sitting on the couch. Her hair is still wet and she's in her pajamas. Well, Faith's version of pajamas. She's wearing black silk lounge pants and a gray t-shirt. Little Samantha is in her jammies too. A long sleeved button up shirt and matching draw string pants. Both are pink with little puppy dogs all over them. She wants a puppy so bad and she's so damn cute when she pouts that I almost start whining for one whenever she does.

"Hey," I hear Faith say and it pulls me out of my little zone out. "You were gone for a long time." I didn't walk straight home from the mansion. I wandered around town fro about an hour and a half. Time sure flies when you're avoiding something. "I was getting a little worried. Thought maybe a demon got a hold of you." She was worried about me? I'm not sure if I should be flattered or offended.

"Well I'm fine," I tell her and walk a little further into the room. I don't know if I should sit down or not. "It seems like ever since those vamps came into town there hasn't been a lot of activity." I slowly sit down in the chair that's next to the couch. I don't want to seem needy, and I don't want to do something stupid. Distance is the key for that.

"It's like they're trying to put us out of the job or something," she says with a little smile. So this is how it's going to be? We just go on like nothing happened, and be ok with it? I watch as Faith looks down at Sam. Her little girl is curled up in her arms and fast asleep. Faith is looking at her with this expression that only a parent can get. It's this mix of joy and pride, and just seeing her with that look on her face makes me smile.

"I don't know what I would do without her," she says in a very low voice. There's something about her tone that's tell me I need to just be quiet right now and let her say what she wants. "I would still be fucked up, that's for damn sure. I used to do so much shit just because I could. But then she was born, and I looked down into those eyes and I just knew that she's why I'm here. Nothing else matters as long as she's safe and she's happy. She saved me from becoming a drug addict or an alcoholic. I just with my parents could see that." Wow, that's the first time Faith's said anything about her parents. I've only asked her about them once or twice but she changed the subject and got distant. Maybe she'll open up now?

"What were your parents like?" I ask in a very soft voice. I don't want to wake Sam up. Once she gets to sleep she's out for the night. If she wakes up there's no getting her back to sleep. She'll stay up and either talk to her stuffed animals, or cry. Anyway, Faith gets a pained look on her face. She carefully covers Sam up with her little Rocko's Modern Life blanket. This is so cool, you have no idea.

"They were very Catholic," she says and shakes her head a little bit. "They separated when I was little, and I stayed at my dad's on the weekends. My mom was too busy enjoying the drinking and passing out parts of life to pay attention to me. My dad had a new girlfriend every other week but as long as we went to church every Sunday to confess our sins everything was fine." She gets a weird look on her face like the words left a bad taste in her mouth.

"My dad was really fuckin strict, and my mom didn't really care what I did as long as I got home on time. Tanner was the first person who really loved me. He didn't wanna control me, and he paid attention to me. He just got me. I stopped wanting to go home, and I was too afraid to tell my dad I had a boyfriend. So I would lie and tell 'em I was just staying at a friend's house. His mom didn't care if I stayed the night as long as I slept on the couch." Wow. I don't think my mom would ever let my boyfriend spend the night even if he stayed on the couch.

"What did your parents say when you told them you were pregnant?" She sighs and gets a really sad look on her face. She still hasn't looked away from Sam. It's almost like she's in a trance. I want to know what it's like to have that feeling, but I know I'm not ready to be a mom. I think Faith is the only slayer who's had a kid, which is kind of weird if you think about it. Teenage girls have babies all the time, all over the world, so why is Faith the only one who's a mother? Considering what she told me about the Council I really don't want to think about it right now. I am going to interrogate Giles about it though.

"My mom called me a whore, and sent me to live with my dad. My dad wanted me to give her up for adoption but I told him no. He freaked out. Thought the devil was taking over my mind or something. He called my mom and talked to her. They both took me to the church we went to every Sunday. They told Father Thomas that I was pregnant, and they thought the devil was stopping me from making the right choice. I tried to tell him that I just didn't want to give my baby up, that I couldn't just abandon it. He told us to wait, and he went upstairs where he lives. He came back down with a cup of tea. He told me if I drank it, it would purge my mind and soul of the demon inside of me and then I could decide what was right.

"I kept telling him I wasn't possessed, that I was fine but they wouldn't listen. They tried to make me drink that stuff but I wouldn't. I tried to get up and run but my dad grabbed onto me. He held me as tight as he could and Faith Thomas tried to force that tea down my throat. He kept saying 'let the calamint purge the demon'. I let him put a bunch in my mouth but I spit it out. After a while they got tired and gave up. He told them to bring me back the next night and they'd try again.

"The next day I ditched school and went to the library. I looked up the word calamint in one of the big plant books that I found. I'll never forget the last part of the passage. It said: 'In medieval times the herb was used to cure stomach ailments, as an antidote to sickness, and as a cure for leprosy. It was also used to hinder conception and to induce abortions.' I never went home again after that. I told Tanner's mom what happened and she let me move in with them." Oh my fucking God. I thought the story was going to be bad but I had no idea.

"Oh my God. That's horrible. Did you call the cops? If he tried to give you that stuff then he could do it to other girls too." She gets tears in her eyes and I know there's more to the story. I want to ask but I don't want to push. She's upset enough as it is. I can't just sit here and watch her about to cry. I get up and sit down next to her on the couch. I carefully wrap my arms around her so I won't wake Sam up, and she rests her head on my shoulder. I feel her hot tears drip down to my shoulder. I don't want to ever let her go. I want to protect both of them for the rest of their lives.

"I can't lose her, Buffy," she says and her voice sounds strained, like she's hold back a sob or something. "I'm sorry but I can't lose her. Tanner won't just give her up, and I can't live without her." Oh, that's what she's crying about. At least I think it is. "I'm sorry, but I can't." I softly run my fingers through her hair, and she takes in a deep, shaky breath. It looks like I'm going to be a dirty little secret after all. I guess I'll just have to learn to live with it.

"Faith it's ok. I'd never ask you to do something like that." I mean that. I'd never ask her to chose between me and her daughter. Even if she does have feelings for me it doesn't matter. Her daughter will always be the most important thing in her life, and I know that. I guess I'll just have to find a way to get rid of these feelings. "Let's just go to bed, ok? We can talk tomorrow when I get home from school." She nods her head a little but she doesn't move and I'm glad. I'm not ready to give her up just yet.


	14. Chapter 14

I groan as my alarm clock goes off. It's not like I was asleep or anything. It just means that now I have to get up and start yet another stress filled day. I don't want to leave my room. When I leave my bedroom I'm going to go downstairs and see Faith talking to my mom and helping her make breakfast. All week long every time I see Faith standing at the stove in her pajamas, her hair messy and pulled back in a loose ponytail, I just want to wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her neck. I know I'm a freak, so sue me.

"Buffy it's time to get ready for school!" my mom yells as she knocks on the door. I don't want to get up. I know if I don't get up then she'll just come in here and treat me like a little kid, and I really don't need embarrassment added to the pile of crap I already have to deal with. So I get up, I take a quick ten minute shower, and I get ready. As I get ready I go over the facts. Fact number one: Faith and I slept together. Fact number two: Faith has feelings for me too. Fact number three: Tanner is a douche bag. Ok, so he's not but I thought I'd add that part.

Besides Tanner isn't a douche bag by any means. He's a cock block. Well he would be if I had a cock. But at least now I know that Faith wants me too. She doesn't want Tanner. She just doesn't want to lose Sam. I can't fault her for trying to be a good mother. That would be really fucked up. So I'm going to have a positive out look on all of this from now on. Faith can't be with me so I need to move on with my life. It's not a bad thing though. This way she gets to keep her daughter, and I get to keep my sanity.

My life isn't so bad without Faith in it. I have two of the best friends a girl can have. I have a wonderful mother who is more then willing to pay a ridiculous amount of money so I can get into a good school. I have a father figure who is always looking out for me, who traveled all over California looking for me, and who would give up his life to save mine. Plus I have a charming, funny, caring, sweet, and totally cute boyfriend who wants to take me to a concert in LA. Not to mention that we're going out on a date tonight. Life is pretty good for one Buffy Anne Summers.

Since I'm feeling so damn good right now I think I'll dress up a little bit. I want people to really notice me today. So I dress in a really nice skirt, and the top that goes with it. I put my hair back in a really cute bun, and I wear my new strappy sandals. I do my wake up perfectly, and I go a tiny tad heavier on my eyeliner then normal. Yep, there's no doubt about it, I look hot. Just looking at myself in the mirror is making me want to lift up my skirt, pull my thong to the side and get myself off. Ha, yeah right. You so totally wish.

I grab my backpack and make my way down the stairs. I can already hear Sam talking away as her mom and my mom make breakfast. I walk into the kitchen and I can't help but smile. Sam's sitting in her high chair with a bowl of Cheerio's on the tray. There's no milk in the bowl. She likes to have something to snack on while she waits for breakfast. Faith said she can eat as much as a horse and she wasn't kidding. Faith is at the center island scrambling up a bowl of eggs. They always make the eggs last so that means breakfast is almost ready.

"Good morning everybody," I say as I walk into the kitchen. I don't know why I can't stop smiling or feeling so good but I can't. Oh, I don't know, maybe it's the fact that Faith wants me and not Tanner. Yeah, I think that could have everything to do with it. My mom and Faith both look up from what they're doing and I get a mixed reaction. My mom looks like she wants to tell me to go change, which is a typical mom response when her only daughter looks sexy at seven forty-five in the morning. Faith looks like she wants to slam me down on the counter and eat me for breakfast.

"Good morning," my mom says in that disapproving motherly way. But then she notices something else about me. Something that I haven't been in a very long time. She can tell that I'm happy. So I guess that's why she's not saying anything about my outfit. A smile is breaking out on her face and it only makes me smile more. I glance over at Faith and unfortunately she's not rolling in the joy. She has a kind of sad look in her eyes and I know that look. I've worn that look a lot. That's the 'I want her but I can't have her' look.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" Mom asks and the little timer on the coffee pot goes off. Before I answer I pour myself a cup, add the right amount of sugar and milk, and take a sip. Mmm, mmm. Perfection in a cup. I put the cup down and try really hard not to smile. I don't want Faith to take all of this happiness the wrong way. She did have a little break down in my arms last night. But, I don't know, I just feel so refreshed and alive.

"Because things are finally starting to look up." I have to lie of course because there's no way I can tell my mom 'I'm happy because Faith would rather spend the rest of her life with me and not the douche bag that just walked into the kitchen'. "I'm finally caught up on my school work, my grades are doing better then they ever have, and I have a date with Scott tonight. Everything is just peachy." I watch as Tanner wraps his arms around Faith and gives her a little kiss on the neck. I have to beat back the jealousy to stop it from showing on my face.

"We're not too big and we're not too touch, but when we work together we got the right stuff!" Sam sings and giggles a little bit. I look over at her and she has a huge smile on her face. But the smile fades, and she puts her arms out in front of her and shrugs her shoulders which is the international sign for 'I don't know'. "Why you guys still looking at me?" I have to bite back a laugh. She is just too cute. "What?" I shake my head a little bit and smile at my mom when she puts my plate down in front of me. I would say thank you but I'm already eating.

"Well someone's in a good mood this morning," Tanner says and smiles a perfect smile. Yeah, douche bag, I am in a good mood. You wanna know why? I bet you wanna know. If he could just see what happened last night like it's a movie or something he'd probably come at just the sight of it. And if he would've been there to really hear all the sounds, and smell everything he probably would've passed out like a little sissy girl. "You've smile more this morning then you have all week." Well the moment of your girlfriend's pussy rubbing all over mine will do that to a person.

"I'm just happy because I have a date with Scott tonight," I tell him and take a drink of my coffee. I glace in Faith's direction and it wouldn't take a kinesics expert to figure out that the expression on her face is a mixture of jealousy and anger. But in a flash it's gone and it's replaced by a very fake look of happiness. She couldn't make that look more forced if she tried. Maybe I should bring my cheerfulness down a little. I watch Tanner leave a kiss on Faith's lips. Nothing much, just a little peck, but then she kisses him back and it lingers for what seems like forever. I look down at my plate as they pull apart.

"He's taking me out to that new club that was built in McCoy, so we probably won't be back until late." Now my mom is giving me a look. I'm pushing it, I know, but I can't help it. I'm eighteen so technically she can't tell me to be home at a certain time. Luckily she doesn't push the issue. I watch, as I pretend to look out the window, as Tanner holds Faith from behind. She turns her head and gives him a kiss on the cheek. "He's coming over for dinner on Sunday so you guys don't have to stick around." Faith gives me this challenging look, and raises an eyebrow.

"Tanner's taking me out on Sunday since he has the whole weekend, and Monday off. Tomorrow we're just gonna relax, maybe go see a movie. But Sunday we definitely won't be here." She raises that perfectly plucked eyebrow just a little higher and I know exactly what she's saying. She's saying 'ask me where we're going, I dare you.' Ok Faith, you wanna play 'my boyfriend's better' then we'll play. Oh it is so on. I have to be careful though because Scott and I haven't been dating each other for very long.

"Where are you two going?" I'm only asking because she's practically dying to tell me. I could care less about the plans that they made for the weekend. He's probably just taking her out to dinner. And by 'out to dinner' I mean the drive-thru at McDonald's. There's nothing like fast food ordered to go that let's your special someone know you love them. Ok, I'll stop being a bitch……for now.

"We're going to spend the night at the beach. We just bought this really big two roomed tent and we thought we'd try it out." Oh, that does sound nice. Well, it's not like they can do anything sexual since Sam is going to be with them. "You mom offered to watch Sam for us so we can have some 'us' time, ya know?" Yes I know. Fuck. I don't want her to have naughty beach fun with Tanner. I want her to have naughty beach fun with me. Ok, I can't let this get to me. I need to retaliate. Oh, I know.

"That sounds cool. It'll be nice for you two to keep some other people up for a change." I give her a big cheeky grin despite the fact that my mom just did one of those disapproving 'Buffy' things. "Next Saturday Scott and I are going to a concert in LA. It doesn't get over with until eleven, maybe even a little after. So we'll probably just get a hotel room and drive back in the morning and I just realized that is so not something I should've said in front of my mom." Faith shakes her head no but she has a 'ha ha' look on her face.

"And when were you going to tell me about this concert?" she asks and I give her a very sheepish grin. "I'll scold you later. You need to lave or you're going to be late." I give her another sheepish look and a little pout but she's still giving me that mom look. I give her a kiss on the cheek before I grab my backpack and make a run for it. I'm eighteen I should be able to spend a night in LA if I want to. Alright I don't think it's the LA part that's bothering her. I think it's the whole 'spending a night in LA in a hotel room with my boyfriend' that is buggering her. It's not like we'd do anything.

What the hell, why is Scott standing on the corner of my street with Willow and Xander? Either he's become a pimp and he's whoring Willow and Xander, or he wants to walk to school with me. I'm gonna go for the second one because the first one has a potential for a lot of disturbing images. As I get a little closer Scott notices me and I can't help but smile. He has this look on his face that's telling me he definitely likes what he sees. Well I'm glad. I want him to think I look good. He looks pretty hot himself. The shirt he's wearing is a little tighter then the ones he normally wears. I didn't know his arms were that toned.

"Hey," we both say at the same time. Ok, I guess that word is another one of those really popular ones that maybe needs to go away. Anyway, I wrap my arms around him and give him a very warm hug. He hugs me back, and I can't help but feel like something is missing. It really sucks because I know what that something is. I just don't want to admit it. While his arms are still wrapped around me I lean my head back, stand on my tippy toes, and give him a little peck on the lips.

"I'm glad you're happy to see me," he says and I furrow my eyebrows a little bit. "I wasn't sure if you'd want me tagging along or not. Plus we have a date tonight. I don't want you to get sick of me." He has this cute little smile on his face and I can't help but give him another kiss. This one lingers a little longer. Not to be a negative Nancy, but has he ever heard of chap stick? His lips are all dry and rough and I have to fight the urge to pull back really fast. Faith's lips were so….Ok, I need to stop that thought. I'm not going to compare Scott and Faith. That's totally fucked up.

"If you two are done with the cuteness, class is going to be starting soon," I hear Xander say. We both pull back from the kiss and I open my eyes. Scott's cheeks are a little pink now, and his breathing is a little shallower. I'm glad that all it takes is a little kiss and he gets a little turned on. I would probably be the same way if his lips weren't so dry. I smile one of those little half smiles that people love so much. He smiles back, and I'm about to hiss him again but Xander clears his throat.

"Ok, ok we can go to class," I say and let go of Scott. He reluctantly lets go of me, but then he gently holds onto my hand. "So what did you guys do last night?" I know it's probably dumb to ask that, but I want to avoid an awkward silence. Xander is still kind of crushing on me even though he's dating Cordelia, and I know he's jealous of Scott. It would take an idiot not to pick up on the very bad vibes Xander is sending out. Great, now I sound like a hippie.

"My parents got home from their trip last night so we had dinner, and then I finished my homework," Willow says. Even though what she said sounds really boring and I know her parents don't pay enough attention to her she doesn't sound sad, or bored or whatever. She sounds almost cheerful, and that's one of the things I love about Will. She doesn't feel sorry for herself because of her not so good home life. "What about you? Did anything interesting happen last night?" Ok, now it's time to lie. I feel bad having to lie to them but I have to.

"Oh, you know, just the same old stuff. Had dinner with Mom, did my homework, went for a walk because I started feeling a little cabin feverish, only without the nasty skin disease." How gross was that movie? I didn't shave my legs for a week after I saw it. "What did you do last night?" I look up at Scott and he gets a sad look on his face. Ok should I have no asked that question? I give his hand a gentle squeeze and he looks at me with a sad smile.

"I went to see my grandma in the hospital." Oh God. He looks so sad now. I totally shouldn't have asked. He probably doesn't want to talk about it. "She's really sick, and the doctor said it'll be any day now." And I thought my life was fucked up. Here I was complaining about my feelings for Faith and a member of his family is dying. How selfish am I? He looks really, really sad now but I can tell he's trying not to show it. I see the school up ahead and I stop walking. Everyone else stops too and they give me a strange look.

"You guys go ahead, I'll be there in a minute," I tell Willow and Xander. They both give me understanding smiles and leave us alone. I look at Scott and I have no idea what to say. "I'm sorry. I didn't know." He shakes his head a little and he sighs. He gets this kind of guilty look on his face and now I'm confused. Why is he looking guilty? "What is it? You can tell me." He scratches at the back of his neck and I'm trying not to freak out.

"I didn't want to tell you." Um, ok? So why didn't he want to tell me? "It's just that everyone at my house is upset all the time and whenever I tell someone things always get really awkward. I don't want things to get awkward between us. But I don't feel right lying to people. I was taught to always be honest no matter what." Now I feel guilty. But this isn't about me it's about him. I wrap my arms around him, and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me, and lets out a long sigh.

"It's ok. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Hmm, I probably shouldn't have asked that. He probably isn't going to suggest sex, but he's a teenage boy so he's most likely thinking it. I lift my head up, and look into his eyes. He still looks sad but not as sad as before.

"Kiss me?" he asks with a little smile. Oh he's good. I tilt my head back and he leans down and kisses me. His lips feel just as dry as before, but I think I can take care of that. I softly suck on his bottom lip first, and run my tongue along the surface. His hands slowly slide from my shoulder blades, and stop right above my ass. I softly suck on his upper lip and he tightens his grip on me, and I can't help but smile. I gently flick my tongue against his and he lightly massages mine. I feel his fingers gently squeeze and I can't help but giggle. He pulls back and looks into my now open eyes.

"What's so funny?" You probably think he sounds mad, but he doesn't. He sounds very amused. I just shake my head a little and kiss him again. Now that his lips aren't dry anymore I'm starting to get a little turned on by this. His tongue gently flicks the rough of my mouth, but then he takes it away. No, I wanna play some more. He squeezes his fingers again, and again I pull back from the kiss so I can giggle. He smiles a little and licks his lips. "What's funny this time?" Should I tell him? It's nothing big, so yeah I should.

"I'm ticklish right there," I say, and my voice sounds all breathless, and I'm panting a little. He gets this look in his eyes, this very mischievous sparkle. "Oh no, don't even think about it." He gets a big grin on his face and a little bit of panic runs down my spine. If I don't want him to touch me there's not way he can touch me, but not knowing what he's going to do is leaving me in suspense.

"What'll happen if I do it?" He has this challenging tone, but it's playful. If he were being too serious about this I wouldn't let him keep his arms around me. Anyway, I get a playful smile on my face and pretend to think about the question. I already have an answer but he can wait.

"Well, I hate to pull out the big guns right away, but we have a date tonight and if you do tickle me on purpose I can guarantee there will be no second base for you. You'll probably end up staying in the dugout." Yes I know what the dugout is, don't look so surprised. He gets a little smile on his face and moves his hands so they're just under my shoulder blades. "Too good to give up, huh?" I know I sound cocky but whatever.

"Kissing you is definitely a perk, but it's just being around you that I like so much. You're just so full of life. It's one of the things that caught my attention last year." Wait a second, last year? Not only that but he is so cheesy. It's a good thing I like cheese.

"Last year?" I ask and tilt my head to the side. He blushes and it is possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen. Well, second cutest thing. Faith's dimples definitely take the number one spot. But I shouldn't be thinking about her right now.

"Last year our lockers were in the same row. I couldn't help but notice you. You have this…like this presence and even when you're not doing anything you still get everyone's attention." All of the playfulness is gone from his voice, and he's dead serious about what he just said. "I tried to muster up the courage to talk to you but I was too chicken. Then I found out you were seeing someone." Oh my God, how could I have forgotten about Angel? That night we shared together was so special, and I'm not even dating Faith and I sleep with her. It's like I pissed all over his memory or something.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bum you out." I look up at him and I can just tell that he really is sorry. "I don't know what happened, and I won't ask if you don't want to talk about it, but I am a little glad that you're not with him anymore." What the fuck did he just say? I'm about to get really mad but then he keeps talking. "Because now I'm with you, and it's the first time in a long time I can be happy about something." Oh well, I can't get at that. Again with the cheese.

"I feel that way too. Everything has been so crazy for the last couple months but when I 'm with you it all just kinda fades away." Wow, I guess I'm made of cheese too. "I'm sorry, that was really corny." I'm caught a little off guard when he presses his lips against mine. It only takes me a second to catch up, and when I do the kiss deepens. I swirl my tongue with his and explore his mouth like he's hiding diamonds in it. Yeah I know that was weird but it's true. The fire that was missing earlier is definitely here now. Wow, I'm glad I said yes to dating him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** I am so sorry it's taken me this long to update. I have a severe case of writer's block on everything, but I'm trying to get the chapters done. I'll try to have a new chapter of 'The Proposal' up next so keep an eye out for that if you're into that one too. But like I said I'm just going to try. If I get an idea for something else then I'll definitely start working on that one instead. So anyway, I hope you enjoy your update and I'll talk to you all later.

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Ok, don't chicken out. You can do this. Why am I talking to myself in third person? Well you have been feeling a little out of whack because of the whole Faith thing. That's true, good point. So I can totally do this. I can open the front door, walk into the house, and talk to Faith about what happened, and what we're going to do now. We can't be together, obviously, but maybe she has a plan. At least I hope she does because I'm not feeling as confident as I was this morning.

Alright, I can do this. I open the door very slowly and the first thing I hear is the sound of Sam crying. Ok, this is not something I want to deal with right now, or at all. I shut the door and follow the sound of the crying. I see Sam sitting in the chair by the couch, and Faith on the couch flipping through a magazine. I don't know how she can stand listening to that because I've only been here for fifteen seconds and I'm going insane.

"Hey," I have to raise my voice a little so she'll hear me. Sam looks up from her 'time out' spot and stops crying. She gets a big pout on her face and it pulls at my heart strings. In less then one week I've become this kid's favorite person. All she has to do is give me a little pout and I'll do just about anything for her. For example, tow nights ago we were eating ice cream in the kitchen and Sam finished her bowl first. All she had to do was stick out that lip, and bat those eyelashes and I gave her some of mine when no one was looking. Anyway, she holds out her arms for me to pick her up and I want to so badly.

"Look away from the cuteness, B. Just look away," Faith says and it pulls me out of that trance. I look away from Sam and she instantly starts crying again. Time out only lasts five minutes, but it has to be five minutes of quiet. "Come on, let's go chill in the kitchen." 'Chill in the kitchen'? Where the hell did she learn how to speak? She's hot, and sexy, but sometimes I think she goes a little too far with the language. But whatever, I have more important things to think about.

"Faith, we really need to talk about what happened." Ok, so I didn't mean to just blurt that out but it needed to be said. She's not breathing anymore so that's probably not a good sign. I sit down at the center island but she doesn't move. "I know we already talked a little, but we need to figure out what we're going to do. I'm not asking for anything here. I know what Sam means to you and I'd never ask you to do anything that would possibly get her taken from you."

"Then there's nothing to talk about." I can just tell by looking into her eyes that she's scared. I guess she's afraid I'm going to ask something like that. "I don't regret what we did, and if we could do it again I would in a heartbeat, but that doesn't matter." Why not? That should matter.

"I don't get it, Faith. If you don't want to be with Tanner anymore then why don't you just explain that to him? I'm sure he'll understand." She shakes her head and she looks really stressed out. To someone who doesn't know her very well she probably looks calm, but I can tell she's stressing out. Her eyes keep darting around the room and she won't look at something for more then four or five seconds.

"Buffy, you've known him for a week. You don't know shit when it comes to Tanner." Alright, so he's not as nice as he seems. Well, that's a relief. Only evil people are that happy all the time. But she doesn't have to be so mean about it. Just because I don't know Tanner very well it doesn't mean she gets to be a bitch about it.

"It's not like he can just take Sam away. You're her mother, you have rights." This is so not how I pictured this conversation going. I don't want to talk about this anymore. If Faith doesn't want to leave Tanner because she's too scared then that's her business. So before she can say anything I start talking again. I know that makes her mad, but oh well. "I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean for any of this to happen. You have enough to deal with already. What happened…" was the best thing I've ever experienced. "Was probably a mistake. So let's not talk about it anymore, and just act like nothing ever happened, ok?" I had to force those words out of my mouth.

"Yeah, whatever," she says and opens the fridge door. So now she's just going to ignore me? Well, this is just great. What I want to know is why she doesn't regret it. Does she have feelings for me or was I just that good? She told me that since she became a slayer Tanner hasn't been able to satisfy her. So was I able to do that? Is that why she doesn't regret it? She does seem a little different today, but that could just be the fact that I saw her naked. I don't think I'll look at her the same again.

"Do you have feelings for me?" I know I shouldn't be asking this because it'll probably complicate things even more then they already are, but I have to know. She looks over at me with those big doe eyes and I feel like I'm melting inside. She doesn't even have to say anything. I can tell just by looking into her eyes that it's more then just sexual attraction between us. But nothing can be…I don't know, real I guess, until she says it out loud. I wait for what feels like forever, and all she does is stare at me with those eyes that have more emotion in them then I can describe.

"Because I have feelings for you," my voice doesn't have any irritation or frustration or anything like that. I sound a little scared. It's not like I don't have a reason. I'm practically bearing my soul and I've never been good when it comes to opening up and sharing my feelings. She looks really tense, but I have to keep going. "I didn't ask for them, at first I didn't even want them, but they're here and they're growing every day." I can feel tears starting to build but I bite them back. I have to get the rest of it out or I might explode.

"You get jealous when I'm around Scott, but imagine how I feel. I come downstairs to eat breakfast and you two are hanging all over each other, and at night I try so hard to tune you out but I can hear you talking to each other and it hurts because I want you so bad. I don't just want to have sex with you. I want to hold you when we fall asleep, and kiss you goodbye when I leave in the morning." She looks shocked, and I swear those are tears building in her eyes. "And I see Tanner showering you with affection, and giving Sam all kinds of attention and I can't help but think 'why would she want anyone else when she has him?' But you don't want him."

I stop talking mostly because there's a lump forming in my throat. She just stares back at me like she's paralyzed or something. The only sound in the room is Sam's soft voice floating in from the other room. I have no idea what she's saying but it doesn't matter. All that matters right now is that Faith is just standing there after I said all of that. It doesn't look like she's trying to speak but she could just be trying to form the words in her head. I'm looking into her eyes and I can't tell what she's thinking, what she's feeling, and I'm really scared now. Usually all I have to do is look into those expressive eyes and I get a good idea of what's going on inside her mind. But right now when it's probably the most important time for me to know how she feels I'm completely clueless.

"B, you don't get it. Tanner's not…he's…." she trails off and I can tell she's trying really hard to form the words. So he's what? What is he?! She glances towards the living room and then looks into my eyes with a desperate look. "He'll take Sam away from me, and I can't live without her." But I don't understand how he can take Sam from her. Faith has slayer strength and me on her side. Tanner wouldn't get anywhere near Samantha. "He loves me, and I can't just walk away from that." But she doesn't love him! She doesn't have to stay with him if she doesn't want to. This is America, freedom of choice is like our policy or something.

"Do you love him?" I ask and my voice is shaky whisper. I can feel my heart pounding in my ears and my lips feel really dry for some reason. Time seems to slow down as she slowly shakes her head no. My heart starts beating ten fold and I don't know if I should ask my next question or not. What if I don't like the answer? I don't think I could handle that. But I have to know. Not knowing is killing me. "Do you love me?" If you thought my heart was beating fast before you should feel it now.

"I…I don't know. I do have feelings for you, but I don't know exactly what it is. All this shit is happening too fast and I can't think." I walk around to the other side of the island. She looks so scared, about as scared as I feel, and I just want to take her into my arms and hold her until she doesn't have that terrified look in her eyes. I don't do that though because I might scare her off. Instead I slowly lift my head up and gently caress her left cheek.

"Why are you so afraid of him?" I make sure to keep my voice gentle. She's probably not going to tell me, but if my voice is harsh or demanding then she'll definitely run away from me. "He's just a guy, right? We fight vampires and demons almost every night. So why is he so scary?" She swallows and it's a very loud gulp. I keep up my gentle caress but it's not really helping her. She's shaking a little, and right now I really want to take her into my arms.

"He knows how to hurt me. He's really not what you think." So he's not really a person? If he's some kind of demon then there's a simple solution to that. "It doesn't matter what I do or where I go. He'll find me and he'll take her. The only way I can keep her is if I go back to my parents, and I can't do that. They'll just get custody and give her to social services. I can't ask for help or the Council will find out about her and take her away from me." So that's why she's so afraid. Tanner will take her to court and get custody of Sam. Faith has told me a little more about Tanner's parents and apparently all he has to do is take Sam back to them and they'll hire the best lawyers in Boston, and make sure he has enough money to provide for both him and his daughter.

"Faith you know as well as I do that Giles would never let anyone take Sam away from you. He hasn't been like all the other watchers for a very long time. He puts the well being of others over the rules of the Council. He'll take you in, and make sure that no one, not even Tanner, goes anywhere near you." Her eyes are full of doubt and she looks like she's about to bolt. I gently run my thumb along her full bottom lip. She opens her mouth just a little bit and takes in a deep breath.

"Sam needs a dad, B. She needs her dad in her life. My dad was never really there for me, and it screwed me up. I can't do that to her." I hang my head because I know she's right. My dad walked out on us way before my mom kicked him out and I have major issues now. Add them to the alone feeling I get because I'm a slayer and I'm practically a basket full of crazy.

I feel Faith's hand softly cup the one I have on her cheek and I look up. There's something different in her eyes now. It's a sadness that I've never seen before in anyone, and it's totally breaking my heart. She leaves a gentle kiss on the pad of my thumb and steps backwards out of my reach. I can just tell that we're done talking about this and probably for the rest of forever. The tears that have been building in her eyes for a while now finally cascade down her cheeks leaving wet trails that she doesn't bother wiping away. Before I can say anything else she flees from the rom. I've never seen Faith flee before. It's really weird. If she had a tail it definitely would've been tucked between her legs. Well that conversation really sucked, didn't it?


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **_I would like to apologize for the lack of updates on all of my stories. I know I've been saying that there would be a lot of updates and all that shit, but things have been kind of stressful and me plus stress equals no desire to write. But not to fret. I already have a few ideas for this story that I'm toying with, and I'll be updating The Proposal very soon. Things are still kind of iffy for So Damn Domestic so don't expect an update for that one any time soon. Anyway, I hope you enjoy your update. And remember reviews are always helpful._

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"Buffy." I can't believe this is happening. Three days ago Faith and I told each other that we have more then just a physical attraction for each other, and that she can't leave Tanner or he'll sue her for custody of Sam and win. That's blackmail if you ask me. Anyway, after that I wigged and did something totally stupid. "Buffy have you been listening to a word I've said?" Great, and now Giles is mad at me. 

"No. I'm sorry Giles. I have a lot on my mind right now." We're supposed to be talking about those Nazi vampires, and Faith is supposed to be here too. At least that's what she told Giles before the dumb thing happened. Now she won't even stay in the same room with me. I look into Giles' eyes and he looks concerned. I really wish he was my dad. Then I'd crawl into his lap and cry like a four-year-old. Giles is too British for that though.

Buffy, I know that officially I'm your watcher, but you can talk to me if you need to even if it isn't slayer related." Oh God, I can't tell Giles what I did. I'm way too ashamed. I acted so stupid and I don't want anyone else to know about it. Faith knows, obviously, but she's not going to be telling anyone any time soon. At least I hope not.

"Thank you for saying that, but I can't talk to you about it. It's…it's personal and I don't want to tell anyone." I don't want to tell anyone. I don't even want to think about it. Faith hates me and it's all my fault. She told me to back off, that she couldn't do it again but I pushed. I pushed until she finally gave in and did what I wanted. Afterwards she freaked out, told me to go to hell, and stormed off. It isn't just that I got her to dress up like a girly-girl, and go to the Bronze with me. I decided to show her how much fun we can have, so I asked her to dance. The song was fast, but right after it was a slow song.

She wanted to go sit back down. The whole night she was uncomfortable because she knew what I was doing but I thought if I could show her how much I want to be with her then maybe she'd reconsider. So I pushed, and I kept pushing until she finally danced with me just to shut me up. She didn't want to dance close at first but after a while she relaxed and put her head on my shoulder. I couldn't resist. I gave her temple a little kiss and whispered 'I love you' into her ear. She freaked out and stormed off, and I can't tell anyone why.

That was two days ago, and Faith hasn't said a word since then. She won't even look at me. Everyone knows that something is going on but I won't say anything and Faith won't either. I've been crying a lot because she hates me now. She made it perfectly clear that we can't be together despite our mutual feelings for one another, but I took it too far. I told her I have feelings for her, but the 'L' word was never brought up.

"I see. As awkward as it might be it could be best to tell someone. I was young once too, you know, and keeping things bottled in is hardly ever the way to go." He does have a little bit of a point. I remember during the whole Angelus fiasco that I wanted to talk about how I was feeling, but everyone expected me to hate him, but I didn't. But Faith and I not speaking can't hurt anyone. It's just making things very awkward at the house.

"I'm still trying to process everything. I have no idea how to tell someone else what's been going on when I'm still confused by the whole thing." He nods his head a little and puts his little notebook in his jacket pocket. I guess he's been taking notes on the situation but there's not much to write about. Faith and I haven't seen any on patrol and there's not an unusual amount of 'accidental' deaths.

I have a feeling we won't be patrolling together anymore. She won't eat at the table with the rest of us, we don't hang out when I get home from school, and last night Mom asked if she wanted to watch a movie with us and she turned it down and went to her room. She's been hiding out there a lot since we got home from the Bronze. I'm just so afraid that she's going to move out. Even if she's pissed off at me for what I did that doesn't mean she has to move back into a rat trap.

"Tonight you and Faith should patrol the residential areas. See if there are any suspicious characters lurking about. It's possible the vampires may stalk their victims for a few days before making a move." Well that's an unsettling thought, and the vampire thing is bad too. I really don't want to patrol with Faith. She wants her space and I'm going to respect it like I should have in the first place.

"Giles, I don't think that's a good idea." He gives me a strange look so I explain. He's going to ask anyway, I might as well get it over with. "Faith and I sorta got into a fight and now we're not talking. So, I really don't think patrolling together is something we should do right now." I'm not saying that Faith wouldn't help me if I were being attacked by a group of vampires. I'm just saying it's a possibility.

"Buffy, this is important. Now I know that you and Faith are very different and you may not always get along, but now is the time to set aside your petty differences and work together. It's your job as slayers to stop these vampires and hopefully before they execute their plans." Woe, woe, woe, hold on a sec. There is nothing petty about the fight we had. Look it up in a dictionary and it won't be anywhere near petty. In fact, look petty up in a thesaurus and it'll say what happened with Faith is an antonym. Wow, I have got to stop paying attention in English.

"We didn't get into a fight because we're different. We got into a fight because…." Crap, I totally almost spilled the beans. He's looking at me with that curious look again. I need to come up with something and fast. "Because on patrol she…she can be a little…reckless, and I think one of these days she's going to get herself hurt really bad." He's looking at me like he knows I'm lying, but all I do is stare back at him.

"You do have a point, although wouldn't it be best if you were to patrol with her in case she loses control of a situation and needs help?" Damn, I should've thought that lie out a little more. His point is way better then mine. Ok, so I can either lie some more, tell him the truth of avoid the entire thing and leave. I guess luck is on my side today because the bell just rang which means it's time to get to class. I pick up my back pack and practically jump out of my seat.

"Good point Giles. I'll tell Faith you want us to patrol but if she doesn't want to I can't make her. Well, I gotta go, I'll see you after school!" I yell as I make a mad dash for the door. I need to be careful. I totally almost told Giles that I'm in love with Faith. It's not just love, I kind of hate her too. I know that's probably wrong because I'm the one who couldn't just eave it alone but what else was I supposed to do?

When you love someone you're supposed to show them. You're not supposed to just give up. At least that what I've been taught by not only mom but throughout history. Did Jack let that asshole get in the way of having Rose? No, he didn't. Then again only hours later he froze to death in the Atlantic Ocean so maybe that's not the best example. I will admit that karma totally kicked his ass.

That's not the point. The point is they loved each other, and they were going to run off together. They would've been happy if he had only shoved some more stuff under that door to make it strong enough for both of them. Faith isn't willing to risk everything and I get it. She doesn't want to lose her daughter, and from what I've seen Faith loves her daughter more then anything. Then again from what I've seen Tanner is a great guy, and according to Faith he's not. Is she lying? Is she just saying that he's bad to make himself feel better about what happened?

I think I would die a little inside. I know I sound totally emo, but I think I would. I told her I love her, I shared something with her I've only shared with one other person. Of course it means something to me. It wasn't just sex. It wasn't just lusty teenage hormones caught up in the heat of the moment. I gave into my feelings for her, and she took all I had. The only problem is she won't take it because someone else is stopping her. She's afraid, and I get it. So now what do I do?

Bambi didn't just sit back and let that mean boy deer steal Faline away from him. He fought for her, and they ended up having twins. And the Beast didn't let that mean pretty boy asshole get Belle. Sure he took a beating but when he saw the love of his life come back to try and help him he stepped up and put that ass in his place, and they got their happily ever after. I know that these were Disney cartoons, but it doesn't matter. I'm sure there are plenty of old love stories somewhere in the library about two people wanting to be together but someone else was already in the picture.

But this isn't like it used to be. I can't just win him in a fight (which I totally would slayer powers or no) and Faith and I ride off into the sunset. We can't live with my mom forever, and I know Faith is going to want to move out eventually. How would I be able to afford to support us all? I don't even have a job now. I've never had a job. I need to go to college and I can't help Faith raise a baby and do that at the same time. Maybe I should just back off and let Tanner have Faith. At least he's trying to support them.

I'm sure everything will work out. I can get a job, and we'd eventually move out of Mom's house and into our own apartment. She'd have to get a job too though, and hire a babysitter. I'm sure Faith wouldn't care. We would be together and happy, and Tanner would get Sam every other weekend. See, I can be civil about this. It's not like I want to cut Tanner out of their lives completely. Ok, I do, but I won't be a bitch about it.

"Hey Buffy." Holy fuck! Willow scared the hell out of me. I glare at her and she just smiles. If I didn't know any better I'd say she did that on purpose. "I thought we were going to hang out in the library?" The bell that rang wasn't really the 'go to class bell'. I have a free period in the morning that I spend in the library training. I didn't want to stay in there with Giles though. The bell that rang, in case you're wondering, was the 'it's time for break bell'.

"Hey Will. We were, but I thought hanging out in the quad would be a nice change of pace. We're always in that stuffy library. I think some fresh air would do us both some good." I wrap my arm around her shoulders and lead her towards the quad.

"What's up with you? You're acting a little strange today." Dammit, I hate that she knows me so well. "You've been acting a little off for a while now. Especially whenever Faith is around." Shit, Willow knows. I know she knows or else she wouldn't be asking. And the way she said Faith's name it's like she's fishing for information. Yep, that's exactly what she's doing.

"Nothing's up. I just don't want to be cooped up in the library when it's a perfect day outside. And I don't know what you're talking about. There's nothing going on with me and Faith." Smooth, Buffy, very smooth. I'm going to nominate you for the award fro being the smoothest girl on Earth.

"I didn't say there was. What happened?" Oh God, now she definitely knows something is up. I really, really hate my big mouth. Why do I have to talk so much all the time? Life would be so much easier if I could just get things right. "Come on, Buff, I'm your best friend you can tell me anything." Great, now I have guilt. Could this day get any worst?

"Will, there's nothing going on," I tell her and run my hand through my hair. My arm isn't around her shoulders anymore. I hold onto the straps of my backpack and just look straight ahead while we keep walking down this very long hallway.

"Buffy, I know you, and I can tell when you're hiding something. If you wanna talk about it somewhere private then w can talk at your place after school. You can blow off one day of training, right?" Normally I would jump at the chance to skip training, but we can't go back to my house. Faith is there with Sam, and she still doesn't want anyone to know. It's really stupid because people are going to find out eventually.

"Normally I would say yeah, but I want to get some training in. Those Nazi vamps haven't made a move yet which can only mean something bad, and I want to be ready for them." I can tell she's going to suggest that maybe we can hang out at my house after training, it's something we've done hundreds of times. "I'm just on edge because of these vampires. Faith and I fought two of them and they were tough. I don't really want to imagine what it'll be like to take on an army."

"Since we're talking about Faith." Oh crap, I just had to say her name again and remind Willow about the original subject. I force myself to look calm even though I'm kind of freaking out on the inside. I just hope I don't spas out. "Have you talked to her lately?" Ok that doesn't sound like a loaded question or anything. I have to be careful though because she could know something and is just asking questions to get my reaction.

"Not in the last couple of days, no." I have to fight the urge to ask why she's asking. If I get too curious about her reasoning then she'll get suspicious and start digging for answers. Knowing Willow she'd probably drop by my house unexpected for some girl time, and that would be bad on so many levels. "Why?" I couldn't help myself.

"It just seems like she doesn't want to hang out with us anymore. She hasn't been coming here when she normally does, and she's hardly ever at the Bronze. Do you think maybe something's wrong." Ok, how am I supposed to answer that? I can't tell her the truth, obviously, but if I lie then she'll know something's up. Alright, I just need to stay calm and think because too much time is going by.

"I don't know. Maybe she found some people more on her…wavelength to hang out with. It's not like we have a lot in common. Maybe she was just hanging out with us so she wouldn't be bored all day." I'll admit I'm still really angry even though I'm trying really hard not to be. These feelings are really strong and they're not going away like I want them to.

"Maybe." Great, now Willow sounds sad and a little confused because I got so mad. I really need to learn to control my emotions. Then again I think I've shown a great deal of control. I haven't ran my fist through Tanner's face, and I think that is very big of me. "Although we haven't exactly made her an official scooby member. She might feel left out. Maybe we should invite her over for some girl time. We could order pizza and watch movies." I can't help but smile a little. That's Willow for you, always has to make everyone feel included.

"That sounds good. We could turn it into a sleep over if you think your mom will let us spend the night." Oh, I'm good I knew she was talking about having it at my house and I flipped it without being obvious or anything. She nods her head a little bit and we stop walking in front of her locker.

"That's a good idea Buffy." She smiles one of those big Willow-smiles, and puts some books in her locker and takes two more out. At least she's not suspicious anymore. "My parents are out of town so it won't be a problem. Call me after patrol tonight and tall me what Faith says. I need to know how many pizzas to order before I pull money out of my account." I nod my head and ignore the subtle insult. Now there are only two problems. One: how am I going to convince Faith to have a slumber party with us? And two: how am I going to act with Faith in the same room and a lack of adult supervision?


	17. Chapter 17

I have no idea how I'm going to do this. I mean, it's completely impossible. Not only will she be pissed off for me asking her, but she'll be mad that I put it off for so long. And in case you haven't been paying attention I'm talking about the whole 'Willow wanting a sleep over with Faith and I' thing. Really now, people try to keep up.

Anyway, the sleep over idea was discussed and agreed upon on Monday, and it's now Friday. My date with Scott was cancelled because he's grounded for the next two weeks so it's not like I can use that as an excuse for not going. The thing is I still haven't spoken to Faith since that night at the Bronze. You know, when I did my little love confession thing. And I'm supposed to be at Willow's house, Faith by my side, in less then an hour.

So I guess I need to be brave about this. All week I've been staying out of Faith's way, but now it's time I go into the kitchen and talk to her. I'm sure she'll see reason once I explain the situation to her. If I have to play a little dirty then so be it. The idea of hanging out with Faith and Willow isn't a bad one. Of course I'm thinking of the Faith from two weeks ago before things got awkward and tense.

I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Ok, I can do this. I walk into the kitchen and see something I definitely didn't want to. Faith and Tanner are sitting at the center island sharing a bowl of ice cream. He has an arm wrapped around her waist and she's sitting as close as she can get. If she were any closer she'd be sitting on his lap. Stupid Tanner sharing moments with her that are sweet, and so normal that should be between Faith and me. Anyway, I clear my throat and they both look up. Faith instantly gets all tense, but Tanner has a little smile on his face.

"Tanner, can I talk to Faith alone for a second?" I look into his light brown eyes and he looks a little confused. I would be confused if I were him too. Faith and I haven't said a word since last Saturday and suddenly I want to talk to her. Well not suddenly. All week I've wanted to say about a million different things but I haven't out of respect for Faith. He looks over at her with a questioning look and I know exactly what he's not saying.

"It's ok," Faith says and puts her spoon down. She looks at him with a gentle smile on her face. I'd kill to have her look at me like that for just a second. My God I sound so emo right now. "It's almost bath time and it's your night." Her smile turns into a teasing one, and before he can say anything she gives him a little kiss on the lips.

"Ok, but remember it's your turn to read a bed time story. If I have to read Sleeping Beauty one more time I might go insane." He leaves another kiss on her lips and I think they're acting so cute and coupley just to make me jealous. And it's totally working. He gets up and leaves the room, and I can't stop myself from glaring at him as he walks by. Now that he's gone it's just me and Faith, and a whole lot of tension.

"So B, what do you want?" To say Faith doesn't sound happy would be the biggest understatement of the year. I look into her eyes as she crosses her arms over her chest. The expression in those big brown eyes hardens and it's almost like she's daring me to say something. I take in a deep breath and prepare myself for a very bad reaction.

"I know the last think you want to do is be around me, and I don't blame you. You have every right to be pissed off and never speak to me again." I stop and take another deep breath. She's starting to look a little annoyed. "But Willow thinks you feel left out because you're not an official scooby member and she wants to spend some time with you to make sure you know that you're our friend. I tried to convince her that nothing's wrong, but she can be stubborn when she wants to be."

"Yeah, I know someone else like that," she says sounding just as annoyed as she looks. Ok, I totally deserved that. I'm not going to let this conversation turn into an argument so I'll just ignore her smart ass remarks. "What exactly does this gotta do with me?"

"She wants us to spend the night at her house tonight for some girl time." Now she looks mad. I knew this conversation was going to suck. "I think we should just do it and get it over with. Until she sees you and sees that everything is fine she's going to start digging to try and find out why you haven't been around as much. And she doesn't know that you're living here so eventually she'll come over and find out about everything you're trying to hide." She still looks mad, but she also look a little scared.

The room is dead quiet while she sits there and thinks. I'd love to be able to hear all of the things she's thinking, but at the same time I really don't. I already know that she hates me. I don't need to hear about it too. I feel really guilty already for what I did, the type of pressure I put on her, and how she can't stand to be around me so I don't need anything added to it.

"Fine." What? What did she just say? There's no way she agreed. "I'll have some 'girl time' with you guys but I'm only doin it once. It's not gonna become a regular thing." I have to force myself not to smile. Maybe if we spend some time together she'll want to be around me again. It's a lot to hope for but I'm staying optimistic. "And don't expect me to start comin around the library again." I was hoping we'd save this part for later, but ok.

"Faith you need to show up at least once a week. If you don't start coming in for training then Giles and Wesley are going to start looking for you. Look, I know you're pissed off, and I know you hate me, but if we don't act like everything is fine then everyone is going to start getting suspicious." Her face is still a hard mask of anger and annoyance, but her eyes look, I don't, kinda sad now.

"I'll try, but I'm not gonna promise anything. Tanner might get promoted." To what, a bag boy? "So his hours might be changing." I nod my head a little and look down at the bowl. The rest of the ice cream melted and now is a chocolate puddle. Ok, well, this is pretty awkward. "So what time is Red expecting us?" I look at the little clock on the microwave and sigh.

"In about fifteen minutes." I glance over at her and the annoyance on her face just went from a six to an eight. But that sadness in her eyes hasn't gone away. I want to ask about it, ask her what it is I said to make them look like that, but I keep my mouth shut. If we're going to get through this night without her killing me and making it look like a painful accident I better start keeping it shut more. "She has extra toothbrushes and sleeping bags so all you need is some pjs, and fresh clothes for tomorrow." She stands up and lets out a small sigh.

"Alright, I'll be back down in five minutes." Meaning: stay down here if you know what's good for you. I want her as she walks out of the room and if I didn't know any better I'd say she's putting a little something extra in her step just for me. Ok, so that worked out a lot better then I thought it was going to. I actually got her to see reason without much of a fight at all. I also got her to agree to come into the library more often. Well, sort of. As long as the douche doesn't get promoted then she might start coming back in.

Well that was possibly the most awkward ten minutes of my entire life. Even though it felt like an eternity I know it was only ten minutes because that's how long it takes to walk to Willow's house. Faith didn't say a word the entire walk over. She sighed a few times, and held her breath when she thought a vampire or something was hiding behind a trash can but it was just a stray dog.

It's not like I was being a chatter box either. I knew that if I opened my mouth to say something I'd accidentally ask about that look I saw in her eyes and that would just make things worst. She's finally staying around me for more then two seconds that's progress right? Then again she's only around me because I practically black mailed her. Great, now I'm no better then that stupid douche bag.

I ring the door bell and wait. The lights are on so Willow is home. I think it's a little messed up that her parents are gone. They just got back from a month long trip to New York not so long ago and now they're gone again. I don't know how someone can put their careers before their children. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never have children. Slayers don't live past their early twenties. So I'll be dead long before I find mister right and settle down.

Then again I could always settle down with Faith. It's crossed my mind a lot, if you haven't noticed. We could get a nice house with a white picket fence, buy a mini-van, get a Golden Retriever, and live the cliché. She's a slayer too so she understands the demands of the job. She's not a guy so she won't have the need to be more macho then me or whatever. We can raise Sam together, and be happy.

I glance over at her and my breath catches in my throat for a few seconds. She has her hair pulled back, and her make-up is a lot lighter then it usually is. Any other time I would describe her as sexy or hot, but right now in the porch light she looks beautiful. I turn a little bit so I'm slightly facing her. I want to tell her so many things I don't know where to start.

"Hey guys," Willow says when she opens the door. And the perfect timing award goes to…Willow Rosenberg, come on down, take a bow. I shouldn't be mad at her. I should probably thank her for stopping me from making an ass out of myself. "The pizza got here a few minutes ago so let's eat." I glance at Faith and she has a very fake smile on her face.

"Nice Red. B didn't mention there'd be pizza." She walks in the house and I have to admit she's pretty at this whole 'acting like nothing's wrong' thing. I don't know if I'm going to be able to act like that or not. I hope so because the last thing I need is Willow getting curious with both me and Faith here.

"I rented a couple movies so take a look and pick one. You're the special guest tonight Faith, so why don't you pick the first one?" I smile a little at the slightly weirded out look on her face. She's still not used to being around Willow. It'll probably take a while for her to get used to perky-Willow. The only Willow she's really been around is researchy-Willow and my-boyfriend-is-in-the-band-Willow.

"Ok, Red. Hey B, why don't you pick me out a couple slices while I put this in?" What am I, her servant girl? Does she want me to say 'yes mistress' and take a bow before I get her some pizza? I'll admit that my mood now doesn't really make sense. You'd think I'd be happy that she's talking to me. Then again this isn't the real Faith that's relaxed and putting in some random movie. This is the 'I'm only doing this to make Red happy' Faith.

I get Faith some pizza and sit down on the couch next to Willow and start eating mine. I watch out of the corner of my eye as she walks across the room and sits down next to me. Ok, this is the closest that we've been since the Bronze. I can smell her perfume perfectly, and I can feel her body heat radiating off of her. Oh yeah, this is going to be hell. I don't know how I'm going to make it through tonight without slipping up and doing something stupid.

So far tonight hasn't been so bad. We suffered through a horrible B-list horror movie that left me feeling dazed, confused, and a little empty. Luckily this one is better. It's a love story so Faith isn't having a lot of fun. At least I don't think she is. I really don't see Faith being the romance movie type. Willow is completely enthralled by it. Her eyes haven't left the TV since the first ten minutes. I keep glancing over at Faith and she looks a little bored.

I stiffen when I feel something brush against my hand. I look down and I see Faith's hand right next to mine, and her pinky finger is lightly caressing mine. I look up at her face and she's staring at the TV with a look of concentration on her face. Ok, so maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it? But that's dumb, of course she knows what she's doing. So what does this mean exactly? Who fucking cares?! I'm just glad she's here.

I keep my eyes on the TV just in case Willow glances over. She can't see our hands because I have a very large bowl of popcorn sitting on my lap. I'm not paying attention to a word that's being said. All I can concentrate on is the feel of Faith's hand as she gently caresses mine. I know it's completely insane but I'm actually getting a little turned on by this. That's definitely not making this easier.

It only feels like minutes but I guess a long time has gone by because the movie is over. Willow says she promised Giles she'd help him look through some books tomorrow morning so we're going to bed a lot earlier then we usually would when we have a sleep over. Whenever I sleep over at Willow's house, and vise versa, we always share a bed but my redheaded friend thinks it would be a good idea if we all sleep on the floor. I guess she doesn't want Faith to feel left out.

I don't know how long it's been since Will turned the lights out, but I can tell she's asleep. She's mumbling something about tadpoles in her Fruit Loops, and every once in a while she'll let out a little snort. Do I make that much noise when I sleep? Go I hope not. I don't know if Faith is asleep or not. I haven't heard anything from my left side in a while. Yeah, I'm in the middle again. I don't know how I always end up in the middle but it happens and it's annoying.

"Buffy," I hear Faith whisper. I don't move a muscle. I force myself to stay calm and pretend to be asleep. I really don't feel like talking to her right now. Willow could wake up and find out about us and that would be bad. I have no idea how she'd react if she found out. I know Xander wouldn't care, he's just drool a lot, but Willow? Not a clue. "Buffy are you asleep?" Did she really just ask that? Like I'm going to reply 'yeah, I am, could you come back later?'

I hear her shuffle around in her sleeping bag and the next thing I know I feel her fingertips lightly caressing my forehead. She's been very touchy-feely tonight. First on the couch and now this. What is going on inside that head of hers? I have to force myself not to respond to the touches because I really want to scoot over just a little bit so I can snuggle up to her. But I can't do that obviously.

"B, I don't hate you," she whispers very softly. If I didn't have slayer hearing I wouldn't have heard that. I'm totally confused. If she doesn't hate me then why has she been avoiding me? I hate feeling blonde, it sucks. "I wanna tell you how much I love you but I can't." Oh God, I think I'm going to cry. She loves me? Like she really, really loves me? "Just stop thinkin I hate you, ok? Get it through that thick skull of yours." Hey that's no way to talk to the girl you love. Faith loves me, how cool is that? I feel her lips lightly press against mine for just a second and then just like that she's gone. My life is so unfair.


	18. Chapter 18

Ok, here's a little update on what's been going on. It's been exactly two weeks since the sleepover at Willow's and things have gotten a little better in the Faith department. We're not hanging out as much as we used to, and I wouldn't really describe us as friends, but we're working on it.

Besides I don't think things could ever go back to the way they were before. Too much has happened that can't be taken back or forgotten and I honestly don't want to just be friends with Faith. At least no like the way we were. I want us to have meaningful talks. Maybe I can get her to open up about her home life and her obvious daddy issues.

Sorry about that, I got side tracked. Where was I? Oh yeah, so Faith and I are becoming friendly but things between me and Tanner have been chilly at best. He definitely knows something is going on and he doesn't really like me and Faith spending so much time together. I'm with her when I get home from school, and we're patrolling together again.

To answer your question, yes patrolling with her is a little awkward. She is always at least three feet away from me if she can help it. We had to fight a group of vampires the other night and we were back to back most of the time. We got so caught u pin the moment and everything just melted away. It was just her and me doing what we do best. Afterwards it was extremely awkward because of the double h's, as Faith puts it, and there was tons of sexual tension.

Faith has also made a couple appearances at the Bronze, but she was mostly trying to keep the gang happy and thinking nothing is wrong. It's working for the most part. Wesley is a little mad that she doesn't come into the library that often but he hasn't gone looking for her or anything. She's starting to come in on Thursdays again so that's something. She doesn't want to train that much with me because she wants me. I can tell that she's starting to get sexually frustrated, and it's kind of sad, but amusing at the same time.

Hearing her and Tanner go at it for two and a half hours is never fun, but seeing her all twitchy the next morning because he can't satisfy her puts a little smile on my face. She admitted to me awhile ago that since she became a slayer he can't fulfill her, and our…encounter left her very satisfied, but now the frustration is building back up.

I can go on and on about Faith all day, so I'll skip it for now. I have some other things to talk about. Those vampires that came to town and have been hiding out are finally starting to do something. At least we're pretty sure it's them. Four little girls have gone missing in the last two weeks. And two things I don't believe in are unicorns and coincidences. I haven't really been too worried about them because they were being so quiet, but now they've pissed me off.

Right now we're in the middle of a scooby meeting, Faith included, and so far we've gotten nowhere. Well, we have gotten somewhere but it's nowhere useful. I'm frustrated, Giles is annoyed, Willow is sad, Xander is worried, Faith is restless, Cordelia looks bored, and Oz is completely calm and blank faced like always. I don't really know why Cordelia is here, it's not like she's helping or anything. She's reading the latest addition of People while Giles and I argue.

"Giles, I get that this is dangerous, I really do. But I'm sick of just sitting around doing nothing and waiting for them to make a move. Faith and I should be out hunting them down and slaying them like they deserve!" You bet your ass I'm yelling. I've had enough of this bullshit. He puts his hands on the table and leans towards me a little. He looks pissed as hell and a little scary but I'm not backing down.

"It's not that simple. We don't know how many vampires there are. You two going out and hunting them like wild dogs is not only stupid, it's suicidal. You're angry because there's a large chance that they've turned those four girls, we all are, but we need a plan if we're going to defeat them once and for all." I'll admit only to myself that he has a point. But like that's ever stopped me from arguing.

"You're damn right I'm angry. Four little girls are dead, Giles. The oldest one was seven, and they were all killed on my watch. We need to start looking for them, we need to kill them, and now before anymore girls die." Vampires, except for Angel, don't have souls so there's a possibility some very sick, fucked up things happened to those girls before they died.

"You are not to blame for what happened." And here he goes with this crap. "What happened is a tragedy, but there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. Each girl was taken from a different part of town, and you can't be everywhere at once." I'm getting sick of his voice. Without saying anything I storm out of the library. It was totally dramatic, I know, but I can't think clearly right now. I hear someone walking behind me but I don't stop or even look back. I just want to be alone. I guess that's not going to happen considering I'm being pulled into an empty classroom.

"Let go," I say and tug my arm free. I turn around in time to see Faith shutting the door. The room is pretty dark because the only light is coming on through the little window thing on the door. I can still see pretty good though because of my slayer eyesight. I'm silent as Faith turns around and stands about six inches in front of me. She's really close and I don't wan that right now.

"Alright, B, it's time to calm down. I get that you're pissed but takin it out on Giles isn't gonna help." I back away from her and lean against one of the desks. She didn't read the newspaper like I did, so she doesn't know why I'm so pissed. A family was just passing through Sunnydale on their way to LA, and decided to stay here for the night. While they were sleeping their motel room was broken in and their five-year-old daughter was taken. It was the same motel Faith used to live at.

"I don't care right now. I haven't been doing my job, Faith." I look down at my hands and then back into her eyes. She looks a little confused, and she also has this look like 'well, go on'. "Things have been so crazy lately because of…everything that's happened and I haven't been patrolling as much as I used to. If I had been out there trying to find these vampires then this wouldn't have happened." She gets closer until she's right in my personal space.

"You don't know that for sure. I'm a slayer too, this is just as much my fault as it is yours." No, it's not. It's different because this is my town. Faith has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to stay in Sunnydale permanently and I have to because of the hellmouth. "You know I hate agreein with watchers but Giles is right. We don't know how many of those vamps are out there out there, and if we hunt them down and we're not ready then we're dead, and that's not an option." I really don't want to use a scare tactic, but here it goes.

"One of those girls was taken from the motel you were staying at." She looks a little surprised so I keep going. "It could've been Sam, Faith. If things were different and you didn't move in with us it could've been her." I open my mouth to say more but she puts a finger on my lips to keep me quiet. I kind of hate her right now.

"Stop it. I know what you're doin and it's not gonna work. Things aren't different, and it wasn't her." Her finger moves from my lips and now she's gently cupping my cheek. I take in a shaky breath as she steps a little closer to me. The look in her eyes is so intense and I can feel myself getting lost in them. "We're going to find them and we're going to stop them. It's what we do best, girlfriend. Kill the baddies and lookin good doin it."

"But what about those little girls, Faith?" Now that my adrenaline isn't pumping anymore I have tears in my eyes. "Killing those vampires isn't going to bring them back. We can never make up for what they did." The tears slowly run down my face and Faith uses her thumbs to brush them away. She's so close to me now that I can feel her body brushing against mine. My breathing stops when she closes the distance between our mouths. My eyes slide shut when I feel her soft lips press against mine. They feel so much better then I remember.

It only lasts a few seconds, and she very slowly pulls away. Both of her hands are on my face now and her fingers are lightly petting my cheeks. The way she's touching me, the look in her eyes right now just everything about her demeanor it's like I'm the most delicate thing in the world and she's trying so hard not to break me. But the way she's standing up perfectly straight, and the way her body is pressed against mine it's also like she's silently telling me she's going to protect me. From what I'm not sure.

Going against all of my better judgment I lean forward and kiss her. This one isn't a soft, comforting kiss that only lasts mere seconds. Not at all. Sure it's pretty soft, and I do feel comforted, but it's different because almost as soon as my lips touch hers our tongues are out and very ready. She takes control right away, and her tongue gently massages mine. Her right hand moves from my face to the small of my back.

She pulls me against her and we're touching in all of the right places. I turn my head a little to the side and roll my tongue against hers like I'm trying to say an 'r' sound in Spanish. A small moan escapes her throat and I wrap my arms around her neck. We haven't even been kissing for five minutes and already I want her. My body is ready for her to take me, and I definitely wan her to.

She pulls back and ends the kiss. We're both panting very roughly and our heavy breathing is the only sound in the room. My heart is racing and if the flush on her face is an indicator then so is hers. She leans her forehead against mine and closes her eyes. I'd give anything to know what's running through her mind right now. I don't move and I concentrate on slowing down my breathing while I wait to see what she's going to do.

When she opens her eyes I can just tell that this moment is over. It isn't just her and me anymore, hiding away from the rest of the world, and trying to comfort each other. Now it's Faith, me, and all of the reasons why this is wrong. It doesn't stop her from rubbing the tip of her nose against mine, and I smile a big goofy smile.

"You're a little bit of a dork," I say and pull my head back so I can look at all of her face. She smiles back and she lets go of me. I do the same thing even thought I really don't want to.

Well, I don't like seeing you cry." I didn't know Faith could be this sweet. I know she has a soft side. All you have to do is watch her with Sam and you can see that she can be gentle, and sweet and that she isn't this hardcore, badass girl. Just when I think she's going to say something totally sweet and cute again she gets this look in her eyes and I know it's over.

"We should get back," I tell her and she nods her head a little. "Someone might come looking for us. We've been gone for a while." I look into her eyes like I'm trying to study them or something. I can just tell that she doesn't want to leave. She wants to be with me, but she can't an she looks so torn. I sigh a little and walk passed her. If she wasn't going to make the first move to leave then I had to or I probably would've kissed her again.

When I get out into the hall I hear her walking behind me. She walks a little faster until she's right next to me. We walk towards the library in silence and it's a little awkward. I hate that it's like this between us. I hate that I can't just reach over and hold her hand. I hate that I can't grab onto her arm and press her up against the lockers and kiss her like I really want to.

I've had enough of all this bullshit. She loves me too, I know she does, and we're both legal adults so there shouldn't be anything stopping us. Being an adult is about making choices and sticking by them. Life is about finding the things that are worth having and fighting for them with all you've got. Ever since I was a little kid those are the things people have been telling me, and now I'm ready to make a choice. I'm ready to fight with everything I have to win Faith over. To prove to her that we can work as a couple.

"Here's what we're going to do," I say as we enter the library. There's no way we don't look totally badass right now. "Faith and I will up our patrolling, and take along some extra weapons just in case. We'll find where these vampires are hiding and do some recon. We'll try to count how many there are without being seen and take out all of the ones we can without getting caught. When we have proof that there are too many for us to handle then we'll meet again for strategy talks but until then we're going after them like there's a bounty." Not one of my best speeches but they all look impressed.

I don't know exactly how I'm going to prove to Faith that I love her, and convince her that we can be together. I guess I need to go right to the source of the problem. I need to find out everything I can about Tanner. He's the one I'm up against so I need a plan, and lots of information for that plan and I need it fast. I need to know why Faith is so afraid of him because that's the key. If she feels like she can trust me and that I'll protect her then I stand a chance. I might have to play a little dirty but all is fair in love and war, right?


	19. Chapter 19

_Don't hate me._

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"If Sunnydale is so damn small then how come we can't find those damn vamps?" Faith asks and she sounds very irritated. We've been patrolling for three hours and we haven't found anything. It's like the vampires are invisible or something. It's not like we haven't been following the plan. We've patrolled every night together for the last week, and for about an hour longer then we normally do and still nothing.

"I don't know. But we need to find them soon because I really need to kill something." I'm very frustrated for two reasons. One, four days ago another little girl was taken and she still hasn't been found. All of these missing girls are drawing a lot of attention from the cops, the press, and pissed off residents of Sunnydale and it's making patrolling that much harder. Two, yesterday morning I walked into the bathroom thinking no one was in it, but I was so wrong. Faith was naked from the waist down, and Tanner was going down on her.

She had her eyes closed and they didn't hear me walk in so they didn't stop. She had this look on her face and I know I'll never forget it. She looked like she was in pain. It's like she needs release so bad but he can't give it to her. I shut the door and ran downstairs. I didn't look either of them in the eyes all day. It was just too weird, and I never want to see anything like that again. I'm completely traumatized, and it's their fault. The door has a lock they just didn't use it.

"I know what you mean," she says and sits down on a tombstone. "If I don't get at least one good lay anytime soon I might explode." That's not really what I meant. Ok, so it is, but I'll never admit it out loud. Even though we've been getting along a lot better we haven't talked about anything personal. I've been following her lead on the conversations 'cause I don't want to hit a nerve and scare her away. If she wants to get personal now I'm not going to stop her.

"Really? But you and Tanner have been…" I need to word it just right or she might get offended or something. "Pretty…active in that department." She gives me a weird look and I sigh. "Slayer hearing, remember? You two keep me up at night no matter how quiet you try to be." She gets a little smile on her face, but it's so not funny. I could have gone my entire life without knowing that Tanner says 'shazam' every time he comes.

"He tries but it just isn't enough for me anymore. I haven't had a good lay since…." She trails off and her eyes start roaming all over my body. I can tell just by looking at her that she's turned on, and my body is reacting to her gaze, and the heavy smell of her arousal. So I was right? She hasn't been satisfied since our night together. Well, that's good for the ego.

I feel my face heat up as my entire body starts to tingle at the sensation of her eyes on me. I take in a sharp breath and her eyes jump up from my legs to my breasts. My nipples harden against my will and there's a dampness between my legs. Faith has me wet and wanting her with just a look. She better get some release soon or we're both going to either go completely insane or do something stupid that will make her hate me and never talk to me again.

"Maybe we should call it a night." Was that my voice? When did my voice get all throaty and kinda deep? Faith stiffens and takes in a deep breath. She either doesn't want to go home or she likes my voice when it's like this. "We're not finding anything and I have to finish my history paper." She stands up from the tombstone and gets really close to me. I don't know if it was on purpose, or if I was standing that close while she was sitting, but we're almost touching.

"Buffy," she whispers and the sound of it sends a shiver down my spine. I can feel my blood rushing through my veins, and my heart pumping so fast that I can hear it. Every fiber of my being is telling me to take her. To lay her down on the ground and fuck her until she's screaming my name. I want to, you have no idea how much I want to, and I know she does too, I can smell her. So you can safely bet that my i.d. is screaming out in anger when I back away.

"Let's just go home, Faith. I don't want to do anything we'll regret later." I watch in silence as she forces herself to calm down. When she nods we start walking towards the house. She's walking like she's in pain, and every once in a while she'll hiss out a breath. I bet her clit is so…. Ok, Buffy if you're going to stay sane then you have to stop thinking about Faith's naughty parts. I wonder what her naughty parts look like? I've never seen another girl up close and personal before.

"I'm sorry." Wait, what? Why is she saying sorry? I don't remember her doing anything wrong. But I don't want to look stupid so I'll just wait until I know what she's talking about. "I'm the one who keeps saying no, but I'm not making it any easier. First I kissed you, and back there I was gettin ready to jump ya. I know you're doin your best, and I'm sorry." Wow. I never thought I'd hear her say sorry. Faith never says sorry for anything.

"It's alright. I just want us to be friends." I don't know if I should bring this up or not but I think I should. I don't want to feel like an ass. "And I'm sorry too, about what happened at the Bronze." I can practically hear her muscles tense up, and she sucks in a deep breath. "I never should've forced you to go. I knew you were uncomfortable with the whole thing, and I'm sorry." I hold my breath as I wait for the freak out.

"Ok, we've got to do something bad now." What the fuck kind of response is that? "I'm not tryin to be insensitive." Oh really, now why would I think that? "But I feel like I'm caught in an after school special." I watch as she picks up a rock and throws it as hard as she can. It hits the car across the street, goes through the driver's window, the passenger window, and it lodges itself in the house the car is parked next to. The alarm goes off and a light in the dark house turns on.

"Run!" Faith yells. We take off down the street and she has a huge smile on her face. I can't believe she did that! Just because she felt a little stupid it doesn't mean she can go around throwing rocks. On the upside no one got hurt, and watching her boobs bounce while we run is pretty cool. But that person is going to have to buy new windows and those aren't cheap. We stop when we get to my house and we're panting at the end of the walkway.

"Some fun, aye Pidge?" she says and winks. The smile is still plastered on her face and her dimples are out on display. Wait a second, when I reference Lady and the Tramp it's immature, but when she does it it's ok? That is totally not fair. I could get a little mad and argue my case or I could throw her of by saying something unexpected.

"Nah. If you wanted to do something fun you would've thrown it at the living room window." I smile when she gets a shocked look on her face. I've never seen Faith look like that. It's pretty nice.

"Well, well, well. It looks like you're not such a goodie two-shoes after all." I laugh a little as she stands up straight and shakes out her hair. My eyes wander down to her cleavage totally against my will. I remember what it was like when I touched them. They were soft, and felt so right in my hands.

"I'm really, really not." I give her a little look, almost like I'm challenging her. It can't hurt to flirt a little, right? I know my plan to win Faith's hand has been put on the back burner because of the vampires taking all of those girls, but a few subtle hints never hurt anybody. "Then again, you already know that." I give her a little wink and she looks shocked and turned on at the same time.

"We better get inside," she says and it almost sounds like she's talking about going to bed with me. I really wish that were true. I really want her to take me by the hand and lead me upstairs to my bedroom. Then she'll undress me, her hands will softly roam over my body as she gently leads me over to the bed. She'll pull back the covers, and I'd lay down and wait patiently. I'd watch her undress and I know I'd get even more turned on just watching her.

Then she'd crawl on top of me, and make sure not to hurt me. We'd kiss, soft at first, but then it would build. Her hands would touch me in my most intimate places. She's tease me, and kiss me, and make sure I'm good and ready before entering me with her fingers. We'd rock against each other building up a rhythm together and just when I think I can't stand it anymore she'll-

"You wanna stand out here all night or what?" Fuck! That scared me. I must've zoned out. I look over at Faith and she has a teasing smile on her face. "I think you better hit the showers, B." What? "Whatever you were thinkin about must be hot 'cause you are all kinds of worked up." Let's see, my face is flushed, my palms are sweaty, I'm very wet, my heart is beating very fast, and my clit is throbbing. Yep, I'm all kinds of worked up.

I ignore Faith's comment and we make our way towards the house. Instantly we both know something is…off. Sam is crying really loud but it isn't like any of her other cries. It's not her tired cry, or her 'I'm so hungry I think I'm gonna die' cry, or her 'will someone please just listen to me?' cry. Faith tenses up and starts walking faster. She looks worried, to say the least, but there was something else in her eyes. Something that I can't put my finger on.

She practically throws the door open and I'm only two steps behind her. The crying is coming from upstairs, and that's where Faith heads. I stay down here though. Something just isn't right. I don't want to sound like a hippy but I'm getting some pretty bad vibes right now. There's just all this negative stuff in the air, and I don't like it at all. I go into the kitchen and the first thing I see is the empty paper bag. The next thing that grabs my attention is the trashcan. It has about seven empty beer bottles in it. I jump a little when I hear a door slam and I look up at the ceiling.

I can hear Tanner's voice, but I can't make out what he's saying. He doesn't sound too happy and I think it's safe to say he's the one who drank all of those beers. So it's probably safe to say he's drunk. I'm not liking this one bit. I have no idea what to do. This has never happened, and I'm pretty sure I would normally have my mom lead, but she's not here. She's in San Francisco at a conference thing for the gallery. Ok, Buffy, what would Mom do if she were here right now?

I think my mom would try to calm Sam down while the other two fight. She'd give the space, and stay calm. Ok, so that's what I need to do. I can stay calm and keep quiet. Tanner's a nice guy, how bad can he be when he drinks? I make my way up the stairs. Sam's crying is really loud, but their voices are still muffled so I guess she's in a different room.

"I'm not drunk you stupid bitch!" Oh yeah, he's a real charmer. I totally get what Faith sees in him. "If I were drunk I'd do somethin like this!" I hear something shatter against the wall. I ignore the impulse to go into the bedroom and see what it was. I go into Sam's room, and she's still screaming bloody murder. I've never heard her scream and cry this hard before. I turn on the light and I can't help the gasp that gets sucked into my lungs.

She looks up at me, her eyes are a dark color because of the crying. So if her face, and neck and judging by how hoarse her voice is I'd say she's been crying like this for a while. Ok so here's the reason why I gasped, and most likely the reason why she's crying: she has bruises, big dark bruises, on her chest and stomach and her right side. Her left wrist is a little red and swollen.

She's coughing now she's crying so hard. Ok, I need to do something because she's ere having trouble breathing. I walk over to her kinda slow 'cause I don't wanna scare her. As soon as I'm next to her bed she lifts her arms up and starts reaching for me. I carefully pick her up and prop her on my hip. If she weren't, obviously, beaten I'd be totally grossed by all of the snot coming out of her nose. I need to stay focused here. I need to calm her down.

"And where the fuck were you all night, huh?" I really wish he'd stop yelling so loud. The neighbors might call the cops and if Tanner's arrested then I can't kill him. "Were you out on your back getting fucked?! Is'at why you never come, you're out doin it for someone else?!" Something slams against the door and Sam starts crying harder. Faith is saying something back, but she isn't yelling and with Sam crying right in my ear I cant hear what she's saying.

"Don't you fuckin lie to me you little whore!" Hey, Faith is so not a whore. I should go in there and kick his ass. I would but I have a crying baby in my arms. I walk out of the room and head towards the stairs. I don't know where I'm gonna go. Maybe the backyard to get Sam away from all of the yelling. But as soon as I step into the hallway I hear: "Would someone shut that fuckin kid up?!" The bedroom door flies open and Tanner is standing there looking really pissed off and also surprised. Why? I don't know, but he does.

"Get your fuckin hands off my kid!" He starts walking towards me and this is the first time since I've become a slayer that I've been afraid of a human being. He looks so angry, like he wants to murder me, and I don't know what to do. I know I need to move but my legs aren't listening to my brain even though they're screaming at them to run. When he's about two steps away Faith comes flying out of the room and stands in between us.

"Babe, come on. Buffy's just trying to calm her down so she'll stop crying. Let's just go back in the bedroom, ok?" What the fuck is wrong with her? Why isn't she throwing his ass outside? I've never seen her take shit from anybody. In the blink of an eye he slaps her hard across the face.

"Get the fuck outta my way, Faith!" he yells but she doesn't move. She tries to get him to go into the bedroom, but he's drunk and stubborn. "You little fuckin bitch, you tryin to take my kid from me?" I take it he's talking to me now. Before I can answer he keeps talking. "Get your own family, you little slut. This one's mine and you're not takin it from me." What the fuck is he talking about?

"Buffy, just take Sam out of here. Just go!" Faith screams and Tanner his her again. My legs decide to work and I run. I run down the stairs and into the foyer. I grab one of my jackets off the hook and wrap it around Sam. She's only wearing her My Little Pony underwear and it's kind of cold outside. Plus I don't want anyone to se her like this. I can hear Tanner screaming at Faith as I make my way down the walkway. I'm not running because if I fall Sam will get hurt worst. So for now I'm going to just walk really fast.

Where am I going to go? What the fuck am I supposed to do? I need to think of something and fast. If any vampires or demons near by hear her they'll think her cries are a dinner bell or something. Before I really know where I'm going my legs start pumping as I take off down the street. Everything is starting to fade away as I focus on getting there. Sam's crying becomes a little buzz in the background as I run faster then I've ever ran before.

I get tunnel vision as I see the building, and I slow down before I reach the stairs. I don't care that it's really late, I don't care if Faith gets pissed off at me, and I don't are what anyone else says. I'm not going to hide this for Faith. I'm not going to let her justify it in her mind and let her think it's ok. I'll kill Tanner the next time I see him but right now I have to make sure that Sam is ok. I need to do it because it seems like everyone else has let her down.

Faith didn't act surprised at all to see Tanner like that, so I can safely guess that it's happened before. She didn't do her job as a mother. She didn't protect her baby, and look what happened. We leave for a couple of hours and when we get back Tanner is drunk out of his mind and Sam is covered in bruises. That is just completely fucked up and no little kid should have to live like that. I repeat that over and over in my head as the door opens because now that I'm really going to reveal this big secret I feel like running away.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** _After months and months (ok, so about three weeks) of bugging my sister we finally got a new router so now I can get on the internet on my laptop. Which mean updates will be happening a little more often. So yay! Anyway, I hope you enjoy the new chapter and I'll try to have everything updated very soon._

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This silence is starting to kill me. I mean that seriously, I'm not just being dramatic. I feel like I can't breathe as I look at Giles. His face is a mix of so many different emotions that I can't even begin to name them. Well, I can name a couple. Anger is a big one. Shock is another. Disappointment and sadness are tied at number three.

When he first saw Samantha he thought I rescued her from a vampire. As soon as she passed out from all of the crying and stress I told him everything. Ok so not everything. I didn't tell him about Faith and I sleeping together but I told him about Tanner, and how they've been living at my house. I told him what happened we got home from patrolling only I left out most of the things that Tanner said.

I finished talking about forty minutes ago, and I finished crying about ten minutes ago. I can't believe I just left Faith there. I know it normally takes a lot more then a human to kill a slayer but she wasn't defending herself. He was hitting her, screaming at her, calling her awful names, and she just let him. She could be dead right now. She could be dead and it's my fault for just taking off like that. I should've put Sam in my room and then I should've put Tanner in a grave.

"First things first," I jump a little at the sound of his voice. It was just over a whisper but it startled me. "We need to take the girl to the hospital to be examined. I think she has a broken wrist." Oh my God. I'm going to kill Tanner the next time I see him. Wait, we can't go to the hospital. Going to the hospital would be bad.

"They'll call the police and she'll get taken away. We can't do that. Faith told me Tanner's parents are rich, and if he goes to jail then they'll fight for custody and they'll win because she can't afford to hire a good lawyer. And if she asks her parents for help then they'll fight for custody and if they get it they'll put Sam up for adoption." He takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. He only does that when he's really irritated.

Before either of us can say anything there's a loud pounding on the door. Oh God, Tanner killed Faith and now he's trying to take Sam away! I jump off the couch and stand at the foot of the stairs. If he wants her he has to go through me. I watch silently as Giles stands up and walks towards the door. He puts his hand on the knob but he doesn't open it yet. He looks back at me, and I take in a deep breath. When I nod my head he opens the door but before he can say anything he's pushed aside.

"Where is she? Is she alright? Where is she?" Faith says in one breath as she rushes into the room. She starts looking around and I try not to freak out. Faith looks so scared, and completely freaked out. She has bruises on her face and arms, and her lip is cut. It's already starting to heal but that's not the point.

"Is Tanner gone?" I look into her big brown eyes and she looks a little confused, like me bringing up Tanner is an insane thing to do. "Because if he's at my house when we go home I'm going to kill him." She looks a little scared but I'm so pissed off I can't force myself to care. Before she can say anything Giles clears his throat.

"Buffy, perhaps Faith should see…her daughter before we start asking questions." My jaw almost hits the floor, and a cold shiver runs down my back. What the fuck is wrong with Giles? He's really going to let Faith see Sam after she failed to do her job? A job that's more important then slaying or anything else in the world. "She's asleep in my bed. Up the stairs, first door on the right." She pushes passed me and runs up the stairs. I hope Sam inherited some of Faith's healing powers because if her wrist is broken she's going to be in a lot of pain.

"Don't start," he says before I can say a word. Wow, he really does know me. "Keeping Faith away from her daughter will only make matters worst. They've been through a lot tonight. Let's not add to the stress." I'd say they've been through more then a lot. I could kill Tanner, but I can't leave. Faith is always saying how evil the Watcher's Council is, and now that Giles knows about Sam there's every chance she'll run.

"Ok. I don't think she should be left alone with Sam." Before he can say anything I'm walking up the stairs. I told Giles about Faith's fear of the Council, and he confirmed that the Council doesn't want slayers to have children. He didn't tell me exactly what they'll do to Sam, but I could just tell by the look on his face that it's not good.

I stop when I get to Giles' bedroom. The door is open and the hall light is spilling inside so I can see Faith is sitting on the bed next to Sam. She isn't touching her, she's just looking at her. The way she's looking at her…I can't really describe it. It reminds me of this show I watched on National Geographic. A lion killed some baby cheetahs and when the mom found them lying there dead she kept trying to wake them. It's like she didn't want to accept reality. That's what Faith looks like. She doesn't want to accept what happened but she has to.

"I'm sorry," she whispers so softly that I barely hear it. "I'm so, so sorry." Her voice s really shaky and I think she's going to cry. I can't help but feel angry. There's no way she didn't know about this. There's no way Tanner hasn't done something like this before. She didn't look surprised to see Tanner like that. She looked…scared, but she looked far from surprised. She leans down and leaves a very gentle kiss on Sam's forehead. Then she stands up and walks into the hallway and closes the door behind her.

She's standing right in front of me, close enough to reach out and touch, but she's not looking at me. She's looking down at her hands. They didn't have any bruises on them. They're probably the only part of her that doesn't have a bruise. She looks so…broken is a good word for it, but that's no quite it.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I don't sound as mad as I feel, mostly because I'm forcing my voice to stay low so I won't wake Sam up. She finally looks into my eyes and now she looks surprised. "He's done this before, hasn't he? Had just a little too much to drink, and everyone around him becomes a punching bag." She tries to talk but I don't let her. "He's been living with us for weeks, and you didn't say anything. What if my mother had been home? You really think he would've help back because she's been nothing but nice?"

She takes in a big shaky breath and she's trying not to cry. A part of me wants to take her in my arms and protect her, but a much bigger part wants to hell at her. I hate conflicting emotions. I wish I could feel one thing at a time. Things would be so much simpler. I wait very patiently for her to speak because I want to hear what she has to say for herself.

"He promised he was gonna change. He said once we moved n with you guys he'd stop drinking." They all say that! God, hasn't she ever watched the Lifetime channel? "He never laid a hand on her before. He always just took it out on me. But we were out late, later then normal." Oh God, here comes the excuses. "I never thought he'd hit her." She's crying now and she's trying to talk but she can't. I can just tell by the look in her eyes that she's telling the truth. She really did think he'd never hit their daughter, and I can't be mad at her anymore.

"It's ok, Faith," I say and gently caress her bruised face. "It's alright because I'm here now." I slowly pull her into my arms, and hold her gently but firmly. She probably has bruises all over and I don't want to hurt her. "He's never going to touch you guys again. I won't let him." I carefully pick her up and carry her into Giles' spare bedroom. This is where he keeps most of his books, and there is no bed, just a really uncomfortable couch, but Faith's crying is getting pretty loud and I don't want Sam to wake up.

"I promise. I promise he's never going to hurt you again." I sit down on the couch, and she's sitting across my lap. Her arms are wrapped around my neck and she's crying so hard. But I know she can hear me even though I'm talking softly. "I love you. I know you don't want to hear it, but I do. And I'm not going to let this happen. I love you, Faith, and I'm going to take care of you. Just let me take care of you."

She starts crying even harder, and I kind of want to question her on it. I want to ask her if she's crying harder because she doesn't want to hear that, or because she's glad I'm going to help her. But as much as I want to ask I don't. I just let her cry. I hear the door creak open and I look up. Giles is standing there with a worried expression on his face. I get it completely. I'm worried too. I'm worried that I won't be able to protect her. If a judge decides Sam is better off Tanner I won't be able to stop it.

I don't want to think about that right now. I need to focus all of my attention on Faith because if I don't I might run my hand through a wall or something. I gently rub the back of her head as she sobs so hard she can barely breathe. I kill her temple every few seconds and she's starting to calm down. I have no idea how long we've been like this but I have a feeling that it's late, like really, really late. I just need to close my eyes for a second. Just for a few minutes then I'll get up and deal with everything.

Ok, this is weird. I'm in a bed, but I can tell it's not my bed. And there's something warm pressed against me. I open my eyes very slowly and wait for them to adjust to the light. Why is there light? I only closed my eyes for like, two minutes. I glance around the room and I can just tell I'm in Giles' bedroom. But how did I get here? I look over to the other side of the bed, and what I see makes me smile.

Sam is the warm thing pressed against me. Her little butt is pressed into my side, and she's facing away from me. Her other half is snuggled up to Faith. She has her little arms wrapped around her, and they look peaceful. I frown though when I see Faith. She has bruises all over her face. Most of them have already faded to almost nothin, but a couple are still a little dark. Her arms are even worst though, and her hands have cuts on them.

I very slowly sneak out of the bed. I don't want to wake them up or anything. But they stay asleep, which I'm grateful for. If Faith knew what I'm going to do then I don't think she'd let me leave peacefully, and she'd probably take off. Once I'm out of the room I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. Things aren't too bad, which his good. The goal this morning is to look intimidating not clinically insane.

I think it's pretty safe to say that Giles is the one who put us in his bed. I am pretty grateful because sleeping on the couch like that would've been really uncomfortable. Anyway, he didn't take my shoes off, which I'm glad because I can just leave without having to wait. That's exactly what I do. I go down the stairs and I'm out the door before Giles can say a word. As soon as the door is shut behind me I start running as fast as I can.

I run up the stairs, and down the sidewalk. Passed al of the houses, and the driving cars. Passed all of the kids on bikes and skateboards, and rollerblades. I barely look at the as I run by, and al I can really focus on in the anger building up in my body. As much as I want to I can't kill Tanner. He's a human, and even though he's a worthless one who doesn't deserve to live it's not my call to make. So I can't kill him, but there are a lot of ways to hurt someone without killing them.

I slow down to a fast paced walk when I get to my house. His truck is still here, but that's no guarantee that he's inside. Still I have to find out. When I open the door the smell is the first thing that hits me. Not literally, but you get the idea. It smells like vomit, and alcohol, and piss. Oh yeah, it's going to be fun cleaning that up. I ignore it the best I can and go upstairs. That's probably where he is since that's where Faith's bedroom is. Notice how I said 'Faith's bedroom'? Yeah, he's as good as gone in my mind.

When I see him laying on the bed in nothing but his boxers my stomach tightens. Just looking at him is painful because I want to run over there and rip his throat out. But I don't do that. Instead I run over to the bed and grab onto the sheets. I pull as hard as I can and he goes flying off the bed. He crashes to the floor, and when he hits he lets out a loud yell. I walk over to the other side of the bed, and kick him in the ribs.

"What the…fuck, bitch?" he breathes out as he grabs his ribs. I don't say anything though. I reach down, and grab a fist full of his stupid sandy blonde hair. I pull up and he yells out in pain. Even though he's on his feet I don't let go of his hair. "Let me go you fucking bitch." Ok, I'll let you go. I let go and punch him in the face. He stumbles back, and slams into the wall. His mouth is bleeding and he looks pretty pissed off.

"You shut up, and just listen," I say and I get right in his face. He looks a little scared and I'm glad. I want more of it, and I know I have to be careful. "You like beating up on women, huh? It makes you feel tough, and manly. Is that right?" He tries to say something so I punch him in the face. "I said just listen." He's already getting a black eye and I want to smile but I don't.

"You made a big mistake doing this shit in my house." I wrap my hand around his neck and slam him against the wall. My grip is tight, but not too tight. He can still breathe…a little. "Faith won't go to the cops because she's afraid of the Council, but trust me if you ever come near her again you'll wish you were in prison." I tighten my grip a little more, and now he's starting to turn funny colors. I need to make this quick.

"You are going to leave, you'll get the fuck out of Sunnydale, and you'll never come back. If you try to take Samantha away from Faith, if you even think about taking her to court, or kidnapping Sam you will be a footnote in history. I won't kill you, Tanner. I'm a slayer, that's not what I do. But I have nothing against breaking your legs and leaving you in a cemetery for the vampires to find."

I let him go and he falls to the floor. He's coughing, and gasping for breath. Maybe I shouldn't have held on so tight. Then again he did beat his baby so I really don't care how uncomfortable he is right now. I wait and watch while he stands up. He looks at me with nothing but hate. Man, I really want to kill this guy. I don't move though. I just stand here, staring him down.

"They're my family," he says and coughs a little bit. Right, they're his family. If they were really his family he wouldn't beat on them. "And I'm not gonna let some little blonde whore take it away from me. You wanna fuck her, is that it?" My jaw clenches and my back tenses up. "I'll let you fuck her." I punch him hard in the face and he falls down. I kick him really hard in the stomach and he groans in pain.

"Faith is not a whore. She's not your property that you can loan out to someone else." I grab him by the back of the neck and pick him up. "You know about demons, right? I mean, Faith is a slayer so she must've told you about demons." When he doesn't say anything I squeeze even harder and he nods his head yes. "Demons are really big fans of rituals, and most of those rituals require human body parts. All I have to do is take you downtown and I can sell you to some nasty creatures, and by the next day there won't be any body parts for the police to find."

I let go of him, and he stumbles away from me. He looks pretty scared even though he's trying to hide it. I don't take my eyes off of him for a second as he goes over to the closet and grabs a duffle bag. He starts tossing clothes in it, most of them are probably dirty since he's grabbing them off the floor. He goes to pick up a black t-shirt from the corner of the room, but he stops.

He gets this sad look on his face for about five seconds. He picks the shirt up, and tosses it on the bed, and now he looks even more pissed of then before. He puts on some clothes, grabs his wallet and keys off the dresser and he leaves. He stomps down the stairs, slams the front door, and gets in his truck. I hear him slam the door, and he peels out of the driveway. I just pray he takes my advice, because if Faith loses Sam after all they've been through I don't know what she'll do.


	21. Chapter 21

We got home about half an hour ago, but it feels like we've been here for days. There's so much tension in the air right now I feel like I can't breathe. I don't even want to imagine what Faith is feeling. Giles finally convinced the both of us to take Sam to the hospital. We drove to one in LA and used fake names. Giles paid for everything, and Faith kept insisting that she'll pay hi back but I know he won't let her.

Sam's wrist is broken like Giles thought. Nothing too serious though. It's just a hairline fracture. She's in a splint, or something I can't remember what the doctor called it, and it can come off in a couple of weeks. She freaked out when the doctor tried to touch her so they gave her a sedative. She's still asleep, which is good because Faith is having a hard time dealing and she needs some quiet. She hasn't said a word since we left the hospital, and that was a little over two hours ago. Sam is on the couch, she hasn't been upstairs yet.

She's taking her time cleaning up the mess down here. I offered to help but she just shook her head no. So while she's in the kitchen cleaning up all of the cans, and puke I'm in here keeping an eye on Sam. The doctor couldn't say exactly when the drug would wear off, I guess it's different for everyone, and I don't think Sam should be alone when she wakes up. She'll probably be groggy and in pain. Her wrist is the only broken bone, but the rest of her is going to be sore.

God, I don't know how I should explain all of this to my mom. Should I do it or should I let Faith explain? It's her life, her boyfriend that did the damage. I don't know if she'd want me telling my mom or not. I guess I'll have to talk to her about it. But that can wait. I'm not going to bother her about it tonight. I don't think she would talk to me if I tried anyway.

I turn around when I hear footsteps and I see Faith walking towards the stairs. She stops at the bottom and just looks up. I would give almost anything to now what's going through her mind right now. She slowly walks up the stairs just one step at a time. Faith usually takes the two at a time. But there's nothing usual about tonight. She keeps going but she looks, I don't know, scared I guess. It's really weird seeing her like that. Faith's usually the opposite.

When she's out of sight I stand up. My first instinct is to go up with her. The room looks really bad, and I don't think she should be alone. She might think a murder happened or something, but it's not true. Sure I wanted to kill him, but you were there and you saw that all I did was smack him around and told him to get lost. But I don't want to leave Sam down here all by herself. She might wake up and look around and freak out because she's alone.

So I walk over to the couch and I gently pick Sam up. I cradle her in my arms, and smile down at her. She looks so peaceful and really cute right now. She twitches around a little bit but she doesn't wake up. I very, very slowly head upstairs. I really don't want to wake her up because I'm pretty sure Faith would kill me. When I get to the top of the stairs I stop and wait. Even though I was going slow there's still a chance she might wake up……….ok, we're good.

I walk into my bedroom and gently put her down on my side of the bed. My side is the most comfortable side because the mattress is broken in just right. I grab one of the extra blankets from the closet and cover her up. She moves around a little bit, and makes the cutest little whimpering sounds. I lean down very close to her little face and I softly kiss her on the forehead. Her little eyebrows knit together and I can't help but smile. Everything about her is just so tiny and cute.

"What I said to your mom goes double for you cutie. He's never going to lay another hand on you. I promise." I give her another little kiss, and watch her for just a minute longer. How can someone hurt something so…defenseless? I just don't get it. Why would he do something like that? I don't think I want to know. I don't really care about the why. All I truly care about is making sure it never happens again.

I walk out into the hall and look over at Faith's door. It's wide open and I can see perfectly inside. Well, I would be able to if she wasn't standing in the doorway and just staring into the room. I really want to know what she's thinking. I want to know how to make it better. It isn't going to be an easy thing. There's no wound to wrap up, no bruise that will fade in a few hours, and no booboo to kiss all better. I've been hanging around Sam just a little too much, that's for sure.

I take a couple of steps towards her, but I guess she can hear me, or maybe it's just a coincidence but before I can get near her she walks into the room. She doesn't shut the door, or say anything or even turn around to look at me. She just looks around the room. I see her shoulders tense up when she looks at the bed. There are some bloodstains on it, most likely from last night when Tanner was beating her. But I don't think her reaction has to do with the blood. I think it's because of the other thing.

She sits down at the foot of the bed and picks u the t-shirt that Tanner threw on the bed before he left. The way she's holding it, and the way she's looking at it it's almost like the shirt is the more fragile thing on the planet. After just looking at it for a couple of minutes she slowly brings the shirt up to her face and smells it. Tears instantly well up in her eyes and seeing her so sad, so……broken makes me want to cry.

I can't just stand here and do nothing. She's in so much pain, and I love her way too much to just walk away, or keep standing here. So I go into the room, and sit down next to her on the bed. Now that I'm in here I don't really know what to do, but I don't know if that would be the right thing. So I just sit, and watch as she pulls at a little string on the shirt.

"Did you…" she says just barely above a whisper but then she stops. I turn a little bit so I'm facing her but she won't look at me. She can't take her eyes off that old, very worn down shirt. "You didn't hurt him too bad, right? Is he gonna die if he doesn't get to a hospital?" I wish that were the case. I sigh and think about holding one of her hands. That's what I really want to do, but I don't.

"He'll be ok." It isn't fair that he will be though. Someone real needs to put him in the ground. "There was a little bit of hitting but nothing fatal." She nods her head and the tears fall down her face and land in her lap. Ok, I have to do something. I can't just sit here. I gently rest my hand on her back, and she starts to shake. I guess she's trying not to cry.

"He wasn't always like this," she says and her voice has a tremble to it. I start to gently rub her back because it's all I can think of at the moment. I think it's pretty clear I have no idea what to do. "He used to be so…..gentle, and he would never do anything to hurt me. But one day, like almost a year before I became the slayer, he got home from work and he was so pissed off. I don't even know why." A sob escapes her throat, and I put my other hand on her knee.

"We started screamin at each other and he hit me. It happened all the time after that, but then he got better. Things were going good, he got a better job, and Sam was sleepin all through the night. And then he started drinking. I was gonna leave him, I wanted to but I didn't have anywhere to go." I run my fingers through her hair, and even more tears cascade down her face. "One night I told him if he didn't stop I'd go to the cops, and he said if I did that he'd just make bail, and take Sam away from me."

She starts sobbing, and I carefully wrap my arms around her. There's a line here that I know I can't cross but I don't really know where it is. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, and I don't want her to think that I'm…taking advantage or something. I just want to comfort her, and maybe I can. She rests her head against my shoulder, and her crying is getting worst. Ok, maybe I can't comfort her.

"Faith, he's never gong to touch you again. I swear to God he won't. I'd die before I let anything else happen to you or Sam." I hug her a little tighter and just let her cry. I know she's crying partly because she's sad he's gone. I know that sounds like it can't be true, but they were together for a really long time, and at one point she did love him. It might take a long time but eventually she'll move on and then maybe…no. I'm not even gong to think about that right now.

"How did it get so fucked?" she asks between her sobs. I just rub her back, and run my fingers through her hair. There's no use trying to answer the question since this is something I don't have the answer to. "What did I do wrong? Why did he stop loving me?" Ok, so I didn't say anything to the first question, but I can't let her think that. It's not right. None of this is her fault.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Tanner is the one to blame, not you." I'm whispering right in her ear. My lips are lightly brushing up against the shell. Her ear is so red, and so hot because of the crying. "I don't know why he doesn't love you, but that's his loss. You're not worthless, you're not lower then dirt." Those are some of the things he said to her. "You deserve a million times better then him. You deserve someone who will treat you like a princess. And don't even let anyone convince you that you don't." I know I probably shouldn't but I leave a little kiss on her ear.

She just keeps crying, and I keep holing her. I'm not going to leave her while she's like this. That would be a total dick thing to do, and I try not to be one of those. I don't know how long we've been sitting here, but when I glance over at the clock I see that it's two in the morning. Luckily I don't have school tomorrow or that would be a big problem.

A few minutes goes by and Faith's body shaking sobs are now just little hiccups. I think it sounds kind of cute, but I force myself not to smile because I would totally seem like an ass if I did that. Especially if she saw me. When the hiccups become few and far between she sits up, but I don't let got of her completely. I put a hand on her knee, and I use the other to wipe away some of her tears.

I'll admit I'm being a little selfish right now. I got to hold her for a long time, but I don't want to lose the contact. I know I probably sound like a total perv, wanting to touch her while she's in so much pain, but I can't help it. I'm not doing this just for me. I want to try and make her feel better.

"Sorry," she says and gently touches the shoulder she was leaning on. There's a lot of moisture there from her tears, and another more disgusting bodily fluid. I just look into her now very red eyes and try not to frown because of all the pain in them.

"It's ok. It's just a shirt. Nothing a washer and dryer won't fix." She smiles a very tiny smile that only lasts about half a millisecond. Then she sniffles very loudly and I have to force myself not to gag at the sound of her swallowing. Ok, that was one of the grossest things I've ever heard. Oh well. "Do you want me to get you a tissue?" She shakes her head no. She grabs a towel off the floor and wipes her nose with that.

When she's done she drops the towel to the floor and just stares at her feet. I wonder if she wants me to go. I don't want to leave. I'll stay by her side forever, but if she wants me to go there's nothing I can do about that. Just when I'm about to say something she looks up at me. She looks…….different then she did a minute ago. The look in her eyes has changed.

I hold my breath as she leans in. She stops right before she touches my lips. She looks into my eyes and I look right back. I have no idea what's running through her head, and I can't read her expression. Then she kisses me, and the whole world fades away. I close my eyes and very slowly kiss her back. I feel her hand on the back of my neck pulling me a little closer.

As soon as her tongue touches my bottom lip things start to get a little…out of control. I'm keeping up with her the best I can but it's like she's trying to devour me and I'm too weak to stop it. She does this little thing where it's like she's rolling her tongue and I can't help the moan that escapes the back of my throat. I lean my body towards her a little more when she puts her other hand on my side. Then I feel her trying to lay me down.

"Faith, wait." I put my hand on her chest to push her away a little. She looks so confused and turned on that I want to kiss her again but I don't. "Not like this. I know you're hurting really bad right now, but things will just get really weird between us, and things have been weird enough lately." She looks so sad again and I feel like an asshole. "I'm not saying never. I'm just saying we should wait awhile so we do it for the right reasons." She nods her head a little and sighs.

"Ok," she says and sighs again. Then she gets a different look on her face. She looks kind of…shy. "I don't wanna be alone right now, you know? Do you think you can stay in here tonight?" I nod my head and give her a little kiss on the cheek. "I need to put Sam to bed." She tries to get up but I stop her.

"I put her in my room before I came in here. She'll be ok." God, I hope so because I will kill that little creep if she isn't. "I just need to change and I'll be back." I lave a little kiss on her lips, and then I get up and leave the room. I know I should keep my lips to myself but I've missed the feel of her lips on mine. I can't believe I'm going to share a bed with Faith. I hope I can control myself or things will get very…interesting.


	22. Chapter 22

I'm startled awake when I hear the door open. What the hell? Where am I? This totally isn't my bed, or my bedroom. My room smells way better then this. I open my eyes and take a look around. Ok, I'm in Faith's room. Hers is the only room in the house with that creepy Rob Zombie poster. It takes a couple of seconds but last night starts rushing through my mind. I remember taking Sam to the hospital and her crying really hard when the doctor touched her. I remember talking to Faith and letting her cry against me. I remember that we kissed, and that I had a really hard time falling asleep because she wanted to snuggle. Faith snuggles, who knew?

I glance over at the door and see Sam standing there looking very tired, and a little upset. Maybe leaving her in my room wasn't such a good idea. I don't think she knows I'm awake otherwise she might've said something. I watch as she tip toes across the room. She's headed for Faith's side of the bed. Faith is still asleep, so I think I better stop Sam from waking her up. She didn't get a whole lot of sleep either. I very slowly sit up and as soon as Sam sees me she freezes.

"Hi," I whisper and she waves. I smile at her and she very slowly walks over to my side of the bed. I roll over so I'm facing her, and she looks a little sad. She starts messing with her splint and that's not a good thing. "No, sweetie, don't touch that. It's going to help make your arm all better." She stops touching it and now it looks like she doesn't know what to do.

"Can I have some Coco Pops?" she says in a little whisper. So I guess she's hungry. Makes sense since she didn't want to eat yesterday. She was so sore, and in so much pain. All she wanted to do was sit in Faith's lap. Anyway, back to what's happening right now.

"You mean Coco Puffs?" I ask and she nods her head and she has this look on her face like 'duh, that's what I said'. "Yeah. But you have to be very quiet ok? Your mommy is still asleep and we don't want to wake her up." She just nods her little head and takes a step back so I have room to get up. Her curly hair bounces a little bit around her shoulders and it's the cutest thing.

I very slowly get out of Faith's bed and I freeze when she starts to move around. I watch as she grabs onto my pillow and snuggles up to it. Who knew Faith could be such a cuddle monster? 'Cause I didn't until last night. But I already told you about that. I know Faith would probably kill me if I said this to her but she's really cute when she's sleeping.

Anyway, Sam very gently holds onto my hand and we leave the room. I make sure to close the door just in case any sound does drift up here. I put the little cutie in her high chair and she yawns a very wide yawn. I look out the kitchen window and groan a little bit. The sun is just starting to rise.

"Can I have my Coco Pops now?" Sam asks and it snaps me back to reality. I'm glad she did. I was about to go all emo and think about all of the bad things that have happened since Tanner and Faith moved in. I need to look on the bright side. At least now I know that he isn't perfect, far, far from it actually. And he'll never come in here again.

"Yeah, just a second," I say and walk over to the fridge to get the milk. Now that I'm thinking about it I have no idea what to do. Not with the cereal, I know how to do that. I mean, what do you talk about to a three-year-old? I've never actually spent any alone time with her before. So what the hell am I supposed to do? I think I'll just wait for her to talk. She's a chatter box once she's a little more awake.

"Thank you," she says when I put the bowl down and hand her the spoon. I tell her you're welcome and she starts eating. Hmmm, what do I want for breakfast? Oh, I know. I'll make breakfast for Faith and me. A classic too. I'm thinking toast, bacon, eggs and two tall glasses of orange juice. Sounds good to me. If only I knew how Faith likes her eggs. I think I'll just go with scrambled.

"When is Gram coming home?" she asks and takes another bite of her cereal. Yeah, she calls my mom Gram, sometimes Grams. We gave up trying to tell her hat my mom isn't her grandma. Faith and I even made a little family tree to try and show her how the generations work, but she just called us silly and walked away. Her mind is made up and there's no changing it. My mom is her Gram and that's final.

"She's coming home tonight." How scary is that thought? I have no idea how I'm going to explain everything to my mom. And I still don't know if Faith wants to do it or not. I didn't bring it up because she had enough on her mind without having to worry about that too. "But she's not getting back until really late so you won't see her until tomorrow."

"Well I can stay up late and see her." She sounds so…determined. Yep, she really is Faith's kid. No doubt about that. "I can. I can see her and say goodnight. Because…" She takes a small bite and chews really fast. "Because that's what people do. They say goodnight and go to bed. But they don't go to bed first. They don't do that. No. They say goodnight then they go to bed." Ok. Well I'm glad I got that cleared up.

"You're really smart, Sam," I say and she just nods her head. "And you're modest about it too." She gets a confused look on her face but she doesn't say anything because she's too busy chewing. It's nice to see she has manners. I guess she isn't exactly like Faith after all. I'm definitely not complaining. One Faith is plenty enough.

"My daddy's smart too." And that's where I have to disagree with her. I don't say anything though. I just keep an eye on the bacon so it doesn't burn. I want Faith to have a nice breakfast, not a charcoal one. "He can make stuff out of wood. He made me a pretty toy box." Even though I don't like Tanner I have to agree that he is good with his hands. He just causes pain with them too.

"I know. It's a very pretty toy box." Until the other night I would've described Tanner as the perfect dad. He made a toy box for Sam and they painted it together. He worked so much that they didn't' get to spend a lot of time together. But when they did he always did something worth remembering. If I hadn't seen it for myself I would've never believed that he could lay a hand on her in a bad way. "You're mommy is really smart too." She just nods her head a little bit.

Ok, I guess that conversation is over since she's not talking anymore. I guess I'll just focus on breakfast then. Ok, the bacon is done. I put it on a plate and then put it in the microwave to keep it warm. Now that the bacon is done I'll start cooking the eggs. You know, I can totally see myself doing this some of the time. Getting up with Sam to take care of her, and then making breakfast for Faith. While I'm down here cooking she would come in for a cup of coffee and wrap her arms around me and give my neck a little kiss.

"What are you making that stuff for?" she asks and starts slurping the milk from the bowl. I don't know if she's allowed to slurp like that. I've never seen her do it before so I don't know what Faith would say. I guess I'll just turn a blind eye and pretend that it never happened.

"I'm making it for me and your mom." She gets a very puzzled look on her face. I don't ask her about it though. I have a very bad habit of getting distracted and letting the eggs burn. She noisily slurps her milk and doesn't say anything. I'm really, really hoping she won't bring up Tanner again. Sooner or later she's going to ask about him and why he's not here, but I have no idea what to say.

When the eggs are done I put them on a plate and some bread in the toaster. Sam is watching me very closely, and it's a little…unnerving. It's kind of like when you go over to a friend's house and their cat just sits and stares at you without blinking. You get all uncomfortable and you want to smack it, or scare it to make it go away. Well, that's kind of what it's like.

"Why are you making Mommy breakfast? You never make Mommy breakfast 'fore." Ok, I guess that's a valid question. And she's right, I've never cooked breakfast for Faith, or any other type of meal for that matter. But I've also never tried to subconsciously implant the idea that I would make a better girlfriend then Tanner is a boyfriend. Now that he's gone I think it's time to start implanting some thoughts.

"Because your mommy is very tired, and when she wakes up she's going to be hungry. It's nice cooking food for other people." I read somewhere that cooking for someone that you really like is almost as intimate as having sex with them because you're giving a part of yourself to that person. I'm not saying that's what I'm trying to do here. I'm just kind of hoping Faith thinks the same too.

Ok, I have no idea how Faith likes her toast. We have four different kinds of jelly but I don't remember what kind she likes. Or maybe she just likes butter on it? I have no idea. Alright, so new idea. I'll just take them upstairs with me and she can pick which one she wants. Sounds good to me. I put all of the food on a plate, and then dig out the breakfast tray. I get a rag and wash the dust off of it. It's been a really long time since we've used this.

"Ok little girl," I say and pick Sam up. I set her down on the floor and she rubs her eyes. "Can you do me a super huge favor?" She nods her head and she looks a little excited. I don't know if all little kids are like this but she really likes helping people out. "Can you go upstairs with me and open your mommy's door?" She nods her head vigorously and she has a big smile on her face.

"Yeah, I can do that. I can open doors. I can do that," she says and takes off for the stairs. I hope Faith doesn't get mad that we're going to wake her up. But we're waking her up with food already made so it should be a fair exchange. Hopefully she won't start throwing her fists around. I don't know if that's how Faith wakes up but I got a feeling that could happen.

When I get to the top of the stairs I can hear Faith talking to Sam. I don't know what she's saying because my slayer hearing isn't that good. I stop in the doorway and just watch the very cute scene. Faith is sitting up in the bed wit her back against the headboard. Sam is sitting between Faith's legs and Faith is very gently holding Sam's wrist in her hands. Both of them have behead like you wouldn't believe and it's so damn adorable that I want to take a picture.

"And in a couple weeks we'll go back to the doctor and if your arm is all better he'll take this off," she says and her voice sounds all rough and sexy because she just woke up. Well, her voice always sounds sexy but I think it sounds sexier in the morning when it's all gravely like this.

"Ok," Sam says and she gets very quiet. Her little eyebrows knit together and I know she's going to ask a question. That looks is almost always followed by a question. "Mommy, why Daddy so mad at me?" I was really hoping she wouldn't bring that up today. But she did and there's not much we can do about it now.

"Sammy, Dad wasn't mad at you." He's just fucked up in the head. "He was mad because…." She trails off and it's clear she has no idea what to say. I guess it's time for me to do what I do best and save the day. I balance the tray in one hand and gently knock on the door. They both look up really quick and I can't help but smile. They're both just so cute.

"I made some breakfast," I say and walk in the room. I smile a little wider when I hear Faith's stomach growl. It wasn't loud or anything. Just enough for my slayer hearing to pick up but Sam didn't hear it. Faith has Sam move so she's sitting next to her, and I carefully hand her the tray. She takes in a big whiff and I can practically see her mouth salivating. I didn't think my cooking was that good. Then again she hasn't tasted it.

"Damn, B, this looks good," she says and takes a large bite of the eggs. I'm going to go ahead and take that whole "her eyes rolling into the back of her head" thing as a good sign. Yeah, definitely since she just let out a little moan. If those are the types of noises she makes I'll cook for her every day. But then her eyebrows knit together and I know she's going to ask a question. "You didn't make any for yourself?" Hmmm, should I tell her I planned to share? Nah, I won't.

"No, I didn't really think about it." She sits up a little more and stabs some eggs with the fork. She holds them out towards me and she has a very expectant look on her face. I hesitate and she raises an eyebrow. "Ok, if you insist." I sit on the bed and scoot towards her until I'm close enough to take the bite. I wrap my lips around the fork and very slowly pull back looking into Faith's eyes the entire time. I'm trying to make it as suggestive as possible and she's definitely noticing. She has a little smirk on her face and I want to kiss her.

"Mom can I have some too?" Sam asks and I sigh. She's so cute but she has horrible timing. Doesn't she know I'm trying to show her mom how happy she could be with me, and how good I would treat her? Well I hope not. She's too little to know about that stuff.

"Yeah bay," Faith says and then feeds some to Samantha. She keeps looking over at me with that little smirk on her lips. Every time I see that smirk I want to giggle. It's just so playful with a hint of naughty and very infectious. I know we're still a long way from even thinking about dating but hopefully every morning will be like this, and that includes waking up in the same bed.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: **_No, your eyes are not deceiving you. This is really a new chapter of Know Who I Am. It's been months, I know, but my muse kicked me in the ass, and this is the result. I will try to update this again sometime soon, a new chapter is already being written. So enjoy your update, and remember to tip your waitress! This one goes out to my awesome beta who puts up with my craziness._

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"There's nothing here, B. It's dead. Like really dead." Of course it's dead, it's a cemetery. And since when does Faith say 'like really dead?' It sounds really weird. I think we've been hanging out too much. That's right, Faith and I have been hanging out everyday for the last week, and things are pretty perfect.

"Let's just look for a little longer, ok?" We've patrolled every cemetery tonight, and we've found nothing. No demons, no vampires, not even any stray dogs or cats. I hate it when the hell mouth is quiet. It always means something is coming, and I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the Nazi vamps.

"You're so tense, B," she says and I glance over at her. She has that little smirk on her face that means she's up to no good. She grabs onto my arm and we both stop walking. She looks into my eyes and hers are so intense right now, and I know exactly what she's thinking. "Why don't you let me help you unwind?" God, she could not be any sexier right now if she tried. She tries to kiss me, but I pull away.

Remember when I said things were 'pretty perfect'? Well pretty perfect doesn't mean absolutely perfect. I don't really know what's wrong with me, but I just can't have sex with Faith. I want to, and she wants to, but there's just something that feels really weird about it. We made out a little bit yesterday and it felt so wrong, and dirty. Deep down I know what the problem is but I'm too afraid to say.

"What's wrong, B? We're all alone, not a living thing is around. So what's the problem?" I don't want to just be your sex buddy. That's the problem. I'm in love with her, and I know she loves me. She said so herself at Willow's house that time we spent the night. I don't want to be her dirty little secret that she writes down on a post card and uses it to block her face for some lame video by a dumb band. But I don't say any of that.

"It's just really weird to do that here. It's a cemetery. We should respect the dead, not have sex by their graves." The look in her eyes changes a little. There's still plenty of lust, but now there's something else that I can't quite put my finger on.

"Last time you didn't seem to mind." What the fuck did she just say? "Come on, B, let's see if I can make you scream again." In the blink of an eye she's kissing me. Her arms wrap around me, and her hands instantly go to my shoulder blades and ass. I hate that this feels so good because it makes that much harder to say no. By a sheer act of God I pull back from that very hot kiss.

"Faith, no," I say and I sound very breathless. Probably because I can't seem to catch my breath. She looks turned on, and confused, and a little irritated. She deserves to know how I really feel. I know she does, but I just can't force myself to say the words. So instead I say, "Last time it was the heat of the moment. I completely forgot where we were. The next time we're together…like that, I want it to be in a house. A bed preferably." She sighs and the confused look goes away.

"Alright, B. You win." She sounds frustrated and it hurts a little bit. I know she's not mad at me. At least I hope she's not mad at me. I think she's just frustrated because she has all this pent up sexual need, and she hasn't had any release. She leaves a little kiss on my lips and lets me go.

"Want to go to the Bronze? I think a band from LA is playing there tonight." We haven't been to the Bronze together in a while. Once or twice since I declared my love for her but that was only so Xander and Willow wouldn't get all suspicious. I really want to dance with her, and maybe this time I won't use the L word and she won't storm off.

"No. I don't really feel like going tonight." I feel her eyes scan my body, and I can't help but shiver at the feeling. "There's nothing out here tonight, B. I'm gonna call it a night. Sam's probably still awake buggin your mom. Maybe I'll read her a couple stories or somethin." I nod my head a little bit and look down at my shoes. "You comin?" I would be if I could just let myself be with you.

"No. I'm not ready to go home yet. I'm gonna check out the Bronze and see if that band is playing." She says goodnight and I say it back, and just like that she's gone. I let out a very 

frustrated sigh, and start walking. I'm not really going to the Bronze, but I didn't want her to feel bad about leaving me alone. I don't like going to the Bronze by myself. That's just plain depressing. So I think I'll just walk around for a little while.

Not a whole lot has happened in the last week but at the same time tons has happened. Yeah, I'm just as confused. Things between Faith and my mom have definitely changed. After my mom got home from her trip Faith had a talk with her in the kitchen while I watched Sam upstairs. I was up there for two hours and when I came down for something to drink they were in the living room, Faith was curled up against my mom, and she was asleep. The tear stains on her face made it obvious that she cried until she passed out.

Ever since then Faith and my mom have been even closer then they were before. I really don't want to think this because when I do I'm filled with a very violent rage, but I think maybe my mom was abused by someone too. It would explain why they're so close now.

Faith is definitely treating my mom more like a mom, which I don't mind. The other night I heard Faith crying so I got up to go comfort her, but I opened my door just in time to see her sneaking into my mom's room. I know it's sad and everything that she was crying, but Faith sneaking into my mom's room like a little kid was pretty cute. Just don't tell her I said that.

Willow and Xander are starting to get suspicious. They haven't been to my house since Faith moved in, and every time they suggest coming over I always suggest something else. Plus Willow is totally fishing for info about me and Faith. I guess she thinks something is up. I would too. Ok, so first I totally hate Faith, and then we become sort of friends and she starts hanging out with us more, then she stops coming around altogether, and now we're like BFF's or something.

Willow is definitely getting jealous of that little development. She hasn't said anything but I can tell. Whenever Faith comes around Willow always gets all tense and uppity. And whenever Faith suggests we do something together Willow jumps in and says something like "me and Buffy are going to study tonight, right Buff?" And then Faith gets this irritated look on her face, and then they start bickering about the dumbest stuff. Why can't they just get along?

Things between me and Faith are definitely different. You saw what happened earlier, right? There was potential for some hot girl on girl action, of course you were paying attention. Like I said before, I really want to be with her but I want it to be for real. I don't want anymore secrets. I feel like I'm suffocating I'm keeping so many already.

I guess a big part of that is because Faith still isn't over Tanner. They were together for a long time, and they had a kid together. It's going to take more then a week for her to move on. And when I'm with her, when we make love, I want her to be mine. I don't want her heart to be anyone else's. Well, ok, Sam gets a piece too, but you get what I mean, right? I don't want to sound selfish, it just happens.

I do feel like I'm being crushed, though. It isn't just the Faith stuff either. Those vampires are still out there, and they took another little girl. Well, it's safe to say that they did it. We won't know for sure until I find them. Giles told me that I have to kill them if they've been turned, and I told him I could, but I don't know if I can or not.

Everything is just piling up, and I feel like I can't breathe. I know Faith is a slayer too so she shares the responsibility, but I've been doing this alone for so long, what if I can't let part of the burden go? What if I always feel like this is all mine to take care of? Those little girls are dead, ripped away from their families, and it's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.

When I start climbing the tree I'm on total auto pilot. I've done this probably a thousand times before. Everything is getting to be too much. I just can't take it anymore. If I try to keep all of this bottled up inside I know something bad is going to happen. Either I'll have some type of mental breakdown, or be distracted while I'm patrolling and die. And trust me that would suck.

I take a deep breath and gather up as much courage as I can. How come I can slay vampires, kill demons, and save the earth from certain doom without thinking twice but when it 

comes to the normal teenage girl stuff I'm just as lost as everyone else? It's almost like I'm stuck inside a TV show. It'll show me slay vampires by night, go to school by day, and every season will have a different shot of me looking totally badass at the end of the opening credits. Yeah right. Like anyone would want to watch that.

I knock on the door and instantly my palms start sweating really bad. Why am I so fucking nervous? I've never been this nervous before. At least not because of being here. Coming here has always made me feel a little safer. Like as soon as I step inside those French doors it's harder for the things I'm afraid of to get me. The door opens and I can't stop myself from holding my breath.

"Buffy, hi. Not that it's not nice to see you, but what are you doing here in the middle of the night?" Willow asks and gives me one of those little Willow-smiles. I guess she's just trying to let me know she's joking. She knows sometimes I need some best friend time after a long night's patrol.

"Oh, you know, just stopped by to see a certain perky redhead. I could really use some perkiness right about now," I say and she steps to the side so I can have space to walk into the room. I sit down on the foot of the bed, and watch her close the door. Now that I'm in here I have no idea what to say.

"So how was patrol tonight? Kill any big nasties or just the normal variety?" she asks. I give her a little smile, and she sits down at her desk but turns in the chair so she can face me.

"A big fat zero on both. It seems like ever since those vampires showed up all of the other baddies disappeared. I don't know if I should be glad that the death rate is slowing down or worried about what it could mean. I just…don't really want to think about it anymore." She gives me an understanding nod, but then her eyebrows furrow a little.

"Yeah, I can see your point. You have enough stuff on your mind with everything else that's going on." I can tell she wants to say something but for whatever reason she's holding back. I know exactly what to do in this type of situation: say nothing and eventually she'll crack. About a minute goes of silence goes by and then she sighs. "So did you patrol with Faith tonight?" I nod and now she looks a little nervous.

I know exactly what she's doing. She's trying to pump me for information without actually pumping. Ok, that came out totally wrong. She's asking me to spill my guts, and tell her what's been going on with Faith and me without actually saying 'I know something's been going on, now spill'. And I came here with every intention to tell her everything, but now that I'm sitting here I know I can't. Telling her those things would hurt Faith, and that's the last thing I want to do.

"You and Faith have been hanging out a lot lately." Again all I do is nod. I'm afraid if I open my mouth then I'll let something slip and I really don't want to do that. "Look, I don't really know how to say this." Oh God, she knows. How did she find out? Oh my God. "But if you want Faith to be your best friend now then I get it. I don't like it, but you guys have more in common 'cause of the slaying. So you don't have to be sneaky about it." What the fuck?

"Willow, no. I don't want Faith to be my best friend." She gives me a skeptical look. "You're Willow, why would I want anyone else for the job?" I raise my eyebrow a little bit but I keep going before she can answer. "Faith and I have been getting a little closer, and a little friendlier." Totally friendlier. As in 'I wanna see you naked'. "But that doesn't mean she could ever replace you, and I don't want her to try." She gets that type of smile on her face when her tongue sticks out a little bit and that makes me smile.

"Ok, but Buff, something has definitely been going on, right? I can't figure out exactly what, but there's something about the way you two look at each other that just screams there's something going on." The smile is gone and now she's a mix of curiosity and concern. Those two things put together can lead to her resolve face, and that's never a good thing.

"There is something," I say, and look down at my fingernails. Wow, I have a lot of dirt under there. I'm going to have to start scrubbing under them to get all of that dirt out. Ok, I need 

to stop avoiding this. The only way I'm going to feel better is by talking about it. That's what everyone is always saying, right? Conflict resolution and whatnot.

"What is it, Buffy? You can tell me. You can tell me anything," she says and sits down on the bed next to me. I know I can tell her most things. I can't tell her the whole story. But I have to try and tell her as much as possible. She's my best friend, if anyone can help me with this problem it's her.

"I can't tell you everything," I say, and she looks like she's going to get upset. "I want to tell you everything, but I promised Faith I would keep some things to myself. I can't break those promises." She nods a little, and I sigh in relief that she understands, and isn't going to make a big deal out of it.

"Ok, so what can you tell me?" she sounds a little hurt, and I think I know why. We're best friends. Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything, and I'm keeping things from her, and she knows I have to. I know Willow very well, so I know she'll want to ask, and not asking might drive her a little crazy. I do feel bad about keeping things from her, but I can't break my promise.

"I think…." Oh come on, you big coward, just say it! "I don't just think, I know, that I'm in love with Faith." There I said it. I stare at my lap and don't say another word. I don't think Willow's breathing anymore. I shouldn't have told her. She's going to think I'm some weird freak now.

"Ok, that was really unexpected. Because you're a girl, and she's a girl, and you've never been in love with a girl before. At least not that you've told me." Oh yeah, she's totally freaking out. I should've just kept my mouth shut. "But I guess if you take the fact that she's a girl out of the equation, it's not that surprising. You didn't really like her when she got here and complained that she bugged you. And you did the same things with Angel." Wow, didn't see that coming.

"It's not the same," I say, and look at her face for the first time since I admitted my love for Faith. "Will, I think I screwed up and I don't know what to do." She looks even more concerned then before, and I can see the panic and shock start to leave her eyes. I'm still freaking out a little from actually telling her. I don't think I can say the rest. "If you're freaked out I can just go." I go to get up but she puts her hand on my arm and I stop.

"I'm not freaked," she says and I give her a skeptical look. "Ok, so I'm a little freaked, but I'll get over it. You can still tell me anything, Buffy." She stops talking and I nod my head a little. I don't say anything though. I don't know why this is so hard, but I can't change the fact that it is. "Why do you think screwed up? What happened?" I don't even know where to begin. "Did you tell her that you love her?" Yay, an easy question.

"Yeah, I did. I didn't mean to it just sort of slipped out, and she completely freaked. She wouldn't talk to me after that. Remember that night at the Bronze when Faith and I were dancing and she stormed out? That's when I said it." Her eyebrows almost touch her hairline, and her eyes get a little big.

"That was a month ago, Buffy," she says, and she sounds a little hurt. I guess she thought it happened tonight or maybe a couple of days ago. I feel bad for making her feel this way, but what else was I supposed to do?

"There's more," I say, and run a hand through my hair. This is the part that she's really not going to like. "About a week before I told her I love her, we…." I trail off and give her a meaningful look. Hopefully she'll get it. And apparently she does because her eyes just tripled in size. If they were opened any wider they'd fall out of her head.

"You had sex with Faith?" she asks and puts emphasis on every word. I sigh and nod my head. I can practically hear the wheels turning inside her brain. "Oh my God, I don't even know what to say, or think, or what to feel. I mean, this is like huge, and I can't believe you didn't tell me. Why didn't you tell me?" She sounds curious, so she's taking it better then I thought she would.

"It's just so damn complicated, Will. We didn't mean for it to happen, it just happened. She didn't want anybody to find out, and we couldn't be together. She has…." Fuck, almost slipped. That would've been bad. "…a lot of stuff going on. But now things are different and she wants to be with me again, and I want to be with her too, I really do, but I don't just want to be a sex buddy."

"Ok, ok, Buffy, breathe. I think you just stole my title of fasted talker in the world." I can't help but smile for a second, but then I go back to being confused and frustrated. "Do you know if Faith has feelings for you or not?" I take in a deep breath, and it actually calms me down a little.

"Yeah, she does. But she thought I was asleep. She told me to stop thinking that she hates me because she loves me, but she hasn't said anything officially. I'm just so lost. I want to be with her, but it just doesn't feel right. I don't know what it would mean to her." I sigh a very deep, emoish sigh, and rub my face with both my hands.

"I know I'm stating the obvious, but the only way you're going to know for sure is if you talk to her about it," she says and I can hear the little smile on her face. "I hate to bring this up and make even more confused, but what are you going to do about Scott? If you're all in love with Faith, shouldn't you break up with him? I mean, you kinda did cheat on him. And by 'kinda' I mean 'totally, completely'." Make me feel worst why doncha? Willow is a really good friend, but she knows how to make a person feel horrible about themselves.

"I'm going to break up with him. I never really wanted to date him in the first place. I was just trying to distract myself from all of the confusing feelings I had for Faith." She nods her head a little and I can tell by the look on her face that she wants to ask me something. "What?" She blushes a little bit, and looks all shy.

"How was it?" How was what? She's totally confusing me right now. "When you and Faith…" she gives me the same meaningful look that I gave her. "…what was it like?" I can't believe she just asked me that question. I blush and smile as I think back and remember what it was like having Faith on top of me like that.

"It was……intense, and amazing. Everything happened so fast, but when we started to…." I trail off and blush about a thousand times more then I already was. "It felt like time stopped, and everything just melted away. She made me feel so…I can't even describe it. It just felt so right, like our bodies were made for each other, and well, I already told you that I want to be with her again."

"Wow," she says with this total awestruck voice. I guess I got a little carried away with the description. "Well my official best friend advice would be to talk to her. You need to tell her what you want so she doesn't have different expectations." She's right. The only way to resolve this is by talking to Faith about it instead of giving her lame excuses for why I won't have sex with her.

"I think that's what I'm going to do. She's probably still awake. She was a little frustrated tonight so she probably won't be able to fall asleep for a while." I hope I don't walk in on her doing anything dirty………nevermind, I totally hope I walk in on her doing something dirty. That would be so hot to see.

"Ok, but don't you think you should break up with Scott first?" she asks and she's wearing her worried face that reminds me of my mom when I tell her I can do my homework later, and it's already nine o'clock at night.

"I'm not going to put it off forever, but I want to talk to her tonight while I'm still determined. If I put it off I might chicken out." I know if I put it off for after I break up with Scott then I'll chicken out. Then again, if Faith rejects me and she doesn't want to be more then sex buddies, then I might not break up with Scott. Ok, don't think that far ahead or you will chicken out.

"When it comes to talking to people about your feelings, you do tend to resemble poultry," she says with a teasing smile on her face. I roll my eyes and the look on her face changes. "Oh stop, you know I'm just teasing." The look on her face changes again, only this 

time she looks serious. "Are you going to tell your mom that you're a lesbian? Or bisexual? Or…what are you exactly?" Good question. I think 'head case' sums it up nicely.

"I have no idea. A bisexual, I guess. I've never felt this way about another girl before, let alone slept with one. And I'm still attracted to some guys, but Faith is the only one I really want." She has a little smirk on her face and I know exactly what it means. "Go ahead, let it out."

"Awwwww, you're so cute. I can so see it now: you and Faith walking thorough all the cemeteries hand in hand, and going out for ice cream afterwards and getting one big milkshake and drinking out of it with two straws. She'll make a joke about her little double h rule and you'll blush and look away. She'll make you stakes and let you use that knife she takes almost everywhere, and you'll braid flowers into her hair, and read her love poems." I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Ok, that's enough. You better not tell any of that to Faith. She might die laughing," I say around my giggles. I can totally picture us doing all of those things that Willow just mentioned, and I have to admit it sounds really nice. I think the only way I'll ever get Faith to let me braid flowers in her hair is with sexual favors.

"You do realize that if you start dating and you tell Xander he's going to die from dehydration from all the drooling, right?" she says, and we both start laughing. Oh man, I can see the look on his face now. His eyes will get all big, and his mouth will hang open, and he'll be totally speechless. Then the shock will wear off, and he'll probably make a joke about a threesome, and ask for details. After we calm down, I give Willow a big hug.

"Thanks for letting me hang out. I feel tons better," I say, and she hugs me back. That was totally cheesy, but I had to say it. Talking actually made me feel a little better, and she helped me get all determined about talking to Faith. "Ok, hug fest over." We both laugh and I stand up. "I should go. I need to talk to Faith before she goes to bed." I leave Willow's house with tingly anticipation growing in my belly. Well, here goes nothin'.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** _No your eyes are not deceiving you, this is really a new chapter of Know Who I Am. I have decided to go back and finish this story. It had been bothering me for a while and I always hated that I never had the time to finish it. Well things in my life have gotten a little less hectic so now I have the time. I can't guarantee updates on a regular basis but this story is going to be finished at some point in time. I hope you enjoy.

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Here goes nothin'? Here goes nothin'! What in the hell was I thinking? This isn't nothing that we're talking about. We're talking about Faith, and me, and me talking to Faith. So how could I just say it's nothing? You can probably tell all of that confidence I had at Willow's house is gone now. It left as soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk.

It took about forty-five minutes to walk home. I ran into a vampire on the way here and totally kicked his ass. I'll admit I dragged the fight out a little. I was using the vampire as an excuse. It's not my fault it took me so long to get home, I was saving someone's life. Ok, so the vamp jumped out at me but every time you kill a vamp you save his next victim.

None of that matters now, though. I've been standing here in front of Faith's door for God knows how long. I know she's in there because I can feel the little tingles I get whenever she's around. It feels a little like the prickles I get on the back of my neck whenever a vampire or demon is around, but these are warm, not harsh and slightly uncomfortable.

I don't feel any of that whenever I'm around Faith. The tingles make me feel calm, and safe. They're kind of like a security blanket. At least they are now. Before when Faith was mad at me they were an alert to let me know she was coming. I would either leave the room or avoid eye contact. It depended on how well I could control my emotions that day.

Ok, I need to stop being so chicken. I need to go in there and tell her how I feel and what I really want to do. I need to tell her that I want to go out on dates, and be more than friends with benefits, or whatever it is we have going on. I need to tell her that I love her, and I need to make her hear me this time. I mean really hear me. She needs to understand what I mean when I say the words instead of taking them at face value.

This is it, the moment of truth. I raise my fist and gently knock on the door. I know she's awake because she's listening to music. She does that when she can't get to sleep. I have no idea what she's listening to. She tried to educate me on the stuff she listen to but it just sounds like noise to me. Why am I thinking about this? I need to focus on what's going on right now.

"Come in," I hear her say, and my palms get all sweaty. I wipe them off on my pants, and open the door. There's a soft glow in the room from the lamp on her bedside table. I don't recognize this song but it doesn't sound that bad. It sounds pretty good, actually. "Hey." She doesn't sound surprised to see me. Maybe she get tingles whenever I'm around too? Hopefully Giles doesn't find out. He'll want to do a bunch of tests.

"Hi," I say as I walk into the room and shut the door. Ok, I can do this. I can have a conversation with Faith. I can have a conversation with Faith that doesn't lead to sex and accomplishes nothing. I can have a conversation with Faith and…wow those are really tiny bed shorts. And her legs look so silky. I just want to run my hands all over them.

"Did you need something, B?" Huh? Oh, right! I'm supposed to be talking to her, not staring at her legs like some perverted freak. That's just what happens when I'm around Faith. Rational-Buffy always leaves the room and pervo-Buffy takes center stage.

"Yeah, I need to talk to you about something. It's important," I tell her and step closer to the bed. She sits up straight and uses the remote to turn the stereo off. I kinda liked that song. I'll have to remember to ask her what it is.

"Alright. So what's up? There some baddie you need help takin down?" she asks and crosses her ankles. How does she look so damn sexy? I mean, she's just sitting there, in her pajamas, with no makeup on, and her hair looks a little wild, and all I can think about is lying on top of her and kissing her soft lips.

"No, no baddies," I say and pick at my cuticles. Why am I so fucking nervous? Because I'm about to pour heart out to her. Right, that could be it. "I just wanted to talk…about us." Her eyebrows furrow a little bit. Yeah, I'm starting to confuse myself.

"What about us?" she asks and swings her legs over the side of the bed. She looks a little worried, and I can't even imagine what she's thinking. I think it's better that I don't try because my head is already jumbled up enough as it is.

"I just…I think we should…what do I…mean to you?" Oh yeah, way to go Buffy. You didn't sound like a rambling idiot at all. Nope, not you. The way you made yourself perfectly clear and now she knows exactly what you want will be marveled for years to come.

"What?" she asks and her eyebrows furrow even more. She sounds surprised and confused. Well now that I've completely confused the hell out of the both of us maybe I should try to explain. I take in a deep, supposedly calming, breath and sit down next to her on the bed. I resist the urge to hold onto her hand because that can lead to all kind of touching that I don't want right now. Ok, here it goes.

"I need to know what I, what all of this, means to you," I say, and resist another urge. This one is the urge to rub my thumb over that little wrinkle between her eyebrows until she relaxes them and it goes away. "Am I just a fling, or is this something more?" She licks her lips and gets this look in her eyes like a little light bulb just went off.

"This is why you won't have sex," she says. It's not a question like you'd think. No, she's stating a fact. Even if Faith acts a little dumb sometimes, she's not stupid. Sometimes I think she's like one of those scary smart people. You know, the kind that drop out of school because it's not challenging enough, and then grow up to be serial killers? Only I don't think Faith is going to be a serial killer.

"Yeah, it's why," I confirm and look down at my lap. I don't think I could be any more tense right now. "I have feelings for you, Faith. Strong feelings that aren't going to go away and I can't stand the thought of this not meaning anything to you." Ok, so I don't think I worded that very well. Hopefully she doesn't get offended. I hold my breath as she brings her hand up to my face. She gently cups my cheek and caresses my skin with her thumb.

"I don't know what to say, B," she says, and I lean into her touch. She doesn't sound or look offended, and she isn't acting like she's about to tell me anything bad. "I'm not good at the whole 'share my feelings' thing." Her thumb moves from my cheek and she lightly runs it across my bottom lip.

"Do you want to be with me?" I ask, and I sound a little out of breath. How could something as simple as a soft caress leave my feeling so weak? "Not just sex, I mean, do you want to date me?" It feels like my brain is being wrapped in a wet towel. The rational part of my brain feels like it's being muffle, and the part that's screaming at me to shut up and let Faith have her way with me is coming through loud and clear.

"I don't know if I'm ready for something like that, B. Everything that happened with Tanner is still too fresh. I don't think I'm ready for something serious right now." Time freezes and all I can see is that look in her eyes. She's so torn, like she wants to be with me so badly but she can't. I put my hand on top of hers and gently pull it away from my face. If I'm going to summon up the courage to ask this question then I need to her to stop distracting me.

"Do you love me?" The sounds in the room fade out and all I can hear is my heart thudding loudly in my chest. If I were breathing I would probably hear that too. It feels like my eyelids have been glued open and all I can do is look deeply into Faith's eyes as I wait for her to answer.

"Yes, I do," she says and all of the tension leaves my body. That big breath I was holding slowly exhales. I honestly didn't know if she would admit it or not. She didn't tell me the first time until she thought I was asleep. But she told me, and I feel like I'm floating. "But that doesn't mean we can be together." And just like that, everything comes crashing down around me.

"But Faith, you love me, and I love you. That should be enough. We don't have to jump into anything serious right away. We can go slow." I don't' care if I sound a little desperate. Tanner's out of the picture, things were supposed to be easy now, but they're almost as bad as before.

"I'm not saying never, Buffy." She's using my full name, which means she's dead serious. "But I have to put Sam first now, and her dad just left, and she's confused, and stressed out, and she misses him. Seeing me with someone new this soon might fuck her up, and I don't want her to think that I'm trying to replace him or something." I would be the world's most terrible person if I got mad at her for being a good mom.

I don't really know how to feel right now. She isn't doing anything wrong, she's isn't turning me down because of some bullshit excuse, and she's not saying we'll never be together. She's just asking me to be patient and give Sam time to adjust to all of this. And Faith still needs time to adjust to all of this. I guess it was a little unfair of me to just expect her to be with me. I put pressure on her and I'm an asshole for doing that.

"Hey," she says and squeezes my hand a little. I stop staring at my lap and look into her eyes. "There's always right now." My eyebrows furrow a little bit, and she gently caresses my cheek with her free hand. She moves her hand very slowly until her fingertips are resting on my neck and her thumb is lightly rubbing my earlobe.

I hold my breath when she leans towards me. My heart flutters when her lips softly touch mine, and I close my eyes. There's nothing in the world like kissing Faith. The feeling that I get inside when her lips are pressed to mine and she's using just the right amount of pressure and her fingers are lightly rubbing the back of my neck is the most perfect feeling in the world.

I pull back when oxygen becomes a serious issue. I look into her eyes that are sparkling in the dim light of the room and I can see more than just the lust that we have for each other. I can see all of the feelings has for me in those dark orbs, and she's right. Tonight we should forget about everything else and just be us.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me. I need to feel her right now. Even if it's just like this, even if it doesn't turn into anything more than us pressed together and kissing slowly, but so deeply. I'd give anything to just stay right here in this moment forever with her. Because right now we're not slayer, the weight of the world isn't on our shoulders. I'm not a high school senior who's going to fail an English test tomorrow because I should be studying. Right now she's Faith, and I'm Buffy, and nothing else matters.

I don't know how long we're like this, it could've been three hours or thirty seconds. Time doesn't have any meaning anymore. But it's not enough for me anymore, and I'm willing to bet it's not enough for her either. I guess I was wrong when I said I could just hug and kiss her forever.

I feel her hands toying with the hem of my shirt and I get little butterflies in my stomach. This isn't anything like the first time we were together. The other time it was all hormones and repressed sexual tension. We know exactly what we're doing now. I want to be with her, so don't get me wrong. I'm just really, really nervous. Last time Faith was in complete control, but this time I want to give as much as I take but I don't really know what I'm doing.

I pull back from the kiss and lift my arms up. She pulls the shirt over my head, and starts kissing my neck. I lean my head back and arch my neck towards her to give her more to kiss. Wherever her lips touch feels like it's being lit on fire and all of these sensations are going straight to my groin. I want to hurry, to rush and get right to the really good stuff but I'm fighting like hell not to. Tonight we're going to take our time even if it kills me.

Her tender kisses start to move from my neck to my chest. I can feel my pulse quickening as I think about what she's going to do. I run my fingers through her hair, and she unhooks my bra with one hand. She's not wearing a bra so I don't have to worry about that. I haven't had any practice at unhooking other girls' bras and I don't want to look like a fool. I don't think she would care, or spoil the mood, but I don't want to take any chances.

Anyway, she drops my bra to the floor and it joins my shirt. I get goosebumps all over my exposed skin and it's not because of the draft created by the air conditioner. It's because of the way she's looking at me. I can see her pupils getting bigger and the desire in them…I don't think I've seen anything like it, ever.

My hands find their way back into her hair and I gently encourage her forward. I know I said I wanted slow, but something a little faster than a snail in a three-legged race would be nice too. Her eyes quickly flick upwards and now she's gazing deeply into mine. I thought her expression was intense just a minute ago but that was before I saw this. Her eyes feel like they're burning straight through me and all of my nerve endings feeling like they're being ignited all at once.

Slow might have to take a backseat 'cause I feel like if she doesn't touch me now I might explode into little Buffy-pieces all over this bedroom, and not in a good way. I don't have to wait very long, though. She holds my gazed for another couple of seconds, the look in her eyes seem to be crackling and growing hotter. I didn't think the flood in my panties could get any bigger but I think it's time for Noah to build another boat.

Faith leans forward and everything feels like it's gone into slow motion as she wraps her lips around one of my rock hard nipples and starts to suck. My fingers tighten around her hair and I hope her scalp isn't sensitive because there's no way in hell I could loosen my grip if she needed me to. I feel her tongue tease the tip of my nipple, and I suck in a huge breath and it makes a hissing sound on its way to my lungs.

One of her hands that had been softly rubbing my back, snakes its way to my chest and Faith's fingers start toying with my other, previously neglected, breast. I let out a deep moan at the feel of it that reverberates through my entire body. I feel more than hear her moan against me in response and the vibrations of it shock my entire nervous system. I've never felt anything like that before.

A loud groan escapes the back of my throat and it echoes off the walls. Faith pulls herself away from my breast but I don't have time to protest because now she's kissing me so deeply it's almost like s he's trying to reach my soul. My hands untangle themselves from her hair and start rubbing all over the place. They start with her back but when I build up enough courage they reach down and squeeze her perfect ass. I've never thought of another girl's ass as perfect but hers totally is.

My hands explore the exposed skin on the backs of her thighs. The shorts she's wearing show so much skin, I don't think they really qualify for shorts. I feel her gasp against my mouth when I run my short fingernails along the backs of her thighs. I don't want to hurt her but for some reason I just couldn't resist doing that and I don't think she has a problem with it. I'm sure she would say something if she did.

I pull back from the kiss because I couldn't breathe at all and I feel so light headed I think I might pass out. I should be used to it by now because she always manages to take my breath away even though she doesn't know it. We're both panting heavily, it's the only sound in the room, and I can feel her both breath puff against my skin.

Her eyes are so dark and her skin is so flushed she barely looks like the same person anymore. She's so beautiful, though, and I want to see more of her. I snake my fingers up her thighs and across her ass. She lets out a gasp and her eyelids start to flutter but she forces them to stay open. I grab the hem of her shirt and slowly pull it up. She lifts her arms up and she has a little smirk on her face but it's gone by the time the shirt is completely off.

A little part of me wants to ask about it but the part that's in control of me right now is screaming at me to ignore it since Faith's almost completely naked body is waiting for me. I don't touch her yet, even though every fiber of my being is yelling at me to reach out and touch all of that silky looking skin that she's offering. I let my eyes roam, first over her flushed face and down her perfect body. Her breasts look even better than I remember.

Her skin is so flushed and pink, her chest is moving quickly along with her breathing and her dark nipples are rock hard. I want to do what she did to me but at the same time I want to just look and commit all of this, all of her, to memory. Since she wants things between us to go slow, I don't know when I'm going to get another change like this and there's no way in hell I'm going to pass this up. I would be crazy to just dive right in and skip over the little details.

Faith kisses me and I'm caught off guard because I was too distracted by her breasts. Her hands are all over me now. One is on my back pulling me closer to her and the other is trapped between our bodies and squeezing one of my breasts. The feel of her skin against mine is amazing and I can't help all of the little whimpers and moans that are pouring out of me in between our heated kisses. I feel a little embarrassed, being this vocal when all we're doing is kissing and she's only squeezing my breast and kind of teasing my nipple but it feels too good to want to stop.

She pulls back from the kiss and we're panting. That's the only way to describe it. She starts kissing my neck, slowly making her way from my pulse point up towards my ear. I can hear her breathing hard, it's so loud it's almost drowning out the sound of my racing heartbeat. I can feel her strong breath puffing out against the shell of my ear, and my neck and arm erupt with goosebumps.

I feel the tip of her tongue touch my earlobe before she gently wraps her lips around it and softly sucks. I feel her teeth scrape against my earring and can hear the strange sound of metal rubbing against bone and it sends shivers running down my spine. She gently bites down and at the same time she pinches my nipple between her index finger and thumb. Not enough to hurt, just enough to make my back arch and a loud moan rips through my bed. It echoes off the walls and Faith pulls away from me.

I'm confused as hell at first. This was her idea. She's the one who said we still have right now. Is she backing out? Was she lying when she said she wants to be with me? My insecurities are smothered when I see that adorable and sexy smirk on her face. She leaves a little kiss on my lips and then she grabs the stereo remote off the end table and turns it on. The song she was listening to when I walked in starts playing and she pressed the repeat-one button before she tosses the remote to the floor.

Thank God she has more common sense than I do right now. It's already hard for me to control my voice and we're only rounding second base. She gets a soft smile on her face and looks deeply into my eyes. This song repeating mixed with the dim light from the lamp has changed the atmosphere, the energy between us but that's not a bad thing. I don't feel like I need to rush, which is good because I don't want to skip a moment.

She grabs onto my arms and gently pulls me onto her lap. She softly holds the side of my neck, her thumb lightly caressing my skin and I kiss her, slow but deep. Our breasts are pressed together and the feeling is shooting tiny shockwaves of pleasure straight to my groin and I can't stop my hips from lightly grinding against her. Ok, I probably could stop if I tried but why the fuck would I want to try?

I feel more than hear her moan against me and I can't help but smile. Partly because the vibrations tickled and mostly because it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who's voice box is out of control. I start grinding a little harder, rubbing myself against her stomach and the seam of my jeans is creating a delicious friction. She moans against me and it makes me grind a little faster. I don't know why, exactly, but I love the fact that I'm affecting her like this.

She pulls away from the kiss and before I have a chance to look into her eyes she pushes me back on the bed. She wasn't very gentle about it but I like that better. I like that I'm making her lose control because Faith is normally in control of herself and what she does, so it's making me feel less nervous that I'm doing something to make her lose control. Of herself, at least, because right now she is in complete control of me.

She quickly pulls off my shoes and it hurts a little because they were tied kind of tight. She drops them to the floor and soon my socks are with them. Time seems to freeze when she leans forward and starts to unbuckle my belt. Not for the reasons anyone else would be thinking, though. The sound of the metal lightly clinking fades away as I stare at her amazing breasts. They're so round, and perfect, and her nipples are so hard and because she's leaning forward they're kind of…dangling but in a totally sexy way. Like they're teasing me to touch them.

Ow! What the hell was that? My eyes fly from Faith's chest to her face and she's smirking. Why did she just pinch me? That was completely uncalled for. As soon as my eyes travel down to my waist I see why she did that. She has my pants unbuckled, unbuttoned and unzipped, but she can't get them off because I'm lying down. So she pinched my thigh, like she's too good to ask or something.

I don't say anything, though, because I know if I open my mouth it will completely destroy our moment and I'm not giving this up for the world. She slips her fingers around the waistband of my jeans and I lift my hips up to give her enough space to pull them off. My heart is beating so fast I can hear it pounding in my ears and all of the other sounds in the room are faintly in the background. I watch her face as she quickly pulls the denim off my body and her eyes feel like they're burning holes through my skin.

As soon as my jeans are discarded like the rest of my clothes, Faith lies on top of me. Our bodies meet in all of the right places, fitting together perfectly like puzzle pieces that didn't even know they belong together. Her right thigh is snug against my soaked sex and the same goes for my thigh against hers. She feels so right, so scorching, so tempting, so scary, and my senses are having trouble sticking with just one adjective.

She's looking at me with those eyes that are normally whiskey colored but right now her pupils are so large they look almost completely black. Her irises are darker than normal too, but I can still see the little flecks of gold. I feel her softly move some of my hair with her fingers and she gently tucks it behind my ear. We're just lying here, staring into each other's eyes, breathing heavily against each other's mouths, and I don't think I've ever been a part of a moment this perfect before.

She kisses me and as soon as her lips touch mine, my eyes flutter close. This kiss is soft, almost timid at first, like she's letting our lips get reacquainted after those two or three minutes apart. I deepen the kiss by adding some pressure and letting just the tip of my tongue softly caress her upper lip, tasting it, teasing it, and silently asking hers to come out and play. And I'm not disappointed at all by her reaction.

Faith parts her lips and gently sucks on the tip of my tongue. She's done this before when we had sex the first time but for some reason this feels different. It feels more intense. Almost like my tongue has a direct link to my pussy and I'm getting wetter, which I didn't think was physically possible. I should probably rethink my position on the definition of possible because I'm learning when it comes to Faith that all bets are off.

My hips start grinding against her thigh and she flexes the muscle, pressing her very toned leg harder against me. A low moan rumbles out of the back of my throat and she starts grinding against me too. I can feel a hint of her wetness through the bed shorts and she must be completely soaked if I can feel it through the cotton material. I wonder for a second what I feel like to her. Do I feel as wet? Is she getting even more turned on by it like I am? Sometimes I really wish I could read minds. That would be helpful and probably very entertaining.

I feel her hands travel down my body and my confusion goes away almost instantly. Her thumbs slip under the waistband of my panties and I lift my hips up to try and help her get them off. I moan loudly when my pussy grinds against her thigh harder than it was before. My eyes try to shut but I force them to stay open and my eyelids start fluttering because of it. She gets a smirk on her face that would normally annoy me but right now I think it looks so sexy.

She finally lifts her body off of mine and pulls my underwear off. I don't think I've ever felt more nervous about something in my entire life. I watch as she slowly slides the soaked cotton blend down my legs and drops them to the floor with the rest of my clothes. She also takes her bed shorts off and my eyes widen. I would say they get comically large but there's nothing funny about this situation.

I don't know why I'm so nervous or shocked. I can't really see much of her except for a neatly trimmed patch of pubic hair and lots of silky looking skin. I can see her wetness glistening on her thighs where it dripped down. This feels too real all of a sudden. She's so exposed, so bare, and I'm not just talking about her naked body. The look on her face, the emotion coming through so clearly from her eyes almost feels like too much to deal with.

The only time I've ever seen her look so scared and vulnerable was the night Tanner turned into a monster. I don't want to hurt her or disappoint her and there's a little part of me that's yelling and screaming at me to run before I do. The larger part, the part that's in control is telling me to reach out to her, to take her in my arms and sooth away her insecurities. So I do. I hold out my arms and give her my patent pending half smile.

She lays her body down on mine and I wrap my arms around her. I think the temperature in the room just sky rocketed. It almost feels like I'm trapped in a sauna. The air around me feels hot and sticky and Faith's soft body feels scorching against mine. But I wouldn't change any of this and I'm definitely not going to stop until she tells me to, but I don't think she's going to. She wants this as much as I do, I can feel it, and there's no stopping now.

She kisses me and I don't know how but it feels so much more intense than anything we've shared before. I wrap my legs around her hips and grind against her. It feels so amazing and I can't stop moaning. She's moving too, rubbing her toned abdomen against my slick sex and I really want to do what we did before in the cemetery but I'm too afraid to ask, especially if she has something else in mind that might feel better than that.

I feel one of her hands start to slowly move along my body. It runs down my side from the side of my breast down to my hip than back. She does that a couple of times and my hips start grinding a little harder against her. She's being such a tease and if I had the guts I'd do something about it but I don't want to scare her off. This time when her hand rubs over my hip it doesn't come back up. Instead she lifts off me just enough to slide her hand between the two of us and between my legs.

I pull back from the kiss and I think I just whimpered. I can't really remember what a whimper sounds like but I think that was one. Her fingers are softly exploring. Gently running along my lips but not slipping between. I can't believe a touch so simple and barely there can feel so good and make my whole body tingle. She starts kissing my neck, slowly making her way up to my ear. She places little kisses in the spot right behind it and nips at the lobe. That makes me moan very deep.

She finally slips a finger between my folds and it feels amazing. These soft, simple touches are something I do to myself after almost every patrol, even though I won't admit it, but it feels so different and so new now that Faith's doing it. When her finger touches my painfully hard clit my hips buck and I moan so loud it bounces off the walls and vibrates in my ears.

She keeps touching it, slipping and sliding her finger softly and slowly over it and I'm grinding against her as best I can. I've never felt anything like this before. My hands start running all over her back, down to her ass, back up her spine, and I dig my nails into the flesh covering her shoulder blades when she gently bites my neck. Her finger moves down away from my clit and she softly teases my hole. There's only one person, including me, I've ever allowed in there and now that she's about to my whole body is tense with apprehension.

"Wait," I whisper out against her ear and she pulls her head back away from my neck. Her hand and hips stop moving and my whole body freezes when I see the scared look on her face. She's probably afraid I'm going to stay I've changed my mind which is so far from the truth. "Say it, please?" Is that my voice? I didn't think it could get that deep and husky. "I need you to say it." Her eyebrows furrow in confusion but it only lasts for a few seconds before she gets a look of understanding in her eyes.

"I love you," she says and she's looking me straight in the eyes and there's so much emotion swirling around in them I think I might cry. She kisses me but it's short and I didn't really get the chance to reciprocate. I told you she's being a major tease tonight. After the kiss she looks me in the eyes and before I can say anything she slowly pushes her finger inside me. It doesn't hurt but it feels kind of strange, and I can't make myself relax so my muscles are clenched and tight and I cry out anyway.

"I love you," she says again as she slowly pulls her finger out and pushes it back in. "I love you, I love you, I love you." I start moving my hips trying to build up a rhythm but it's hard because I've only done this once before and even then I wasn't too sure what I was doing. But if I'm doing something wrong she's not complaining. "Buffy, I love you so fucking much." She has tears in her eyes and I think my heart is going to explode.

"I love you too," I manage to get out between moans. My legs lock around her hips and our slow and gentle rhythm starts to become a little less gentle. She starts kissing my neck again and I scratch my nails down her back. She isn't reacting to it at all. I wonder if she can even feel it. She thrusts her hips, using her body to pump inside me a little harder. It makes me cry out again and my nails dig in so hard I think they drew blood. She lets out a loud wince and bites my neck. I guess he felt that one.

"You feel so fucking good, B," she whispers right in my ear and the feel of her breath brushing over me sends goosebumps down my arm. "You're so hot and amazing around me." My hips start pumping faster. I never knew hearing her talk dirty would turn me on like this. But then she stops talking and she starts leaving these open mouthed kisses on my neck. She stops thrusting into me so hard but she doesn't slow down. I'm glad she did that because it was starting to hurt a little and the last thing I want is to tell her to stop.

"You're the closet to heaven that I'll ever be," she says right against my ear as the words from the song filter out through the speakers. I moan a little louder, my hands squeeze her ass, trying to get her to start thrusting harder but she's not listening. She kisses me and her thumb presses against my clit. My hips jerk so quickly and sharply at the feel that if my legs weren't wrapped around her she would have been bucked off. She pulls back and looks into my eyes. Hers are red with her unshed tears and I think my heart just stopped for a second.

"And all I can taste is this moment, and all I can breathe is your life," she says and one of those tears slips out and slowly slides down her cheek. "'Cause sooner or later it's over. I just don't want to miss you tonight." Her voice cracks on the last word and I can't take it anymore. I lean up and kiss her so hard our teeth crash together. We start moving against each other faster and I'm holding onto her so hard I might break bones. It's desperate and needy and I don't care that it's pathetic. I just don't want tonight to end because I know I'm never going to feel this perfect again and that thought is too scary to handle right now.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:** _There's slight what someone could consider Angel-bashing in this chapter, but I don't consider it that. It's all explained in the chapter but just in case someone does get a little offended, Angel-bashing was never my intention.

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When I open my eyes I have no idea where I am. This isn't my room and this is not my bed. I know because my bed never has someone else lying in it when I wake up. As soon as I see Faith sleeping next to me, her hair wild and sticking out all over the place, and scratch marks running down her back, the night before floods through my mind. I feel like I haven't slept in days, my body is stiff and sore and there's a light throbbing between my legs. All of that is from Faith and the incredible, mind blowing, life changing love we made last night.

I never knew it could be like that. I've only been with one other person and now that I've shared that experience with Faith, I really don't think I was ready with Angel. It's nothing against him, I just don't think my intentions were right. I slept with him because everything around me was going to hell. I was having horrible nightmares of Drusilla killing him, and it freaked me out. Then she put the Judge back together again and that time I really did feel like we were going to lose. I thought if I slept with Angel, if I let him be in control of me completely then for a while I could just forget about my problems and breathe and afterwards everything wouldn't be as scary.

Yeah, that ended horribly and I could not have been more wrong. But last night with Faith…it was different. She wasn't a distraction or a way to make me feel better. It was all about showing her how much I love her for those fleeting couple of hours because today we have to go back to pretending we're just friends. I don't know how that's going to work out. I love her, we spent most of the night showing each other just how much we mean to one another. I don't think I can be around her and not be at least a little clingy. I know that's not very attractive but it's the truth.

Looking at her right now lying on her stomach with that adorable look on her face, like she's up to no good even in her dreams, makes me want to take her in my arms and never let her go. I know that's insane and unrealistic because eventually we'd have to get up for food and water and to use the bathroom and shower. As much as I want to stay right here and just watch her sleep, I can't. I have to get up soon to get ready for school and if my mom catches us like this horrible God awful things will happen.

But I can't just sneak out of here like some hussy. I don't want Faith to think that I'm ashamed of what we did or that I regret it. The first time we…well, made love isn't the right term because that was all repressed sexual tension and rampaging hormones. So I'll call it getting buck wild. Buck wild? I think Faith is starting to rub off on me and not in just a sexy way. So anyway, the first time we got buck wild I was regret-o girl right after. I started crying and called myself a whore but I'm so far from feeling like that right now those feelings don't even exist.

I need to wake her up and tell her that I'm leaving. It's the right thing to do. It's the only thing that makes sense, really. What kind of almost-girlfriend would I be if I just snuck out and let her believe I think what we did was dirty and wrong? Not a very good one, that's for sure. Just because we can't be together yet because of these stupid circumstances that we can't change doesn't mean I can't show her how good she's going to have it once we're together. Wow, that sounded really dirty even in my head. Ok, shut up and wake her up now. You're wasting time.

"Faith," I whisper and softly move the stray hair out of her face. Last night I had a chance to be on top and her hair got pretty matted from the pillow. I don't even want to imagine what mine must look like. Maybe I should just go. I don't want her to wake up and attack me because she thinks some freaky looking demon is in her bed. No, dammit, stop being a self-conscious freak and wake her up. "Faith, wake up. I need to talk to you." I gently rub her bare back and some of her muscles are starting to twitch.

"Faith, sweetheart, please wake up," I say and cringe on the inside. I didn't mean to say sweetheart. I hope she didn't hear that because I don't know if she'll freak out or not. But she did tell me that she loves me and cute pet names comes with the whole love territory. I keep rubbing her back and then I feel as well as see her whole body stretch. I hear the bones and joints pop and for some reason it makes me smile. She yawns really wide and stretches her arms above her head. She's adorable when she wakes up. I'm so glad I decided to do this.

"Is Sammy awake?" she asks and her voice sounds so deep and raw, not only from sleep but from all of the noise she made last night. I'll never forget the sound of her moaning my name all husky and breathy right against my ear. I don't think that's something anyone would be able to forget. She hasn't opened her eyes yet and I'm a little disappointed about it. I love looking into her eyes, it's always so intense and I get chills all over.

"No, she's still sleeping," I say and right when the words come out of my mouth her whole body tenses up and her eyes fly open. She looks surprised and it wouldn't take a genius to figure out why. She thought I was Tanner. I'm not upset or confused as to why. She's been waking up next to him for years, so it's not her fault she thought he was the one being so sweet to her, even though he's the devil incarnate.

"B," she says and she sounds as surprised as she looks. Her voice sends little chills down my spine and a tiny part of me hates that she has that kind of power over me. The shock wears off in a couple of seconds. Her face goes back to looking sleepy and adorable and she has the sexiest little smirk I've ever seen plastered on her face. If she knew what kind of power and control she had over me with just that one look I'd be screwed. Well, more than I already was last night.

"I'm sorry for waking you up so early. I just didn't want to leave without saying anything. That didn't feel right and I didn't want you to think I was being avoid-o girl or something," I tell her and she stretches again. I'm still gently rubbing her back and I love the feel of her muscles tensing and relaxing. It reminds me of the way they felt last night when she was completely taking me over. Her smirk turns into a smile and she reaches out and wraps her arm around me.

"It's ok, B. I like waking up to the sight of you," she says and lays her head on my shoulder. I never thought Faith would be the cuddling type but what I've learned the most about her is that everything I thought I knew about her is completely wrong. "That's some pretty wicked bed head you got goin. Didn't think anyone would be able to rock that but you pull it off." I can feel my neck and face heat up in a deep blush. Why did she have to bring that up? The morning was going so perfect until just now.

"Aw, B, I'm just joking around. I think it looks wicked cute." That makes my lip stick out in a huge pout. "I've always wanted to do this." Before I can react and ask what she's talking about, she leans up and takes my bottom, pouting lip between her teeth and sucks on it nice and slow. My whole body is heating up even though her morning breath is strong enough to light a fire. She lets go of my lip and I instantly kiss her. This is so addicting. I might have to start going to a methadone clinic or something.

I feel her hand start to move. It's softly caressing my stomach and I have to fight not to giggle because I don't want to look stupid. My muscles are jumping and twitching under her fingers and she must know what's going on because she's smiling against my lips. My heartbeat speeds up and the tingling in my body intensifies when her hand starts to travel down. I wrap my arms around her back and kiss her like it's the last time I'm ever going to get to. I spread my legs a little wider for her and as soon as I do her middle and ring fingers slip into my folds. I pull back from the kiss and wince loudly at the feeling.

"You have to be gentle, ok?" I tell her and she rests her forehead against mine. My heart starts pounding harder and my blood rushes downwards as her fingers softly explore everything they claimed for themselves last night. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some blood on the sheets. Things got a little out of control at one point. "Everything is really sore." Even though she's being gentle and tender and everything I need, it still hurts.

"Don't worry, B," she says and leaves a little kiss on the tip of my nose. It's kind of amazing how sweet she can be. "I'll kiss it all better." My eyes open wide and she's looking at me with this intense gaze and she has a little smirk on her face. That's the one thing I wouldn't let her do to me because no one has ever done that to me before and I was too nervous and self-conscious to let her go there. Well, that and I didn't want to lose the feel of her body pressed to mine.

"Don't be scared, B," she says and the smirk disappears. She's nothing but serious and loving now and I'm glad because if she tried to make a joke out of this or something I'd be so pissed off at her. "Just let me take care of you, ok?" I gently run my fingertips along the scratch marks that are slowly starting to fade and she's looking so deeply into my eyes that it feels like she just touched my soul. I know that sounds incredibly corny but it's the truth.

"Ok," I tell her and nod my head a little. It's kind of hard to do with her forehead still pressed against mine. She kisses me on the mouth and this time it feels so intense and deep I can't fight the moan that vibrates at the back of my throat. She pulls back and looks into my eyes. She looks even more intense than she did before she kissed me. This must mean a lot to her. I don't know why. I'll have to talk to her later and find out. If doing this is something special to her than maybe I won't be so weird about it.

She pulls the covers off me so that I'm completely exposed to her. The sun has just started to come up so there isn't a whole lot of light but slayers have really good night vision so she doesn't need a lot of light to see me. Her fingers are still softly rubbing over my clit and lips but I kind of wish she would stop doing that because they're so sore. Everything in that general area is pretty sore. If I didn't love her I would be irritated with her because there's no way I'm going to be able to walk normal today. Willow's face is probably going to turn as red as her hair when she sees me hobbling.

Ok, I think I need to have my head checked. Faith, beautiful, hot, sexy, amazing, gorgeous, Faith who you're in love with is kissing her way very quickly down your completely naked body and you're thinking about Willow? I better be careful where my thoughts wander off to because if I accidentally say Willow's name I might die of embarrassment before Faith has a chance to get mad at me.

I feel her spread my legs wider and I glance down at her. She's looking at my…at me, so intensely that just the feel of her eyes sends shivers up my spine. I feel her spread my lips wider apart and I shiver from the cool morning air touching my…sensitive parts. Either she knows I'm getting cold or she just wants to see me squirm because I feel a hot stream of air blow over me and it makes me hiss in a deep breath and my legs spread a little wider.

"If it get too much for you, B, just say the word and I stop, ok?" she asks and I look down at her and nod my head. I don't think I could talk right now even if I tried. I watch as she lowers her face to my…to me and I feel her tongue give a small, almost timid, lick and my eyes instantly slam shut and my hips try to grind against her face. What she did was almost nothing but it sent a shock wave through my whole body.

She grabs onto my hips and practically holds me down and her tongue gets less tentative, and she's also using her lips to gently pull at mine and softly suck on my clitoris. I grab her pillow and hold it over my face because I can't control my vocal cords. Right now there's no music to cover up the sounds of what we're doing. I just had a perfect night and this morning is turning out to be perfect too, I don't want that to be ruined.

The things she's doing to me I didn't even know it was physically possible for a person to do that. There's no way she's just a person. She has to be part something else, some type of hybrid, because there's no way a normal person's tongue can feel so big and full inside me and then feel so tiny and delicate as it flutters against the tip of my clit. I'm clinging onto the pillow as tight as I can and my voice is completely out of my control and I'm moaning and whimpering and yelling out her name.

Her grip on my hips is tight. I think I'm going to get bruises, but if she wasn't holding on that tightly I'd probably break her neck. From the way she's going at it I really don't think she would mind dying right where she is, but if she dies while I'm this worked up I might explode and not in a good way at all. If she keeps doing what she's doing with her tongue then I'm definitely going to explode. If she stops what she's doing then I'm going to explode into a bunch of bloody Buffy pieces all over the wall and that would be bad.

"Oh Faith, oh fuck, I'm coming!" I scream into the pillow and I can feel my hips going berserk. I don't feel her anymore but my body doesn't care as it shudders and spasms and goes crazy. When it finally ends I'm lying on the bed in a liquefied puddle of Buffy, and I can't wipe the big dopey smile off my face. Everyone should start their day off like that. There'd be no more hate and no more wars in the world if everyone felt that in the morning.

"Are you back to the land of the living or is your head still in the clouds?" I hear Faith ask and her voice sounds muffled because the pillow is still over my face and head. I can't help the giggle that bubbles up out of my body and she quickly pull the sound-barrier away from me. Her mouth is surrounded by what looks like a red rash and it's completely giving a new meaning to the term 'carpet burn'. That thought makes me giggle again and she smiles a big happy smile. She's licking her lips and has a look on her face like it's the best taste ever.

"Isn't that icky?" I ask and make a face. I never tasted her last night. I was curious but I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't like it. She gives me a look like she thinks I'm going crazy and gathers some of the drying wetness on her face onto the tips of her fingers and quickly sucks it off. I guess that answers that question.

"No, B, it tastes amazing. I think I'm going to get an addiction to this stuff," she says and keeps cleaning off her face. I guess I'm not the only one who's going to need to go to the methadone clinic. We can't be together yet so there won't be any more relief for our current addictions. Maybe there's some type of support groups we can join. And this way we can carpool and save some money on gas. Anyway, getting back to what we're talking about.

"Really? Because I can't really imagine it tasting anything but weird," I tell her and she lays down next to me. She wraps an arm around my stomach and snuggles up really close. Today is going to be the worse day ever. Worse than when I found out Santa isn't real, worse than when I became a slayer, worse than when my mom and dad's marriage fell apart, and worse than when I rammed that sword through Angel's heart and sent him to hell. Being in her arms is all I'm going to be able to think about and I know I can't do it.

"It's not weird," she says and she's drawing little invisible patterns on my skin. I kind of hate that she's being so sweet to me. It's going to make being away from her that much harder. "It tastes kind of like hazelnut coffee creamer. Kinda creaming, kinda nutty, all kinds of awesome. You can't go wrong with that, B." If that's what I taste like, I wonder what she tastes like. Now that I can hear my mom's alarm going off, letting me know I have exactly four minutes to make it back to my room, or maybe the bathroom, before we're both skinned alive, I guess I'll never know.

"Buffy, honey, it's time to get ready for school," I hear my mom say and she knocks on my bedroom door. I don't know how I'm going to slip passed her in last night's clothes without her getting suspicious. Maybe I can put on some of Faith's pajamas and say I fell asleep in here because Faith needed some comfort. Yeah, she needed comfort alright and I gave it to her all night long. Ok, I need to get my mind right. I'm starting to sound like Xander.

"So, I guess this is it for a while, huh?" Faith says and she keeps drawing little patterns on my stomach. No, wait…they're not patterns. She's drawing little B's and then drawing a little heart around it. That is so adorable. God, why does she have to be so sweet to me? Doesn't she know that it's just making everything so much harder? I don't want to leave this room, or this bed, or her arms but I have to and I hate it.

"Yeah, but we can still patrol together and we live together so it's not like we'll never be in the same room," I say and try to sound happy about it but on the inside I'm dying a little. Yeah, we'll be in the same room and we'll have to stay at least five feet away from each other or I won't be able to stop myself from kissing her. "And like you said, it's only for a while. When you and Sam adjust to things being different we'll be together. Plus us being together would be a distraction and we need to focus if we're going to find those vamps."

"Yeah, right," she says and she sounds distracted. Probably because her hand found my breast and she's lightly toying with my hard nipple. It's not just hard because the room is kind of chilly, it's because she makes my whole body feel like electricity is running through it and my nerve endings come alive. "Well, you better get goin before your mom comes looking for you. I'll see you at the library after school, ok?" I nod my head yes even though she can't see it. Why do I feel like if I leave this room the whole world is going to end?


	26. Chapter 26

"Buffy, will you please pay attention? This is important," Wesley says and trust me, it's not. He's been going on and on for the last twenty minutes about fight strategy and all of this I've already learned from Giles. What I haven't learned from Giles I learned on my own when I was trying to, I don't know, not be killed by vampires or demons.

"Just give it up, Wes, we know this shit already," Faith says and leans back in her chair. Ok, so she's the real reason why I haven't been paying attention. She looks so beautiful today. She's kind of glowing, and I think she dressed up a little just for me. At least that's what I'm hoping. I can't keep my eyes off of her. And apparently neither can Xander because he's staring at her and pretending to read that book. Keep your eyes off my girl!

"Ow!" Xander yelps and I can't believe I just did that. What is wrong with me that I would kick Xander in the shin like a four-year-old? At least I didn't use slayer strength or his leg would have snapped like a twig. "Which one of you just kicked me?" He reaches down and rubs his shin and he looks like he's in a lot of pain. Ok, so maybe I did use a little slayer strength. It's not my fault he was eyeing my girl like a hobo staring into the window of a Red Lobster.

"Children," Giles says in that voice that sounds like he's being serious but he's really being sarcastic. "Need I remind you of the basic school house rules? No cursing and keep your body parts to yourself." I can't help but giggle a little bit and I smile when Faith looks over at me with that mischievous smirk. I can't believe that one little facial expression can turn me on to the point where I think I need to change my panties. Today is going to be very uncomfortable.

"Wesley, Faith is right. We already know this stuff, and gong over it again isn't going to give us an type of advantage," I say and my whole body tenses up when I feel something touch my leg. I glance down as subtly as possible. Faith is rubbing her foot against my ankle? Faith is playing footsie with me? I think I woke up in some alternate dimension where I'm the oversexed pervy one and Faith is the almost innocent sweet girl you just want to hold.

"Girls, going over battle strategies could be useful if you run into the vampire cult on your patrol," Giles says and I can't help but sigh. I'm not sighing because I'm irritated or anything. I'm sighing because of the feel of Faith's foot lightly rubbing against mine. I rub back and I can't help the little tingle that shot up my spine. There's just something about playing footsie with a bunch of people in the room that makes it so much better.

"Right. Thank you Mr. Giles for backing me up. Now, as I was saying," Wesley says and I tune him out. I'm focused completely on Faith and her foot lightly rubbing against mine and up and down my leg. I can't believe how turned on I'm getting. I don't think I'm going to be able to take much more of this. I might have to do something embarrassing and gross, like relieve some of this tension in a bathroom stall myself, if I'm going to get through the rest of this day with my sanity intact.

I can't help think about last night. They way she touched me, the way she took me over so completely and then gave up all of her control to me…it was amazing. She was amazing and I can't believe we really did all of those things. I've never felt more out of my element, more terrified or more intimidated, and I've also never felt more loved than any other time in my life.

"Buffy," I hear Willow practically yell and I pull my leg away from Faith's so quickly that when it slams against the leg of the table, the leg snaps and the table tilts and all of the books fall off. What is wrong with me today? I'm acting like such a spazz. Why can't I just be normal? Is that really too much to ask? "Are you ok?" I look up at Willow and ignore Giles and Wesley freaking out about how old and irreplaceable the demons books are.

"I'm fine, Will," I tell her but she doesn't believe me. I can tell just by the look on her face that she thinks I'm lying to her. "Really, I just have a lot of stuff on my mind." I glance over at Faith and then look back at Will. She gets that expression on her face like a light bulb just went off inside her mind. Now she's going to want to talk about it and I'm not sure that I can.

"Buffy are you sure you're alright? You've seemed a little unlike yourself all afternoon. If you're feeling under the weather maybe Faith should patrol alone tonight," Giles says as he picks up more books and takes them over to the counter. My eyes go wide and I glance over at Faith. I break one table and he wants to separate us? We're not little kids, he can't tell us not to patrol together. Who died and made him the boss of me? Oh right, the slayer before me.

"No Giles, I'm fine," I tell him but I don't think he's really paying attention because he's picking up more books and grumbling about a broken spine. "Besides, with these vamps still on the loose it's not safe for any of us to be out alone. We should stick together just in case." I love patrolling with Faith because that's the only real chance we have to talk about whatever is on our minds and I'm not having that taken away.

"I don't know, Buffy, maybe you should take a night off and rest," Willow says and she sounds really concerned but her face is giving her away. She's passively aggressively teasing me because she knows something happened and it's going to be a while before she can ask me, and even longer before I'll be ready to open up. "I mean, you must have fought some really strong baddie last night. You've been limping all day." Oh, she is such a bitch. Well, not really because she's sweet, loveable Willow but right now she is such a bitch.

"You didn't mention any of this, Buffy," Wesley says and I know I'm going to get a lecture. I glare at Willow and she has the decency to look guilty but she also looks a little amused. Remind me to give her shit about this later. "As your watcher I'm to know the goings on of your patrols and that includes fighting any type of creature of the night, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time." His face is getting red and flustered so this is probably going to go on for a while. "This vampire or demon you fought may very well be a link to this vampire cult we're trying to find."

"Hey Wes, back off," Faith says and she sounds really pissed. She stands up and crosses her arms over her chest and the look on her face is nothing but serious. "You're our watcher not our slave master and you don't get to talk to us like you are." There's a tense moment as she stares him down and he looks nervous. "You got a problem with that or do I need to show you what a slayer can really do?" Wow, my almost-girlfriend is really protective. Normally I don't like it when other people try to fight my battles for me but I think I'm going to let her handle Wesley from now on if his face turns that white every time.

"Perhaps my tone was a bit harsh, but this is important, Faith. These rules and procedures are set in place in order to keep people safe," he says and I can't help but roll my eyes. He can never just admit when he's wrong and apologize, he always has to justify it. If I didn't want to avoid a major lecture from Giles, I'd throw that little weasel across the room. I could do it too, I'm totally strong enough.

"We never followed all the rules before and we were just fine. Sure, a couple of people almost poked their eyes out running with scissors but they learned that not everything is all fun and games," Xander says and I send a little smile his way. I'm so lucky to have him and Willow as friends. Who knows what I would be like if I were really all alone. I'd probably be some butchy semi-rouge slayer with a bad attitude and split ends. Thank God for Willow and Xander because unless you're about to storm a beach there is no excuse for combat boots.

"Ah, yes Xander, you are correct," Wesley says and Xander gets that 'haha, I told you so' look on his face. But Wesley was being sarcastic and I can tell he's going to say something rude. He always gets that smug look on his face before he says something rude. "And last year the beast Angelus was allowed to be set free. Are you forgetting about all of the destruction he caused or are you simply shrugging it off as a minor indiscretion?" His words feel like a slap to the face and all of the air leaves my body. The room goes dead quiet and there's enough tension it could be cut with a broadsword.

"You need to leave this room," Giles says and takes a step towards Wesley. He isn't messing around and if Wesley isn't careful Giles is going to kick his ass and I think everyone in the room will help him. "Right now." They stare each other down for what feels like hours but Wesley finally turns around and walks out the library doors.

I can't move and I can't breathe which is a problem because everyone is staring at me with concerned looks on their faces and they're expecting me to say something. Well, everyone but Giles. He's cleaning his glasses and he looks like he's either trying not to lose his temper and punch a wall, or break down and cry. Probably both. I feel Faith put her hand on my shoulder and it feels like I've been burned. I jump up out of my chair and away from her. Willow knows there's something majorly wrong with that and jumps in.

"Buffy, don't listen to him," she says and she sounds just as concerned and upset as she looks. I hate this, I hate this so much. I wish I could just move on. I wish I could get the image of driving that sword through him and the betrayed look he got on his face before he was sucked into hell out of my mind but I can't. And I probably never will. "He doesn't know what he's talking about. He wasn't here. He doesn't know anything about what happened with Angel."

"Right," I say and my voice cracked. I hate it when that happens. "For not knowing what he's talking about, he sure got a lot of things right. If I hadn't been so stupid, if I hadn't given myself to the wrong person none of that would have happened." I glance over at Faith and she looks really shocked. Probably because I practically announced to everyone that I wish she had been my first. I can't take this, it's all too much.

"B, wait up," she says and I hear her follow after me as I storm off to Giles' office. I know I'm being immature and melodramatic but I don't care. I just had the loss of my virginity and the fact that it turned my boyfriend into a psycho-killer thrown back in my face by some uptight douche in a tweed suite. I think I've earned the right to be a little melodramatic.

"What Faith?" I ask as soon as we're alone in the office. Today started out so perfect, how did everything get so wrong? "What am I supposed to say? Everything that Wesley said is right. I didn't take dating a cursed vampire serious enough and people got hurt. People get hurt, Faith, all the time and I don't know how to stop it." She wraps her arms around me and I don't hesitate before I wrap mine around her and hide my face in her neck and breathe her in. I know it sounds stupid, but it's calming me down a little.

"Hey, shh," she says and gently rubs my back. I'm a little surprised she's being so sweet and not asking about that huge bomb I dropped in there. "Relax, B. Wesley isn't right. He's just being a dick because he's useless to us and he knows it. You can't let him get to you." I let out a little sob but it's not for the reasons she thinks. It's because we're breaking our own rules and I know someone is going to get hurt.

"Come on, B, don't cry, ok?" she says and leaves a very tender kiss on the side of my head. "Look, I can't imagine what that must've been like for you so I'm not gonna pretend to know. But I know what it's like to find out the guy you're in love with is a monster." I let out another sob and hot tears leak down my face. The last thing I wanted was for her to go through that again. I'm a horrible almost-girlfriend.

"It makes you feel like the whole time he was just pretending and he never loved you in the first place. It makes you feel stupid for believing his words and you think if you were stronger you could just walk away and go back to being you, you know?" She goes quiet but I can't say anything. I'm trying hard not to start bawling and I know if I try to speak I'll lose that battle. "Wesley's wrong, B. You didn't break any rules 'cause you loved Angel and love doesn't have any rules."

She gets it. She gets it more than anybody ever could. She knows me and understands me better than anyone in the past ever has, including Angel, and I loved him with all my heart and soul. I pull back from her neck and before she has a chance to say anything else, I kiss her. I kiss her softly, tenderly because this isn't about passion or wanting to show her how much I burn for her. This is a thank you for getting it, for understanding it, and for not making me feel guilty about it. Then I hear someone clear their throat and I almost panic.

"Giles wants to see you guys," Willow says and she has the deepest blush in the world on her face. I think this is some kind of record. "He said he wants to go over a battle plan for patrol tonight. He's still cranky about what Wesley said, so just humor him, ok?" She walks off without saying another word and you have no idea how glad I am that it wasn't Xander or Giles who walked in on us.

"That was close," she says and I can't help but chuckle. You have no idea how close we came to being found out and it would be horrible. The timing is all wrong and I don't want anyone else knowing until we're together for real. "We're gonna have to be careful. Wouldn't want to give G a heart attack." I chuckle again and she leaves one last kiss on my lips. "Let's get back out there. I think Red might have popped a vessel she was blushin so hard." When we walk out of Giles' office, for the first time since I've been called the weight of the world doesn't feel like it's completely on my shoulders.


	27. Chapter 27

It's been three days since that incident in the library. Things between Wesley and the rest of us are still really tense. He apologized and I accepted it. On the outside, anyways. I've been ignoring him as much as possible and spending as little time in the library as I can get away with. He just doesn't understand why what he said hurt so much and I'm not about to give him the details. No one needs to know the details and that's why I haven't told anyone, not even Willow, what happened between Angel and me that night.

But I need to stop thinking about that because I have a bigger problem to worry about. I fought two demons at the park tonight. Both big, scabby, disgusting and sans mouth. I killed the first one but the second managed to run off. The weird part is even though they don't have mouths they were still able to communicate somehow. Not only that, but my hand has been itching like crazy. There's already a red mark where I've been scratching it and I need to stop before it starts bleeding.

"You're home a little early, B," I hear Faith say from the living room. Ambush. Wesley isn't the only one I've been avoiding. I've been ducking Faith and Willow as much as possible too. I can't be around Faith without wanting to rip her clothes off and I'm not ready to have the best friend talk about how I feel about everything that's happened between me and Faith. I know Willow wants to be supportive and kept in the loop on my love life, but I'm just not ready to open up to her yet. "Were you the only thing that went bump in the night?" She can be so corny and it always makes me smile.

"No, tonight there was a little bit of action," I tell her as I walk into the living room. She's sitting on the couch cradling Samantha in her arms. Sam is asleep with her head resting on Fait's chest and Faith has the most serene look on her face. It's the first time I've seen her look relaxed and happy since the night Tanner lost control. And I'm not counting our night together or our morning after because I can't keep obsessing over that. "Two scabby looking things with no mouths. I slayed one but his friend got away."

"I'll make sure to take care of the other one tomorrow night then," she says and gives Sam a kiss on the top of her head. How pathetic would I be if I admitted that I'm jealous of Sam right now? Probably a lot. So I'll just keep that very sad and pathetic fact to myself. I start scratching my hand again and Faith gives me a weird look. I can't blame her. I'd probably be giving her the same look.

"I don't think that's a good idea. I touched one of them and now my hand feels like it's has the chicken pox, but without the gross sores," I say and she glances down at it. She slowly reaches out and takes my hand so she can turn it and get a better look. This is the first time we've touched since three days ago in Giles' office. We haven't been patrolling together so the temptation to touch has decreased dramatically. "We should probably talk to Giles first before you go after it. He'll probably want to do some research."

I bite my bottom lip at the feel of her soft fingers on my skin. Patrolling solo was Faith's idea. She doesn't want Sam here with just my mom in case Tanner shows up. She trusts my mom not to let him in or take Sam but just in case he tries something Faith wants someone with slayer strength here and I completely agree. Plus patrolling alone has made avoiding her a lot easier.

"Hold her for a second, ok?" she asks and I nod. She carefully hands me her little girl so she doesn't wake her up and I have to admit that it's a little awkward. I'm never sure what I'm doing when I hold her, but I try as hard as I can to not make that obvious. Sam is a part of the almost-girlfriend package and if I'm going to date her mom than I need to learn to take care of the little one too.

Faith gets up and walks off towards the kitchen and I feel like I have the chance to really breathe for the first time today. I think it has something to do with the way Sam smells. Babies have a smell that calms people down. I have to admit that I've been bonding with her since Faith has been patrolling alone. I know that it's only been two nights since we alternate but the little rugrat grows on you really fast. I even let her in my room for the first time which she was very excited about. She's still not allowed to touch Mr. Gordo, though. I have to draw the line somewhere.

Looking at her now, sleeping in my arms, lightly sucking her thumb, and letting out a little sigh every once in a while, I think I could handle this. I'm not naïve. I understand the fact that being with Faith, I mean really being with her not just having sex with her, would practically make me Sam's step parent. I get that Faith would always have more of a say with the rules and decisions but if it came down to it I think I would step up and help raise her when we finally get to that point.

"Here, B," Faith says quietly when she walks back in the room. She sits down next to me and holds out the thing in her hand. "Maybe this will help with the itching." It's a Ziploc bag with ice inside. I can't help but smile as I take it from her and hold it to the back of my hand. "What are you smirking about?" She sits back against the couch and looks totally relaxed. I a little part of me hates her for that. I've been so uptight and tense the last couple of days that I'm getting a really bad backache. Yet she's looking like Joe Cool just sitting there resting comfortably.

"Nothing," I tell her and my smirk gets a little bigger. She raises that perfect eyebrows and a little part of me melts inside. I think that was literal because my panties are soaked and it's not from the slaying I did tonight. "It's just…you're such a mom sometimes." She chuckles a little but tries to stay quiet. If Sam wakes up now bad, cranky things will happen. "I get that you are a mom, I'm holding your kid right now. But right now I feel like you're going to offer to make me chicken and stars and tuck me into bed or something."

"Damn, B. I bring you one ice pack and now I'm June Cleaver, that's harsh," she says with a deep, throaty chuckle and I get goosebumps all over my body. This is why I've been avoiding her. One glance, one smirk, one laugh and I'm going out of my mind with lust. Right now it isn't so bad because I got in a good slay so my hormones aren't going as crazy, but I still want her. I don't just want her, I need her and now just in a sex way.

"I better get to bed," I say and put the ice pack down before I very carefully hand Faith back her daughter. Sam moves around a little, snuggles tighter against Faith and lets out a little sigh before she settles down and goes back to looking comfortable and adorable. Faith gets a look on her face that isn't hard to describe. She looks a little disappointed but she's trying to cover it up. I guess she wanted to hang out together but I just can't do that right now. Not when it feels like I might suffocate if I don't hold her close and breathe her in.

"Ok," she says and she can't cover up the disappointment in her voice. I feel horrible doing this to her, pushing her away after what we shared the other night. I have to, though, or else I'll go crazy being around her but not really being with her the way I want to. "See you in the morning." She has a small smile on her face but it's totally forced. I mumble out a goodnight and head upstairs feeling like an asshole.

I just wish she would be completely honest with me for once. She said she doesn't want to be with me yet because everything is still too fresh with Tanner, and she doesn't want to confuse Sam. I know that Faith still needs to get over him, I'm not stupid, but I can't help shake the feeling that there's something more to it that she's not telling me. I wish she could just let her guard down and let me see her for who she really is instead of hiding behind that emotional wall. I wish there was a way I could get inside her head to know what she really feels about me. Yeah right, fat chance of that ever happening.

When I wake up the next morning I can already tell something is off. Samantha is in my room and she's singing a song. Who the hell let Sam in my room? She knows she's not allowed in here unless I tell her it's ok, and with me just waking up I doubt that conversation took place. I sit up quickly, maybe if I can scare her a little she won't sneak in here anymore, but I don't see her.

"Sam?" I ask to an obviously empty room. She can't be in the closet because there isn't enough room and she can't fit under the bed because it's overstuffed with shoe boxes and weapons. I follow the sound of her voice and I end up standing in the bathroom doorway. She's in the bathtub and Faith is washing her hair. Ok, what the hell is going on? I can hear her singing but she isn't saying a word. She's just sitting there quietly while Faith rinses the shampoo out of her hair.

_We're tiny, we're toony, we're all a little loony, and in this cartoony we're invading your TV!_ Ok, how can I hear her when she isn't saying anything? This is weird. It's weird and strange and hearing a little girl singing is unsettling. I feel like at any moment Freddy Kruger is going to jump out at me. I guess Faith can feel me staring at them like a freak because she turns around with a slightly confused look on her face.

"Morning, B," she says and there's a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. God, Faith is so beautiful in the morning. She doesn't have her face caked with makeup and her hair is kind of wild looking, and she's less guarded than she is later on in the day so you can see all of her emotions playing out across her eyes. It's amazing to see. She's happy to see me right now, that much is obvious, but there's also something else that I can't quite place.

"Good morning," I tell her and she's giving me that look like she's waiting for me to say something. Probably because only a freak would just stand here for no reason. "You mind if I brush my teeth? I need to get ready for school." That sounds pretty believable. I mean, this is the only bathroom in the house and I do need to get ready for school. She would have to be a total bitch to say no. She tries to act like this cynical hardass but I know her better than that.

"Go ahead. Wouldn't want anyone to drop dead from your dragon morning breath," she says with a chuckle and Sam starts laughing. That little traitor. I thought we were bonding. I let her in my room and let her try on my "party shoes", and I let her play with my old toys, except Mr. Gordo, and now she's laughing at me? Traitor. _Damn, B's pout is so fuckin sexy. I wanna nibble on that lip 'til it's nice and swollen_. Ok, why the hell can I hear Faith if she's not talking? And more importantly: she thinks my pout is sexy?

I try to act normal as I start brushing my teeth because I don't want to freak either of them out. It's not like I can just ask if Faith is hearing voices too because then she would think that I'm crazy and crazy people probably are not allowed to be left alone with small children and it's my night to babysit. _They're funny, they're funny, they're Babs and Buster bunny._ Why am I still hearing that? _I want a bunny but mommy says no. Daddy always say yes when I want something but Daddy's been gone forever_.

"Mommy, when's Daddy coming back?" Sam asks and she sounds so sad. She asked me that the other night when I was watching her and let her try on my heels just for fun. She calls them my "party shoes" because she thinks they look fancy. I'd love to hear her say that in front of Cordelia. Cordelia said they look like they were made out of skinned chicken feet. Why am I thinking about this? It's so not what I should be focusing on.

"Sam, Daddy's not coming back," Faith says and she sounds so uncomfortable. It's the exact same tone my mom had when she told me my dad was moving out of the house in L.A. The way Faith sounds right now, I just want to take her in my arms and hold her. I hate that she has to go through this but it's for the best. Tanner is an abuser, he doesn't deserve to be around Faith or Sam. _I wish she was older, this would be so much easier to explain_.

"Why Mommy? Why he go away?" she asks and she sounds like she's about to cry. I can hear the little tremble in her voice and it's making my heart hurt. I can't even imagine what Faith must be feeling. _That fucking bastard. Even when he's not here he's not around he's making my baby cry._ Ok, or maybe I can imagine it. It's obvious I'm hearing their thoughts but why? People don't just wake up telepathic. Maybe I shouldn't be this surprised. This is Sunnydale, after all. Where else would I wake up and suddenly be able to read minds?

"Because, Sammy, Daddy's sick." Yeah, he's really sick if he thinks it's ok to beat his girlfriend and daughter. "And he can't be around us anymore." God, Faith sounds so freaking sad. I wish there was something I could do to make everything better. She's been through so much and she deserves some happiness for once. _He needs medicine then he could get better_. I hear Sam's little voice float through my mind and I almost start crying at how innocent she really is.

"You could give him medicine, Mommy. You gaved me medicine when I was sick," she says and I glance over at them. Faith is gently rubbing the conditioner through Sam's hair and to anyone else she looks calm but I can see how tight her muscles are and how tense her shoulders are getting. I finish brushing my teeth as quickly as possible and leave the room. I don't want Faith to feel crowded with me standing right there listening in on her conversation.


	28. Chapter 28

After I finish getting ready for school, I head downstairs for some breakfast. I'll probably have some Cheerios with slices of banana. That's my favorite. Of course that's if Sam didn't get the last of it already. Having Faith and little Sammy move in here is a good thing, but our grocery bill is starting to get pretty high. I stop in the kitchen doorway when I see my mom sitting at the breakfast bar drinking a cup of coffee. If I can hear Faith and Sam's thoughts than I can probably hear Mom's too and I don't think I need to know what she thinks.

"Good morning, Buffy," she says and she has a smile on her face. She seems to be in a good mood so I guess it's ok to enter. I'll just try to block it out, ignore whatever she thinks so I don't have to hear it. That sounds like a really good plan. Or at least it would if I knew how to do that. Whatever is happening to me seems to be in control. It's a little scary but if I'm really hearing other people's thoughts then this new ability could prove to be really, really awesome.

"I went to bed before you got back from patrol last night," she says as I take the milk out of the fridge. I haven't heard any of her thoughts so, so far so good. "I didn't get the chance to tell you, Scott called last night." The sound of his name makes me tense up for a couple of seconds. Scott, another person I've been avoiding. I know that I only agreed to date him because Faith rejected me, but it's still not fair that I'm sneaking around behind his back. I cheated on him and I feel horrible about it.

"He sounded a little upset," she says and she has that concerned "mom" voice that makes me cringe on the inside. That means she's going to start asking questions. "Buffy, is everything alright between the two of you? You know you can tell me anything, sweetheart. You don't have to be afraid of how I'll react." Yeah, because telling her I'm a slayer ended so well.

"Everything's fine, Mom. I've just been busy lately with school and the slaying that I haven't had a lot of time to hang out with him," I tell her and pour myself a bowl of cereal. We're out of bananas and I blame Faith. She can be such a pig it's borderline disturbing. I sit down across from Mom and start in on my breakfast and she has this look on her face that I do not like. It's the look of 'I have something to say but it's horribly awkward'. She got the exact same look on her face when I was thirteen and she told me what menstruating is.

"He's not pressuring you in any way is he?" Ok, that's about a thousand times more awkward than the menstruation explanation. "I know you already were with Angel intimately, but sweetie, just because you did it once doesn't mean you have to again." And the awkwardness just keeps on coming. I drop my spoon into the bowl and it makes a very loud sound. I would jump up and be even more dramatic up I don't think my legs could hold me up right now.

"I am not having sex with Scott," I say and I sound shocked and irritated. I think I sound more irritated than shocked but that's not my fault. Right now would be a really great time to be able to hear her thoughts. Does she really think I'm a tramp? How could she possibly think I would sleep with someone I've only been dating for a few weeks? Ok, so I never told her about Angel, and we haven't really gone into the details of how long I was with him but she should have a little more faith in me.

"Honey, I'm not saying that you have and I believe you," she says and I can tell by the look in her eyes that she's telling the truth. At least she's showing me some support. "I just don't want you to be pressured into something you're not ready for just because you've already done it once." Ok, so maybe I should be giving her a little more credit. She's not calling me a tramp. She's calling Scott a pushy creep. Considering he's a teenage boy and that's the stereotype it's not that much of a leap. Although I haven't spent enough time with him to find out if he's pushy or respectful.

"Mom, he hasn't pressure me at all. And I'm not in love with him so I haven't even thought about…going that far," I say and trust me when I tell you I'm really uncomfortable and it's coming through loud and clear in my voice. My mom nods her head and takes a sip of her coffee and goes back to reading the newspaper. Maybe now I can get back to eating my cereal before it gets really soggy. _How ridiculous is it that my seventeen-year-old daughter has had more sex than I have since we moved here? I really need to meet someone and soon. This spinster routine is starting to drive me crazy._

"I'm going to school now," I say and jump out of my seat before she can say a word. She probably thinks I'm crazy for just taking off like that but if I didn't get out of there my head would have exploded. I don't want to think about my mom…doing that. It was bad enough walking in on her and Ted kissing. Yeah, it turned out he was a robot but for a while I thought he was a real person and the thought of the two of them leaving for a honeymoon…I might need therapy when I can afford it, let's just put it that way. But I refuse to think about it anymore. I'm headed to school and I know anything I hear won't be as bad as what I just heard.

Ok, so I was totally wrong before. Things at school are even weirder than things at home. I'm still hearing people's thoughts, that hasn't changed, but the people at this school are crazy. There's this girl named Nancy who's a total self-hating narcissist and someone seriously needs to get her to take a pill. Plus when I was walking down the hallway all of the boys, and at least five girls who are total closet cases, couldn't think of anything but what they would do to me if they had the chance. At first it was flattering, but then it got disturbing.

I walk into the library more than freaked out and Giles is going through some books on the counter. He glances my way for just a second and puts his nose back in those books. _My God, look at what she's wearing. If a fashion magazine told her to skin a bunch of puppies and make a coat, she would do it_. That's what Giles really thinks of my outfits? Well, I'm not going even to try and act surprised or hurt. If Giles liked the way I dressed I would be kind of freaked out. That just doesn't need to happen, especially since Giles like a father figure.

"Giles, something weird is going on," I tell him but he doesn't even look up from the book. I can't blame him. In Sunnydale saying something weird is going on is like saying the sky is blue that day. "I fought these big, scabby demons last night and I killed one, and I think something got on my hand because it itched like crazy and when I woke up this morning I could hear people's thoughts." That got his attention. He puts the book down and puts his hands in his pockets. Clearly he doesn't believe me. He always puts his hands in his pockets when he's trying to seem non-threatening and he only does that when he doesn't believe me.

"Buffy, are you sure you are truly hearing other's thoughts? Perhaps the demon cast some sort of spell to make you hear voices. To throw you off your game, so to speak, make you more vulnerable for a future attack," he says and what he's saying would make sense if I wasn't one hundred percent sure they really are other people's thoughts. I hate to disappoint him because he likes being right but I need to tell the truth.

"When I walked in you thought 'my God, look at what she's wearing. If a fashion magazine told her to skin a bunch of puppies and make a coat, she would do it'," I say and I try not to sound too smug. He just sits there, gawking at me and I can't help but smile a little. Come on, how often do I get to one up Giles? I have to savor this a little.

"Extraordinary," he says and he sounds a little taken aback. I really hope he isn't going to do tests or anything like that. I'm not going to be poked and prodded like some weird science experiment. I don't even want to think about Wesley's reaction when he finds out about this. He might have me shipped off to the motherland and let Faith take over the slaying duties here. "When did this begin?" Didn't I already say that? I hate it when he doesn't pay attention.

"This morning as soon as I woke up I heard Samantha singing the Tiny Toon Adventures theme song. I thought maybe she just snuck into my room but she was in the bathtub and she wasn't talking. And then I heard Faith…think some stuff." Woe, close call. I can't believe I almost let that slip. Giles would freak if he found out Faith and I are together. Well, almost together. Ok, I don't know if he'll freak for sure, but Faith is a girl so when we finally tell everyone about us I need to assume crash position.

"And then Samantha started asking about Tanner and I heard Faith think about how angry she is with him," I say because I know he wouldn't have let me get away with not saying a little about what Faith thought. He walks over to another stack of books on the counter and starts going through them. Snyder refuses to replace the table I accidentally broke so Giles is going to have to replace it himself. Until then the counter has been completely taken over.

"I can only imagine how angry she must be feeling," he says and he sounds really uncomfortable. Giles hasn't really talked to me about what happened. One day he had Faith go into his office, said it had to do with a type of meditation he wanted her to try so the gang wouldn't get suspicious, but I knew what they were really talking about. Mostly because I eavesdropped a little. "So these demons, can you describe them in greater detail? Big and scabby won't exactly narrow the suspect pool."

"They were white, and have these long tails, and no mouths. It was disturbing. What kind of demon doesn't need a mouth? How else are they going to eat?" He opens his mouth to say something I have a mini-panic attack. "That last question was rhetorical. I really don't need to know." He gets that agitated 'would you let me finish?' look on his face.

"I was simply going to say that if you did obtain this ability from the demons then they would not need mouths to communicate. I'll try to find more information," he says and keeps digging through his books. I wonder if he'll be able to find a cure for it. Yeah, listening to people's thoughts is fun and totally entertaining, but if I have to hear my mom think about…what she thought about I might stab myself through the ear with an ice pick.

"Ok, you do the brain thing and I'll see you later," I say and start to leave. When I'm about halfway to the door Willow, Xander, Oz and Faith walk in. Why is Faith here so early? She normally doesn't come to the library until the late afternoon. She doesn't look upset so I'm assuming nothing bad happened. "Or I'll just stick around." This new ability I have just got a lot more fun.

"Hi, Buffy," Willow says and gives me one of her bright 'Willow smiles'. I smile back and tell her hi and we walk further into the library. _I'm surprised she said hi_. I hear Willow think, and she sounds a little bitter. _Whenever Faith's around she doesn't notice anything else._ I think it's safe to assume she's still feeling insecure about Faith. I already told her I don't want Faith to replace her as my best friend but I guess I have been neglectful of my best friend duties lately.

"Will, what are you doing after school? There's this massive sale down at April Fool's and I was hoping we could check it out," I say and she gets another bright smile on her face. There's nothing like a shopping trip to reinforce the bonds of female friendship. Ok, so there are plenty of others, but this one is my favorite. _Oh, look at Buffy's legs. They look so soft and smooth. I wonder what they look like without the skirt_. The death glare I send Xander is so powerful he actually takes a couple of steps back.

"Alright, Buff, you can have the jelly. I'll take a glazed," he says and he holds up the box of dough nuts. Oh, cool, jelly dough nut. I take the yummy pastry and munch away. If giving that kind of glare gets me stuff I might have to do it more often 'cause there is no downside to this. I turn back to Willow and she has a slightly confused look on her face but it goes away, and now she looks excited.

"Shopping sounds cool," Willow says and she looks extra perky. I need to start spending more time with her if this is the reaction I get at the idea of a shopping trip. I've been such a sucky friend lately. I'm surprised she still wants to hang out with me. "Oz and I have a date tonight so we could pick out a new outfit. I might have to keep it at your house, though. If my parents find any sexy clothes they might actually have to have a conversation with me."

"I've had that talk with my mom more than once. Just because I wear clothes that could be classified as provocative doesn't mean I'm going to start sleeping around. Living with her can be such a pain sometimes. The best thing about college is going to be living in a dorm," I say and she nods her head. I don't care if I sounded a little bitchy, everything I said is true.

_I'd love to see B in something provocative. What she's got on now isn't so bad. I wanna bend her over the table, and lift hat skirt up real high. Or take her into the stacks, get on my knees and eat her out until she can't take it anymore._ I work as hard as I can not to look over at Faith because I don't trust myself right now and something not good would happen. I can't fight off the blush that's burning my neck, ears and face, though.

_Listen to what she just said, dumbass,_ I hear Faith's voice again and she sounds so…angry isn't strong enough. Whatever comes after angry, that's what she sounds like. _She wants to go to college. Do you really think she's going to screw around with you forever? You're a dead beat single mom. You really think you have anything real to offer her?_ I glance over at Faith and her expression is what it normally is at a scooby meeting, bored, but her eyes are giving everything away. And she's not eating her dough nut anymore, she's just kind of picking at it.

"Are we going to get this meeting going or what? I got a couple places I need to be today," Faith says and she sounds a little agitated. O, so that's why Faith will go from being perfectly fine to totally irritated in a heartbeat. Her negative thinking, that is totally untrue, bring her way down. Ok, so how am I going to reassure Faith without making Willow jealous? It's a double edge sword, that's for sure.

"Where is that exactly? Is there a biker convention in town today?" Will asks and I roll my eyes. I've been avoiding both of them for the last couple of days, but Willow probably thinks I've been spending all of my time loved up with Faith because she doesn't know the whole situation. All of these secrets are starting to make my stomach ache.

"No, Red, that's next week," Faith bites back and she sounds totally defensive. She puts her dough nut back in the box and starts cracking her knuckles. She only does that when she has energy to burn but nothing to do with it. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want her to burn it off on me, especially after that very naughty thought she had earlier. "I have a couple of job interviews today. They're just part time positions but I wanna get an apartment. That little rat trap motel ain't exactly healthy living." Faith wants to move out of my house? Why would she want to do that?

"That's an excellent idea, Faith," Giles says and he looks up from the book he's been flipping through. "I've petitioned the council about increasing the monthly funds you receive but they've yet to return my phone calls." _Damn wankers don't believe she deserves a proper place to live. At least now she's at Buffy's and not that roach motel._ Wow, Giles is really bitter about the council. And now so am I.

_He's probably just saying that to be nice. B's his girl, why would he give a damn about me?_ And Faith is very bitter about Giles. Maybe I should try to get them to do some type of bonding exercise. You know, like when one person falls backwards off of a ladder and the others catch them. Or they could just do one-on-one training more often because I think Giles would drop Faith and that would be bad.

"Is this the demon?" Giles asks and shows me a picture. A shudder runs through my body at the gross sight. Why do they have to be so icky? For once I would like to fight something that doesn't look like it's covered in snot. Then again if I fought something cute I would probably get the urge to take it home and keep it as a pet.

"Yeah, that's them in all of their mucus covered glory," I say and the gang gets a little closer. Well, Willow gets a little closer to try and see. The others who have been eating take a step back. I think I'll always be a little jealous of them because they get to do that. For them, fighting evil is a choice. If they wanted to they could walk away from all of this and have normal lives. I can't just walk away, it will never be an option. Why am I thinking about this? I need to focus because Giles is talking and could be saying something important.

"It would be best to avoid the other demon until we find out more about these circumstances," he says and he must have said more because his cheeks are a little red and he sounds a little winded. I almost feel bad for spacing out and not hearing what else he had to say. But only a little. I'm sure most of what he said could have been left unsaid since he has a habit of over explaining things way too much.

"Did we get a lead on the creepy vampire cult?" Willow asks and I glance over just in time to see Oz put his hand on her back. It doesn't take a mind reader to know that these vamps are really upsetting her, but it helps. _Demons and vampires really have no sense of decency. If they're going after these little girls than no one in this town is really safe. I hope Oz never wants kids because I don't think I could bring a helpless baby into this world knowing what I know_.

"No, unfortunately we still have no leads. I'm afraid this is something entirely unrelated," he says and takes off his glasses and starts cleaning them. If he wanted to build suspense he sure knows how to do it. _We need to tell them about this new…power you have. It's only fair_. I know he's thinking that intentionally and as soon as he puts his glasses on I nod my head. I have a feeling this isn't going to go well.

"It seems as though when Buffy fought this new demon last night she acquired the ability to read other's minds," he says and I hold my breath and wait for the others to react. Xander lets out a little chuckle so clearly it hasn't sunk in yet. Willow looks shocked, Oz looks as neutral as Swiss cheese, and Faith looks like a mixed of confused and pissed. _They don't look like they're joking. For the love of god please say you're joking_. Xander sounds like he's going into panic mode.

"We're not joking, Xander. I really can hear what everyone is thinking. It isn't intentional. They just kind of slip inside my mind," I tell him and his eyes get a little bigger. _She's barely a person anymore. She's not going to need me anymore. Ever since Faith showed up she's barely needed me at all_. "No, Will, that's not true. I still need you. Don't think that way because I always will. You're my best friend. I'm always going to need you." She looks upset and freaked out, which is totally understandable.

"How long?" Faith asks before Willow can say anything. Faith sounds so pissed off that everyone looks over at her but she doesn't seem to notice. Her eyes are locked dead on mine and she has angry tears building up in hers. It's scary because I've never seen her like this before. I've never seen her so angry to the point of tears.

"'How long', what?" I ask, playing dumb because I know exactly what she's talking about. I'm so afraid of her reaction that I'm delaying the inevitable. _God, she can be a real bitch when she wants to be. She's not stupid so why is she trying to play me?_ I think I totally just made things worse. Why do I have to be so dumb sometimes?

"How long have you been able to just invade everyone's privacy whenever the fuck you want?" One of those tears escapes her eye and makes a quick retreat down her face. I take a tiny step towards her, but she takes three back. Ok, so touching is out of the question. She's going to shut me out. I hate it when she shuts me out.

"Since I woke up this morning," I tell her and the look she gets on her face…it's like her whole world is crashing down around her. Why is she getting so upset? It's not like I heard anything really bad. What is she so afraid of me knowing? There's got to be something or she wouldn't be acting like this.

"So the whole time, since we walked in that fucking door, you've been spying on our thoughts?" she asks and she still sounds really angry but she also sounds like she doesn't want to believe it. "What gives you the right, B?" Her voice is lower now, and her tone isn't as harsh but the expression in her eyes is devastating. "Screw this. I don't need this bullshit." She turns around and runs towards the door.

"Faith wait," I call out and start running after her but it's kind of hard in these shoes. _Stay away!_ She screams it so loud in her head and it's so painful like a miniature bomb just went off in my mind, and it drops me to my knees. Giles, Willow and Xander are at my side in an instant, helping me off the floor, and I can feel these thick, heavy tears rolling their way down my face. It feels like my heart is shattering into a thousand little shards because I don't think I'm going to be able to fix this.


	29. Chapter 29

Faith never came back to the library and my new ability freaked everyone out so much they wouldn't be around me anymore. Giles is in total research mode because I'm starting to get this headache that won't go away and being around a lot of people at once hurts. Their thoughts are so loud and I can feel all of their emotions flooding through.

I think Faith might have opened some kind of door or something because it started right after she left. But hopefully I'll be able to forget about all of that now that I'm home. The school day isn't over but Giles thought it would be best if I got some rest so he called my mom, filled her in on the situation and now I'm lying in bed in my cow pajamas. Faith is in her room and mom is downstairs with Sam.

Even though I'm completely alone I can hear their thoughts even all the way from here. Mom is worried about me, hoping one day I'll be able to retire from slaying and just be a normal girl but I know that's not going to happen. Sam is trying to figure out if she likes peanut butter or jelly more and she can't make up her mind. On the one hand peanut butter feels cool because it sticks to your tongue but jelly is sweet like candy. For being only three she makes some pretty good points.

Faith's thoughts are louder and overpowering the others'. She's worried. She's worried about Sam. She's afraid Sam doesn't feel loved, doesn't feel like she's getting enough attention. She's worried Sam is going to grow up damaged because of everything Tanner put them through. Most of all she's worried Sam will be damaged and will hate her if Faith does move out and takes her away from my mom and me.

She's worried about being alone. She's afraid no one is ever going to love her. She thinks I lied to her. That I told her what she wanted to hear so I could be the one in control. She knows deep down that it isn't true but she can't help but think it. She's afraid of being abandoned. She thinks I'm going to 'come to my senses' and find someone else. Someone who's not a high school dropout single mom who doesn't even have a job or a future.

She's been thinking all of that and I've just been lying here listening. I don't know what else to do. She's still pissed that I never said anything and she thinks I don't really love her. How am I supposed to convince her that I do? How am I supposed to explain to her that I'm not going to leave, that I plan on going to US Sunnydale so I can stay close to her and Sam and my mom? How am I supposed to convince her that I care about Sam and the thought of not seeing her every day breaks my heart? I don't know, and it's making my head hurt even more.

_Who the fuck do you think you are?_ I hear her think, and there's so much anger in her voice and makes me cringe. _She could be whatever the fuck she wants and you're just holding her back. She's gonna hate you for it. If she doesn't go to college like she should just to be with your stupid ass one day she'll wake up and regret it and she'll hate you._ Ok, that's enough. I can't just lie here anymore and listen to this. She needs to know the truth and she's not going to get that if I don't say anything.

I get up and change into a light blue tank top and some cotton pajama bottoms. If I'm going to have this talk with Faith I can't be dressed as a dairy cow or she'll never take me seriously. She probably won't anyway because she's so convinced I don't really want her and we could never work as a couple. I have no idea how I'm going to how her otherwise because once Faith sets her mind to something there's no changing it. I have to try, though. I love her too much to just sit back and watch this fade away no matter how small it may be.

Yeah, we're keeping it a secret and only Willow knows about some of what's been going on, but that's only temporary. When we finally stop these vampires and she gets over Tanner completely and things go back to normal we'll let everyone know what's been going on. My mom will probably never leave us in the house alone ever again but we'll deal. We're teenagers, finding a secret place to be intimate is something we're born to do.

I quietly walk down the hall and stand in front of Faith's door. I'm not trying to be sneaky so she won't hear me. I'm being sneaky so my mom won't hear me. If she thinks something's wrong she'll come up to check on me and that will chase away all the courage I've been working so hard to build up so I can make it through that door. _Maybe I should just take off in the middle of the night. Get away quiet and clean. That would be best for everyone. No messy goodbyes_. I hear her think and my heart breaks a little. She's too caught up in her thoughts to feel me out here and I know she didn't hear me because she's listening to music.

So this is it: do or die, now or never. Epic love that burns so bright it outshines the sun or growing up to be a lonely spinster with too many cats with names like Ringo and Bootsy. I take a deep breath and slowly turn the knob. I don't bother knocking because I know she'll just tell me to go away and if I hear that before I see her I'll lose my resolve. If I lose that now I might never get the chance to know this right. Just the thought of that makes me want to fall to my knees and cry.

I open the door and I see her sitting on her bed. Her ankles are crossed, her body is tense and she's crying. Not sobbing or anything like that but she's got these big tears running down her face and her makeup is smeared and she's sniffling a lot. She glances over at me and as soon as she sees it's me her eyes tense and form a glare so mean if I were a cat I'd be running away with no skin. But I'm not a cat, I'm a Buffy, and it's going to take more than a dirty look to get me to back off.

"Did you come in to gloat?" she asks and she sounds so bitter. She slowly wipes her tears away and I walk in and shut the door. The song she's listening to ends but starts up again. It must have some special meaning if she has it on repeat. "Come to find out all my big, dark secrets and scare the monsters away?" Every angry word is like a knife to the heart but I don't leave.

"No," I tell her and walk further into the room. She tenses more but I'm not going to leave. She needs to hear this or we won't stand a chance of making things right. Even if I do say this we might not be able to, but I have to try. "I came in here to say I'm sorry. I should have said something sooner, clued you guys in as soon as you walked in the door or this morning when I was brushing my teeth." Her eyes go wide and she looks shocked and pissed enough to kill.

"You heard what I was thinking and you didn't say anything?" she asks and she sounds so pissed that every nerve ending in my body is screaming at me to run away. I fight the urge and sit on the edge of her bed. I let out a small sigh and nod my head yes. "What the fuck, B?" Her voice is getting louder and that needs to not happen or my mom will come up here. If that happens we'll never finish this talk and that's the worst thing that could happen right now.

"I didn't know for sure if I was really hearing voices or not, ok? I woke up and I heard Sam singing the Tiny Toon Adventures theme song and then she started thinking about wanting a rabbit. I heard you thinking about my pout and how you think it's sexy, but I wasn't sure if those were real thoughts or if I was just going crazy," I say and she looks a little less pissed off now. "If I could tune it out I would but I can't shut it off. If it's any consolation I heard my mom think about how lonely she is and how much she needs a boyfriend." She laughs a little and wipes the rest of her tears away.

"That does make me feel a little better," she says and her body is a little more relaxed. Well, her tense version of relaxed anyway. I'm starting to get tense because I need to bring up what she was thinking in the library and what she's been thinking about in here. Ok, I just need to stop being such a coward and say it because things are starting to get awkward and if one of us doesn't say something I might have to destroy her stereo because my God that song is getting on my nerves.

"I didn't just come in here to apologize," I say and she looks at me with dread in her eyes. I guess she knows what I'm about to say. _Please, fuck no, don't bring it up_. Yep, I guess she knows. "Faith, this thing between us I know it's really hard right now and it seems impossible that we could be happy but I love you. This isn't a fling, I don't want you just for sex, and I planned on applying to UC Sunnydale before I even knew I have feelings for you so I'm not going to run off and leave you for…what's a beefstick?" She gets a suggestive look on her face and I now unfortunately know what that means.

"B, I know you love me but this thing between us, whatever the hell it is, all it's doing is bringing us down and making shit between us really fuckin bad. I can't have that around Sam anymore." She sounds like she's about to start crying again and it breaks my heart. I lean forward and hold onto her hands and she has tears welling up in her eyes. Seeing her like this is killing me. I need to make it better. I need to fix this right now.

"It's bad now because we're trying to keep it a secret and I'm having a really hard time dealing with that. Things are going to get better, Faith, we just have to tough this part out and they'll be better," I tell her and her tears start to fall. I reach out with one hand and gently cup her cheek. She's so beautiful, even when she's crying. _God I'm so fucking stupid. Look at me, I'm a total mess. Just a fucked up loser like my dad always said I was gonna be_.

"Please stop thinking like that," I say and choke back a sob. I don't know why I didn't know this before, why I never saw it but Faith is the saddest, loneliest person I've ever met. "You're not a stupid, fucked up loser. I would never let anyone say that about the woman I'm in love with, what makes you think you can?" I smile a little and she smiles back but it doesn't reach her eyes. _Maybe I'll just start singing whenever you're around. That'll keep ya out of my mind_.

"You can try but I don't think it'll work. I'm Buffy, you can't resist me," I tell her and she gets a dirty smirk on her face. The tears have stopped and even though her face is all puffy and red from crying to me she still looks amazing, like always. She slowly runs her fingertips up my arms until they reach my neck. Then slowly down my throat, between my breasts until they're resting on my hips. My whole body feels tingly and my skin is covered in goosebumps. I hate how she has so much control over me.

"No, I guess I can't," she says with that dirty smirk still pulling at her lips. Her dimples are peeking out but not on full display. _I can't resist her but can she resist me? She's probably gonna run for the hills when she realizes what she's getting into. Why would she want to give up her life to help me raise my kid? That doesn't make any fuckin sense._ I let out a little sigh and lean forward and kiss her. It's tense from the start. Teeth and tongues clashing and pulling, but it ends way too soon.

"Faith, I need to tell you something. Something important," I say and rest my forehead against hers. I wrap my arms around her back and she pulls me closer to her. So close that the only way to sit comfortably is to straddle her lap. That's perfectly ok with me. She looks worried, like I'm about to give her some bad news, but this is nothing but good.

"What is it, B?" she asks and starts blazing a hot trail with her fingertips. Up my spine then down my back, she firmly cups my ass and repeats the whole thing over again. My breathing gets a little heavier because she's not playing fair. She's going under my clothes, running her fingertips along my sensitive skin and she can play unfair all day as long as she doesn't stop doing this. "B?" Oh right, I'm supposed to be saying stuff. I reach back and pull her hands away from me. I can't concentrate long enough to say this if she's groping me.

"This morning in the library when you said you were going to look for your own place," I say and her expression changes. She looks defensive, and trust me that's never a good thing with Faith. I need to hurry up and say something or this is going to turn into a fight. "If you want your won place that's your choice but I want you to know that when you said that a piece of my heart broke. Not just because you would be leaving but just the thought of not seeing Samantha every day hurt's my heart." Faith's entire body is tense and she's not breathing. Crap, what am I supposed to do?

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you and not just you but the whole package. Your little girl is amazing and I care about her a lot. I don't know what I'm doing half the time when it's my turn to baby sit but that doesn't change the fact that I want you both in my life for as long as you'll have me." Ok, that was a lot of talking and she's still not moving or breathing. _Doesn't she get she can just say shit like that? This is my kid she's talking about. She can't just say shit like that about Sammy to pull my strings. That's so fuckin out of line_.

"Do you mean that?" she asks and I don't think she's ever sounded more vulnerable than right now. Ok, so she has sounded more vulnerable. She sounded really vulnerable after Tanner beat the living hell out of her and I made him leave, but the point is I need to be really careful or this is going to turn into a fight. I wrap my arms around her neck, and she wraps her around my back. She's irritated and suspicious but she's not rejecting contact so that's good. Things might not be as bad as I thought.

"Yes, I mean it," I tell her and the look in her eyes is starting to soften. I can hear her thoughts racing through her mind. All of her truth before she filters it the way she wants me to hear it, if she wants me to hear it at all. I might as well do the same for her. "I know this is going to sound a little crazy and I'm getting way ahead of myself, but one day I can picture us being a family together." She looks a little shocked but I was expecting that. "Sam already calls my mom Grams so I don't think she would have it any other way." That makes Faith smile and she gently rubs my back.

"Yeah, Sam can be stubborn. I don't know where she gets that from," she says with a smirk on her face. I chuckle a little bit, and she kisses me. You have no idea how good it feels to kiss her. After thinking I was never going to get to do this again, having her lips pressed against mine is the best feeling in the world. I know that our problems are not over with and it's going to take a lot of work before we can honestly say we're happy, but sitting here in her arms I feel like our problems aren't bigger than us.


	30. Chapter 30

I know it seems impossible but with everything else that's been going on I forgot how special Faith can make me feel. And I'm not talking about my libido and how it only takes one sexy look for her to have it raging out of control. Or that when she runs her fingertips softly along my skin I get goosebumps and a shiver runs up my spine. Or the fact that every time she scrapes her teeth along my pulse point my back arches and my toes curl and this little breathy moan rumbles in my throat.

No, I'm not talking about that at all. It's nice, don't get me wrong, and no one else has ever made me feel like they have complete control over my body, and it's a little scary but exhilarating at the same time. No, I'm not talking about what she makes me feel but how she makes me feel. She makes me feel like I'm the most important person on the planet. Whenever she pulls back from kissing me she looks deep into my eyes with this intense look and it makes me feel like the whole world is revolving around us and this moment.

"So what you're sayin is," Faith says in between heated kisses. I know we're teenage girls and it's a deserved stereotype that we talk too much but right now I really want her to just shut up and take me. If the thought alone didn't make me blush I would tell her but if I tried to get the sentence out I would look like a fool. "That you want the white picket fence and vanilla sky?" She smiles against my lips and I scratch my nails down her back.

"Not right away," I tell her and she starts kissing my neck. She nibbles on my earlobe and my back arches against her body. I feel her hand slide down the side of my body and rest on my hip. I wonder what she's planning to do with that hand. "After I graduate college we could get a house with a big yard and maybe have a baby together." Oh crap, why did I say that? She's going to freak out. I try to hear what she's thinking but there are so many voices in my head I can't tell them apart anymore.

"You wanna have a baby with me?" she asks and am I going crazy or does she actually have a little smirk on her face? Let's think about it. Crazy people hear voices that are not their "inside voice", I have that. Crazy people see things that aren't real and it's safe to say that's happening. Yep, I'm crazy. Time to call an asylum and have me locked up for the rest of my life. She gently runs her fingertips over my cheek and that one little motion calms me down. She's getting too good at that.

"Yeah, I've thought about it," I tell her and the little smile pulling at the corners of her mouth isn't going away. That's weird, normally when I put my foot in my mouth things end badly. "It's not like I have names picked out." That's a lie. "Or a wallpaper pattern for the nursery." That's the truth. "But I've day dreamed about what it might be like to have a family together. Does that freak you out?" Please tell me I didn't scare her off. I don't think I could handle that right now.

"No, it doesn't," she says and gently kisses me on the lips. She pulls back before I get the chance to respond. She can be such a tease sometimes. I look at her smiling and for the first time in a long time I feel safe and content. She gets a mischievous look in her eyes and quickly grabs onto my knees and pulls my legs apart. She settles between them and slowly grinds against me. I gasp at the sudden contact and scratch my nails down her back. "But I think we should stick to practicing for now." I smile and grind against her.

"That sounds like a good plan," I say and she brings her lips down to mine. When she touches me, especially when she kisses me, the pain in my head slows to a dull ache and all of the voices intruding my mind fade to the background. Faith makes everything better even if the road we're on is bumpy and full of potholes. Ok, that was a weird metaphor but the point is even though things between us have been hell, she still makes everything around me better. She gives me back my hope that one day I'll get to be normal.

"I almost forgot how wicked your lips feel," she whispers against my mouth and I open my eyes. She's staring at me with an intense gaze and I know what's coming next. I've seen this look before, not only on her, but on the boys I've dated and they thought I was easy enough to try to fuck after only two dates. Should I tease Faith a little more or let her get what she wants? I think I'll wait and see what the move is before I decide that.

"Yours aren't so bad either," I tell her with a little smirk on my face. She tries to kiss me but I turn my head to the side so she's left kissing my cheek. "They feel pretty amazing." I look into her eyes and she has the most beautiful smile on her face that I've ever seen. Not just because she has a pretty smile, but because it's lighting up her eyes. They could probably show up the northern lights right now.

She leans down again to kiss me and this time I meet her halfway. I can't let her do all of the work. I don't want her to think I'm a pillow queen. God I hope she doesn't think that. On that night we shared together she did more things to me and the things I did to her I'm starting to doubt I did right. Sure she said it was one of the best nights of her life and she came harder than she ever has before but she could have been lying to spare my feelings. Ok, I need to calm down. I'm starting to freak out over nothing. She came so hard that night she almost broke my fingers, I have nothing to worry about.

"Things are always so much easier when it's just the two of us," she says against my lips and kisses me again. Her hand is still on my hip and she needs to do something with it soon. These kisses are really getting to me plus the voices are starting to get stronger and I don't know how much longer I can ignore them. "I wish we had a place to sneak off to. Ya know, someplace that's just ours." Why does she have to keep talking? What she said reminded me of something and it totally threw a bucket of ice on the mood.

"Faith," I say and she pulls away from me. Not far, just enough so we can look at each other while we talk. I guess she head the worry and the insecurity in my voice because she looks concerned. I didn't mean for that to happen. Why do I always ruin everything? "In the library when you said you wanted to find your own place, were you being serious or were you just making conversation?" Her eyebrows furrow and for a second she looks really mad but she makes her expression go blank. At least she tries to. I can still see how irritated she is in her eyes.

"B, I need to get my own place," she says and her voice sounds strained like she's forcing herself to stay calm and the effort is restricting her voice box. "It doesn't have anything to do with you or us. I need to be able to take care of my kid and I'm never gonna show her I can stand on my own and be strong if I'm being completely supported by your mom." So that's what it's really about. I should have thought of that instead of being so conceded.

"I get that, Faith, you don't have to explain that part. I just…." What am I trying to tell her? The whole truth instead of leaving stuff out to protect myself. That would be a good start. "Finding out like that, it hurt. It hurt being treated like I was just another one of the guys, you know?" She gently cups my cheek and runs her thumb along my skin. She always knows what to do to make me feel better.

"I tried tellin you," she says and she looks a little sad now. When did she try telling me? I don't remember her trying to bring that up. That's not the kind of thing you forget. "You've been avoiding me. In the morning you always leave for school before we get a chance to talk and when I get home from patrol you run off to bed. Last night when Sam was asleep and you were holding her I thought we were gonna hang out and just spend some time together but you got all freaked out and you went to bed." Oh crap, how am I going to get out of this one?"

"I haven't been avoiding you. Education is important, and I've needed the extra sleep," I say and try to sound innocent but I know it didn't work. It sounded lame even in my head and I can tell by the look on her face she isn't buying it. "Ok, I've been avoiding you and Willow and Wesley." I think it would be best if I didn't mention Scott. "There was just so much going on at once and I felt overwhelmed and when I feel overwhelmed I suppress it and avoid the thing that's making me feel that way."

"You can always talk to me, B. You don't have to be afraid," she says and that makes me feel really irritated. She's being really sweet, she doesn't sound agitated or angry or anything like that. She cares about me and that's basically what she's trying to say but it sparks something I didn't even know was there inside of me. Maybe I have more issues then I want to admit.

"You haven't exactly made it easy for me in the past. Look at today. I didn't tell you right away that I was hearing people's thoughts and you ran off and didn't let me explain," I say and I sound a little more agitated then I meant. Her eyebrows furrow and her jaw gets tense and those are never good. God I hope this doesn't turn into a fight but it seems to be heading there.

"That's different. You were practically spying on us, on me, and you could've given us a head's up way before Giles brought it up, but you didn't," she says and she doesn't sound as mad as I thought she was going to. I guess she's getting better at controlling her temper. I let out a little sigh and gently run my hands up and down her back.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line. I know why you were so upset and I should have mentioned it sooner. But Faith, you have to admit that you haven't exactly made thing easy before and you can't blame me for being hesitant to talk to you. Besides talking wasn't really the issue," I say and she gets a confused look on her face.

"What do you mean?" she asks and she sounds as confused as she looks. It's adorable but I can't believe she's going to make me say it. Can't she figure it out on her own? I'm sure if she thought it through she would understand what I was hinting at.

"I mean whenever I'm around you all I can think about is kissing you and…other naughty things," I say and break eye contact. I can feel the blush burning on my face and I can feel her smile at me. Don't ask me how, I just can. I glance up at her and I can see her lips moving but I can't hear a word she's saying. I can tell it's something sexual because she just wiggled her eyebrows and she has a smirk on her face but I can't hear anything. What the hell is going on?

I hear a faint buzzing sound as all of the voices in my head start getting louder and are so quick they blend together until it's nothing but loud noise. I feel Faith gently rub my cheek and I try to talk but I can't concentrate long enough to form words. I can see the worry on her face as she sits up and gently shakes my shoulders. I don't know what she's trying to do but whatever it is it's not working. All I can feel is the blinding pain radiating from the middle of my forehead and the sounds of the voices bleeding into my brain.

Faith's worry, her fear, her anxiousness, all of those emotions and more hit me like a semi going ninety down the freeway and I feel a scream rip through my throat but I don't hear a second of it. I close my eyes and roll away from her. All I can feel is that searing pain and the buzzing of the all the voices in my mind is louder than before. Why is this happening? I was just getting back to happy. Faith and I were connecting again. We were opening up to each other. Why wouldn't this have happened later?

I feel the pain start to subside but it doesn't go away. I still can't hear anything and I'm afraid to open my eyes. The noise in my head is too overwhelming. It's like a migraine, like jack hammers pounding in my brain only a million times worse. I feel warm strong arms wrap around me, and I sink back into the body that's pressed against mine. The pain decreases some more but it still feels like an entire construction site is building away in my mind.

Just enough of the pain goes away that my body isn't twitching like it was. I'm not screaming and I can lie still. To anyone else that wouldn't seem like a big deal but my muscles are burning and my throat feels raw. Whoever is holding me is running their fingers through my hair and gently massaging my scalp with their fingernails. I press myself against them a little more and I really hope they keep doing that because it's making things in my head quiet down a little.

I really wish it would quiet down completely but I don't think that's going to happen. I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck like this forever. I don't want to be like this. It was funny at first but I don't need to know that one of my neighbors is having an affair, and the other ran over a dog on the way to work and feels guilty, and another just found out she's finally pregnant after months of trying, and one of them can't remember how many times B comes before A. I don't need to know, I don't want to know, I just want to be in Faith's arms and have her tell me that she loves me.

A warmness spread across my whole body and I feel calm even though I'm in so much pain I want to keep screaming. I want to get up and run away and find a quiet place to rest but I'm afraid of losing these arms around me. This comfort that I'm getting even though it's really small is the only thing keeping me together. Without it I think I would be completely insane right now. It's giving me something other than this pain to focus on.

Just when I feel like maybe I could get used to this, like maybe everything won't be so bad, the strong arms holding me are gone. The body I was pressed against disappears and my warmth, my solace, is gone. I feel like everything I am, everything I'm supposed to grow up to be is slipping away. The noise in my head, all of those voices screaming and yelling and begging for attention, gets so loud my head feel like it's going to explode. Or like my brain is going to dissolve from all of the vibrations and leak out of my ears.

I clutch my head, pull at my hair, anything I can think of to stop the pain, stop the noise so I can find me again. I feel like I'm lost. Just a pin drop floating in an ocean of sound and I'd give almost anything to get out of this and back to myself. But I don't know the way, and that one thread of hope that was holding me together is gone and I feel like I'm drifting away. Make this stop, somebody please make this insanity stop.

I feel someone pull me up but I'm too weak to sit up on my own. I feel one strong arm wrap around my back to hold me and the noise in my head quiets just a little. I feel something cool against my lips and a warm liquid slips inside my mouth. It tastes disgusting, like nothing I've ever tasted before and I try to spit it out but whoever is holding me up won't let me. The warm liquid goes down my throat but leaves a gross coating on my tongue and the after taste is even worse than the stuff itself.

As soon as that stuff is down my throat there's a pause. The voices quiet completely for just a moment and then all hell breaks loose. My body starts convulsing, a sharp pain settles in my stomach and the base of my skull. I try to get away but those strong arms wrap around me again and hold me down on the bed. Why won't they let me go? I need to get away from this pain. Don't they know they're not helping?

My muscles are burning, my head is pounding, and just when I feel like my body is about to go off like an atomic bomb my body goes limp. I'm breathing so hard my heart and lungs feel like they're racing towards some invisible finish line that won't get here fast enough. I feel like I could pass out and sleep for a week. How long was I trapped in that nightmare? It feels like I've been lying here for years but I hope to everything holy and sacred that I'm wrong.

The sounds of the room start to slowly filter into my consciousness. I hear people talking but it's faint, like a murmur. Mom and Giles and I'm assuming Wesley since he's the only other Englishmen I know are talking quietly on the other side of the room and they all sound worried. I try to open my eyes but they feel heavy, like some unseen force is keeping them shut. I slowly flutter them open and the grip on my shoulders loosens but the hands don't let me go. When I finally get my eyes open my vision is really blurry but I can tell that's Faith hovering above me.

A feeling of relief washes over me and a small smiles tugs at my lips. She was the one I kept sensing. I remember being able to dull all of the noise and pain a little by focusing on someone and Faith was that someone. She helped me, anchored me when I was going through that hell. If us being together isn't fate then I don't know what is. It has to be fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it. We were meant to be together, complications be damned.

"B, can you hear me?" she asks and there's a tremble in her voice like she's trying not to cry. My vision focuses a little more and I can see her clearly now and she has tears in her eyes. One of them escapes and slowly runs down her face. I lift my hand and wipe it away with her thumb. The effort is exhausting but it makes her smile so it's worth it.

"Yeah, I can hear you," I whisper and my throat feels awful. I can still taste that gross…whatever the hell that was and my mouth feels really dry. "Can I get some water?" My throat is so dry and raw from screaming that I start coughing and my mom is at my side in an instant with a glass of water in her hand. Faith helps me sit up and I gulp it down.

"Thank God you're ok. You really had me worried, sweetie," my mom says and wraps her arms around me. I let her hug comfort me and I feel like I always feel whenever my mom holds me. I feel like everything is going to be ok again but this time something is missing. Looking over at Faith it only takes a second to figure out what it is. I want to be in her arms. I want to curl up in her warm embrace and hear her say she loves me, but I can't right now. Not only are we keeping our almost-relationship a secret but I can't deny my mom this comfort. This hug is more her for than it is for me.

"I'm glad I'm ok too. I felt like I was trapped inside my mind," I say and she hugs me a little tighter. "How am I ok? I thought there was no way to reverse it." I look over at Giles and Wesley and I can tell by the look on his face that Giles' wasn't the one who found the cure. He's looking at Wesley with annoyance but also gratitude.

"One of my old chronicles speaks of a demon that infects its host with telepathy. We couldn't be sure if it spoke of these particular demons but it was well worth the risk," Wesley says and for the first time since we've met, he doesn't sound like a pompous ass. "Faith acquired the last necessary ingredient. We should be vigilant and make sure you are not also infected." I look over at her and she has a shy expression on her face that includes a blush on her cheeks. She looks so adorable I just want to take her in my arms and kiss her.

"I didn't get any blood on me," she says and picks at some invisible lint on the comforter. "I wore gloves and tapped the cuffs of my hoodie to my wrists." Why would she need to do that? You know what, I don't want to know. It sounds like dismemberment was involved and if it has to do with the potion I drank I think I'll be a lot happier not knowing.

"Thank you," I tell her and she looks into my eyes. She looks a little surprised and her gaze is really intense. It makes a chill run down my back and goosebumps appear all over my arms. "You saved me." I softly smile at her and she smiles back. Everything else in the room starts to fade away and I'm getting blissfully lost in her eyes. If I could I would lock us in here for a month and just be with her. Not just physically but to bask in the comfort and love she can give me by just holding me or looking at me the way she is now. She opens her mouth to say something and anticipation grows in my belly.

"Mommy, is Buffy better?" Sam asks as she runs into the room and climbs onto the bed. She looks around at the three of us sitting on Faith's bed and I guess she decides I'm better because she doesn't hesitate before she crawls onto my lap and leans her little body against my chest. "You screamed really loud. It scared Theo." Theo is her teddy bear. She's going through a weird phase where she expresses herself through the bear. It's cute but it can get really annoying when she won't touch her vegetables because Theo doesn't like them.

"Faith, you have a child?" I hear Wesley say and my whole body goes completely numb. I look over at Wesley still standing near the doorway with Giles and he looks shocked. Giles looks worried but he's being very British about it. I glance over at Faith and all of her emotions are on her face. She's afraid, she's frozen, she's trying to come up with something to say but she's just sitting there looking panicked. "You've never mentioned anything about having a child. This needs to be reported to the Council. They need to know what is really going on." Faith is up and in his face so fast I barely had a chance to register the move.

"No, you're not gonna tell the Council anything. You hear me? You tell the Council about her and I'll break every bone in your goddamn body!" Faith yells and she's in total 'momma bear' mode. It's exactly the way my mom was when she attacked Spike on parent teacher night last year, except with less yelling. Giles steps forward and puts a hand on Faith's shoulder and Wesley looks like he's about to wet himself.

"Faith, perhaps we should talk about this downstairs," Giles says and looks over at Samantha. I feel her flinch and she presses herself harder against my chest. It's like she's trying to burrow into it to get away from Giles' gaze. She's painfully shy in the first place and now that her mom is upset it's even worse than normal. I wrap my arms protectively around her and kiss her softly on the top of her head. That's my way of silently promising to do whatever it takes to keep her safe.

"Yeah, downstairs would be a better place to discuss this," Wesley says but I think he only said it because he doesn't know what else to do. He's fidgeting and looking around the room and I know why. Faith gets a very intense and scary look in her eyes when she's angry. Getting caught in that look can feel like being pressed against a wall with a knife to your throat. They leave the room, Wesley first then Faith is gently lead out by Giles' hand on her shoulder and he shuts the door behind him. The air in the room still feels tense and thick and I have no idea what to do.

"Mommy's mad at me," Sam says with a little tremble in her voice. God I really wish I could hear what she's thinking. Maybe if I could I would have a better idea of what to say to her. Before I get the chance to try my mom reaches over and takes Sam into her arms. She holds her close and Sam wraps her little arms around my mom's neck and buries her face in my mom's shoulder.

"No honey, no one is mad at you. She's upset with Wesley, that man who was just in here," Mom says but I don't think Sam is going to accept that response. I got a chance to really hear what Sam thinks and she blames herself for a lot of things. She blames herself for Tanner leaving. She blames herself for the way Faith acts sometimes even when it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. It's sad and horrible how much this baby hates herself, and she's only three.

"She's mad about me," Sam says and her tiny body starts quivering. Seeing her like this is killing me. I wish there was something I could do to make all of this better. My mom starts rubbing her back and Sam starts to quietly cry. I just sit here feeling completely useless as my mom comforts my almost-girlfriend's daughter. I should be the one doing that because if I'm going to be with Faith then I need to get used to being a stepmom. I'm kind of glad my mom is taking over, though, because even if Sam was still in my arms I'd have no idea what to do.

"No Sammy, she isn't mad about you. She's mad about something Wesley said," Mom says and keeps rubbing Sam's back and she starts to slowly rock back and forth. I wonder if Sam has had a nap today. If she skips her nap in the afternoon she can get over emotional just from being so tired. With everything that was going on with me I have a feeling making sure the little one slept wasn't a top priority this afternoon. If I was screaming and scared her then she's probably really on edge. Maybe it would be best if Faith got her own place. Then Sam would be away from my drama.

Since my mom is taking care of Sam I try to focus on what's going on downstairs. Every once in a while Faith will yell but I can't really understand what she's saying. I keep my eyes on the clock and after forty-five minutes goes by I try to get up but my mom grabs onto my arm to stop me. I look at her and I know I have an irritated look on my face. She gives me a 'mom look', you know the one that says 'don't you dare stat with me young lady'. I let out an irritated sigh and sit back against the headboard.

I glance over at Sam and she's not asleep like I thought she would be. She's sucking on her thumb and playing with my mom's hair with other hand. I really want to take her into my arms and hold her close. She's half of Faith and I'd give anything to be able to fight this battle for her so she doesn't have to worry. But I can't fight this for her. She needs to convince Wesley to keep his trap shut and I honestly don't think I have the energy to summon up the patience to talk to him right now. Since I can't be down there I want to hold Sam so I can feel somewhat close to Faith.

I hear the front door open and close and my whole body tenses up. What the hell happened? Is Wesley going to stay quiet or does Faith need to get Sam out of town before the Council sends a team to take her away? If Faith laves I'm leaving with her. This isn't like the end of the school year when I ran away for the summer. This would be me taking care of the woman I love and her daughter. You know, protecting them from evil and the Council. I think my friends and family would understand that.

I hear footsteps on the stairs and I can tell they're Faith's. She's the only person who wears boots and the only one who stomps up the stairs like a bull. Why a bull I don't know but it sounded like a good comparison. Anyway, the door opens and Faith walks in. My whole body tenses up even more and everything in me is screaming at me to run to her and take her in my arms. Her eyes and nose are red from crying and she has tear stains on her cheeks and she looks exhausted. She walks over to the side of the bed and lets out a little sigh.

"He's not gonna tell. Least that's what he said. He doesn't think the Council would do anything bad. He said they might increase my checks if they knew about her, but my real watcher said they would take her. I'm not gonna take Wesley's word over hers," she says and her voice sounds rough. I wonder how long she's been crying. I really want to hold her and tell her I love her but I can't with Mom in the room.

"Giles says sorry but he had to leave. Wesley really got to him. I'm gonna go lay down with Sam. We both need a nap," she says and wipes away the last of her tears. So I was right, Sam didn't have a nap today. How long was I out of it? I really want to ask but I don't want to agitate Faith. She has enough going on right now to play twenty questions with me. She takes Sam from my mom and Sammy latches onto her like a baby koala.

"Ok, dear, I'll come get you when dinner is ready," Mom says and Faith gives her a smile before she leaves the room. Well this is kind of awkward just sitting here in Faith's bedroom with Faith not in it. Mom looks over at me and lets out a little sigh before she wraps me up in another hug and leaves a kiss on the side of my head. "I'm so glad you're ok. If anything ever happened to you I don't know what I would do." I hug her back and we just sit here holding each other for a few minutes. Again I get that feeling I always get when Mom hugs me and I let it wash away everything that just happened.

"Why don't we go downstairs and watch some TV? Unless you're too tired. I can help you to your room if you need to rest," she says and we end the hug. Honestly I would rather stay in Faith's bed because it smells like her and just the smell of her can calm me down. Or totally turn me on depending on the mood I'm in. Ew, why did I just think that with my mom sitting right next to me? I need to start censoring my thoughts.

"I'm fine, Mom. I could use some TV time. It will help me get over and forget about some of the things I heard at school," I say and she gets a confused look on her face. "The boys at that school are seriously disturbed. I think you might have to home school me." The confused look goes away and she gets a smirk on her face. My pain is entertainment. Goody.

"Honey, all boys are seriously disturbed. That's something you're just going to have to get used to," she says and stands up. She's my mom isn't she supposed to be encouraging? You know, tell me something like 'don't worry, honey, there are some boys out there who are respectful'. No, instead I get the truth. Why am I worrying about this? I have Faith. I don't need to be concerned about what goes on inside the mind of a teenage boy. Let me rephrase that: I especially don't need to worry about what going on inside the mind of a teenage boy.

We go downstairs and I have to say that I love slayer healing. Just an hour ago I was so weak and tired I couldn't sit up on my own. Now I'm starting to feel normal again. At least I can walk down the stairs on my own and I don't feel like I'm going to pass out. I don't think I'm ready to go patrolling anytime soon, though. As soon as I'm off the last step there's a knock on the door and I let out a little sigh. I just want this day to end, not more distractions from my TV time.

"I'll get it," I say and Mom gives me that 'are you sure?' look. "It's probably just Willow and Xander checking up on me. They were pretty freaked out at school." She goes into the living room and turns the TV on and I walk up to the door and take a moment to just breathe. I know they're my best friends and they care about me but I really just want to lie on the couch and let my brain rot for the rest of the afternoon. I open the door and when I see who's on the other side my whole body tenses and a cold chill runs down my spine. What the hell is he doing here?


	31. Chapter 31

My heart is pounding so hard in my chest I can feel it throbbing in my ears. I'm frozen here in the doorway and I have no idea what to do. After everything I've been through today this was the most unexpected thing that could have happened next. I wish I could crawl back into Faith's bed and hide. What the hell is he doing here? Well I'm never going to find out if neither one of us speaks. I'm too thrown to say anything and I feel like a fool just standing here.

"Hi Buffy. I hope this isn't a bad time. I need to talk to you and Willow said you came home early," he says and remind me to kill Willow later. Preferably the next time I see her. I step outside and shut the door behind me. I hear Faith coming downstairs and the last thing I need right now is her jealousy to rear its ugly head. The last time it happened because of Scott she threw a chair against a wall. God knows what she would do this time.

"No, it's not a bad time," I lie and smile a very fake smile. He either doesn't notice or he doesn't care because he returns it with a little half smile of his own. His hands are in his pockets, he's fidgeting, and he keeps glancing down at his shoes. Whatever he needs to talk about can't be good. "What do you need?" Please just get to the point. Please don't drag it out with small talk.

"I don't really know how to say this," he says and looks down at his shoes again. He looks up into my eyes and lets out a little breath. "I think we should break up." Did I hear him right? He's really going to break up with me? It's not like I'm really hurt. I'm only dating him to distract me from Faith but my ego feels like it just took a two by four to the teeth.

"What? Why?" I ask and cross my arms over my chest. I probably look like I'm getting defensive but I'm not. At least not a lot. I'm still in my pajamas and although my breasts like that I'm not wearing a bra, I really don't need him ogling me right now. He lets out a little sigh and my God that is annoying. Is it that annoying when I sigh, because if it is I need to not do that anymore.

"You're never really with me," he says and my eyebrows furrow a little. That is so not true. Ok, so maybe I'm not the perfect girlfriend because I cheated on him and I'm in love with someone else. Plus I only agreed to date him to distract myself from Faith but it's not like we never went on actual dates or spent time together at school because we did. "Even when we're in the same room you're miles away from me. I thought if I gave you time and didn't push, you would maybe work out whatever's been bothering you but I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

Ok, so everything he said is totally true. I can't really be mad at him for telling the truth and he's being honest about his feelings so that's good. I look down at my bare feet because the look in his eyes was starting to burn me. He really did like me and I strung him along. What kind of a person does that? A horrible, awful person who doesn't deserve a chance at being happy since I keep killing it for the people around me, that's what kind.

"Scott, I'm sorry. I never meant for that to happen," I tell him and look into his eyes. His gaze is still intense but I need to stop being such a coward. I need to face up to this since it's all my fault. "Thing have just been so complicated lately and I never meant to push you away." He nods his head a little bit and I feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders. He isn't making a big scene, he isn't demanding I tell him everything I've been keeping from him, and he isn't calling me an awful person. He's being really cool about this and I totally appreciate his lack of drama. Wow, we never really had anything between us, did we?

"So, I guess this is goodbye," he says and he has a sad look on his face. Then his eyebrows quirk just a tad and the sadness fades away. "Well, goodbye until we see each other at school." I can't help the little smirk that tugs at my lips and he smiles back. I have no idea what to say now and the silence is starting to get to me. "I hope things get better for you soon. You're a great girl, Buffy. You deserve to be happy." I can't believe he's being this sweet to me after I treated him so badly.

"Thank you. You deserve it too. I hope you find someone who can give you what you need," I say and take a step forward. I lean in close and place my hand on his chest. I give him a lingering kiss on the cheek and I feel him hold his breath. I almost wish I could still read minds because I'd love to know what he's thinking right now at this very moment. I step back and he gives me a small smile before he turns and walks away. I let out a huge sigh and without any warning tears start cascading down my face.

These aren't sad tears or even bruised ego tears. These are tears of relief. I don't have to worry about keeping up appearances. I don't have to pretend to like a guy with the personality of a wet cardboard box. I don't have to feel guilty about how I'm just using him or worry about any of it anymore because it's over and there was no major drama. I get to be guilt free about something for once. It feels…a little strange, actually. I hope my mind doesn't come up with something to feel guilty about to compensate for the lack of guilt I'm feeling right now. That would suck.

I hear the door open and I turn around. I sigh a little when I see my mom standing there and as soon as she sees my face she looks worried. I'm glad it's her coming out to check on me and not Faith. Even though I really want to curl up in her arms, tell her I love her and thank her properly for saving me, I know if she sees me like this it would only lead to things of the bad. I'm going to tell her that Scott showed up and I'm going to tell her what happened but if I'm crying when I do it I don't think that would end well.

"Buffy, honey, what's the matter? Who were you talking to?" she asks and wraps her arms around me in a big hug. I feel what I always feel when my mommy comforts me and it makes the tears fall harder and faster instead of stopping. Hello emotional breakdown, it's been a while, how have you been? I really like your top, where did you get it?

"It was Scott, he said he needed to talk to me," I tell her and I force out a little sob. I can't be happy about the breakup in front of her or she'll just ask me more questions that could lead to her finding out about Faith and me and again that would be of the bad. I'm pretty sure when my mom told Faith to herself at home she wasn't giving a green light to bed her only child. It's best for everyone to keep this a secret for a little while longer. "He broke up with me." I feel more than hear her let out a little sigh. I'll pretend it wasn't a sigh of relief.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry," she says and gently rubs my back. I can tell she's worried but at the same time she doesn't sound too broken up about it. I guess she really doesn't like the thought of me dating. I hope she doesn't take it too badly when I finally tell her Faith and I are in love. "Do you want to just go to bed? I can make you some hot chocolate." Hmmm, should I milk this for all its worth to get free stuff plus offers of love and comfort? Nah, I think I'll be stiff upper lippy about it.

"No, it's fine," I say and hug her back just as tightly as she's hugging me. I have to make sure I don't hurt her with my slayer strength. That would be really bad. "We weren't really close. It's just on top of everything else that's happened I don't know how much more I can take." She squeezes me a little tighter and I know I was just trying to downplay Scott dumping me but what I said is also the truth. I honestly don't know how much more of this drama, this crap, I can take.

"Ok, sweetie, but if you need anything, Buffy, anything at all just tell me, ok?" she asks and gives me a kiss on the temple. I have no idea why she's acting like this. A couple of hours ago I was practically in a coma I was so overwhelmed by all of the voices inside my head, and now she's coddling me because the boy I dated for a couple of weeks broke up with me. That just doesn't make any sense. It must be a weird mom thing. Maybe I can ask Faith about it later. I'm sure she'll be able to give me some insight.

"I think I just want to take a long, hot bubble bath and forget this day ever happened," I say and my mom finally pulls back from the hug. She gives me another kiss on the temple before completely pulling away, and I can tell just by the look on her face that bubble bath isn't going to be hypothetical for long. I didn't mean for her to run it for me but if she wants to, who am I to stop her?

"Ok, sweetheart. You just go to your room and change into your robe and I'll draw you a nice big bubble bath," she says and walks back into the house before I can protest. I was going to let her do it anyway but it would have been polite to at least pretend to insist on doing it myself. I'm not going to dwell on it, though, because that would be stupid. So I do what she suggested. I go inside and change into my very comfy bathrobe and sit on my bed and wait for her to tell me my bath is ready.

I can't believe this day. I honestly don't think it's been only one day. Now that I'm thinking about it I might have been in that weird coma over night because Mom and Giles and Faith were all dressed in different clothes. So it's been a very emotional, very long two days. Faith and I almost fell apart but I made it right. God, I told her I want to be a family and have a baby with her. I can't believe it. I know that it's not impossible. Science is doing all kinds of things with turkey basters these days, but what if that's not what Faith really wants? What if that's not what I really want? All of this is just so confusing.

I hear a little knock on my door and I sigh in relief. Finally, I can't believe how much I'm really looking forward to just soaking and relaxing. It feels like it's been years since I've just calmed down and let my brain rest instead of worrying nonstop about everything. Well, ok, so it hasn't been years. That night I shared with Faith took a lot off my mind for a while but I didn't exactly wake up feeling rejuvenated. All of that relief goes away when Faith walks into the room and she doesn't look happy to see me.

"Faith, what's wrong?" I ask and stand up from the bed. I take a step towards her but she holds up her hand signaling me to stay away. Ok, this just can't be good. She paces back and forth and I can tell by the look on her face she's trying to think about what she says before she says it. Something must really be wrong if she's thinking things through and not being impulsive.

"I'm trying really hard not to jump to conclusions but what I saw downstairs, B, it's starting to dive me kinda crazy," she says and stops pacing. I'm with her on the crazy part. I have no idea what she's talking about or why she's so upset. She needs to explain that and fast because I want to help her. She's obviously upset about something and I just want to make it better.

"Faith, what are you talking about?" I ask and she lets out a tiny sigh. I can tell she's trying to control her temper. She's cracking her knuckles and her lips are in a tight line. Those are never good signs but at least she's trying to stay calm. That's something, right?

"I'm talking about you kissing Scott and crying over him after he left. You say you love me and I believe you and I love you too but if you love me as much as you say you do then why are you crying over that guy?" That's what has her so riled up? It would be kind of sweet if it weren't totally insane. I walk over to her and hold onto her hands and look into her eyes. I know it seems a little dramatic but I really need her to hear me.

"I gave him a kiss on the cheek, that was all. He broke up with me, that's why he came here. He really liked me and I treated him horribly and that little kiss was my way of saying sorry. That's all it was, Faith," I tell her and I'm not sure if she believes me or not. She has so many emotions swirling in her eyes it's hard to read them without getting them mixed up.

"Ok, I get that," she says and squeezes my hands a little. Thank God, that had the potential of being a really big fight and I just don't have the energy for that right now. Or ever, but you know what I mean. "But why were you crying over him? Do you love him? Do you wanna be with him?" Or maybe the right is just beginning. I can't believe we're even talking about this. I almost drove myself insane wanting to be with her, showing her that I really mean it, and now she's doubting me?

"I wasn't crying over him, not really," I tell her and I know just from the look on her face she doesn't believe me. How am I supposed to convince her? And why can't one small thing go my way for once? "Scott breaking up with me was a relief. Those tears were just my emotional stress catching up with me, but they were good tears. Now I don't have to pretend to like him to save face. It's just one less thing I have to worry about." Her eyebrows furrow a little and her body gets really tense. Ok, now what the hell did I say?

"Wait, you weren't going to break up with him?" she asks and her voice cracks a little. I guess seeing me with Scott gets to her more than I thought. I go to completely deny what she just said but she beats me to it. "You were just going to play along and stay with that tool? I thought you wanted to be with me, B, what happened to that?" She sounds like she's getting really angry and I need to do something fast before things get out of control.

"I do want to be with you, Faith. I want it more than anything. Being with Scott was just a way to keep everyone else off my back." Plus it was a way to make her jealous but I think I'll leave that out since I want to come out of this conversation with Faith as my…whatever the hell she is. "I didn't plan on being with him for long. Just until we're ready to be a real couple and tell our friends about us." By the look on her face I'm going to guess that also wasn't a good thing to say.

"So you were just gonna string someone along until I work through my shit and I'm ready to be with you?" Ok when it's put like that it sounds really bad. She's trying, she really is, and I should be waiting for her. I am waiting for her but I guess it doesn't look like that from an outsider's perspective. She lets go of my hands and takes a step back. I want to stop her but I can't. There's just something about the look in her eyes that's keeping me here and I feel almost paralyzed. "I gotta go check on Sam." She leaves the room and I have no clue how I'm going to fix all of this. What I really want right now is to hide under my covers, bundle up into some big lie until all of this just blows over. Yeah, I'm totally fucked.


	32. Chapter 32

When I hear the doorbell ring I get up from the breakfast bar in the kitchen. I don't know who is at the door but they're going to pay for interrupting my snack. I'm sympathy eating a pint of Rocky Road ice cream. I'm still upset about the argument I had with Faith the other day and we're not even close to making up yet. It's easier to bury the feelings under a layer of cream, sugar, marshmallows, artificial flavoring, and almonds then it is to build up the courage to talk to her. She was the one who accused me of cheating on her, of using Scott for my own twisted benefit, so why should I be the one to go to her?

I stop dead in my tracks when I see Faith open the front door. What does she think she's doing? That could be Willow or Xander or maybe even Oz and she's supposed to be secretly living here. Emphasis on secret. Now she's opening the door up to anyone and totally blowing her cover. I'm going to have to knock some sense into her at our training session tomorrow. Keeping Sam a secret is her decision, not mine, but I promised I would help her and now it's like she doesn't even care. Well, she cares. I'm just bitter and angry because of the fight and because we can't be together yet.

"Hey. I was hoping we could talk," the person on the other side of the door says. My blood runs cold and I stop breathing. What the fuck is he doing here? Who the hell does he think he is just showing up here after I threatened his life? I watch Faith and she isn't slamming the door in his face like she should be. Why the fuck isn't she slamming the door in his face? All she does is cross her arms over her chest and look really pissed off.

"So talk," she says and she sounds as pissed as she looks. I honestly don't know why she's willing to hear him out. If I were her he wouldn't be standing anymore. But I'm not Faith and she put up with his shit for years so I guess it isn't surprising that she's putting up with it now. My heart rate speeds up and I can barely breathe as I wait for him to answer.

"Can I come in to say this?" he asks and my blood starts to boil. If she lets that asshole in my house I'm going to kill him and seriously question her sanity. Faith doesn't move out of the way, and she doesn't say a word. She just shakes her head no and keeps staring at him. "Ok. That's fair. Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did. Everything I put you through. You don't deserve that." Please tell me she isn't going to fall for that shit. I hear her let out an angry sigh and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"No, see that's where you're wrong. This isn't about me or what you put me through. I was willing to put up with your shit because you were a good dad to Sammy. I thought as long as it was just me then I could live with it, especially after I became the slayer because I'm stronger and heal faster now. But you put your hands on my baby. You broke her fucking wrist. You put bruises on her body and she thinks it's her fault. She thinks she did something to make you mad and that's why you hit her." I don't think I've ever heard her sound that angry before.

"I know I fucked up, alright? I had too much to drink and she wouldn't stay in bed. You were out with Buffy and she didn't want to go to bed until you got home. I just lost control. You know I only get like that when I drink," he says and he sounds desperate but also kind of agitated. Is he really trying to subtly blame this on Faith? What, she wasn't around to be his punching bag so little Samantha had to be the stand-in?

"I can't believe I used to listen to this and believe it all," she says and she really does sound surprised. "You always say it's because you drink. You always tell me you're sorry and it'll never happen again but it always did. You crossed a line, Tanner, and you can't go back now. I can't trust you with Sam anymore, and I'm not going to be able to ever again." My chest swells with pride that she's finally standing up to him. She's finally putting her foot down and telling him what's what. Of course if it were me I'd be putting my foot through his face.

"I know that, Faith," he says and he sounds upset. Not mad, but he sounds like he's begging. He should be begging for her to stop while she kicks his ass. "I know I screwed everything up, but I really am getting better. I haven't had a drop to drink since that night and I'm in A.A. I've been going to a meeting every day and I'm getting better." Oh shit. God, please don't let her take him back. If there is a God you won't let that happen. "Please, babe, let me show you how much I've changed. I can be what you need now. I couldn't before but I can now."

I see his hand slowly reach out and cup her cheek. It's like she's paralyzed. She isn't pulling away but she isn't encouraging him either. I really do think my blood is starting to boil. The same hand that beat her for years, that hurt their child, is now touching her, and it's making me see red. I want to run over there and break his arm and throw his ass to the curb, but I can't. It has to be Faith's decision to tell him to step off or she'll just get sucked right back in.

"We used to be so in love. Can we just be in love again?" I hear him ask and my heart feels like it's been put in a vice. Please don't let her go back to him. I love her so much and I think I might die, literally, if I lose her. I know we've been mad at each other, things haven't been easy but nothing worth having is easily gained. Faith starts moving again. She grabs his hand and quickly pulls it away from her face. I can't really see the expression on her face but if I had to guess I'd say 'really pissed off'.

"Yeah, we used to be in love Tanner, before you showed me who you really are. You beat me and my daughter and I don't care how many meetings you go to, it can never make up for what you did." Oh yeah, she sounds pissed. I tense up because she just rejected him majorly and something tells me Tanner isn't the kind of guy who takes rejection well. Hell, he can't even take a death threat. Does he really think he can get away with this? That I wouldn't find out and come after him?

"She isn't just your daughter. She's my daughter too," he says and he sounds a little mad. I can't believe he has the nerve to take that kind of tone with her. After all of the shit he put her through he thinks it's ok to just show up here and get angry with her? "I made a lot of mistakes, Faith, but she's still ours." Ok, God, one more favor: please don't let this become a huge custody battle. If Faith goes on the record of having a kid then the Council will find out about it. It's already bad enough that Wesley knows.

"I know she's ours Tanner, biologically. But you can't really think I'd let you near her after what you did. She's a baby, an innocent little baby, and you're an angry drunk. I'm not going to let you fuck her up the way my parents fucked me up." She sounds like she's going to start crying and every fiber of my being is screaming at me to hold her and comfort her but I can't. They need to get this conversation over with.

"I won't just let you take her from me," he says and now he sounds really pissed. He isn't yelling, which is good, but his tone is really harsh and I really want to kick his teeth in. "I'm her father, she needs me." Faith lets out a sigh and she runs a hand through her hair. He's getting to her. She only does that when she's not sure what to say. I can't believe this is happening. Faith, don't be stupid!

"I used to think that, but she's happier now than she ever was when you were around. She's not scared that her dad is going to lose his temper and hit her mom. She's living in a real house with her own room and a backyard to play in. When's the last time she had that when we were together?" She sounds even sadder than she did just a second ago and I have to fight the urge to run over there and comfort her.

"You can't do this," he says and he sounds really pissed off. "You can't just take her away from me. I won't let you." His voice raised and he sounds pissed as hell but he still isn't full on yelling. I guess he has better self control than I thought. Then again he isn't drunk right now. I guess what they say it true; give someone alcohol and they'll show you their true colors. Faith sighs again but this time it sounds irritated and she crosses her arms over her chest.

"This isn't about you, Tanner. This is about giving Samantha what she needs. She needs a home, stability, to be surrounded by people who care about her. People who won't hurt her," Faith says and she doesn't sound sad anymore but she doesn't sound pissed off either. I honestly don't know how to describe her. "You can't take me to court because the Council will find out about her and take her away from both of us. If you really love her, Tanner, just back off. Don't show up here whenever you want and demand to see her. Stop playing mind games with me. Just stop."

The last two words were whispered softly and I don't know why but I have tears in my eyes. I hear Tanner let out a sigh and I see Faith reach out. I have no idea what the hell she's doing but I have a feeling she's comforting him. I don't know why she's doing that. He doesn't deserve any kindness from her, but at the same time I kind of get it. As soon as Angel got his soul back I was right there to comfort him. I guess this is Faith's metaphorical way of driving a sword through Tanner's chest.

"Can I see her?" he asks and I don't think I've ever heard him sound so small. At first, before I found out how Tanner can really be, he seemed so charming, so confident, and it's strange hearing him sound almost like a scared little kid. I see Faith nod her head and she takes a step back. Tanner walks into the foyer and looks around. He sees me watching them and my eyes form a glare before I can stop it. I look over at Faith and she looks…I guess numb would be a good word for it.

I want to tell him to leave. To get the hell out of my house and not come back, but I don't. He's a bastard, he doesn't deserve to have Faith or Sam back in his life, but Sam needs this. She needs to see her dad one last time or the last memory she's going to have of him is something that's violent and nasty. Sam deserves one last memory, even if it's a goodbye. I watch them walk upstairs and I have to fight the urge to follow. I'm worried that something bad is going to happen but I know Faith will handle it. She won't just let it happen like she did before.

I go back into the kitchen and I sigh when I see the mess. My ice cream melted and it leaked out all over the countertop. Great, just one more thing I won't get to enjoy today. Maybe I can go over to Willow's later and get some of her sympathy ice cream. It's kosher, whatever that means, but it's still yummy and makes me feel better. I think it might be time I opened up to her about what's been going on with Faith and me. I feel like if I don't get it out soon I might explode.

I don't know how long I'm sitting in the kitchen waiting but eventually they come back downstairs. I walk back into the dining room and stand in the doorway so I can see and this time I'm not even trying to be sneaky about it. Tanner came back after I told him if he ever tried I'd kill him. So I don't really care if he knows I'm watching. I want him to feel intruded on and maybe even a little intimidated because Faith already told him she doesn't want him around and he needs to know he's not just messing with her if he doesn't listen.

What I see, though, makes me take a step back. He's holding Sam and she has her little face buried in his neck and she's crying really hard. Her arms are wrapped tightly around his neck and her legs are wrapped around his ribs. She doesn't want to let go. I feel a pang inside my chest because I know exactly how that feels. Since the divorce my dad has pretty much been a deadbeat, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him or want him to hold me when I'm upset.

"Sammy, it's ok. Don't cry, sweetness," he says and he gently rubs her back. He sounds upset, like this is hurting him just as much as it is her. I feel for him, I really do. I want to go over there and comfort her and give her anything she wants to make her happy again and I'm not even biologically related to her. But he should have thought about all of this before he started beating his girlfriend and daughter.

"Daddy has to go now," he says and he chokes up a little. I have tears running down my cheeks but I don't bother wiping them away just yet. "You have to stay here with Mommy. I love you, Sammy." He kisses the side of her head and tries to hand her to Faith but Sam won't let go. Faith gently untangles their little girl from Tanner's body and as soon as she loses contact with him she starts screaming. He tries to reach out and comfort her but Faith takes a step back.

"Tanner, just go," she says and she sounds so…broken. Tanner just nods his head a little and walks out the door. As soon as the door closes Sam starts freaking out. She's screaming, and crying, and struggling but Faith won't let go. She starts hitting Faith, on the shoulders, in the face but Faith still won't let her go. She grabs onto Sammy's hands with one of her own. She keeps struggling, though. Her tiny body is wriggling and tossing around and I can tell Faith is having a hard time holding on. Not physically because she's a slayer but I can see her resolve start to waver.

"Put me down!" Sam screams around her painful sobs. I can see the tears spill out of Faith's eyes and I'm having a hard time breathing. "Put me down! Me down, me down, put me down!" Faith does and I can practically hear her heart break when Sam runs away from her. She runs as fast as her little legs will take her, which is surprisingly fast, into the living room and she throws herself onto the couch. What she's doing may look a little melodramatic but I'm fourteen years older than she is and I acted pretty much the same when my dad left.

Faith just stands there in the foyer, a hand covering her mouth, tears streaming down her face, and she's trying as hard as she can to hold it all in. Before I even realize what's happening, my body is moving. I'm in Faith's personal space in a heartbeat and I wrap my arms around her. She doesn't fight me, doesn't struggle, and doesn't tell me to leave her alone. She clings onto me as tight as she can and she buries her face in my neck. I rub her back and my other hand is softly pressed against the back of her head. She quietly cries as the whole house echoes the sounds of her daughter's sobs and screams. I can't stop myself from being angry that here I am again picking up after Tanner's mess.


	33. Chapter 33

I let out a little sigh as I stare up at the ceiling. All in all today was a good day and it's been a while since I've been able to say that. Giles thinks he finally found a lead on where the vampire cult is staying but he needs to confirm that with his sources before we check it out. With all of the little kids that have gone missing I'm really anxious to get in there and kick some demon ass. It's been driving me kind of crazy how quiet the patrols have been and I'm getting nervous because it means sooner or later there's going to be ciaos.

I'm also working really hard at mending my friendships. All of the drama with Faith took my attention away from them for a really long time. I did some retail therapy with Willow, bought her a new outfit for her next date with Oz and we finally had a chance to really talk. We also had a big group hang out night at Willow's so Xander doesn't feel left out. I still haven't told either of them about Samantha and I feel guilty about it. I'm practically becoming a step-mom and they know nothing about it. I'm scared and I'm nervous and I should be able to talk about that with my best friends but I swore to Faith I'd keep her a secret for now.

My mom has been out of town all week in San Francisco. There was a big art gallery opening that she was invited to and she's been going around to some other galleries making friends with the dealers and all of that other art stuff. Networking, I guess is the proper business term. All I know is she won't be back for another four days and it is possibly the best thing that could have happened. I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but having the house to ourselves has really given Faith and I a chance to talk without having to worry about Mom overhearing something we're not ready for her to know.

It's great being able to just relax with Faith. To cuddle with her on the couch while we watch television, or have a very light make-out session before we go to bed. We've been sleeping together, in the literal sense, for the last couple of nights and it's so far beyond great. Being able to lie next to her, to talk with her about how patrol went that night since we're still taking turns, and just about our day in general is really bringing us closer. I also think Tanner giving that impromptu visit helped a lot. Faith isn't as stressed out now. She really does believe that he's going to stay gone and she finally got to say goodbye.

We haven't had sex since that morning after we shared that wonderful night but to be honest I don't really need it. Don't get me wrong, my body and hormones are going crazy being so close to her for so long and not acting on them, but I don't need to be with her sexually to be happy. Just lying in bed next to her listening to her breathe or holding her while she falls asleep is enough for now, at least. We both think it's a good idea to wait and I don't want to put any pressure on her by going back on our agreement.

So that's what's been going on over the last week and a half. Right now I'm lying in Faith's bed waiting for her to get out of the shower. It was her turn to patrol tonight and she had a little bit of action. Some weird looking demon gave her a run for her money and got her pretty dirty by throwing her into a mud puddle. The way she told the tale someone at this moment is writing a song about the epic battle between Faith and the demon. She's probably working off the post-slay hornies with the detachable shower head but I'm really trying to keep my mind away from that thought.

Let's see, what else is there to think about? Oh, I'm getting totally better at this whole baby-sitting thing. Sam listens to me better now than she did even a week ago and she's happy about spending time with me. When Faith and I first started switching patrol Sam would throw a little temper tantrum because she didn't want to stay here without her mom. But now she knows that alone time with me means ice cream after dinner, playing with some of my childhood toys, and playing dress up with my shoes and some of my jewelry, and sometimes my sunglasses.

I hear the water shut off and my whole body tenses up. That means Faith is about to step out of the shower. She's completely naked, dripping wet and if I had a spine I would go in there and take her in a very dominating fashion. Faith thinks I'm sexy when I get aggressive, she told me so herself, so why am I not going in there right now and pushing her up against a wall and screwing her until she can't remember her own name? Because I have no sexual confidence and would make a fool of myself. Right, that's probably it.

When the door opens my body tenses up even more. Faith doesn't know that I'm in here. Being in her bed was supposed to be a nice surprise but now I'm not so sure if she's going to like it. We've gotten a lot closer since the day Tanner dropped by unexpectedly but I'm not exactly sure what the boundaries are. We agreed to just do what feels right and being together feels right. Although in the past when I've acted on things that felt right certain undead people lost their soul and other people paid the price, so maybe it's a good idea to over think everything.

"Sneakin into my bed, huh, B?" Faith says when she sees me. She shuts the door and I can't help but gulp. She looks so sexy in nothing but a towel and a smirk. "Couldn't be away from me for half an hour?" I know what she's doing. She's trying to make me sound kinda crazy and codependent to throw me off my game but I can see right through that little smirk of hers. To be honest I wish I could see through the little towel she has wrapped around her body but not everyone can get what they want.

"I wouldn't say that," I tell her and stretch out on the bed. I make a big show of it, raising my arms above my head, arching my back and letting out a little moan when I feel all of my bones and joints pop and crack and I make sure to keep eye contact with her the whole time. She may be hot with nothing but a towel and water still dripping from her hair, but I can be sexy too. From the way her eyes just dilated a little I'd say she agrees. "You I can resist. This nice, big, comfy bed I'm having a hard time staying away from." She quirks her eyebrow and her smirk turns into a feral grin. Oh crap, that's the same look she gets when a vampire calls her a little girl and she proves him wrong by beating him to a bloody mess.

"Alright," she says and shrugs her shoulders a little. She's trying to act like she doesn't care, like my words had no effect whatsoever, but I can see the wheels turning in her head. Now the important question is: what the hell is she planning? "Go ahead and have your affair with my bed. I'm just gonna change." Before I can say anything or cover my eyes or do anything that could be defined as a reaction, she lets go of the towel and it pools around her feet. She stands there smirking at me for just a second and then she walks over to her dresser.

Ok, I see how she wants to play this. She's playing chicken, naked chicken, and I may not have much experience with this particular mind game but I am the epitome of self control. Faith may not think that because she's really good at knocking my will power on its face, but I can resist her. She's been walking around completely naked with beads of water dripping down her strong back and for a whole fifteen seconds and I haven't given into temptation. I'd say things are going great so far and oh my God she's bending over. That has to be cheating!

Alright, just stay calm. You're stronger than your hormones. You're stronger than Faith's perfect ass all up in the air and practically begging me to run my hands all over it. You're stronger than the desire to run your nails down her perfect back. I see her lips peeking out and they look all glisteny and I can hear Faith's voice in the back of my mind tempting me saying 'give us a kiss, B'. Even when she's completely silent she's still kind of a bitch. Seriously, who thinks it's ok to tease someone like this after both parties agreed it would be best to take the physical stuff really slow? Faith, that's who. Always pushing boundaries and every button she sees.

She slips on a pair of red panties and is it just me or is she doing it really slow so my eyes are forced to trail up her strong, toned legs and have a fantasy about those legs wrapped around my body while I make love to her so frantically and hard that her back might break? When the panties reach their destination she lets the elastic band go with a little snap and I don't know why but my toes just curled. She's good at this, a little too good at this, but she isn't going to win. I'm determined to beat her at this game, even if it makes me combust into a Buffy shaped ball of fire. Considering we live on a hellmouth that isn't impossible.

She takes an old, baggy t-shirt out of the top dresser drawer and slips it on. She grabs the towel off the floor and starts drying her hair. With her arms raised above her head her shirt rises up and I can see her panties under the hem of the shirt. Even though she's wearing clothes now I'm just as turned on as I was before and I'm getting even more aroused by the sight of her drying her hair. I know it sounds kind of weird but with the tattoo and the skimpy clothes and her hair all wild and messy she looks like a rocker chick or something and for some reason right now that's hot and sexy and I want to do dirty things to her.

After about five minutes of drying her hair and me staring at her like a freak, Faith drops the towel to the floor again and lets out a little sigh. She moves her hair out of her face and quickly combs her fingers through it but it still looks wild and totally sexy. I watch her with an intense gaze as she walks to the empty side of the bed. She's trying to act casual, like what happened wasn't a big deal, and like my gaze on her isn't having an effect, but I can see the goosebumps on her arms and thighs.

"So how was your day at school, B? Did you get the grade back on your history test yet?" she asks and lies down on the bed next to me. Her voice sounds deeper and huskier than normal. She's close but not too close. I can practically feel the heat pouring from her body and I want to reach out and touch her just to see if I'll be burned or not. Her eyes don't stay on mine for long. They wander down to my lips and seeing her staring at them with so much want is making me feel kind of dizzy. I don't think there's any blood left in my brain. That might be a problem if I try to answer those questions.

"It was good," I say and holy crap, was that my voice? It sounds so strange. So deep and husky and kinda strained. Faith glances up into my eyes again and her pupils are dilating a little more. Hmm, so she thinks I sound sexy. I could totally use that to my advantage. She teased me so I guess it's time to tease her back. "I got an A minus on the test." I smile a little and her eyes wander down to my lips again. This should be easy. "I'm surprised I did that well, I was kind of distracted during class that day." Maybe I shouldn't do this. It might be too mean. On the other hand, she bent over while she was completely naked. It's on.

"Why were you distracted?" she asks after a few seconds of silence. Damn, and I thought my voice was deeper and husky. Faith's voice is always kind of like that but right now it's…let's put it this way, Hoover dam is holding back a tiny pond compared to the flood my panties are keeping in check. I think even with the cotton barrier it's going to start running down my thighs soon. I take in a little breath and have to work really hard to control the urge to climb on top of her and have my way with that gorgeous mouth of hers.

"Because that day you came into the library to train with Giles during lunch. I sat and watched you for a little while. You're so sexy when you get all aggressive and determined to win. Then you started making all of these noises and I closed my eyes for just a second and imagined us alone in the library together and there being a different cause for those grunts and groans coming from you. I got so turned on I had to leave and I was majorly distracted for the rest of the day." Oh yeah, the panty dam is about to break. I think it's safe to say these are done for.

"B," Faith says but it sounds more like a throaty whimper. She bites her bottom lip and her breathing is getting deeper. Ragged puffs in and out of her nose and she almost sounds like a cartoon bull about to charge. I hate to say it so I'll only think it: Faith is going to win. Before she can say anything else I close the distance between us and kiss her. This isn't a soft or sweet kiss. It isn't tentative or full of hesitation. I want her. Now. Fast. And hard. Hopefully she's getting that message with this kiss.

She kisses me back just as fiercely, and cups my cheek with her hand. My whole body is burning for her, screaming at me to take her but I can't do that. We said we were going to wait, that sex complicates things and we want to just be happy for a while before we try to take that next step. I feel her tongue on my bottom lip and I open my mouth just enough to let her inside. She teases the tip of her tongue along my upper lip and I think I just came a little bit. Is it just me or is losing sometimes the best thing in the world?

My lungs are screaming at me to pull back and take a breath, but I don't want to lose this contact. Faith's lips feel so good, her tongue teasing me so erotic, and I'm afraid in the time it takes to fill my lungs with the air they need something will happen to prevent us from doing this again right away. That thought sends a chill of panic down my spine and I wrap both of my arms around her, pulling her flush against me. We both moan at the contact and Faith pulls her mouth away from mine.

"B, we're still taking things slow, right?" she asks and my breath gets caught in my lungs. Her lips are dark and swollen, her eyes are so dilated they're almost completely black, her face is flushed, and I can feel her rapid breaths puffing out against my face. I can't help but take a moment just to look at her. She's the definition of temptation. She's beautiful, she's sexy, she's hot, she's dangerous but right now holding her in my arms and her looking at me the way she is I've never felt this safe before.

"Right," I say and kiss her softly on the lips. She kisses me back and soon things are like they were before: heated, frantic, and I feel like if I don't touch her soon my whole body is going to explode. And that's not the hormones talking. That's me talking, and I'm starting to think this slow idea is really stupid. "It's still slow if we keep the touching above the clothes and waistline, right?" She kisses down my jaw line and when she nibbles on my earlobe my toes curl and I let out a long, very loud moan. Yeah, that's definitely one of my spots. No doubt about it.

"Yeah, that's what we meant by slow. Just some light second base stuff," she says and as soon as the words are out of her mouth my hand trails from her back to her breast. Normally I'm not this bold and it takes a while before I outright cup her like this, but normally I'm not this turned on. I run my thumb over her hard nipple and I hear her hiss out a breath. If there was any doubt that she's as turned on as I am it was just tossed out the window.

She abandons my ear and I mourn the loss for about three seconds. That's how long it takes for her to start kissing my lips again. I know what you're thinking: what took her so long? But I am toying with her sensitive nipple so it's understandable that she's distracted. Faith starts grinding against me and I can't help but smile into the kiss. Grinding with Faith, or dry humping whatever you want to call it, is one of my new favorite things to do. Although the other night when we did it, it wasn't exactly dry if you catch my drift. I gently but firmly pinch Faith's nipple between my index and middle fingers and the moan she lets out reverberates all the way down to my toes.

"It's still going slow if we touch under our shirts, right?" she asks, her lips softly rubbing against mine as she speaks and her breath mingles with mine as we pant heavily in each other's mouths. I open my eyes and I don't even recognize hers anymore. They're almost pitch-black and the look in them is this primal, borderline predatory expression. It makes a cold chill shiver up my spine.

I nod my head a little and kiss her again. My God, kissing Faith is a full blown addiction and I need to be careful. If I'm not soon I'm going to end up on that television show with my friends and family reading letters they've written saying how much they love me but they think I need rehab. And a professional psychologist will be there saying things like 'this is about love and healing, not blame'. Ok, I think I took that metaphor a little too far.

I think the more important thing I should be focusing on here is the fact that Faith stopped kissing me. I'm just as confused and upset as you are, trust me. Before I can ask why she stopped, she sits up and takes off her shirt. She drops it over the side of the bed and looks down at me with a little smirk on her face. If this is what she means by 'light second base' I can't wait to see what full on second base is. God, when did I turn into such a horn dog? I sound more like Xander than I do myself. I guess that's what being in bed with an almost naked Faith will do.

She lies back down and instantly her lips are on mine and it feels like she's trying to devour me. That sounds kind of gross but it feels really good and my blood is starting to boil. I can't tell if it's metaphorical or literal and being on a hellmouth it could be either. But right now I don't care. As long as I die kissing Faith I'll die the happiest person in the world. I'm really glad she can't read my mind or all of the sappiness might destroy the mood if she knew what I was thinking.

I wrap my arms around her back and how the hell does she get her skin that soft? I think I need to get some funding to look into this because there's no way she's not genetically mutated or something. Maybe she's the next step on human evolution. Ok, so I'll admit I'm focusing on the feel of her back and her amazing lips because I'm nervous about touching her. Sure I talk a big game about wanting to explore her body and claim it as my own and all of that other possessive, cavewoman like stuff.

But the truth is I'm really scared about doing this wrong. What if me being good was just a fluke? What if I can't pleasure her the way I want? I'm starting to panic. There's no doubt about that. Ok, I just need to stay calm. Faith isn't the kind of person who goes along with something if she doesn't like it. If I'm doing it wrong she'll tell me. Hopefully she'll tell me.

I feel her finger softly caress the skin right above the waist of my pajama bottoms. How I'm still fully clothed while she's in nothing but her panties is a mystery to me. If I wasn't so busy grinding against her hot body I would do something to make us a little more even. I suck in a deep breath when she scratches her nails into the soft skin and I think Faith is now the telepathic one and is about to take matters into her own hands.

My heart rate speeds up and I didn't think it was possible for it to get any higher, when I feel her hand slip under my shirt and it starts sliding up my body. Her nails gently scratch my burning skin on its ascent towards my breast and I take Faith's bottom lip into my mouth and lightly suck on it. That always drives her crazy and since she's doing a great job at making me loony bin material I thought I would return the favor.

She palms my breast and my breath catches in my throat. It's almost like my nipple has a direct connection to my pussy and it just got way wetter from that simple touch. She starts kneading my breast, flexing and relaxing her fingers on my over sensitive flesh, and my back arches pushing me closer to her. I didn't think it was possible to get any closer but apparently I was completely wrong.

"Faith," I moan when I end the kiss. I start placing wet, open mouthed kisses along her throat and she gently but firmly pinches my nipple. My hips buck sharply and the friction it caused makes both of us moan out. I can't take it anymore. It's a miracle I've lasted this long. "I don't want to go slow anymore." Who am I trying to fool? In no way does what we're doing constitute as slow, but it's polite to keep up appearances.

"Thank fucking God," she says and a loud throaty groan rumbles out of her throat when I lightly nip at the skin on her neck. Hmmm, so she likes it when I nip. I didn't know that before but now it's noted. "So what do you want, B?" Her voice sounds strained. Probably because we're still grinding against each other like animals in heat and I'm gently scratching my nails along her back, and I'm still kissing her throat. And she's letting me set the pace? My almost girlfriend is very considerate.

"World peace…," I say against her hot flesh. I place another kiss on her throat. She teased me, it's time I returned the favor. "…the end of world hunger…," I place another little kiss a little higher up on her neck and she shudders against me. I can tell she's getting frustrated. Her whole body feels tense and she's making these little whimpering noises in the back of her throat. I can tell she's trying to hold herself back and is it wrong that I love the power I have over her? "…and I want a pony." I nip along her neck until my lips are next to her ear. She moans again and I honestly can't tell if that was out of frustration or pleasure.

"But right now, most of all," I whisper right against her ear and I'm really glad she's not looking at me or I wouldn't be able to say this. "I want to go down on you." The noise that comes out of Faith's mouth is so foreign and animalistic I honestly don't know how to describe it. She starts grinding harder against me and I'm going to take that as a good sign. A sign that she agrees my idea is a good one. Now if I could just get over my nerves and do it we'd both be totally happy.

"Oh fuck yeah," she says and kisses me. It's a frantic kiss, a needy kiss. A kiss that says her fuse is starting to run out and if I don't do something soon to get her off something bad might happen. Ok, so that last description was just me projecting, but can you blame me? She pulls back from the kiss and I'm left panting harder, faster, and my head feels all woozy. I know there's such a thing as punch drunk but is there such a thing as love drunk? 'Cause I think I might be it. "Might sound selfish but I like the last one best." I can't help but smile at her words.

"I thought you would," I say and I moan when she starts nibbling on my ear. That's not fair, she knows I have sensitive ears. She's getting even more worked up and now that I've said it she's going to want it but I don't know if I'll be able to follow through with it. I need to let her know and I feel safe enough with her not to be afraid to tell her. I don't need to be worried about how she'll react. After everything we've been through I really don't think there's anything that can tear us apart.

"But I'm nervous," I say and holy crap, is that my voice? I don't think I've ever sounded so small or vulnerable before in my entire life. "I've never done that with another girl before." Ok, that's a little bit of a lie. I should probably say something before she points it out. "At least not on the giving end." I will admit that being on the receiving end of Faith's affections was amazing and I wouldn't hesitate if she wanted to do it again. I feel a little guilty for not just doing it to her. She did it to me so it can't be that scary or difficult, right?

"B, it's alright," she says and lifts up just enough so she can see me. She looks amazing, and beautiful, and hot, and sexy. Yep, she's all those things wrapped up in a delicious package. Well, what I can only assume is delicious since I've never tasted her, not yet anyway. "There's no rush or pressure or anything bad here. When you're ready, you're ready and I can wait until you are." My God, I have the best almost girlfriend in the world. Her sweet words and the sincerity behind them are giving me the courage I need to fight back my nerves. Ok, I can do this, and hopefully it won't be a disaster.


	34. Chapter 34

As soon as I wake up there are two things I'm aware of. The first is that I already have a little smile on my face which means I was probably smiling in my sleep. It isn't such an absurd thought considering what happened last night. The second thing I'm aware of is how sore my body is in all the right places. It isn't sore in an annoying way like after I have a really rough patrol. It's sore in the best way possible because it's a reminder of the things Faith and I did to each other last night. I'm sure she's going to be just as sore when she wakes up.

I open my eyes and I'm a little surprised to see the entire room is bathed in light. If it's already this bright out then why hasn't Samantha woken us up waning breakfast and attention? I should probably go check on her just to be safe. She's three so maybe she decided she's big enough to make her own breakfast and got hurt really bad, like to the point where she can't cry out for help. Ok, now I'm just being paranoid, but just the thought of that sends a little shiver of fear down my spine. Maybe I should go check on her just for my own peace of mind.

I slowly sit up so I don't disturb Faith. I don't want to wake her up or she might be grumpy. I stretch my arms high above my head and sigh in relief when all of my bones pop and crack and all of the other weird sounds they make. I look down at Faith and I can't help but smile. She's so cute when she's asleep. She always looks so relaxed and carefree and it's nice to see her like this since it's so not the case when she's awake.

I know I shouldn't risk waking her up but I can't help myself. I move some of her tangled hair out of her face and place a soft kiss on her forehead. She twitches a little but she doesn't wake and I get a really warm feeling spreading throughout my body. My almost-girlfriend is possibly the most adorable person on the planet. I could sit here and watch her sleep all day but I won't because that would be pretty creepy.

Instead of giving into my stalker tendencies, I get out of bed and don't even bother looking for my clothes. I have no idea where Faith threw them and I'm not going to waste time searching for them until I've had some coffee. I open up Faith's dresser drawers and I'm surprised she can find anything in here. There's no organizational system at all. I'm not saying she should be OCD about it but would separating the socks from the underwear and the underwear from the night shirts really hurt her that much? I grab a baggy t-shirt and a pair of boxers and slip them on. It isn't cold despite that it's December. Gotta love Southern California.

I slip out of the room as quietly as I can and stand outside the doorway for just a moment. Now that I'm out of bed, away from Faith and our little love nest, I'm waiting for the panicked feeling to come back, but nothing is happening. I don't feel like things are about to go horribly wrong. All I feel is happy, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I don't feel guilty about feeling so carefree, which may be a first for me. I think I could get used to feeling this way and if things with Faith stay the way they are I probably will.

With a little smile on my face and a slight limp to my step, I quietly make my way towards Sam's room. If she's still asleep I don't want to wake her up. I don't think she's a light sleeper. Now that I'm thinking about it, I hope to God she's not a light sleeper because Faith and I forgot to turn the stereo on and if she woke up she would have heard pretty much everything. No child, especially Faith's, should hear the noises that came out of that bedroom. We're just lucky my mom is out of town because even if we had music playing I'm sure she would have known what was going on. Just the thought of that grosses me out.

"Oh no, the evil lion is coming. Run away!" I hear when I get closer to Sam's room. I hear her little footsteps scurry across her bedroom and then I hear her closet door open and then quickly close. She must not be hungry if she's playing instead of waking Faith and me up for food. "The lion will never find us in here." I have to cover my mouth with my hand to stop from laughing. She sounded so serious and it was the most adorable thing I'd ever heard. "Raaaarrr! Oh no, the lion found us. Run!" Ok, I take it back. That was the most adorable thing I've ever heard.

I open the door very quietly and peek inside the room. I see Samantha running across the room with a toy in each hand and a huge smile breaks out on my face. This is the first time since Tanner's been gone that Sam looks happy and carefree. All of the shit I've been through, the fight with Faith and the uncertainty and all of the frustration and worry is completely worth it. Seeing her so happy and doing something she hasn't done in weeks is such an amazing sight. I would die for this little girl and her mother if it means she gets to play and just be happy and get to act like a normal little kid.

I want to go in there and play with her but I don't want to disturb her. I don't want to take that moment away from her. So I shut the door as quietly as I can and head back down the hall. I don't want to wake Faith up yet even though I have some pretty interesting ideas of how I could do that. The first is something innocent. Some light kisses on her lips and face and gently coaxing her awake. The other involves a repeat performance of last night but I don't want to bore you with the details.

I think it would be nice to make a big breakfast for everyone. Faith has been doing most of the cooking since my mom has been away and we've also had a lot of take out. It would be a nice gesture to give her a home cooked meal instead of relying on her to do all of the cooking. That's slightly sexist if you really think about it. Now that I'm thinking about it, after the way she made me feel last night I think I'd have to cook her breakfast for the rest of our lives to pay her back.

I'm not just talking about the physical pleasure that she gave me. I'm talking about her making me feel safe and loved in a way that no one ever has before. I was so nervous about going down on her and even though I fumbled big time in the beginning she was so patient and loving and she never made me feel stupid for not knowing what to do right away. She didn't make me feel like that at all. Even though my jaw got really sore after a while, and I was kind of dizzy from the lack of oxygen, I can't wait to do it again.

I'm in such a good mood, I think I'm going to try making pancakes this morning. I've tried making them in the past and it never worked out. It was always a disaster from the beginning. What pan am I supposed to use? Do I melt some butter in the bottom of it or use that non-stick cooking spray? Then it turned into a fiasco trying to measure out the pancake mix without getting it everywhere and no matter what I tried they always turned out burnt on the outside and gooey in the middle. But Faith taught me how to make the perfect pancake so I don't need to worry about that anymore.

She's pretty amazing if you think about it. She's an amazing mom, she can cook, she's really smart, she's sexy, she's funny, she's great at slaying, she's a total bobcat in bed, and she's only eighteen. Well, she'll be nineteen at the end of the month. Hmm, I wonder what I'm going to get her. I already have her and Sam's Christmas presents all picked out and hiding in the back of my closet waiting to be wrapped, but what am I going to do for Faith's birthday? It should be something fun, and maybe sexy, and come from Victoria's Secret. Yeah, that sounds like it could work.

I wonder if she would like a surprise like that. I'm not the innocent little girl that everyone seems to think I am, but I don't really have any super sexy lingerie. What if Faith doesn't think it's sexy? What if she thinks it's totally slutty and she stops being attracted to me? Ok, hold on a second. This is Faith we're talking about. If I buy some sexy lingerie to wear for her birthday she'll probably start drooling and looking at me like the wolf in the cartoon where he looks at a sheep but what he really sees is lamb chops. I don't know why my thinking always gets so negative all the time. Maybe I should see someone about that.

"Good morning, B," I hear Faith practically purr and she wraps her arms around me. I fight back the urge to jump since she startled me but I won't hold it against her. If I hadn't been zoning out I would have felt her coming. She starts placing these tiny open mouthed kisses along my neck and now I'm the one practically purring.

"Good morning, baby," I say and I hold my breath for a second. I didn't mean to call her that and I have no idea how she's going to react to a pet name. She didn't mind last night but that was different. She either didn't hear me or she doesn't care because she keeps kissing my neck and now she's lightly rubbing my sides. I wonder if she's going to try something. I hope she's ready to be disappointed because I'm not having sex in the kitchen. But this attention does feel really nice. "You're being a cuddle-bug this morning. What's the occasion?"

"So now I need a special occasion to give you some love?" she says and she's trying to sound hurt but I can hear the smile on her face. "I see how it is, B. So maybe I should just stop what I'm doing and wait for a special day." But she doesn't stop. She tightens her grip a little and places one last kiss on my neck before resting her chin on my shoulder. I let out a little content sigh and flip the pancakes.

"I wasn't saying you need a special occasion. I was just asking what put you in this good mood, that's all." She stops rubbing my sides and rests her hands on my stomach. Instantly I cover her hands with one of my own and hopefully she'll get the message. The message being that she's welcome to do this whenever she wants.

"Well, that's easy. There was this little demon that snuck into my room last night and rocked my world. It was gone when I woke up but I'm hoping it'll come back soon," she says and I can't help but smile. So she liked what I did to her last night. I got the hint last night, especially when I started paying more attention to her clit and she started moaning really loud and almost broke my neck with her pelvis, but there was a tiny bit of doubt in my mind. She just erased all of it, though.

"A demon, huh? That doesn't' sound good," I say and carefully place the now finished pancakes on a plate and pour in the rest of the batter. "I should probably stay with you in case it comes back so I can keep you safe." I hear her chuckle a little and she softly kisses my neck again. I lean my body a little more into hers and I can't help the little purring sound that makes its way out of my throat. What can I say? I'm happy and I don't care who knows it.

"What are you doing?" I hear a tiny voice ask from the doorway and my whole body tenses up. I glance over at the doorway and Samantha is standing there in her night shirt and for some reason her brown faux leather boots with the fake fur along the top and she looks totally confused. Faith lets go of me and takes a step back. I turn more to the side so I'm facing Sam but I can also see Faith out of the corner of my eye. Ok, what the hell are we supposed to say?

"Uh, I was just giving Buffy a hug," Faith says and she sounds about as lost as I feel right now. I hope Samantha buys whatever Faith is going to say. She's really good at picking up on lies or at least she's starting to get good at it. That might make things between Faith and I more complicated if she wants to keep this relationship a secret for much longer.

"Why?" Sam asks and she sounds even more confused. I really don't blame her for that. It's not like Faith and I ever show affection in front of Sam. Up until recently we weren't really affectionate with each other at all. Faith and I have been really tense around each other and Sam has definitely noticed. So it has to be really odd walking into the kitchen and see the two of us sharing a really random embrace.

"Because she was sad, and when people are sad a hug can make them feel better," Faith says and I think it's a little strange how good she is at just coming up with random stuff like that. I mean, she's not a very good liar and I can see that from a mile away but she can come up with some pretty convincing stuff. Now if she could just get rid of her tells then she would be golden.

"Why is Buffy sad?" Sam asks and I glance over at Faith. She doesn't have anything, I can tell. Her mind is totally blank and the silence is starting to not only get really long but also very awkward and kind of suffocating. Like the whole room is going to collapse in on us if someone doesn't say something to take the pressure away. Ok, I'm starting to panic. Think, Buffy, think. Oh, I think I got something.

"I'm sad because I miss my mom. She's been gone for a really long time and she won't be back for a couple more days and it made me sad. So your mom gave me a hug to make me feel better," I say and Faith is looking at me like she can't believe I just pulled that out. I have no idea where that came from but I don't think it matters because Sam doesn't look confused anymore.

"I miss Gram too," she says and now she looks sad. I guess she's faking, though, because Faith has a small smile on her face. I watch as Faith walks over and picks her daughter up and holds her really close. Sam wraps her arms around Faith's neck and I can tell she's holding on pretty tight. They sit there for a second hugging each other and I turn my attention back to breakfast. Luckily the rest of the pancakes didn't burn or that would've been really bad.

I hear Faith's voice as she whispers something to Samantha, but I can't make out what she's saying. I guess if she wanted me to know she wouldn't be whispering and I won't let my curiosity get to me. I glance over just in time to see Faith give Sam a little kiss on the forehead and she puts her down. As soon as she's on the floor Sam runs off and Faith just stands there for a second smiling.

Neither one of us says a word but it doesn't get awkward, which I'm grateful for. Faith walks over to me and I think she's going to hold me again. It would be nice but a little risky. I don't want Sam asking more questions because she might say something in front of my mom and I think we've been doing a good job about being sneaky. She doesn't hug me, though. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and gently rubs my back for a second and I know what she's doing.

She's checking to see if I'm ok because she wants to keep us a secret and I don't. I'm not going to hold it against her. I'm not going to be bitchy or impatient because she was in a really bad relationship for a long time and I don't want her to think this relationship is going to turn toxic. But mostly she doesn't have anything to worry about because I want to be a part of her family and if that's going to happen it's going to take a lot of time and if this is going to work she needs to see this can work without getting any pressure. I'm not known for my patience so hopefully I won't die from waiting.


	35. Chapter 35

Ever since I became the slayer the number of good days I have in a year has greatly reduced. There's always something stressful only I can handle because of this gift. And 'm using the word gift very sarcastically. My grads have never been as high as I could get them before when I didn't have to worry about some random end of the world situation. My social life is almost non-existent, and things with my mom will never been the same. So it's safe to say that life has pretty much sucked since I was chosen to fight the undead and other nasties that wreak havoc on mankind.

All of that struggle, all of that loss, and stress and added pressure are totally worth it because I believe they all led to this moment. If I wasn't the slayer I never would have burned down the gym at my school. So we never would've needed to move to Sunnydale. And if all of that didn't happen then I never would have met Faith. And if I had never met Faith than she wouldn't have pressed me up against the counter and started kissing me, which led to this moment.

Right now she's on her knees giving me the best head she's ever given. Maybe it's the different angle that's making it so great, maybe it's the fact that we're in the kitchen, maybe it's that weird little fluttering things she's doing with her tongue, hell maybe it's all three, but this is by far the best. It's not like she's given me tons of it. She's only gone down on me a couple of times, but this is heaven. It's like she got the secret to great head from God and now she's doing her best to share the info.

"Faith," I moan and bite my bottom lip. I'm trying really hard to hold it all in because Samantha is asleep upstairs. I tighten my grip on her hair and grind my hips against her face. I don't know how she's able to do this. She must need to breathe, and her neck is probably starting to cramp but she's still sucking on my clit like it's the last piece of candy on Earth. She lets go with her lips and I groan in protest. Put the lips back! The lips are amazing! She starts doing that little fluttering thing again slowly all along the shaft of my clit and I barely bite back the loud scream.

"Oh God, don't stop. I'm so close," I say and my voice sounds so alien to my ears. It's deep and strained and kinda gravely and if anyone ever tried to describe how I sound normally those wouldn't be the words they'd use. I feel Faith's fingertips tease my hole and I have to bite down on my lip again. I'm surprise it's not bleeding. I look down at her and she's looking up at me. Her eyes are so dark, her hair is tangled in my fingers, and she looks so beautiful. I'm going to come looking into her eyes and that thought gets me closer.

"Buffy, I'm home. Buffy what are you doing?" I hear and instantly my heart stops. I whip my head up and I see my mom standing in the kitchen doorway looking very confused. Faith is off of me in a second and I don't know how she remembered since I'm silently panicking but she pulls my panties up instead of leaving them around my ankles. What am I supposed to say? How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that? "Are you alright, you look flushed." Of course I look flushed, Faith was just sucking on my pussy, but I can't tell her that.

"I'm fine," I say and my voice still sounds really deep and gravely. I cough a little and pray it goes back to normal soon. "I just got back from a job, so that's why I'm all flushed and kinda breathless." Please buy it, please buy it, please fucking buy it. From the loon on her face I think it's safe to say that she's not going to buy it. As subtly as I can I pull my skirt down and straight it out and hopefully she didn't notice. I glance down at Faith and she's trying to wipe my…fluids off her face.

"A job, in that outfit?" she asks and crosses her arms over her chest. I glance down at myself and I have to admit she's right. There's no way I'd ever go jogging in this top. No, whenever I go for a job I always put on sweats and pull my hair back. It was back but Faith took it down while we were making out. Why is this happening to me? She wasn't supposed to be back until tomorrow! This shouldn't be happening. Maybe it's just a nightmare and if I just stay still I'll wake up in my warm comfy bed with Faith snuggled against me.

"Buffy, what's going on?" she asks and she sounds like she's getting really agitated. I can't blame her. It's not like I'm fully participating in this conversation. "Is there someone else here? Are you…fooling around with someone?" How the hell does she know what? "Don't look so surprise, young lady, I was married, remember? I know what sex smells like." Oh shit.

"No, Mom, no one else is here," I say and I know how stupid that sounds. She thinks I have a boy here but technically I don't. She glares and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. I slay demons and vampires on a regular basis but 'the mom' look still scares me. How does that make sense? "Well Samantha is upstairs asleep and Faith is around here somewhere, but I don't I have anyone over." Her jaw sets in a tense line and she still doesn't believe me, but that's ok. As long as I don't panic everything will be fine.

"Dammit, Buffy, when is this going to stop? You've lied to me for years about what you really are. You kept me in the dark about all of the important parts of your life, but I thought we were passed that?" Not a guilt trip. I don't think I could take that right now. "Now you're sneaking people over while I'm out of town. I just can't trust you at all, can I?" My eyes water up, I can't help it. I'm over sensitive right now and I can't control my emotions very well.

"Mom, that's not what happened," I say and she lets out an angry sigh. "Can we go into the living room and talk about this?" I take a step forward but she doesn't move. I think she looks even angrier. I don't really see why she's getting so upset. It's not like I'm a virgin and she knows that. I really don't think saying that out loud would be a good idea if I want to keep, you know, breathing and stuff.

"No, Buffy, we can't. Tell me, who is it? Who do you have over that you don't want me to see?" Oh shit, oh fuck, oh fucking shit. This is not good. She takes another step towards me and I have no fucking clue what to do. Should I tell the truth? It's not like I know a spell to make Faith disappear. Maybe I should ask Willow about that since she's starting to pick up on the magic. "Is it Scott Hope? Did you two get back together while I was gone?" Is she on drugs?

"No, it's not Scott," I say and just saying his name left a bad taste in my mouth. I glance down at Faith. She looks as panicked as I feel but there's nothing we can do about it. This is happening even if we pray to all the gods and goddesses out there it's not. Mom starts to walk around the side of the center island but before she can get too close Faith springs up from the floor with a guilty look on her face like she was caught sneaking a cookie before dinner. Or, you know, sneaking nookie in my mom's kitchen.

"Hey, Mrs. S," Faith says and she couldn't look more guilty right now unless she was wearing a t-shirt that says 'I heart Buffy'. I glance from Faith over to my mom and she looks shocked and stunned. Although I think those are synonyms so that might have been redundant, and I need to stop showing up for English class since I'm actually starting to learn. "How was your trip? Bag any new clients?" Smooth, Faith, very smooth. I don't think that's going to go over very well.

"It was fine," Mom says and she sounds a little out of it. I guess she's still trying to wrap her mind around what she's seeing. "I have some prospective clients but nothing official. They want to take a look at the gallery first." Oh yeah, totally out of it. I watch the emotions play across her face as she goes from looking confused, to more understanding, to really pissed off. I don't think this is going to end well for anyone and I'm starting to panic. I just need to stay calm. That's all I need to do and everything will be fine. "Buffy, you want to tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Mom, Faith and I," I say and look over at Faith. She's looking at me with big scared eyes but I have to do this. I've been wanting to tell my mom and about us for a long time now. My mom was right when she said that I never really shared anything important with her. I want to be able to share things about my relationship with her. Not the gory details, obviously, because that would be wrong. But I want her to know when Faith is treating me like a princess, and I want to curl up in her lap when Faith makes me cry. "Faith and I we're…." I have no idea how to tell her. How the fuck am I supposed to tell her this?

"We're together, Mrs. S," Faith says and steps closer to me. She holds onto my hand and I try really hard not to panic when I feel her hand is still kind of…sticky. She really should wash those just in case my mom finds out. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you but I was scared you would kick me out if you knew. I made B promise not to tell anyone, so don't be mad at Buffy." Yes, great idea, don't be mad at Buffy. Why didn't I think of that? I think Faith needs some more practice at this whole 'dealing with my angry mom' thing. Just because you say 'don't be mad at Buffy' it doesn't mean it's going to work.

My mom doesn't say anything right away. She just stands there looking shocked and pissed. I'm kind of shocked at what Faith said. I thought that maybe she would deny that we have feelings for each other. I thought maybe she would have blamed what happened on biological needs or whatever, but I never thought she would tell my mom we're a couple. Well, an almost-couple. Real couples go out on dates and aren't afraid to be seen in public. I glance back and forth from Faith to my mom and it's like they're having some weird stare down. Ok, does someone want to fill me in on what's happening?

"Buffy, go upstairs. I need to talk to Faith in private," my mom says and my jaw drops. Literally, my jaw just dropped and it takes a second for me to close it. I go to protest because there's no way in hell I'm about to let Mom just tear into Faith without sticking around to defend her but I guess she doesn't care about any of that. "Buffy Anne, don't you dare argue with me right now. Get up to your room, young lady, and you stay there until I tell you to come down." Wow, I never thought my mom would go back to the days before she knew I'm a slayer but hello déjà vu.

"B, just do what your mom says," I hear Faith whisper softly to me and I look over at her. I can't believe she's taking my mom's side. This is bullshit! But I don't want to argue and act like a spoiled three year old. At least not in front of Faith. I nod my head a little and give her a kiss on the cheek. Maybe that was pushing it but I don't care. I need her to know that I love her and if it made my mom glare at us like she's trying to set us on fire with her eyes, which she totally is by the way, then so be it.

"Fine, I'll go to my room," I say and I sound totally calm and casual. I look my mom dead in the eyes and I can feel all of my anger and fear bubbling just under the surface. Why is she acting this way? It's not like we were doing anything wrong. Ok, so maybe we should have kept it in the bedroom and not a communal space but that doesn't mean she has to over react like this. "The conversation is about me, but that doesn't mean I need to be here for it, right?" I storm passed her and I hear her let out a little sigh.

I know I said I didn't want to throw a tantrum in front of Faith but I couldn't help myself. This is so stupid. Why does she need to talk to Faith alone? Is she going to kick her out of the house because we got caught once or are they going to decide how many goats I'm worth? Either way it's stupid that I'm banished to my room like a four year old in a time out while Mom and Faith talk about…whatever it is they're going to talk about.

When I make it upstairs I slam my door and lay down on my bed. I'm going for the stereotypical 'I'm a teen and my life is going to hell' and I think I'm pulling it off really well. I try as hard as I can to concentrate and focus my slayer hearing to downstairs but I can't hear a word they're saying. They're not yelling, which is good, but that could also mean that Faith isn't going to fight for me, which would be bad. This whole situation is just so fucked up and I hate it. I hate that things keep going wrong right when they starts to get good again. I mean, when am I going to catch a break?

As soon as I feel the hot tears start to build up in my eyes I hear the door slowly open. I glance up but I don't see anyone there. I sit up a little higher and I see Samantha slowly walking towards the bed and she's holding something in her arms. When she gets to the edge of the bed I see that she's holding Mr. Gordo. Why the hell does she have my pig? When did she even take it, she never got a chance together to sneak into my room. Hmmm, I think I'm going to have to put a lock on my door. I can't be mad at her, though, because she looks really scared.

"Hi," I whisper and she looks into my eyes for the first time. She's been staring down at her feet since she walked in here. She's toying with one of Mr. Gordo's ears so she must be really nervous. I hope I'm not the reason she's so afraid. Have I made too big of a deal about the pig? Because I don't want her to be afraid of me.

"Hi," she whispers back after a few seconds and looks down at her feet again. She looks so adorable right now all shy and cute and I want to hug her so bad right now. But I want to see what she wants first. "I tooked Gordy when I got sad but now you're sad so you can haved him back." I can't help but smile at that and I can't believe anyone would ever hurt this little girl because she is so damn sweet. And she's only three. Imagine what she's going to be like when she's older.

"Thank you," I say and she gently places the toy on the bed. I wrap my arms around it. She's looking at me like she already wants to take him back but since she looks so sad about it I'll let the face that she called him Gordy slide. "Do you want to lay down with me for a little while?" She nods her head yes and I help her climb onto the bed. Sometimes when she can't get to sleep Faith will lay with her because it's comforting.

She snuggles up really close to me and I breathe in that addicting baby smell. Sometimes when I need comfort I'll pick Sam up and hug her close to me and just breathe deep. I know that may sound a little weird but it's true and it never fails to calm me down and right now is no exception. I hear her let out a tiny exhale and her whole body just relaxes and sinks against me. I feel her tiny little arms reach out and she very slowly steals Mr. Gordo away from me and I let her. Mostly because he's not the one bringing me comfort and partly because I'm too emotionally worn out to care.


	36. Chapter 36

"Buffy," I hear someone whisper and I groan in protest. It's too early to get up. The sun isn't even out yet. This is southern California, if the sun isn't out it's too early to be awake. "Buffy, wake up." The voice is a little louder now and I can tell that it's my mom trying to wake me up. Why can't she just let me rest? What is she, the sleep Nazi?

"I don't want to go to school today," I groan and roll away from the hand gently shaking my shoulders. Apparently there is no getting away from her because now she's rubbing my back and I groan again. "I can't go. I have a temperature." I hear her laugh but this isn't funny. I was having an amazing dream and she ruined it. I was on a beach and Faith was there and she held me in her arms and we stared at the water until the sun went down. Then we walked back to this little hut right there on the beach and we made love for hours and listened to the sounds of the ocean.

"Buffy, it's seven at night and it's Saturday. You don't have to go to school, so drop the act, ok?" What, it's seven o' clock at night? Why was I sleeping? My eyebrows furrow together when the day rushes to min my. Mom walked in on me and faith in the kitchen and she totally wigged over almost nothing. I roll over onto my back and look up at my mom and she doesn't look angry anymore. "Hi, sweetheart, did you have a nice nap?" I nod my head a little but I don't say anything. I'm not sure what to say.

"So did you kick Faith out?" Or maybe I do know what to say. She lets out a little sigh and now she has a serious look on her face. She doesn't look mad but she does look like I'm not going to like what she has to say. I tense up a little bit and prepare myself. There's no way in hell Faith would've left without saying goodbye. Unless Mom wouldn't let her but I doubt even she's that heartless.

"No, I didn't. I'm not going to lie, I thought about it for a second but then I took a breath and realized it would have been a huge mistake," she says and lets out a little sigh and she gently brushes some of my hair out of my face. "Besides, I'm not about to let that little girl go back to living in shady motels because of her mother's mistake." She gives me a look and I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"So, that's what you think, that Faith and I being together is a mistake?" I ask and my voice sounds calm and not agitated like I thought it was going to. I guess I must be too tired to be mad right now.

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant the two of you…being intimate in the kitchen was a mistake." I can feel my neck and face heat up in a huge blush and I was really hoping she wasn't going to bring that up but I guess I've run out of luck. "Faith explained the situation to me." She did what? "She told me how you fell for each other and you're a big reason why she didn't take Tanner back when he showed up here, and you're a big part of why she's trying to turn her life around." She said what now?

"I had to help her, Mom," I say and my voice just cracked a little. Thinking about what Tanner did to her, the things he said to her, always makes me a mix of sad and angry. Mom softly rubs my arm a little and I hold back a sob. "I love her so much and I couldn't let her go through that anymore." A tear slips out of my eye but before it can get too far Mom brushes it away.

"I know, sweetie, and you did the right thing," she says and I feel a 'but' coming on. Hopefully it won't be too bad. You know, nothing like 'but I don't want you two together and I forbid it under my roof'. Anything with that general theme would really suck. "And if the two of you love each other and she makes you happy and treats you right then I don't have a problem with you two dating." It cannot be that easy. There's no way I'm getting off the hook like that. "But I don't want you having sex, and if I catch the two of you in the act again you'll be grounded until you leave for college." This time I don't fight the urge to roll my eyes and she lightly smacks me on the arm.

"Ok, ok," I say and look her in the eyes. "I won't break your precious delusion that I'm still your sweet, innocent little girl even though I'm almost eighteen and will technically be a legal adult." She gets this little glare on her face that totally says 'you're not funny, young lady' but she's also fight back a smile so I don't think she's too annoyed with me right now.

"Thank you. I appreciate that," she says and leans down and gives me a kiss on the forehead. What is it with moms and kissing their children's foreheads? Faith does it all the time to Sam. Even when Sam says she's too big for kisses. Well, sometimes she says that. Other times she accepts Faith's affection and demands more because she isn't getting enough love. Trust me, it only works if you're Sam. Maybe I need to get some tips on pouting form her. Crap, that reminds me.

"Where's Sam?" I ask and sit up a little. She was right here when I feel asleep but considering my mom isn't having a panic attack and Faith isn't tearing the house and neighborhood apart I think it's safe to assume she's safe. Mom gets an amused smile on her face but I really don't see what's so funny. It's not like my voice sounds weird or I'm panicking 'cause she's not hear.

"She's downstairs with Faith. She came into the kitchen about two hours ago and said it was your nap time," she says and now I understand the amused smile. Whenever I think about something Sam has done or said I get a smile like that on my face. Her expression changes, though, and now she looks more serious. Damn, I hope she's not about to change her mind about being ok with Faith and me 'cause that's just not fair.

"I understand that Faith is important to you and being with her means taking on a lot of adult responsibilities that, if I had my way, you wouldn't be taking on for another ten years." Great, this doesn't sound good. She doesn't want to be a mom yet so she doesn't want me to see Faith. That is so stupid and I can't believe she's acting this way. "I'm not sayin g I'm going to stop you from being with Faith, so don't give me that look, but I want you to go to college." Oh, it's one of those speeches. "If you're going to be part of a family, Buffy, you need to be able to provide for them and going to a good college and getting a degree is your best chance." Hmm, I never thought about it like that before.

"I get it, Mom, I do. It's just with Faith and Sam and slaying I don't think I'm going to have enough time for school. I barely have enough time now and my friends are starting to get suspicious because I barely have enough time to hand out with them anymore," I tell her and I didn't mean to but my eyes are starting to water. I guess my mental stress is starting to catch up. She gets that sympathetic 'mom' look on her face and wraps me up in a big hug. This is what I've wanted to be able to do for a long time. Since I became the slayer, if I'm being completely honest with myself. I wanted to be able to open up and tell her my problems so she could wrap her arms around me and make me feel safe.

"Faith told me it's been hard for you, for the both of you," she says and gives me a little kiss on the side of my head. "It will get easier, sweetheart, once the secrets come out and everyone understands what you're going through." No one ever understands what I'm going through. I'm alone, I'm always alone. At least I was until Faith came along and now my life doesn't feel so lonely. It's kind of amazing how loved and safe she can make me feel.

"Are you thinking about Faith?" she asks and I pull back from the hug to look at her. How the hell did she know that? Maybe she somehow got some demon blood on her and now she can read minds. She chuckles a little bit and starts playing with my hair a little. "I used to let out little sighs like that whenever I thought about your father." I sighed? Weird, I didn't even notice. "I could tell there was something going on between you two. I just didn't realize you were this smitten for each other." She knew there was something between us? Why didn't she say anything before?

"How did you know?" I ask and she lets out a little sigh. I thought we were covering things up pretty well. Yeah, Tanner was suspicious but he's a freak, and Willow got upset because I was spending more time with Faith but she didn't think there was anything romantic going on. I can tell Mom is trying to pick her words carefully. Her lips are tight and she looks thoughtful so I guess she doesn't really know what to say. I hope she doesn't say 'it's just a mom thing' because that is such a cop out.

"The little things you two did gave it away," she says and I get a confused look on my face. "The way you would watch her when she left the room and the swoon you would get was kind of a giveaway. The way she look at you whenever you played with Samantha gave away her feelings too. Even when it was obvious you were mad at each other you always got those swoony looks." Swoony? I think she's starting to talk like me, which is a scary thought. "I just didn't realize you two were aware of your feelings and had acted on them." I blush and break eye contact. I really wish he would stop bringing that up.

"I've never felt like this before about anyone," I say and I feel like we should be wearing pajamas and eating ice cream. Speaking of which, I'm going to have to plan another girls' night with Will because even though I've been making more of an effort she's still jealous I'm spending most time with Faith. "It wasn't even like this with Angel." I look up at her and study her face. We haven't talked about Angel since the night she found out I'm a slayer. She looks a little upset but she doesn't look angry, and I'll admit I'm testing her. She's being really cool about everything but everyone has a limit and I want to see what hers are.

"Being with someone can be very intense," she says and I nod my head in agreement. Both of my relationships were intense, that's for sure. "It was like that in the beginning with your father. He could make me feel like the only woman in the world who's ever been loved, and the next day he could drive me so crazy I thought maybe twenty-five to life wasn't such a bad thing." I laugh a little bit and pick at imaginary lint on the bed. Mom hadn't talked about Dad like this in a long time. She used to tell me stories about how they met and where he took her for their first date. I never really paid attention but now I miss hearing her talk about it.

"Do you still love Dad?" I ask and look up at her. At this point I don't know why she would. The things he said to her when they were fighting…let's just say I'm kind of surprise she isn't serving twenty-five to life right now. She lets out a little sigh and she looks thoughtful again. I don't think I can handle the silence this time. "He was so awful to you before you split up so why would you still be in love with him? That's just crazy, right?"

"It is crazy," she says and starts playing with my hair again. See, I was right. Loving someone who's really awful is totally crazy. "But he gave me you, so a little part of me will always love him." That makes sense I guess, but the situations are totally different. She was with Dad for years so I get how that could leave behind some residual feelings. "Do you still have feelings for Angel?" Ok, so maybe I wasn't being as subtle as I thought. I really need to get better at that, take a drama class maybe. "Sweetie, it's ok if you do. He was an important part of your life and those feelings aren't going to just disappear because he's gone." I get tears in my eyes and she wipes them away while they fall.

"I know that, but I feel so guilty about it," I say and sniffle. I really wish I could stop crying. I've cried a lot today and I really want it to stop. "Faith is this amazing person and I feel like I'm cheating on her whenever I think about Angel and how he made me feel. But then I think about how Faith is making me feel now and it's a million times better." She wraps me up in a big hug and she kisses the side of my head the way moms do when their babies are in turmoil.

It felt really great getting that off my chest but I still feel guilty about the way I feel about Angel despite the bad he caused. I know I shouldn't feel guilty. It's not like I'm the only one who's trying to get over someone else. Faith still loves Tanner, even if the only reason is he gave her Samantha. The thought of her having any types of feelings towards that creep other than hatred drives me a little crazy but I have to keep that to myself. I'm sure it would do nothing but drive Faith away if I talked about it.

"You don't have to feel guilty about it, sweetheart. I'm sure Faith will understand if you tell her." Tell her, why in God's name would I tell her? I don't get mad at Mom for saying that. Instead I hug her a little tighter before I let her go. I don't want to hurt her and I'm so strong I always seem to hurt people when I hug them. You know, people who aren't slayers or vampire types. "I need to go. I told Faith I would get Sam ready for bed. She wants to make sure you're ok." That's kind of bold. I'm surprised Faith would ask to be alone with me after what happened in the kitchen. Mom gets a very serious look on her face and I can tell it's a warning.

"Buffy, leave the door open," she says and gives me another kiss on the side of the head before she gets up and leaves the room. I let out a big relieved sigh and lie back against my pillows. I can't believe how well that went. My mom and I had a conversation about the two people I've ever really loved and it didn't end in a fight. Sure, there were a couple of embarrassing and kind of tense moments but there were no angry words or harsh tones. No phrases that resembled 'I'm so disappointed I don't know what to think' and best of all she isn't going to kick Faith out and she's not going to stop us from being together.

I get a big, dopey smile on my face when I feel the bed depress and someone starts crawling towards me. I know it's Faith and seeing her crawl up the bed like some kind of exotic jungle cat would be all kinds of sexy, which is why I can't look. If I do I won't be able to resist and I don't want to break Mom's new rules five minutes after she left the room. That would be really bad. So I'll just have to settle for wrapping my arms around her and holding her while she rests her head on my shoulder.

"So your mom is the coolest person on Earth," she says as she wraps an arm around my stomach and I can't help but chuckle. That's the understatement of the year. "I really thought she was going to kill me down there. I've never seen anyone glare that hard before. Except maybe you when Xander eats the last doughnut." I laugh and she places a couple of sweet kisses on my neck. I guess my libido remembers that I didn't get to come earlier because my body comes alive at just that simple touch.

"What can I say? I learned from the best," I say and she kisses me a couple more times. Ok, now she's not being fair. "I'm sure Mom explained the new rules, Faith. We're not allowed to do anything or I'll be grounded until graduation. I really don't think what you're doing is a good idea. Especially since she's right now the hall and my door is open." Faith laughs a little and sits up just enough to see my face and she has that little twinkle in her eyes that means she's up to no good. I gulp and try not to look nervous but I don't think it's working.

"Come on, B. I can be quiet. I'm sure if you try hard enough you can be quiet too," she says and slowly moves her hand across my stomach and lightly scratches my skin. My flesh erupts in tons of goosebumps, and I suck in a deep breath. I hate that she has so much control over me, my mind, and my body. I put my hand on her wrist and try to pull her hand away but she's persistent. She's looking in my eyes and that twinkle in hers is getting stronger. I must look frightened because she has a little smirk on her face now.

"Don't worry, B, I'm just messing with ya," she says with a chuckle and lays her head on my shoulder again. It feels really great being able to hold her and be so open about it. I don't have to worry about Mom walking in and seeing us like this, and wigging out. At the same time it's kind of awful we can cuddle and maybe get away with some light petting but never really getting to connect? This is going to be hell.


	37. Chapter 37

"Buffy, if twenty-five over x is equal to thirteen over thirty-five than what does x equal?" Willow asks but I haven't been paying attention to a word she's been saying all day. I'm in love and I've got it bad. Things are finally starting to look up for Faith and I and is it really a bad thing if I'd rather think about how happy I am instead of studying for this math test? Sure, the test is tomorrow but I'll just sit next to Willow and everything will be fine.

"Will, I'm not getting this at all. I think I might be one those people that are un-tutorable. I think maybe we should take a short break and study more in the morning before the test." There's nothing like an early morning cram session to completely fry my brain. She gives me a very disapproving look and I look down at the table. I'd rather stare off into space than see her disappointed slash resolve face.

"You can get this. You just have to focus your mind instead of letting it wonder and think about another certain slayer that's always on your mind these days," she says and I look up at her again. She looks a little hurt and I have to stop myself from sighing because she's already annoyed with me and I really don't want to make it worse. I don't know why she gets so put off and hurt. Maybe it's because I'm paying more attention to a girl who isn't her? God, I hope not because the image of giving her the same type of attention is just…traumatizing.

"She is kind of…distracting," I say and Willow nods her head a little. Ok, so I guess it's time to give her the attention I've been withholding and my God that mental image is terrifying. Willow's like a sister to me so hopefully all of these sexy thoughts aren't some weird feelings I've been burying. "Oz is distraction worthy too. How have you two been?" She gets a little smile on her face and she doesn't look as upset now. I really do need to start spending more time with her if that one little question is enough to cheer her up.

"Oz and I have been doing pretty great," she says and she gets that dreamy look in her eyes. That makes me smile. Willow is such an amazing person. I'm glad she stopped fawning over Xander and found someone who treats her right. My smile fades a little when she gets a little blush on her face followed by a very shy expression. And now she's having trouble keeping eye contact for more than ten seconds. I know this look very well. She always gets it before she asks a question about sex. I kinda thought these days were over since I'm dating a girl. I guess I was totally wrong.

"Does Faith ever go, you know?" she asks and I give her a blank look. Almost every single conversation with Willow on this topic starts out this way. She asks a very vague question that I'll never be able to answer, then she says what she really means and it's normally very personal and kind of invasive. Her blush gets a little stronger because she knows she needs to be more detailed in the question. She lets out a little sigh and stares down at her fingernails.

"Has Faith ever…," she says and I think her ears are about to burst, they're so red. "Has she ever gone down on you?" I'm so glad I'm not eating or drinking anything or I would be choking on it right now. She's never asked me a sex question about me. It's normally the guy anatomy that she's curious about and I really hope she doesn't ask for very specific details because I might die of embarrassment.

"Yeah, she has," I say and my face is burning from the blush that's now painted on my face. I think every time I see her from now on I'm going to blush really hard at the memory of this conversation. Willow looks just as uncomfortable as I feel but at least she wasn't stuttering or rambling because that might have made this even worse. Why, I don't know, but I just think it would have.

"Well when someone does that is it worth all of the awkwardness and embarrassment? Because Oz and I were in his van the other night after a date and we were kissing and he wanted to do that to me but I got really nervous and started rambling and I don't know if something like that is worth the trouble or not," she babbles at warp speed and my blush starts to go away. Thank God she didn't ask for specifics about me or I would've died.

"Yes, Willow, it's totally worth it," I say and she finally looks up into my eyes again. She looks embarrassed and a little freaked but also kind of curious. "It's a little weird at first and I'm still not used to it completely. I get really self-conscious when she starts moving…towards that area, but once she's doing it, it feels amazing and all I can think about is how great she's making me feel." A little blush creeps up on my face but I fight it off for the most part. She blushes too but not as bad as before.

"So what's Faith like when no one else is around? Because sometimes when she's around us she acts like a person I really don't think anyone should be dating," she says and she has that curious look on her face again. It's true that Faith can be a little defensive and since we're hiding our relationship she can be a little cold sometimes because she doesn't want anyone to be suspicious. Considering my track record with dating I doubt Xander and Giles are going to think there's anything going on.

"She's completely different when it's just the two of us. She's so sweet and she treats me like a princess," I say and get a little smile on my face just thinking about her. Her treating me so good might not be such a good thing, though. She's going to spoil me. "It's intense but it's different than it was with Angel. She doesn't make me miserable. Well, at least not all the time. But it isn't her that's making me sad and gloomy when I am. It's the situation because I want everyone to know about us but she's not ready."

"Faith wants to keep something a secret? I didn't think that was possible. She's always bragging about the boys she sleeps with," she says and her eyes go really wide like she said something wrong, like I'm not in the room when Faith brags about the guys she never really slept with. "Not that I'm calling her a hussy because this is the twentieth century and women can do with their bodies as they see fit even though many groups say otherwise." I smirk a little but she still looks really freaked out and I can't blame her. I haven't exactly been the poster child of emotional stability lately.

"It's ok, Willow. Faith doesn't actually sleep around. She says that so you guys won't bug her about her love life. She saw how hard you guys pushed me to be with Scott and she didn't want you to do that with her," I say and her eyebrows furrow a little. I guess she's starting to realize that almost everything out of Faith's mouth has been nothing but lies. I hope she doesn't hold that against her because things are tense enough between the two of them without Willow holding some kind of grudge.

"We just want you to be happy, Buffy, and Scott is a nice, normal guy who's had a thing for you for a long time. Ok, sure he isn't being so nice now that you're broken up but who really believes the rumors that people spread? And besides, it's not really a rumor because it's true," she babbles and my eyebrows furrow. Scott Hope is spreading rumors about me? That little weasel. I cannot believe I ever considered going down on that guy. Thank God I didn't or I'd be really upset about this.

"What rumors? I haven't heard any rumors about me," I say and Willow looks down at her math book with a guilty look on her face. Why she looks so guilty I don't know but I really want to find out what this is all about. "Willow, what rumors has Scott been spreading about me?" My tone is firmer, a little clipped, and it sounds the exact same way when Sam does something she knows she's not supposed to do. Great, now I'm using my 'mom voice' on my friends. That is so not the issue right now.

"He's telling people you dumped him because you're gay and you only dated him to make people think you're straight," she rushes out and it sounds like it physically hurt her to say that. Ok, how long has he been saying stuff like that and how come my so called friends never told me? "Don't be mad. It's not his fault that he's right." I can't' believe she's defending him.

"No, but it's his fault that he's telling people this. How does he even know? He never saw me with Faith except when we would spar and he'd stick around," I say and trust me I sound really mad. Willow looks up at me and her expression is different now. She's giving me that 'you can't be that blonde' look and I don't like it. What else is she keeping me in the dark about? I think I kinda know how she feels now and I really need to open up to her more often because this feeling is fucking awful.

"You can't tell me you've never noticed the way you and Faith spar," she says and I give her my confused look. You know the one: head slightly tilted, eyebrows so furrowed they're almost touching, plus patent pending. I try to think back to all of the times Faith and I have spared but I probably shouldn't focus on those thoughts for very long because the thought of Faith wearing nothing but cut off shorts, a sports bra, and being all sweaty and pressed up against me is making me feel things I shouldn't feel with Willow in the room.

"Well, I guess we can get a little rough sometimes because we don't have to hold back and we're both competitive. But I don't see how he would have come to that conclusion just from watching us spar," I say and Willow let's out that little sigh that says 'the hair dye is melting your brain'. Ok, so maybe I project a lot of my insecurities into her sighs and facial expressions but everybody does so whatever.

"Buffy, when the two of you spar everyone can feel the sparks between you two. Most of the time Xander has to leave to have some alone time in the bathroom." Ew, why would she tell me that? "It even makes Giles turn extra British and hide in his office until you two are finished. I'm kind of surprised Scott didn't start saying anything sooner." Great, so she's on that weasel's side.

"Ok, so things between us can get a bit…charged and steamy but how come no one has said anything?" I ask and I can't help but pout. If my friends already know without me having to say anything it would make things so much easier. Except for the part where Faith has a kid, I'm practically a step-mom, and they've been living me with for a couple of months now. I think that band-aid isn't going to be ripped off without a fight.

"What are we supposed to say, Buffy? 'Hey, I think you and Faith might be gay and secretly sleeping together, what are your thoughts on that? And could you maybe try to tone down the steaming sparing because Xander is starting to get carpal tunnel.'" "Ok, so maybe she has a point that can't really be denied.

"You're right, I probably wouldn't have reacted well," I say and look down at the table again. Why does everything have to be so complicated? I just wish I could be at a scooby meeting and treat Faith like I want to treat her around my friends. I want to hold her hand, and give her the occasional kiss on the cheek just like I've done with all the other people I've dated. This whole ban on PDA's is stupid and I need to talk to Faith about it because it's starting to bother me a lot more than I thought it would.

"Don't look so sad, Buffy. We just didn't know how to ask you about it. We don't think there's anything wrong with you being with Faith, you know, romantically. In fact, Xander said that when you two finally fess up and start holding hands in public it should be declared a national holiday," she says in that tone of voice she uses when she's trying to cheer people up. Wait a second, what?

"Did you guys have a group meeting to discuss whether or not you should ask me if Faith and I are a couple?" I ask and I don't sound very happy about it. The guilty look on her face mean I'm totally right and I cannot believe my friends did this. Why would they actually meet up and talk about me behind my back? This is ridiculous.

"We just didn't know how else to handle it, Buff. It's not every day you think one of your best friends might be gay and dating another one of your friends. But the important thing is we're all here for you and we love you. Besides, you came out to me already so it's not like you're completely in the closet," she says and I guess she's right. They were acting creepy because they care. "If you do finally tell Xander just be prepared. He might faint or zone out for a long time or ask for details. Just remember that he cares but in his own icky boy way." I can't help but smirk at that and she's right, Xander can be kind of icky sometimes.

"I'll keep that in mind," I say and pick up my pencil. I think this break has been long enough. I've definitely learned a lot tonight. Not about anything that will help me on the test tomorrow but at least now I know how great my friends are. I know they're not going to freak when I tell them that I'm in love with Faith and she loves me too and we're a couple. Sure, Xander might drool, Giles will probably clean his glasses to death, and Oz will be all zen and mysterious but at least after the dust settles they'll be supportive. That's all anyone can ever really ask for, right?


	38. Chapter 38

We finally got a lead. I cannot believe we finally got a lead on where those vampires are staying. Faith and I went to Willy's and beat up on him for a little while, and he told us where they might be staying. It's near the warehouse Spike and Drusilla stayed when they were trying to take over Sunnydale. We're headed there now because this can't wait. I called Giles, told him where we'll be, and Faith called Mom and asked her to look after Sam for a little while longer.

We're not stupid, this mission is completely recon. If those vamps are as nasty as they're rumored to be than we won't be attacking until after we've seen how many there are. Then I'm thinking something with fire might be the way to take these things out. Maybe block all the doors and light the whole building on fire. Huh, maybe I need to be a little worried about this. Lighting my school gym on fire was what got me expelled from Hemery, and now I'm thinking of doing the exact same thing to a building that's potentially full of vampires. Maybe I have some weird, deep seeded need to light things on fire. Yeah, I'm not going to analyze that right now, or ever.

Faith lets out a sigh, and I glance over at her. She's been frustrated all day. I have a little bit of an idea why she's been on edge, but I'm not completely sure. We haven't sparred together for a few days. By a few days, I mean fifteen days. Since Willow and I had that talk in the library, and I found out that when we spar it's very sexually charged. Finding out that Xander has to leave to…relieve himself really wigged me out, and now I don't want to spar.

So we haven't sparred, and we can't have sex so it's an understatement to say that we've both been on edge lately. Faith really wants to beat up on something. She's hoping there won't be very many vampires at the warehouse so we can get in right away, and get in a good fight. I really don't think that's going to happen. Everything we've learned says they're going to be strong, organized, and a lot of them. I had to make her promise to control herself, and I even played the Sam card, which I felt like crap doing, but it was very needed.

"Are you alright?" I ask, and have to force myself not to cringe. Why would I ask that? I'm practically asking her to start a fight. I glance over at her, and she looks so tense. I'm seriously considering taking her behind that giant oak tree, and having a quickie. I really think she might have a stroke if she doesn't calm down soon. She lets out another sigh, and runs a hand through her hair. That's always a bad sign. She's definitely ready to explode, and not in a good way.

"Yeah, B, I'm fine. Just anxious to get this over with," she says, and runs a hand through her hair again. She looks over at me and the look in her eyes is completely feral. She runs her gaze up and down my body before looking away. I can't believe one look like that can heat me up and make goose-bumps erupt all over my body. "Just haven't had much action lately. Was kinda hoping to get in a good sparring session today, but we never got to." Yeah, because that wasn't extremely passive aggressive. I also feel really guilty because she's right. I keep making excuses not to spar or train with her at all so all of this tension is my fault.

"I'm sorry. I know it's been a long time since we've had a…good sparring session, but it's just kind of weird now," I say and cringe. Now she's going to ask a lot of questions, and I still haven't told her that all of our friends know we're a couple. Well, Willow knows and I'm sure by now she's told Oz, but I don't think Xander knows for sure. I glance over at her, and she's looking at me with that confused look on her face that makes her look adorable. I really wanna kiss that little wrinkle she gets on her face when her eyebrows are all scrunched up. I can't, though, because it won't just stay one chaste kiss.

"What are you talking about, B? It's never been weird before," she says and I might as well be honest with her. She's going to find out sooner or later and I think it being sooner might make the fight a little less explosive. And yes, it pretty much is a guarantee that we're going to fight. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I'm thinking it's going to be. I doubt it because that's just how things work out for me.

"It's weird because of something Willow said," I tell her and now she looks even more confused. Trust me when I say it isn't just Faith that really needs to get laid. This situation is driving me crazy too, I'm just better at being subtle about it. "Look, there's something I need to tell you and you're not going to like it so just let me get it all out and then you can react, ok?" She lets out an agitated sigh and I can't blame her. Asking her not to react to something is like trying to stop the snow from falling by aiming a hair dryer at the sky and running it on high.

"Alright, B, I'll play along. What is it I'm not gonna like?" she says and thank God she agreed so quickly or this would be an even bigger disaster. I let out a little sigh of my own and now that I have the chance to tell her I have no idea what to say. I've wanted to tell her since that night, but I'm too much of a coward, which is kind of crazy if you think about it. I face all kinds of monsters on a weekly basis, but trying to talk to my almost-girlfriend paralyzes me. Go figure.

"Ok, so, you know Willow?" I ask and she nods, and trust me she doesn't look amused by my attempt at stalling. "Ok, well she knows about us. She's known for a while. Back when things were getting really hard between us I had to talk to someone and I didn't know what else to do." She looks pissed but she's keeping her word not to react until I'm done. "And I was studying with her for that math test and she kinda told me that everyone else has pretty much guess that we're a couple. And when I say everyone, I mean that even Giles knows." She looks over at me and her eyes are kinda like she looks shocked. Yeah, if even Giles knows that we weren't being sneaky at all.

"So what's all this gotta do with you not wanting to spar?" she asks and she doesn't sound as mad as she looks. I wonder why she's not freaking out. Normally Faith has big emotional reactions when she first hears bad news, or at least news she doesn't want to hear, and when the dust settles she's more rational about it, but right now she's not doing that. Maybe she really is trying to keep herself calm because I asked her to. I'm not going to draw attention to it, though. I have enough to deal with at the moment.

"Well, when I was talking to Willow, she mentioned something about the way we spar," I tell her and let out a little sigh. I really hope she doesn't start teasing Xander about this because I really don't think he could handle that. Plus it would be really embarrassing for everyone involved. "She said that when we spar there's this weird sexual tension, and sometimes Xander has to leave so he can…relieve the tension it creates." I'm blushing so hard now my face feels like it's going to explode.

"Are you serious?" she asks and I nod my head. She starts laughing. At first it's a small giggle because she's trying to respect my 'please don't react until I'm done' request, but I guess she can't handle it. "I'm so going to give him shit about this." I really wish she wouldn't. I just want this to go away as quickly and quietly as possible. If she's making fun of him all the time then it's never going to go away. And if Xander knows we know what he's sneaking off to do I won't be able to ever look him in the eyes again.

"Faith, please don't do that. I will be your slave for a week if you don't tease Xander," I say and as soon as those words are out of my mouth I regret it. The look she gets on her face is…predatory would be a good word for it. Like the way a fox looks at a hen house before sneaking inside and taking what she wants.

"My slave, huh?" she asks, and her eyes trail up and down the length of my body. I can practically see the wheels turning in her mind, and I unintentionally gulp. I shouldn't be feeling like this, I'm a slayer who kills demons for a living, but the way she's staying at me and the way she's walking towards me makes me feel like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi-truck. You know what, I misspoke. She isn't walking towards me. She's stalking me, and it sets my nerve endings on fire.

"Ok, maybe slave is going a little too far, but I will pay you back in some way in the very near future if you don't tease Xander about his…extracurricular activity," I say, my voice sounds so timid and small. Ok, what is happening to me? Yes, Faith is extremely hot, and right now she looks like a sexy jungle cat about to lunge on its prey, but that shouldn't turn me into this. I'm acting like a stereotypical, sheltered girl, and it's really making me annoyed with myself. By the smirk on Faith's face, I'd say she thinks it's amusing.

"I don't know, B, I kinda like this slave idea. Having you at my beck and call, and completely at my mercy sounds like it could make for a wicked good time," she says and slowly licks her lips. Ok, she cannot be that worked up. There is no way on earth two weeks without sparring or sex could leave her feelings this way. Then again, Faith's sex life has been completely different than mine. She was with Tanner for a very long time, so she's used to sex on a regular basis, and now she can't have any. Ok, I really need to change the subject since she really does look like she's about to devour me.

"Faith, can we talk about this later? We need to see if Willy was telling the truth. We don't want to keep my mom waiting too long or she'll think we were breaking her new rules. Trust me, if she thinks that we'll wish it was the end of the world," I say and that kind of snaps her out of it. She still looks really turned on, but her gaze isn't as intense, and her body is a little more relaxed now.

"Right," she says with a little sigh, and runs her hand through her hair. A definite sign of frustration. We're going to have to find some place to sneak off to. Yeah, my mom doesn't me having sex, but we're teenagers and we're in love, finding places to have sex is something every teenager is practically born to do. "That was pretty low, B. If I didn't know any better I'd think you're afraid of little ol' me." She has the sweetest smile on her face right now, but I know it's all bull. She's baiting me, but I'm not going to bite.

" Well you do know me, so there's no reason to think that." Ok, so maybe I'll just take a little nibble. And I really need to not think the word 'nibble' around Faith because I'm getting some very naughty images in my head. Damn her and her undeniable sexiness. "Can we go now?" She takes a step back and makes a motion with her arm like she's signally me to go first.

"Lead the way, girlfriend," she says, and I roll my eyes a little before I start walking. She falls in step next to me and I slowly reach over and hold her hand. I know we're both worked up right now so any type of physical contact probably isn't a good idea right now, but I need to feel her, even if it's just a hand. She lightly squeezes mine before entwining our fingers, and it makes me smile. I close a little of the space between us, and rest my head on her shoulder while we walk. I forgot how amazing this could feel.

I've been craving this type of affection, and she knows I have. I hate that we can only be like this when we're alone. Willow and Oz get to hold hands, and sit closely, and sometimes she even sit on his lap, and no one but Snyder cares. I hate that I can't do the same with my almost-girlfriend without it being a big deal. Even if our friends are supportive, it's probably going to take them a while to get used to the whole girl-girl thing.


	39. Chapter 39

Willy's tip turned out to be right. We just left the warehouse, and it was crawling with vampires. I wasn't sure if they were the right vampire group until I saw all of the little kids. I almost started crying when I saw them. There were at least fifty. At least fifty children all under the age of ten have been murdered. At least fifty families have been completely destroyed by those monsters. Faith had to hold me back, but eventually she calmed me down enough so we could leave.

Now I'm headed back to the library to tell Giles what we found. Faith went home. She's going to check on Samantha, maybe read her a story, and tuck her in. It wasn't her idea, but I insisted. She protested at first because of what's going on right now, but I said that now it's more important than ever to spend a little extra time with her daughter. I didn't say it out loud, but I'm afraid we might not come out of the battle alive. If that does happen then I want Sam's last memory of her mother to be a good one, not being yelled at for acting up at dinner.

I know that kind of thinking isn't helpful at all, but I'm going to do everything I can to make sure Faith gets home to her daughter, even if it means giving up my own life. I've always been a little bit of a martyr; what better way to go out then saving the person you love more than anyone? What the hell am I talking about? We're going to come out of this. We're going to come up with a plan, and it may not go as smoothly as we want it to, but it will all be ok. I've already died once, like these vampires can do any worse.

But I'm getting totally off track. Maybe I need to talk to someone about my lack of mental focus. Hmm, I wonder who you would talk to about something like that. Damn it, there I go again! I need to focus now because I'm finally at the school, and I can feel all of the tension coming from inside. Giles isn't the only one waiting for us. Xander, Willow, and Wesley are there too. Possibly Oz and Cordelia, but I really hope not. Well, I hope Cordelia isn't there, not Oz. I'm kind of hoping Oz is there because when he's around Willow seems to be nicer to Faith. He keeps her grounded. Oh my God, again with the not staying focused. Maybe I do need help.

"Giles, we found them!" I say as soon as I'm through the library doors. Everyone turns around and stares at me, and now I feel a little on the spot. Maybe I shouldn't just crash through a door, and make a big announcement like that. But this is important, social awkwardness be damned. "They're staying in a warehouse near where Spike and Drusilla were staying." I stand next to the table and everyone looks a little nervous now. I guess they didn't think the information would pan out. And I can't blame them, judging by the source.

"That's great news," he says and takes off his glasses, and starts cleaning them. I guess it's a little too much for him to take too. "Did you get a good look at their numbers? We need to at least try to figure out how difficult it's going to be to eliminate them completely." Should I get right to it or mess with him a little? Who am I kidding? Messing with Giles might as well be on my resume, I'm so good at it.

"Why yes, Giles, I'm ok. It was a very risky mission, but I wasn't spotted. Thanks for the concern," I say and he gives me that look. You know the one I'm talking about. It's his 'if you don't get on with it I may strangle you' look. "Alright, fine. I'm not sure how many. Lots from what I could tell. Faith thinks there may be at least a hundred, not including the children. I think there are at least fifty kids that have been turned." The room goes dead quiet while everyone lets that information sink in. Willow looks like she's about to burst into tears.

"And where, exactly, did Faith run off to?" Wesley asks, and I hold my breath and count to ten. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone about Sam, but he's being a huge pain about it. Every chance he gets he'll ask something like that, forcing one of us to lie, and I know he's just waiting for one of us to slip up. I send him a little glare but he doesn't back down. He just gets that smug look on his face, and holds his head up a little higher.

"She had to run back to her place," I say and try to stay as calm as possible. He's wasting time just to try and spill Faith's secret in front of everyone. I should introduce him to what a slayer can really do. "She had a personal emergency on the way back and needed to get some clean clothes." I raise my eyebrow at him a little bit, and it's a challenge for him to keep talking. Maybe using the menstruation card is a little immature, but if it gets him to stop talking then I'll use it.

"I'm sure she'll be here soon," Giles says and also gives Wesley a little glare. I take a small glance at the others, and they look confused. I can't blame them. All of this tension, and Wesley being a bigger douche than normal would be confusing if you don't know the whole story. "Now, Buffy, did you get a look at the building itself?" Thank God Giles is getting us back on track because I was about to hit Wesley really hard in the face.

"Not really, no. We didn't want to risk getting caught. If they're as organized as the rumors say they are, then we wouldn't have made it out alive," I say and sit down. I look over at the clock on the wall and let out a little sigh. I have English first thing in the morning and I'm not going to be prepared. It's already eleven thirty and I haven't even started the reading. Stupid slaying getting in the way of normal teenage life. But it's worth it because if I wasn't a slayer, I never would have met Faith. I just need to keep that in mind when this job gets really frustrating.

"Faith and I talked about it and we both think the best thing to do would be to seal off all the exits and light the warehouse on fire," I say and Giles nods his head a little bit. He's not actually agreeing with me. The faraway look in his eyes is a clear sign that he's thinking it over. "I know it isn't going to be that simple, nothing ever is, but it's a good start, right?" Giles nods again, but he still doesn't say anything. I think maybe he's suffered one too many blows to the head.

"Burning down a public building. Is it just me or does the Buffster have a pyro-bug?" Xander says, and I send a little glare his way. I'm also smiling a little so he knows I'm not really mad. This is the first time I've been able to make eye contact with him since Willow and I had that talk, and I think I'm starting to get over it. As long as no one brings it up ever again then I'll be able to forget about it.

"Ok, so maybe I could be considered a repeat offender, but it's the safest way to take these guys out. There's a lot of them and only two slayers. Those numbers don't exactly inspire a lot of confidence." Willow gives me a look and I know exactly what it means. Uh-oh, I need to tread carefully. "Plus you guys. Two slayers and a group of Scoobies still isn't even close to a fair fight." She still looks irritated, but there's nothing I can do about that now.

"I agree," Wesley says and I give him a skeptical look. There's going to be a "but," I can tell just by the look on his face. "However." Close enough. "Setting a fire that large could have devastating consequences. You run the risk of it spreading to other buildings in the immediate area, and eventually it could make its way to a residential area if the wind is blowing in that direction." Ok, so he does have a point, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with him out loud.

"There is that risk," Giles says and I let out a little sigh. I've never been good at the waiting around for a plan thing. Maybe it's slayer-related because Faith gets impatient, too. But she can be a little more reckless than I am, so I don't think that's a fair judgment. "I do believe with some precautions, and a call to the Sunnydale fire department after we make sure the threat has been eliminated, we'll spare any more human casualties." His tone of voice sends shivers up my spine and a sick feeling settles in my stomach. He sounded so…military, so emotionless just now. I know we're fighting a battle, but does he have to sound like a real general?

"Sounds like a good plan," Xander says, and rubs his hands together. He always does that when he's feeling a little anxious about something. He also does it when Faith and I spar. Damn it! I was just starting to forget about that. Now I have to start all over again. "So where do we get, say, fifty gallons of gasoline or lighter fluid in the middle of the night in a small town where the store clerk will be able to give a decent description to the police when a large building just happens to go up in flames a few hours later?" Ok, so Xander has a really good point. Stupid police and their efforts to become more efficient. Slaying is getting harder and harder with all these cooks in the kitchen.

"We don't need any," Willow says in that perky tone she gets when she's figured something out. Oh, how I've missed perky-Willow. Lately all I've been seeing is jealous-Willow, and pouty-Willow; perky-Willow could not have come soon enough. "There's a spell I've been working on, how to make fire out of ice. It took a few tries, but I finally got it down. Next time I won't try something like that on the new bedspread, though." Giles looks like he's about to say something. He doesn't like that Willow is dabbling in the witchcraft, but we really don't have time for a lecture right now.

"Willow, that's brilliant," I tell her, and she gets one of those big Willow-smiles. "All we have to do is buy as much ice as we can, and cover the building with it. You do the spell, and Faith and I will watch the perimeter to take out any vamps that find a way out. How much ice do you think we'll need, Giles?" He takes off his glasses and starts cleaning them. He has a problem with the plan, I can tell, but it's the only one so far that's possible. Lighting the building on fire is the only way to avoid any major casualties, but we can't do anything obvious without getting into trouble with the police.

"What you said before about getting as much as possible was accurate, however," he's cut off when door is slammed open. Everyone jumps at the loud noise, it sounded like a freaking gunshot, and we look at the person responsible. It's Faith, and she looks really angry. I think it's safe to say she looks downright homicidal. And she slammed that door so hard it broke. Oh, Giles is going to get so much crap from Snyder for that.

"Where is she?" she screams, staring right at Wesley as she marches up to him. Before he has a chance to say anything, she grabs onto him and slams him up against a bookcase, and holds him there. She barely held back the slayer strength because even the bookcase groaned in pain. "Where did they fuckin take her? And if you even think about lying to me, I'll snap your fucking neck. Don't you dare think I won't." Ok, what the hell is going on?

"Faith, what in God's name are you doing? Let him go this instant," Giles says and steps forward. Not a good idea, but points for bravery. Faith doesn't listen, she doesn't even look over, it's like she has tunnel vision and all she can see is Wesley. A sour feeling settles in the pit of my stomach, and I think I'm going to be sick. I walk up to her and stand beside her, but I don't touch her. Touching right now would be of the bad.

"Faith, what's wrong? What are you talking about?" I ask softly, and that seems to snap her out of it, at least a little bit. She hasn't let go of Wesley, and she won't take her eyes off of him, but she did let out a little sigh so I know she heard me. Don't ask me how I know for sure, I just do. Call it a slayer thing if you're one of those annoying people who always have to have an answer for everything.

"I went back to your place to check on Sammy like I said I was gonna." I think correcting her grammar right now would be a really bad idea so I'll just let that go. "Your mom was knocked out." What the fuck? "She's fine, and when she woke up she said these two British guys in suits had knocked on the door sayin' they were from the Council. She invited 'em in to wait until we got back, but as soon as they were in the house they knocked her out, and Sammy's gone. They snatched her right outta her bed." Her face gets so contorted with rage after she says that, she doesn't even look human anymore. "So where the fuck is she, you fucking lying traitor?" She pulls him forward by his jacket then slams him against the bookcase again.

"I've no idea where she is, Faith. I didn't tell the Council about her, I swear it. And the Council doesn't make it their business to snatch little girls out of their beds," Wesley says, and I guess that was the wrong thing to say because she slams him against the bookcase again. If she keeps that up there's going to be permanent brain damage. And I'm going to be the cause of it too because as soon as she gets tired I'm going to take her place slamming him against the bookcase and possibly ripping his spine out. If he even has one.

"Faith, you need to back away from Wesley before you break his back," Giles says, but Faith doesn't move. Her eyes are boring holes through Wesley's face and if we're not careful that's going to turn from figurative to literal. This is the Hellmouth, after all. "Faith, Wesley cannot tell a lie to save his life. He's telling the truth right now, and every second you waste trying to get information out of him that doesn't exist is a second Samantha may not have to spare." That did it. Faith breaks eye contact with Watcher-boy and looks over at Giles. Her gaze is just as deadly, but he doesn't back down. He's dealing with the slayer right now, not so much Faith's personality, but also raw maternal instinct, and flinching right now could be bad.

Faith lets out a little sigh, like she's finally made a decision, and she pulls Wesley away from the bookcase, but at the last second slams him against it one last time before letting him go and walking away. She runs a hand through her hair. She must have run the entire way here because it's even wilder looking than normal. Any other time I could say that it looked sexy, but right now she just looks even more unhinged.

"Who's Samantha?" Willow asks and my eyes snap to her. She's sitting next to Xander and they both look really scared and confused. My heart starts racing wildly in my chest and my gaze slowly goes to Faith. She isn't breathing, and she has that 'deer in headlights' look. She's been working herself into the ground trying to keep Sam a secret, trying to keep her daughter safe, and for what? I'm not going to say this out loud, but maybe if Faith had told we would have had more help and this wouldn't have happened.

"Faith, if they're going to help it would be best if they knew exactly what has been going on," Giles says in the softest tone I've ever heard him speak. I walk over to her and gently rub her back. I'm surprised she's letting me touch her, but there's really no point trying to hide anything anymore. As soon as she opens her mouth they'll know she's been staying with me, Xander is going to ask how I could have kept something this big a secret, and I'll have to tell him. Hopefully Willow will be a little more understanding since she already knows I'm head over heels for this woman.

"Alright," she says and sits down at the table. I stand behind her and rub her shoulders, trying as hard as I can to keep her somewhat calm, but I think I need this more than her right now. I need something to keep my mind busy because just standing around while Samantha is out there somewhere is driving me crazy, so I can't even imagine how Faith must be feeling. "Samantha's my daughter. She'll be four in two month's. I split up with her dad a couple months ago and I've been living with B. Mrs. Summers pretty much insisted on it. I made B keep her mouth shut about it so don't be pissed at her."

I watch the others very closely and for a second it even looks like Oz is about to have a facial expression. Willow is looking at me with those big eyes, and she looks hurt, and now I feel really guilty. Xander looks shocked. His face has gone white and his mouth is hanging open. I hope he doesn't get mad or jealous or any of the other things that have caused conflict between us in the past. If he could barely contain his hatred for Angel just imagine how emasculated he's going to feel because I'm dating another girl.

"Holy cheese balls, Batman," he says and rubs the back of his neck. I hear Faith let out a huge sigh, and I gently squeeze her shoulders. Hopefully she gets the message. I'm here for her no matter what happens. "And you didn't think that was something we should have known?" That was the wrong thing to say. I can tell because Faith's muscles are so tense now. Her shoulders feel like they're about to snap.

"My daughter is none of your business, Xander, and my only priority on this planet is keeping her safe. My old Watcher told me if the Council found out about her they would take her away. I didn't even plan on staying in Sunnydale this long but other shit came up," she snaps at him and his eyebrows furrow, and his jaw tenses. I can tell he's about to say something, but Willow reaches over and places a hand on his arm. Whatever he was about to say dies on his lips.

"Guys, we don't have time to fight about this. Faith has a little girl. We kept that a secret because we thought it would keep them safe. Lets just move on and find her," I say and that doesn't quite snap everyone out of it like I hoped, but the shock is starting to wear off. "If the Council wasn't a part this, and I still say they could be, then who else would want to take her?" Faith shrugs my hands off her shoulders and crosses her arms over her chest.

"The Council did it, B. Just because Wes doesn't know shit about it doesn't mean they didn't do it. So how the fuck do we find them?"

I let out a little sigh and rub my face with both my hands. I cover my eyes for a second because I need a moment to just hide. If the Council is involved, how are we going to track them down? It's not like I can beat the information out of Willy or patrol the cemeteries until I find something.

"Willow," Giles says and he has that 'Watcher voice' that he always gets whenever he has a plan, or at least the beginning of a plan. I come out from my hiding place and look over at him. The look of determination and calmness on his face gives me some relief. "Get on the computer and hack into the airport database. If this was the work of the Council then there will be two, maybe three, traveling to Los Angeles from London. They will have come exactly five days ago to stake out Buffy's house and decide the right time to snatch the little girl. Wesley, come with me. You and I are going to perform a locator spell. Faith, go back to Buffy's and grab something of Samantha's. The more sentimental value it has for her the stronger it will be."

"What can I do, Giles?" I ask as Wesley goes into Giles' office, and Faith takes off like a shot out the broken door, and Willow gets on the computer and starts typing away. He lets out a sigh and rubs his temples. I guess there aren't enough assignments to go around. But there is no way I'm going to just sit here while my baby - I mean, while Faith's baby is missing. God only knows what must be going through Sam's mind. How scared she must be. I really don't want to think about it because I feel like I'm going to throw up.

"You, Xander and Oz run to every grocery store and gas station in the area and get as much ice as you possibly can," he says and hands over a set of keys to Oz. Last year Giles bribed the janitor for keys to the school in case we need to get into any of the rooms after hours. "Store it in the cafeteria freezer. We will find Samantha." He looks me dead in the eyes when he says this, and I can feel the anger bubbling just under my skin. "But we have to stop these vampires before they go through with whatever it is they are planning. If they succeed all of Sunnydale could be lost, and if they gain control of the Hellmouth..." He lets it hang there. He's right, and I know he's right, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

"Fine, but if Faith gets back before I do, tell her I won't be gone long," I tell him and he nods his head. I look over at Xander and then Oz and we make our way towards the library doors. I hate this so much. I hate that for once I can't just be normal. I can't just be Buffy with my girlfriend Faith and her daughter Samantha, and one day soon we're going to live together, and the apartment will probably be small and awful so we'll save and buy a house, and get a dog, and have a baby. We'll be predictable, and boring, and fit in with everyone else. Yeah, that'll be the day.


End file.
